YIKES!!! 😳

I uninstalled my YouTube app temporarily.

So obviously I'm not leaving comments for awhile.


I watched some videos from certain slot channels who were trashing each other, left & right, no stopping, seriously, just back-and-forth bantering about other people's channels!

It never stopped!

There were constant accusations, name-calling, bullying & gossiping. Almost like a community-mobbing or public lynching going on!

I believe the word for it is HATE-WATCHING!

Yikes!!! 😳

Where did the slot play go? Where was the joy in showing fun on slots? Where was that?

At this time for the holiday season, just seeing so much hatred made me lose my interest in viewing videos for awhile.

Deep in my heart, I truly love promoting people. It elevates my vibration & it also elevates the vibration of those I've written about.

But I seriously need to take a break when I see that the hatred is outweighing the love. I need to step back & not get sucked into the spiraling drama I've been watching. It's a shame because there were so many channels I was going to write about & promote. There was a list I had that I was going to follow up on.

At my age, I already have gotten wise to knowing that Santa was all just a money-making gig for kids. πŸŽ…

But if I had to sit on his lap again & tell him what I want for Christmas, it would be really simple.

Peace, Santa, please, just peace.

Good old-fashioned peace. ✌

I know that sounds corny, but I can't think of anything that would brighten my spirits again. There used to be so much joy when I started watching YouTube videos. They used to make me so happy.

Like a little kid. πŸ’ƒ

But my joy has been waning since I saw those cruel videos that were posted. It kinda left a bad taste in my mouth. A bad taste I can't really wash or spit out.

However, I still am keeping the main stories I wrote about the gambling channels I truly love. Those stories you see in the links at the bottom of my channel page. There are links to 6 or 7 main channels that really sparked my attention. I will never take those down because I have a soft spot for them. They all made me feel included in the slot community. All of them. πŸ’

My deepest gratitude to them. πŸ™

But truly -

I just want my joy back, that's all! 😁

It feels like people just stole it from me. That they just pulled the rug out from under my feet. Like, where did my carpet go?

Another thing – it's the holidays. I can't handle everyone's drama because I have enough of my own!

Geez, you guys, does everyone really secretly hate each other that much? Boy, I feel so naive not knowing that. If you are wanting to make money & views off of hate-watching, then keep doing what you're doing.

If you are getting paid for all those views & you decided that's the route you're taking in life, by all means, go do that. It's a free country, isn't it? πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ

However, I need to listen to myself, as well. Maybe one day my joy will return back & I'll start watching YouTube videos & I'll go back to promoting others again.

But for now, it's not in my heart to do that. My heart is not really into it.

It feels like the mythical Cupid shot an arrow & rather than making me fall in love with people, all it did was make me fall out of love with those people instead. πŸ’˜

A strange way to describe it, but that's how it made me feel.

Hmmm, it's strange how hatred can make such a powerful statement, isn't it? These videos are getting thousands & thousands of watch-time views as opposed to only a couple hundred for other creators who do what they do out of love.

That shows that our culture likes to hate, doesn't it?

It also shows we're all hypocrites. I mean I was one of the people that clicked on the thumbnail, right? So maybe I was interested a little. Maybe I wanted to see what the buzz was all about.

Well, I can't unsee it in my mind, as they say. I can't undo what I viewed. πŸ‘€

Hopefully something changes before 2024 shows up & I come across a sign to restore my faith in humanity again.

I guess you can say I'm looking for a miracle. Here's to crossing my fingers.



That's what I noticed first.

His gentle eyes.

At a baseball game. We really went for the fireworks, later. It was Cuzzy’s birthday. ✨

Sometimes people look too deeply into a situation & see something that isn't there because of their personal past. So what they do is project onto you their secret fears & their personal insecurities.

When I first met my husband, I honestly saw his gentle eyes.

That's all.

I'm sure you'll find something else to see that isn't really there. I'm sure you'll make hasty judgements. Because we all do, including myself.

But in reality, when I met him -

All I saw was gentle eyes…


Thank you, my husband, for being the most loyal partner anyone could ever wish for. I found you once – that was enough.


And sometimes he rambles a little, too...


Seriously, though, even if he does, it's in the most charming Southern accent coming out of Alabama.

