A Childlike Friendship

I’m looking forward to seeing my friend for the summer. His presence in my life always brings me spontaneous joy & it's infectious. When I am around him sometimes I feel like a giddy kid because he has a childlike spirit. He gets my sarcasm. It feels like there is a healing process going on between us at this point in our lives because we've both been through some trauma recently. Maybe I need some playful energy in my life because that is what I gravitate towards the most I realized.

It's weird because we are supposed to be young & carefree & innocent when we are younger & somber & serious & responsible as we get older??? But what a world it would be if we retained that childlike spirit forever?

I saw fireworks the other day & wasn't ashamed to take my little stuffed monkey son out of my purse & toss him around. It was freeing! Not worrying if anyone thought I was silly.

I also stopped watching the news for awhile & really don't miss it at all. It feels like I live in a bubble & am missing out on all the tragic events happening around me & maybe my soul needed that. Not hearing about the chaos & madness that people put each other through because frankly, I have been through too much of it myself.

Right now my soul needs to feel like it's in a bubble. Right now my soul wants a childlike friendship. Right now I don't feel like being a grown-up!!!

Maybe part of healing ourselves is to just be childlike & silly… 🐵🐒

Purging A Painful Memory

I'm writing for myself today. Not for anyone else. There are alot of people I want to uplift & inspire but being true to myself is important to me. I heal sometimes through sarcasm. Maybe by purging my memory others will feel less wounded & less alone so I’ll take my chances by just jotting down my feelings & crossing my fingers.

Hey little girl, you yelled out loud to me to “Go die old bitch!” – while I was taking a shower…

Then you laughed with your little friend & I thought to myself how a little kid so young could be so cruel to just scream out loud in public at me in a public restroom. You don't even know me. You never met me or talked to me or said “Hi” or anything remotely close to making any contact with me whatsoever. I was a total stranger.

You have no right to make me feel like I’m not worth living. Remember, I breathe the same air you do?

That was a couple years ago.

I’m still alive, by the way. I’m not quite sure for how long but it doesn't matter. You are a couple years older right now. I have no idea if you ever shouted that out to anyone else before. But I remember being your age once & if my parents caught me shouting that out to a person 50 years older, they would probably wash my mouth out with soap. That’s what they did back in the day. They did things like that.

I've said mean things before & probably have hurt someone's feelings because of it. So I can forgive you if I choose. Or just pretend it didn’t happen. But it did. So I’m not going to pretend.

I forgive you. I’m letting it go.

But here's a bar of soap… 😆

My Healing Thought At This Moment

If you are a victim of hatred, go out & find your joy anyways. No permission needed. ❤

My Healing Thought For Today

I will not let anyone make me feel worthless anymore because I breathe the same air that they do. ❤

Dear Tommy & Natascia,

I went to your wedding yesterday & I saw alot of love. There were so many people that attended & the vibrations were high. Please forgive me for not actually having a one-on -one conversation with you both but there was so much going on & it was important for me to allow you to go crazy & celebrate the happiest day of your life. Sometimes joy is so infectious when you see it & feel it so I figured I'd let you go infect others with it so it spreads throughout the whole party center. I guess it did because I saw tons of smiles. It's interesting because there are not many moments you can capture pure love in its raw form but a wedding reception might just possibly be the lightning rod to do it. We are all searching for that & I hope you truly found it in each other. When it's pure, it's the most divine feeling you can feel. There will never be a day like the one you had last night so I hope you treasure it & hold it in your memories together. Reality has a way of dulling that initial day you became one with each other. It will slowly set in & things will become kind of boring day-to-day. But don't let that fool you into thinking there's no more love there anymore. There really is...

You will just have to look a little deeper in the small gestures or the nuances of each other's faces from time to time.

Don't let it slip away. Don't ever take it for granted.

I love you both...❤


It's amazing how much we have all been through in life as individuals. Everyone has been through their own silent anguishes, their own silent wars, their own personal life lessons. It's also amazing how we can hold it all in & never speak up about them because we think others wouldn't understand. I think I'm past that now. I truly think I'm past that now. It's tiring to suppress my sorrow. It's tiring to uplift others around me & constantly feel short because I don't feel uplifted back. It's tiring...

So I'm journaling.

I'm journaling because I need to move on & heal. Maybe I'll heal faster because I'll finally put those words on a page & then SWOOSH! Healed! Done!

It's a quietly simple process but it will do wonders because I have never been comfortable with social media. Every time I have ever posted anything publicly, whether Facebook or the writing platform Medium, I've had to deal with “friends” or “followers”. That has always been an uncomfortable feeling. Always.

Truth is, in real life I don't have many friends. But I like it that way. Also, the word “followers” makes me feel like some false leader who is on a pulpit preaching to my apostles. THAT is definitely an uncomfortable feeling! Leave that responsibility to Jesus or Buddha. Pure & simple, I'm just here to journal. Purifying my thoughts. Releasing them into the ethers so I can move on. Move on from all the pain I've had to carry all these years. Move on from all the heavy baggage. Move on from feeling like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Move on to feel lighter & more carefree & less dense.

I'm finally ready to be free.