It has been a while since the last time I wrote in a handwritten journal. I am not really expertise in writing on a journal. I am learning and autodidactly practicing to write on a journal. Yeah, what I meant by a journal is a journaling journal.
A bit flashback of my own story of journaling. I started journaling at a young age, maybe around 13 or 14 years old, in the range of junior high school. If I adhere an evidence to you, I can't. Because, back then I thorn apart the books and even burnt it down. I found that writing is very comforting, but at that time, when someone read my journal (or maybe I could call it diary at that time), I would immediately vanish it. And now, what remain is a diary from high school with the messy pages.
And journaling online is another way of comforting myself. So, here am I.
A trip to Berastagi with a friend was one of my wishlist that I do not know it came to a realization. We went on Monday. Yup, to skip the crowdness. I really like the slow pace of a place where we can enjoy it in a quieter situation.
Mount Sinabung
Lau Kawar
We do not only visit Berastagi but also Mount Sinabung and Lau Kawar. I love to camp in Lau Kawar one day. I hope it will become true.
It was Thursday’s night with a friend that I’ve met a couple months ago, stranded on a café that I have visited before. I wasn't expecting the night to be a cold one that was covered with a glimpse of insanity about life and about love.
We talked much about things; about exes and recent deals. But as much as we talked, we stopped to think and to wonder about what we’ve talked and what should we talk. We share a lot of things except the one thing that I am starting to wonder. Do I really need a friend like him? Should I use logic to comprehend the situation? All the questions about having new friends in this period of life (read: transition age to 30 years old) is so much challenging to be answered as life feels so lonely as I am getting older.
Yeah, the feeling of loneliness was so true like I wasn't really prepared about future. Before, I was enjoying being single, being alone and never felt the loneliness that I’ve have been encountered now.
So, friends are really important but you should prioritize yourself more. About your health, your financial, your future.
I still can't imagine that I visited the loved one’s restaurant. It seemed possible with the impulsive behavior that I have. I know it's a sudden visit without a notifying message to inform about my arrival. Around 6.30 pm. my friend texted me about my activity on Saturday night. I said that I had no activity. But, suddenly I asked him to go out and I would treat him to eat at my loved one’s restaurant. And then we went there.
After 10 minutes of arrival, I sat down with my friend, he said, “You should text your loved one, so that your loved one can come here to see you.” That sentence hit me hard and made me wonder. I had to text and said that I was at your work. Meanwhile, I and my friend enjoyed the food so much. It was so delicious. We order two plates of aglio olio, two portions of durian sticky rice, a portion of lupis, taichan satay, coconut orange, and honey lemon tea. Those food made us forget about my loved one.
The whole time while we were eating, we praised the food so much. I really appreciated that my friend enjoyed the food. He said that the restaurant is recommended, except for the price but it's worth it.
As I could expect from the crowd of people who ate in the restaurant, it seemed that my loved one was so busy at the kitchen preparing food for the crowd. For the last one and half hour, I didn't get any reply. I was not so sad cause I wasn't expecting the reply to be so fast. But, I and my friend needed to go home earlier so that my friend can have a rest, because he had to go to work early in the morning.
After all, I enjoyed the food, the companionship, and the mood. And my loved one replied after we went back home, precisely on the way back home.
The urge to meet is so tensed that I could not forget about the reality that I have things to do. I can give up my time in order just to meet the loved one. But, the loved one could not do the same because of the thought that I might be tired.
Longing
Having a conversation with someone you loved was so incredibly lovely and you could not track the time until you realize that the time was so limited and you should stop the conversation and get back to the track.
After that, the feeling of longing is discovered and you can't really express it in front of the loved one, because you're the one who stop the conversation and endure the longing. It's just last night, we had the conversation and in the morning the feeling of longing is growing rapidly and slowly eating my ego to chat and approach the loved one.
How should I behave in the scenario where I should pretend?
I wasn't sure about what happen next. But, I am pretty sure about having a conversation with my self.