(I just basically said that because it rhymes with gambles, truth be told)!

Yes, he gambles. See the machines lit up behind him? Those are slots. I believe he enjoys poker, as well… πŸƒ

Here he is with his equally charming wife, Nancy. His YouTube channel is appropriately called Ron Gambles! πŸ˜†

Here is his link –

I'm not sure if his last name is Gambles or if he is just blatantly saying he gambles in the title, but clever, don't you think? Even if his last name was really Gambles (and yes, I Googled the name & there are literally people with that last name), isn't it only a genius who would use that to start a YouTube channel & show off his gambling skills?

For instance, if he was born Ron Cooks, who knows? Maybe he would be genius enough to start a cooking channel? πŸ˜†

Or how about -

Ron Bakes – a baking channel

Ron Hooks – a fishing channel

Ron Rakes – a landscaping channel

Ron Bowls – a bowling channel


(See what I did there)? πŸ˜‚

So I think I kinda see a hint of genius under this Alabama dude.

Yeah, there's definitely a genius hiding under that Southern drawl!

They say Southern people are charming. I have to totally agree.

I met him about a month & Β½ ago when him & his wife decided to visit Cleveland. He was hanging out with another Ron.

Ron from BDSlots. 😁

I heard they get along well. I wonder why? πŸ˜†

If my memory serves me correctly, I believe Ron & Nancy came to visit β€œC-Town” & were staying a couple days to hang out & experience their first livestream in Cleveland.

Hyltonslots1 also showed up to help out. Not surprised there. 😁

It's interesting to watch when some of the slot community channels get together & support each other. They all chipped in to help Ron & Nancy have a successful livestream. Making sure there were moderators put in place, making sure the show started on time, making sure that everyone was comfortable. Always cheering them on & making sure they felt like part of the slot family, contributing superchats, helping them get subscribers. Just all around so many uplifting & generous people getting together to bring joy to each other!

GO Ron! Go Nancy!



The quality that struck me the most about Ron & Nancy was that they were so at ease interacting with strangers. Something I sometimes struggle with. They were rather soft-spoken. They literally not only have the cutest accents I've ever heard, but they are extremely down-to-earth & warm & funny & self-deprecating.

They put the capital C in the word CHARM.

My husband & I tried to make them feel welcome by buying them a couple of drinks & trying to laugh & make jokes. They deserve that, don't they? They deserve to be considered family in a strange town. They deserve to be treated special! 🍻

But I did notice something about this man. Something I've never seen anyone do while walking around playing slots. He was carrying something to wipe off the sweat from his brow. Actually, his entire face.

Hmmmm? πŸ€”

So I asked him what it was.

He told us that he had been sweating because he had been nervous about that night. (Maybe because it was his first livestream)? That he had been dripping sweat so profusely that he had to go into the bathroom to mop up his sweat but it was out of paper towels so he had to take off his undershirt & use that as his personal β€˜sweat rag.’



What an honest-to-God-truth-teller this dude was!!!

Any man who ADMITS to being SO nervous that he sweats & carries around his own undershirt to deal with it has got to be the MANLIEST man I know!!!

Manliest, you ask? Can a Southern gentleman really be manly?

Yes, I dare say so! I really did mean manliest!


Because he's humble enough to tell the TRUTH, that's why. He could have made up a zillion lies about what his body was experiencing due to the mental pressure he was under, but he didn't! In fact, he was so humble enough about carrying a β€˜sweat rag,’ that I asked him permission to mention it if I decide to write about him & he laughed about it & said β€œYeah!”

That's manly to me!


Big ones!!! πŸ˜‚

Oops, sorry, no disrespect to his wife, Nancy, in case you are reading this.

Truly… I don't want to disrespect you by writing about what YOU only see behind closed doors! πŸ˜…

But I try to call it like I see it.

I know in your heart you'd rather see a bunch of fireballs light up the screen in an Ultimate Fire Link bonus πŸ’₯ during your slot play, but I hope you didn’t mind me mentioning the other ones too! πŸ˜‰


(Thank you for laughing with me about this, BTW).

Another quality that sticks out in my mind about this channel – Ron made a playlist about his time in Cleveland & called it β€œCleveland Rocks.”

