Filed under #latenight #coffeetime

Been making lists. Not shopping lists, but To-Do lists/reminders/appointments/etc. all put into one place: the Standard Notes app

I also have a few things jotted down in my mini Mead notebook, but most everything is in SN now :):) DEFINITELY love this application!

Also, having some Folgers Instant, feeling good (and wide awake!) at 2:55 AM.

Gonna take down more notes in SN and become even more reliant on the application, I think. Not because I am reliant on the application, per se – I am reliant on the notes within (and this way I have my offline copy + a redundant, and slightly more convenient, digital copy).

SN is encrypted, too. So that is good. Biometrics and all that neato shit, lol!

More later

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Filed under #latenight

It's midnight, officially Sunday. And in less than 12 hours I will be heading back home (which I am looking forward to being back in my own space again). But as for tonight, sitting upright in bed in the guest bedroom at my sister's listening to a dog snore and reading (and blogging).

I'll try to get some sleep. Dont know if that will happen :/

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Filed under #latenight

Just sitting here watching YouTube videos, killing time, waiting to roll out of here around noon tomorrow to get some groceries. A necessary outing, for sure.

While I am awake, I think I will squeeze in a shower and freshen up, and make coffee. Again.

Nice morning. And chances are I will be awake until sunrise, so that's cool, too.

More later

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Filed under #latenight

The 1:30 pipe on the patio was very enjoyable. A good, quick smoke (because the tobacco I have burns fast), and I am “full”. Pipesmokers (if there are any reading this) will knowwhat I mean by feeling full after having a pipe. It's like your stomach is deeply satisfied with nicotine. Very satisfying :) Though, I am looking forward to ordering a tin of Captain Earle's Nightwatch soon, which apparently has a lot of Latakia in it (which means a high nicotine yield).

In fact, I have to order a large bag of leaf here soon because I will be running low come the first week of July. I may forgo the purchase of the military surplus duffle bag and just buy the Old Timer knife and then spend a good amount of what little funds I have left on groceries and tobacco. Sounds good.

Now, time for coffee.

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Filed under #latenight #coffeetime

Having some nice instant coffee after having half of the #6 veggie from Jimmy John's.

It's a warm and humid night here in STL. I have the sliding glass door cracked open and the fan on because it was freezing in here, and now it is becoming humid :/

Nothing too special occurring this evening, just me trying to get some writing done. This is what happens when I write about all the subjects I wanna write about for X years on end, I run out of stuff to wrtite about so I just write about life, instead. The thinkfluential hot takes on the “mood of the Web” and the casual observances from people about greater society do not amuse me anymore. Let the Birdsite handle horseshit like that, I just wanna correspond my life.

There are still a few subjects that interest me, but most have gone stale in the past 10+ years.

Anyway, more later

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Filed under #coffeetime #latenight

Sometimes I feel annoyed. Annoyance mixed with anxiety and quasi-delusion.

It actually works backwards from that:

1) I feel like I am quasi-delusional that the world is heading in a sour, undesirable direction – and I try to convince myself that I should just think more positively – even though that is never the case. I often feel my perceptions/intuitions are authentic

2) Then I feel anxious that I am even having a mental discussion with myself about this matter

3) I feel annoyed that I wasted so much time on the subject

That is the Three Ring Cycle of Psychosis ™ that I pretty much experience everyday, several times a day, for many years now.

Like something is either off with me or the world. Or both (hell, I am PART of the world, afterall). Like no matter how much I get (or others in the world get), me/us are never satisfied with the outcome of being on the receiving end of such blesssings. Part of the Internet jade I was talking about just the other day. The world at our fingertips – as if humans invented God – but no one seems to give a shit. Anymore.

I am reminded of the scene in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas where HST is stoned beyond all fathomable belief, and all he can mutter is: “maybe you can just...throw me in the pool for a bit?” In the sense that, I – like many others – basically get what we want out of the world, and are not working towards any special goal, so with this full belly of interconnected convenience and ease, we (or at least I) do not know what else there is to do.

“Just throw me in the pool for a bit”

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Filed under #latenight #coffeetime #writing

I was looking at old writing ephemera (pens, fountain pens, notebooks, etc.) and I thought that it had been a long while since I wrote in my handwritten/offline (obvs) journal – so I picked up the UniBall Micro pen and started to writing. While doing so, I came across the subject of habits. How humans are creatures of habit. And I have been all too keen to pick up habits/routines/impulses along this trip called life myself, from time to time. I have but two “vices”:

• smoking
• writing

Only one is healthy, the other toxic as hell. I'll let you decide which is which ;)

But aside from vices (or impulsory addictions (or COMpulsory)) are my habits. My routines. Things I always do but could go without doing them, but I do them anyway, because I derive joy from them. Drinking coffee, listening to music, watching a good mini-documentary every so often, cleaning my apartment, keeping myself and my surroudnings immaculate. These things I picked up over time, and I suppose make me who I am. That is to say that I am a creature of habit.

One thing that I have gotten into over the past several years is habit CHANGE. Altering the way I look at/view things inthe world and my own life in order to make effective change. I am not sure if I do this out of immense boredom or as a survival mechanism so I do not put wasted time/energy/resources into the habits I have picked up (cleaning my apartment non-stop would be unhealthy, for example). But part of my personality (or a personal characteristic of mine) is to look at the most extreme approach to dealing with an everyday thing that I, or others, may take for granted and see how I can alter my view/relationship with that thing. It is probably how I am able to declutter my possessions so much, quit social media, and live quite frugally. But this is also why I adopted minimalism (as a result of this personality trait) – by dropping all the excess stuff in my life (clutter, habits, services, and sometimes people); I am able to really focus in on the things I derive the most joy out of. I am able to not only “make the most” out of the things I have, but genuinely THRIVE with those things. And also, make time to make things (create) on the Internet or what have you.

So, in a way, habits are just one more “item” to subtract from a focused life. KEEP the good ones (I would keep writing, journaling, blogging, music, coffee, cleanliness, etc.) but subtract the unnecessary/superfluous ones (such as social media, toxic social interactions (online and IRL), and smoking (YTBA)).

Be back in a bit!

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Filed under #latenight #coffeetime

Been a difficult one today, folks. I mean I was in a good mood throughout the day/had a fair chemical balance – but – I was always thinking in a negative way. Not even particularly “negative”, but just sort of in a hindu-like trance of passive existence. Droning, in a sense. Honestly, I wondered many times throughout the day what the meaning of life was, why I was still here, what the point of existence meant, etc. I didn't want to “run out and end it” by any means, but I was still curious as to wtf I was doing on this planet. Now. Still. At 36 years old and having already escaped death by the skin of my teeth when I was 21 years old after a nightmare year of psychological abuse coupled with alcoholism. Seriously, I've seen rough times. And they say: that which does not kill you, makes you stronger – and that is true. But they also say; you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. Am I the villain? To whom? Myself? Maybe.

But I should get off of topics like these. Remember that life is OK, I have my health, my livlihood, and for this moment, black coffee.

Be back in a bit!

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