veronica.

part time writer. part time photographer. full time rambler history & book lover full of wanderlust. half filipino-half saudi arabian nerd. future rn.

11Nov2019

The semester is halfway done and so far so okay. Not good. Not great. Not terrible either. Just okay.

As I sit here in Starbucks attempting to study, I once again want to scream about how ridiculous it is that my Medical-Surgical Nursing and Pharmacology classes do not match up with each other. It is so damn frustrating.

Look, I get it. It shouldn't matter. But when we have to learn the medications anyway for Med-Surg, it's straight and utter BS. Why is it that when we are learning about diabetes in Med-Surg, instead of learning about diabetes medications in Pharmacology, we were learning about herbal supplements and ANS meds? Why is it that it's only AFTER we've had both our cardiac exam and the exam with hypertension that we're going to learn about cardiac and hypertension medications in Pharmacology?

See, I probably wouldn't be making this complaint if our professors in Med-Surg didn't emphasize that we need to learn the medications for whatever diseases we're learning about. It's complete and utter silliness that we're actually taking time out of lab to talk about medications when we have a Pharmacology class in the first place. Wasn't the point of us RN students being forced to take Pharmacology so that we don't waste time in lecture or lab talking about medications?

Yet here we are!

#nursingschoolstruggles #digitaljournalpost

It's 1:15 am and I'm still awake. Damn it. I've always hated times like this where I have so much on my mind.

It's all over the place, you see. My mind bounces from one end to another to another until I can't take it anymore and I just want to bang my head against the wall to knock myself out. Except, I can't bang my head against the wall because it's almost time for nursing school to start up again and I can't risk my brain not functioning.

So I'm typing instead.

And setting up another blog.

Do I really need another blog? Not at all. However, lord knows my brain needs to fucking chill.

I feel like what's going on is my brain is trying to distract itself from my responsibilities. My next semester doesn't start for another few weeks, so my brain trying to avoid dealing with that through every distraction I can find. And the saddest part is I'm letting it.

I should do my readings. I should be memorizing lab values and the signs and symptoms of certain electrolyte imbalances.

Later today. Yes, later today, I'm going to get my ass back into reading my med-surg textbook.

Okay, yeah !

If I finish a chapter later today, then I'll spend the rest of the day reading for fun!

One chapter a day. I can do this. I know I can. At this point, I just need to read and get an idea of what's going on in the chapters. I had planned on doing the readings up until Week 4 so once I get there, then I'll start doing my usual read+highlight+type up the important info in my reading guides.

Yeah!

Work hard now and then come January, I'll have a month off to celebrate my accomplishments. Maybe that's when I'll get my tattoo.

#digitaljournalpost

I never realized how strangely cathartic it is to review books. I always knew that talking about them, in general, is a fun experience, but this feels like a purge. It’s sort of soothing almost to scream into the void that is the internet my feelings about a book. I was never the type of person who would join book clubs or whatever because I could never get into those sort of settings. When I read for pleasure, I read the books I want to read when I want to read them.

Honestly, everyone I know is too busy to read for pleasure. Hell, I’m too busy to read for pleasure for most of the year because I have 50+ pages of readings for my nursing classes every week during the semesters. And even when I find the time, I tend to read books that my friends aren’t exactly interested in which makes it hard to keep the conversation going. But when we do get to read the same books, man oh man, it feels so good.

Maybe I should join a book club. Or — nah. Book clubs are time and time isn’t something I have much of these days with nursing school.

Besides, it’s more fun and purifying to scream into the internet. I can take the time to type out everything I want to say, to research other materials to add weight to my argument, and to polish/edit what I’ve written so it’s not an incoherent mess. It gives me time to cover all my bases and hit every spot I wanted to it — and even if I don’t necessarily get to all the points I want to touch, I can hit the majority of the things I loved and/or hated about a book.

It’s word vomit except it's a more eloquent version of what I would say if I was rambling about a book.

Anyway, make sure to check out my reading blog or my Goodreads when you get a chance.

#digitaljournalpost

Had my wisdom teeth removed two days ago and man do I feel like crap. My left side feels okay, but my right side oh boy does it feel like it's getting stabbed multiple times.