Basically to pay tribute to his time in the 216 area code. His time in β€œC-Town.” His time hanging out with people in that area code. His little adventure there.

That's thoughtful to me. It really is. So many channels pump themselves & their own egos up so much that they actually lose track of who helped make them who they are.

He didn't. He gave back to them. He helped elevate them. That's a genuine gesture. When you elevate others, not just yourself.


Well, I really wanted to post this because sometimes you never get the chance to meet people in your life that you want to. But when I heard Ron Gambles & wifey were coming, I really jumped at the chance.


What if they don't come in town again, I thought? I couldn't let that happen right now. I just couldn't. At least I have a sweet bucket list memory of mine to share. If that's all I got, I'm so totally GRATEFUL!

I truly am.

Thank you, Ron & Nancy. πŸ™

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for swinging by our way & making β€œC-Town” proud.

What I learned the most from you & your wife was this β€”-

-– That sometimes there are hidden geniuses among us who have tons of courage & big balls on the inside but on the outside they appear really soft-spoken & gentle. So maybe they're misunderstood. That's kinda charming. 😘

-– That there's nothing at all to be ashamed of in sweating in public. Because we all do. It's just that you acknowledge it & don't take yourself so seriously talking about it. That's kinda charming as well. 😘

-– That you may be a little more simple & honest than most people I've ever watched playing slots on a channel. Believe it or not, there's a warmth & invitingness to that. I really find that kinda charming. 😘

-– And finally, I can honestly say I see NO act in you. You're not a scam, AT ALL…

You both remind me of a woman I saw on social media years ago who posted on one of her profiles ➑ β€œI'm exactly who I pretend to be.”

Well, that's what I see when I see you.


You really, really are.


P.S. My apologies to you Ron for taking a month & Β½ to write this. I was in such a funk in October & it just slowed me down so much. Thank you for understanding. Jay & I love & adore you & Nancy both! πŸ’–

I don't remember when this photo was taken or what year, but obviously it was many years ago.

I see beauty in my younger sister.

Her name was Deanna. But usually we called her Dee. πŸ’–

Yes, the one on the right. Tiny, fragile, feisty & spiritual.

I see heroic efforts on her part to speak up about the gangstalking & harassment she was going through.

I see a softness in her eyes because she looked so young & vulnerable knowing Santa doesn't really exist but taking a photo anyways to please her mother.

I see beauty.

Again… I see beauty. The inner kind, not just the outer kind.

I choose to see that because…

Eventually, we all choose what we want to see. If someone wants to see ugliness, they will look for it & only see that.

If someone wants to see a sinner because she took her own life, they will look for that & only see that.

If someone wants to see her as a b*tch because she was outspoken, they will look for that & only see that.

If someone wants to make fun of her because she died alone & unmarried in a hotel room with her cat at the end of her life, they will look for that & only see that.

People will choose what they want to see.

What I will always see is a younger sister who was repeatedly bullied to commit suicide & an older sister who tried to make it right years later.

That's all I really see right now.

That's all I'm capable of seeing.

Strangely, I still see beauty in that.


October's over!!!

Goodbyyyee, cruelest month of the year for me!!! πŸ‘‹πŸ‘‹πŸ‘‹

After my previous posts, I decided to ask for answers on how I should proceed with my writing. Divine coincidence usually plays out. Usually a comment, a chance encounter with a stranger or in my case alot of the time, a dream.

However, mine came through me doing my pool laps & encountering 3 people in the lane next to me.

Long story short, I went swimming last night. Before I went, I told myself that if the gangstalking is still continuing in my life, I will have to write about that to purge myself from those experiences. I also told myself that all I needed was a sign to move forward in that direction. If it has stopped, then I will stop writing about it. If it keeps happening, I can't let other victims down & pretend I don't see it. They deserve better than that.

Someone, please give me that red light or green light. God, please God, do I stop or go ahead? Green light, red light, yellow for caution. God, please, just let me be your vessel, that's all I ask… 🚦

Well, I got my answer! πŸ™

A huge β€œThank You” to the ladies in the lane next to me who talked rather loudly & intentionally to let me know what was on their mind. If you weren't in the lane next to me, I would never have gotten my answer.

They were doing β€œstreet theater.” Never talking directly TO me, just really loud & rude comments ABOUT me.

