Something in me is transforming.
Reading books about Indian disciples and their teachers. Feeling the presence of my teacher (whoever or whatever they may be). Crying with people I love. Opening to the softness inside me that I usually hide away from others and from myself.
This blog is supposed to be about writing. And as I go through this transformation, my writing, and my process of transformation feel connected. Somehow one. Not to say my writing is my transformation. Far from it. But at its core, writing is a communication from the unspoken side of people and things.
For many, writing is just a game of the mind. To create a beautiful story with all its affects, characters, storylines, and ideas. To me, writing isn't about any of that, it's about the thing it helps people feel. And that's precisely where I'm at in my process.
To let myself into the doors I've locked away. To let myself feel what's really inside me. The things I don't feel. The things I've forgotten about.
Agape is a word that means wide open, especially with surprise or wonder. It's a feeling more than a description. Your mouth can be agape, but it's not the action of your mouth that's being pointed to by the word. It's the action of your spirit. You are opening. So much so that it is effecting your body and how it is operating. When you are agape, you have no choice but to open your mouth. And you can be agape without ever opening your mouth.
The times I am on the edge of a cliff, overlooking the ocean that seems to fall off the edge of the earth at the horizon. The sunset over a lake holding hands with someone I love. Seeing someone for the first time in a long time without speaking any words to them.
That's the power of words – to point towards things that are indescribable so that you may look towards it and feel it for yourself.