welcome to Thursday

It's 12:22 AM and I am still awake. I used to be an all-nighter type of a person, and now I mostly try to avoid that. I remember in 2013 (when I was in a deep depression) I would stay awake all night after having just gave up my dog for adoption, and just feel sleepless, and also wired from the psych meds that A) didn't work as they were supposed to, B) gave me a lot of energy, and C) probably caused me to lose weight from a combination of lack of sleep and high energy. I remember those things tasting like black cherry vodka and just frying my tongue when I would take them. If this sounds familiar, then you may have had it/them before, and I hear it works wonders for some people, but for me (and my chemistry) it didn't work at all. Took me 1.5 years to learn that lesson the hard way.

But, during these sleepless nights, I would call my friend “T” and he and our buddy “B” would swing by in “B's” mini van, and we would go to “T's” apartment and just stay awake all night with energy drinks and play video games. Those trips to “T's” truly got me through some rough times. That and the Paramore discography.

I miss “T” sometimes. He now identifies as “G”, as in a female “G”, and she threw her entire life away on anti-anxiety meds, and methamphetamine. Last I spoke to her, she was a fledgling Twitch streamer, and I messaged her on that service to let her know my Father passed away in early-2019. Last I heard from/of her. In one sense, I say “good riddance”, because she was a self-absorbed person before the transition (and the friendship had grown toxic, anyway), but on the other hand, there were definitely some worthwhile memories I shared with her (or he, when she was “T”). Either way, I am over it – glad the friendship is history. Happens sometimes.

But Now, during the (sometimes) sleepless nights of 2021, I just focus mainly on trying to GET to sleep, so I can be awake/refreshed for the next day, and see whatever stuff I can get into (usually on the Internet – even if that just means writing a bunch of blog post throughout the day).