So all I can say is β€œTHANK YOU!”

You were put in my path to move forward.

To have more courage in life. 🦁

You were put in my path to purge myself from the cruelty of others who discard assaults on someone's body as trivial.

Thank you for saying those comments that made me rethink about the kindness of strangers.

Because I seriously started having hope again about that topic. I really did. I try to always see the goodness in people first. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt.

But this time it really made me aware that not everyone thinks like I do.

Strangers are NOT always kind!

I caught bits-n-pieces of your comments. You told your lady friend & the small girl with you that β€œIt’s annoying when someone gets handcuffed & all they get is a gash.”

Something along those lines. Not quite verbatim. But I can remember small bits.

Trying to put words together here.

Definitely the word β€œhandcuffed.”

Definitely the word β€œannoying.”

Definitely laughing while talking about it.

(But I did have a swim cap on so maybe I heard incorrectly because my head was under water half of the time. If I'm wrong, please seek me out again & inform me & I'll humbly remove this post).

Maybe you read my story about my assault that I wrote a couple of years ago & saw my photos? πŸ€”

Why would you say something like that?

All I can say is…

Please don't EVER ASSUME anything unless you actually talk to that person you are gossiping about or slandering!

Number One! – Noone handcuffed or restrained me on that night in question. I literally had 4 people clawing at me like animals. Yes, CLAWING!!!

Number Two! – When I had to do a follow-up appointment with a doctor weeks later, she saw the large gash & called the hospital to verify if I was restrained that night. They said NO, there were no restraints used. Which means NO handcuffs!

Number Three! – I have nerve damage & pain & bouts of tingling & paralysis in my left arm. Sometimes it is colder than my right one. So, it's not JUST a gash!

Number Four! – You could have politely said β€œHi” to me & talked to me & gotten the facts straight from the source before saying such ignorant things out loud for me to hear. Especially in front of the child you were with!

Number Five! – Women who don't take sides of other women in matters concerning an assault are insensitive. If your daughter or sister or mother or niece or other female comes running to you for help after an assault, I'm assuming you would trivialize it, laugh at them & not take it seriously. I kinda feel sorry for them if that happened & you had to deal with it.

Number Six! – I have PTSD after what happened to me & it gives me severe panic attacks. So again, it's NOT just a gash!

Number Seven! – Thank you for confirming to me that my gangstalking still exists. I thought it was over, but I guess not.

Number Eight! – Don't say things in front of a young child that plants toxic seeds because they will grow up one day & remember it.

Number Nine! – I am trying hard every day in my mind & struggle constantly with my self-worth & self-esteem & value as a person. Maybe you're not. Maybe you have your sh*t together & are perfect & I applaud you for that.

Number Ten! – Lastly, but not leastly, THANK YOU FOR READING MY STORY! I honestly thought nobody reads my work anymore. It's been more than 2 – Β½ years since it happened & I thought people would move on & forget it. Apparently not. People still have to remind me of my trauma every time I go out & try to live a normal life. Maybe YOU are the one who cannot get over it so you cannot let ME live in peace & enjoy my life.

Number Eleven! – Again, THANK YOU FOR READING MY STORY! Now I know that I still have a voice that is powerful enough for complete strangers to come out of the woodwork & talk about it. That's pretty deep, if you think about it. πŸ€”

Number Twelve! – Did I say THANK YOU FOR READING MY STORY enough times???

Number Thirteen! – OK, lastly but not leastly again…


I really am truly blessed. Truly, I am…


Because I now have more courage, that's why. Because of your actions, I NOW have more courage… 🦁

This post is dedicated to any targeted individual who has been gangstalked, anyone who has committed suicide due to gangstalking, anyone who has been silently murdered through gangstalking tactics, anyone who has been repeatedly harassed, anyone who is afraid to speak up about an assault on their body, anyone who DID speak up but then was slandered after or anyone who has ever been physically violated as a targeted individual.

Anyone who feels it will never stop…

You all deserve RESPECT.

And I'm honestly sorry if this post sounds mean, but my sister took her own life because she couldn't stand the evil gangstalking tactics that were imposed on her constantly. All she wanted was peace. But they just couldn't give it to her.