It's sore. It's tender.

I should be thankful though.

Thursday it was a stabbing pain with difficult and painful swallowing as well as a painful jaw. Could not open my mouth without shit hurting. 8/10 on the pain scale.

Friday was better. I still looked like that puppy that ate a bee, but oh well. The left side wasn't painful anymore but lord the right side still hurt. 6/10 on the pain scale. Still couldn't really open my mouth but I had to eat I guess. Thank you painkillers?

Pre-medicating is the best yo! Always pre-medicate before you eat so you can – ya know – actually eat more.

Today it was a little better.

4/10 on the pain scale. Instead of taking the ibuprofen prescription that I was given, I took the over the counter version and that helped. Right side is still tender and swollen. I'm keeping an eye on this shit because lord knows I don't want any funky shit happening.

Nobody got time for that.

#digitaljournalpost

Hollywood remakes of Asian movies and tv shows are the absolute worst and actually help drive xenophobia and impede Westerners from being able to understand the various Asian cultures and people. Westerners end up only ever seeing Asians as anime caricatures or dragon people as a result. Why? Well, any movie or tv show that make Asians look like normal everyday people with everyday problems are always changed to meet Western standards and are changed for Western views.

Rather than encourage Westerners to simply watch the original movies or tv shows, Hollywood remakes them and turns them into something that often 1) completely bastardizes the original and 2) turns people off from watching the original because the remake was so trashy.

I know I shit on dubs of animes a lot. I have always preferred listening to the original Japanese voices and reading the subtitles. Not everyone feels the same and thus prefer the dubs so they don't have to deal with reading. However, it brings up the question of why don't we have dubbed versions of the movies and tv shows instead of the remakes? Western movies get dubbed! So why can't Asian movies and tv shows be dubbed as well? Why do we need remakes?

Take the Philippines for example. Okay, there have been Filipino remakes of Korean dramas. However!! Before they even make an attempt to remake it for Filipino audiences, the Korean dramas are always dubbed in Tagalog first from start to end. Additionally, the show is aired a few times. Example, Temptation of Wife was originally a Korean drama that was remade in the Philippines. Episodes of the original version aired twice. Empress Ki (which doesn't have a remake but was dubbed) also aired twice and is available on Iflix.

Why can't Westerns do the same? I do think though that it speaks volumes about Westerners who are able-bodied and have no impediments with vision or reading that too many absolutely refuse to watch anything with subs. If Asian movies/tv show being dubbed will get these people to watch these shows, then so be it. But seriously, maybe if people listened to different languages that aren't Western ones, people wouldn't be so threatened when they hear someone speaking another language.

Thankfully, with the advent of Netflix and Hulu (as well as other streaming services), Asian movies and tv shows are becoming more wildly available with subs. I wish people would give these shows and movies a chance, rather than rushing to remake them.

You won't suddenly burst into flames if you watch and listen to the original Asian movie/tv show with subs. If anything, you might learn a few new words or be better able to pronounce things.

Part of the reason why I feel like so many people struggle to see Asians as more than dragon people or anime characters is because they aren't exposed to anything else but these kinds of movies/tv shows.

The discourse for Asian Americans and other Asians in the diaspora is another matter, but there is a tie between them. Just as Westerners need to see Asians in the diaspora be in more Western media, Westerners also need to be exposed to Asian media from the homelands. By doing remakes, Hollywood is essentially encouraging this view that Western media is more superior and that it must remake any Asian media that they want their hands on. Hollywood is encouraging this view that Asian media is lesser and thus, Asian stories aren't worth telling or watching.

We don't need Hollywood remakes of Asian movies or tv shows. We don't need Asian movies or tv shows to be retold for Western audiences. It's about time that Westerners start watching Asian movies and tv shows in their original forms so that they can actually see Asians as people.

#digitaljournalpost

Well, after months of on and off watching this kdrama, I finally finished Queen for Seven Days. To be honest, I had to force myself to finish the series. Every time I would think about starting another series, I'd feel a bit gross because I didn't want to leave this show unfinished and start another.

