Sunday, October 11, 2020
Did I start writing this live blog as a reaction to reading Megan Boyle's “Liveblog”? No actually, I've been meaning to write more, as a way of releasing a lot of my pent-up thoughts that inevitably drive me crazy. Non-verbal autism that may somehow be cured, if, as Megan writes, “knowing this is not what i wanted to say, not knowing what i wanted to say, but that i wanted to say something.”
I've been fighting through a serious bout of depression. On Friday, I didn't want to work, so I sent an email to my bosses claiming that my mom had tripped and fell down the stairs, fracturing her wrist while trying to break the fall. I then called my senior boss, the partner, and breathlessly explained to him “what had happened” and was pretty proud of the way I had feigned a nervous and anxious tone. I then went back to sleep for a few hours, then woke up, went to go buy an apple pie that served as lunch, and then played Among Us while watching the NBA Finals Game 5. All the while, I was checking my work emails on my phone, partly feeling guilty about my lie but mostly feeling relieved that I was not responsible for anything at all. Whatever.
I think I should write about my work situation in another post – maybe tomorrow. It would be good to get it off my chest.
I chuckle and slightly worry about a manic period I had on Thursday night, where I wanted to enter into a complete state of indulgence.
After completing no work on Thursday, I clocked out around 5:45 pm. I literally did no work, but felt an intense need to indulge myself – perhaps as a way to reward myself for withstanding the relentless stress and anxiety work has induced (which definitely requires me to write about my work situation – forthcoming).
Promptly consumed a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey Ice Cream (to my delight, there was minimal chocolate ingredients – something that ruins other Ben & Jerry's flavors like Americone Dream).
Scheduled a gym appointment at 9:00 pm with no intention to go.
Searched Yelp for the highest-reviewed sushi place in the area owned by Japanese people. Found a sushi place in Glendora, CA called Anaba Sushi that seemed legit.
Ordered a Spider-Man Roll (deep-fried soft shell crab, imitation crab meat, cucumbers, avocado) and a Washington D.C. Roll (salmon, imitation crab meat, masago, avocado, shrimp tempura) for $30.
Went to go pick up the order, and then wanted Starbucks, so got in line at the drive-through. Was snacking on my rolls the entire time. Got a latte, and the lady at the drive-through was unusually talkative. She complimented my round-lens glasses, while also disclosing her love of anime. I don't remember how the two subjects were related.
Thought of the Worth It “Sushi and Burger” episode and wanted a burger. Stopped at an Argentinian spot called Boca Burger that offered a chargrilled cheeseburger with chimichurri. Was apparently out of it because the owner was trying to strike up a conversation while I was just staring at the ground, waiting impatiently for my burger.
Drove home and consumed my sushi, burger, and latte in what seemed like 15 minutes. Watched random YouTube videos for the rest of the night, and jacked off to various porn until I fell asleep at 2 am.