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There are a thousand self-help books and cognitive behavioural therapists advocating the idea that there are some things you can control and other things that you can't. So the solution to all your stress and existential angst is straightforward : just focus on the things you can control and don't worry about all the other things! It couldn't be simpler! 'But in fact,' Clara mused, 'all the things you can't control are the things that actually matter, like life and death, illness and health, and money, and LOVE ha ha… But, say, dandruff, which doesn't really matter, you should be able to control that, surely!' she said to Sister Agnes. It was abundantly clear to Agnes that Clara had a dandruff problem. Even though the nuns of this particular convent had decided to shed their habits and started wearing civilian clothes in 1972, they generally chose darker colours. 'But there are almost as many possible causes of dandruff and ways to control it as there are self-help books...' Clara threw up her arms in exasperation. 'Maybe you should eat plenty of foods rich in anti-inflammatory omega-3 such as salmon, walnuts and chia seeds,' Agnes said. But Clara had already tried that without success.

Perhaps her dandruff was due to seborrheic dermatitis caused by yeast overgrowth and made worse by stress and an oily scalp? Clara shampooed twice weekly with an anti-yeast shampoo, massaging it into the scalp and leaving it on for five minutes before washing off, but it made no difference. Was the problem more a dry, sensitive and eczema-affected scalp? She tried a gentle Dry Scalp Shampoo which was SLS-free and contained no parabens but that wasn't helpful either. A tar-based shampoo (which sheds dead cells from the top layer of the skin and slows down the growth of skin cells) gave her hope but it caused discolouration of Clara's light-coloured hair and made her scalp sensitive to sunlight. She also tried a shampoo containing salicylic acid to help lift and eliminate the scaling without success and a selenium sulfide shampoo with an antifungal agent, but it discoloured her hair and her scalp. She tried a ketoconazole shampoos to help to kill the fungus on the scalp that causes the dandruff as well as antibacterial shampoos and shampoos containing the antibacterial and antifungal agent zinc pyrithione, but they actually seemed to make more dandruff.

Clara understood that the scalp is simply an extension of the skin on your forehead and that skincare should not stop at your hairline so she applied a soothing and antimicrobial scalp toner containing witch hazel and camphor after shampooing and conditioning, and throughout the day whenever she experienced irritation or an urge to scratch. She tried a shampoo containing piroctone olamine, which specifically targets a fungus with the awesome name of Malassezia furfur. It lives happily on the scalp of most people without causing any problems but for unknown reasons an overgrowth of this fungus can occur and it increases hair follicle density and oil production but it also didn't work and it didn't, in fact, smell anything like fresh green apples as the bottle had promised. A dermatologist prescribed prescription-strength shampoos, steroid lotions and systemic treatments. But nothing made any difference whatsoever. She was worried that she might have Parkinson’s disease or a chronic condition suppressing the immune system but all the tests were negative.

In the end only one possible solution remained: a number one. Afterwards she looked like Sinead O'Connor, which is not at all a bad thing, and slowly but surely the dandruff cleared up. The problem all along had been that she was trying to control what she couldn't, not what she could. If she had paid attention to the advice from the self-help books she would have saved a shitload of money on haircare products, treatments and consultations with dermatologists, trichologists and hair care specialists.