While the show was decent and I certainly enjoyed the acting, after episode 13 (or so), the episodes were dragging on. I got bored and annoyed with the drama which is sad because I honestly thoroughly enjoyed Lee Dong-Gun as Lee Yoong and Yeon Woo-Jin as Lee Yeok. They were both exceptional, especially Dong-Gun as Yoong.

He was particularly able to capture Yoong's madness, paranoia, yearning, loneliness, cruelty, and softness. He ensured that Yoong felt human with hopes and dreams, but a human who also did cruel and evil things because of his madness and paranoia. They humanized Yoong, but never once tried to woobify him and turn him into this sinnamon roll as people on a certain website or two love to call evil characters. Yoong was human who wanted love, but never once did they excuse his actions. Yoong was human, but a cruel human being whose actions should not be excused because he has daddy and mommy issues. I also adored Min-Young's acting and thought she, too, did a great job with Chae-Kyung.

However, the writing was just off at times. To be quite honest, while I did cry with the ending, I found it so hard to believe that Chae-Kyung and Yeok were in love the majority of the time. It was easier for me to believe Yoong's love for Chae-Kyung than it was for me to believe that Chae-Kyung and Yeok were in love. I believed it only towards the end, but honestly, most of the way, I had to suspend my disbelief.

Still, I enjoyed the fact that Chae-Kyung wasn't this epic and perfect slay queen who could do no wrong and who could beat up 10 men with one hand. I think my favorite part of this entire series was how human every character felt like, but especially Chae-Kyung. No one was perfect. No one was superhuman.

I loved that about this show.

#digitaljournalpost #kdramareview

My lab professor deducted points from my exam even though my answers were correct because I didn't answer the questions the way she wanted them answered. She didn't deduct points because I was wrong, she deducted points from my exam even though my answers were correct because she didn't like how I formatted my answers.

I have never felt more infuriated and disrespected in my entire life. I am not perfect. There were mistakes I made on the exam and I accept that I made those mistakes.

However, my lab professor legitimately took points off from my exam score because I didn't answer the questions how she wanted them to be answered. I answered the questions correctly and even she admitted that I answered the questions perfectly and hit all the major (and minor) points. But because I didn't answer the questions exactly in the order that it was written or in bullet points, because I added in a function (bacteria in the large intestine) in a question asking about listing two structural differences between the stomach, small and large intestines despite the fact that I did list other structural differences, because I listened to her and wrote out as much detail as possible for every question, she deducted major points from my exam.

I got an 88 – not because I answered those major questions wrong – but because she went on a power trip.

She took points from people because they went with the arrow format. She took points from people because they went with a short answer format. She took points from people because, despite the fact that they included the correct answer, they didn't repeat it in the second half of the question.

For example? One of my classmates wrote her answer to the question “Define Enzyme. Mention 3 characteristics of enzyme” like this:

Enzyme – a protein – biological catalyst – specific to their substrates

An enzyme is a biological molecule that speeds up reactions by lowering the activation energy, allowing products to be produced faster and more efficiently. They have optimal pH and temperature levels and will not function otherwise because their function depends on their shape.

My classmate got this question marked wrong. The lab professor deducted points because my classmate didn't mention that an enzyme was a protein and a biological catalyst in the sentence. She mentioned it in the bullet points above the sentence, but because she didn't include it in the sentence, she was deducted points.

Another? Ok!

A question asked about the peritoneal cavity and how it is divided into different compartments.

I asked another student who also got the question wrong what she was missing and we were both missing the same things: supracolic compartment and the infracolic compartment. Someone, please explain to me how I got a lower score on that question, despite the fact that our answers were pretty much exactly the same?

Guys, I'm more than angry. I'm completely and utterly infuriated.

I'm not going to complain about the time we were given. The time wasn't enough and it did screw up other students without a doubt. However, my anger is directed at how she graded the questions.

Who, but a professor on a power trip, would deduct points from people even though they answered the question correctly and completely?

#digitaljournalpost

Midterms are over. Breathe in and out. Now, continue the momentum.

It wasn't the blue wave the Democrats dreamed, hoped, and wished for, but it's a huge start. The GOP no longer control one aspect of the legislature. Finally, there is going to be some semblance of checks of power by the legislature.

However, the most important thing is the people who were elected last night during midterm elections: the young, women, LGBT, and nonwhites. My district is sending the youngest woman ever to be elected into the House and I'm proud to have voted for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

I am proud of everyone who voted for the Democrats and who went out there and volunteered for these candidates. I am also proud of the candidates themselves — and I'm not just talking about the candidates that won. They had hope. They fought hard.

Now the important thing is to keep this fight going. We must continue this momentum. This is one victory, but we need to go even further to protect the rights and health care. We need to fight harder, continue to campaign, to protest, to speak up, to hold our representatives – Democrat and Republican – accountable.

To the Democrats that were elected? No bargaining. No more bargaining of our rights. Say no to this insanity that's happening in our country. It is not causing division if you are fighting for our health care, for POC rights, for LGBT rights, for women's rights, for Jewish lives, for Muslim lives, for children, for veterans. Don't see refusing to bend on any of these topics as causing division. Instead, see it as protecting Americans and ensuring that each and every one of us is protected from a white nationalist president who would see everyone who isn't a rich, right-leaning white person burn.

#digitaljournalpost #uspolitics

I've never been this ANNOYED with a professor/educator since my high school AP chemistry professor.

So I have two Anatomy and Physiology professors: one for lab and one for lecture.

The professor for my lecture class is amazing. I adore him. Yes, his quizzes can be tricky (he likes his trick questions), however, his lecture and the notes he provides are wonderful. He is clear when he teaches. It's easy to learn from him as a result.

My lab professor, however? No. She is more confusing than my high school AP chemistry professor and that woman was DIFFICULT.

My lab professor: 1) Reads off the slides 2) Over lectures despite the fact that this is lab and NOT lecture. 3) Is incredibly unclear to the point that we had to DEMAND that she give us a list of structures to study for the practical and 4) *SHE MOVED MULTIPLE STICKERS AROUND DURING THE PRACTICAL*.

Yes, that's right.

She moved the identifiers during the practical when we only had a minute to answer the two questions per station and thirty seconds in the second go around.

She did this multiple times.

What sort of bullshit is that? Changing where the sticker is located changes the answer. These aren't muscles or bones where there's a little more leeway; the practical exam was on the nervous system and special senses. You move a sticker, you change the answer.

I shouldn't be standing there second guessing my answer when I KNOW that the answer I have based on where the sticker was, is correct.

The nerves? Okay fine, should have studied them better. Although even that was bullshit. Tell me this: how can we be expected to identify the nerves when the stickers are bigger than the nerves on the models themselves?

I'm so annoyed. I'm ANGRY. My grade is at risk because of this bullshit.

#digitaljournalpost

Write everyday, even if it's just a few sentences.

I think every writer has gotten this advice and even given it to other writers. Put your thoughts down on a piece of paper and just let the words flow.

But have you ever had one of those days when the words just won't transfer onto paper or screen? Have you ever had one of those days when all these thoughts and ideas swell in your mind, but when you go for your pen to write or for your laptop to type, the words never appear? They stay stuck up in your brain, unable to escape. Trapped.

What do you do when you want to write, but can't? What do you do when you feel like you're about to burst with words upon words upon words, but can't put the words onto paper? It's been happening a lot. What's causing it, I've wondered?

Stress? Anxiety? Work load? The perfectionist in me wanting things to be right from the start?

Still, I try to do something to ease the weight from the words; scattered words here and there. It works — sometimes. But I'll take sometimes. Sometimes is better than nothing because sometimes, words blossom.

Sometimes, a word turns into more words which turns into a sentence or two. Then it just goes from there.

It doesn't always work, but write a word or two everyday. Let it be messy. Let it be ugly. Let it jump all over the place and maybe make no sense. Just let go. Shatter those expectations of perfection. Write and write. Write small words, big words, sentences, fragments, essays, anything. Something is better than nothing.

#digitaljournalpost

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