They -

just -

never -

stopped β€”-

That is something I will never forget!



If you feel like you are burnt out & have nothing left to give & so many people expect alot more from you…

Take a break.

Take a hiatus.

Rejuvenate your soul. 🌻

If they welcome you back with open arms, maybe they really deserve to be in your life after all.

If they felt insulted because you left for awhile to actually find self-love again, maybe they never really welcomed you from the beginning in the first place.

To anyone who reads this & doesn't get it.

Just so you know.

I'm sorry, I'm just burnt out, that's all…


October has always been the roughest month for me out of all the months in the year.

My sister took her own life on October 1, 2015. So it brings back alot of memories from that time in my life.

The phone call I received, the shock, the devastation, the crying, the sadness, the depression, the wake, the funeral, her burial… πŸ˜”

I relive it in my mind every single year. It's honestly very difficult to explain to someone who never went through that kind of trauma before so I tend to retreat a little more & gather my thoughts. Overall, October tends to be just a rather more reflective & pensive time for me.

There's a heaviness in my body whenever this time comes around. Similar to boulders of stones in my pockets that make my body feel heavier than normal.

So I took a digital detox for the first week of October & tried to concentrate on taking care of myself instead of being there for others on YouTube for a little while. I've been a big supporter of alot of channels & helped promote them & make sure that others subscribe to them & help them grow.

There are approximately 15 that are in my main feed that I continuously check on. I'm subscribed to many more but that's the most I can handle for now in terms of leaving feedback on.

People who don't have a YouTube channel don't realize the hard work that these creators put into filming videos & then editing & uploading those videos. It's a very time-consuming & very tedious process. Another energy-zapper can be comments that people leave. Too many can be overwhelming at times.

I thought that by not commenting & joining livestreams for a little bit that some energy would return to my body & I would have time to focus & catch up on my own needs for a bit. Being a supporter can also drain you because it takes alot of inner resources to constantly cheer others on. Constantly making sure they feel loved. Constantly making sure they know they have friends to count on.

But if I'm feeling burned out I have to listen to myself. Exhaustion & fatigue set in & I know that health problems will start snowballing if I don't recharge my batteries.

So I told myself I will finish all the 18 story drafts I have posted & saved in my blog.

Like seriously…

EIGHTEEN stories I started & haven't finished yet! 😝

3 of them are promotions for slot channels & the rest are just small personal memories of my own.

I thought that my one week digital detox would help me catch up.

But it hasn't.

Ugggh… 😐

So much pressure on my mind, it feels like. Like a vice grip that's tightening more each day.

One thing I told myself is that I would take a big leap of faith for myself & actually declare myself a writer on some profiles of mine. Because that is basically what I truly have been doing for the last 2.7 years.

Writing & blogging…

It felt weird. Like I actually cringed when I updated my profile because it felt kind of selfish of me.



Those were the thoughts I had. Those were the sabotaging thoughts going through my brain. Those were the thoughts I repeatedly told myself for so many years.

The value & worth that I conditioned my mind to hear every day inside of my head were so low on the self-confidence & self-esteem scale that I actually felt guilty doing it. When I say guilty, I truly mean that.

GUILT!!! πŸ˜’

I've been trying to help others with my writing for so long that guilt actually set in when I did it for myself.

Is that normal???

Ummm, for me, I guess.

Probably for alot of others on social media out there??? Maybe??? Hmmm???

They just won't say it so I'll be the one that does.

I don't know? πŸ’

I do know that I'm not one for posting selfies all the time because I feel that my content is more geared towards the actual quality of my thoughts. That it would take away from the depth of my writing. That when I promote other people, it's best to put the attention on them & make THEM shine!

And if I'm purging my own subconscious or writing about my own experiences in life, who really cares what I look like on each post I've written anyways? Maybe once in awhile, but each post would be a little overkill, no?

Well, I may go another couple of days on my digital detox because my health is important to me. All around, if I'm burnt out inside then I don't have much to give others, do I?

I tell myself that I WILL finish all of my drafts one day.


Who knows? Maybe it's the coffee I'm drinking. Maybe it's not strong enough. Maybe I need more caffeine. Maybe I need to change up my brew.

I can tell myself alot of reasons why I have no energy right now. I can fool myself into believing I need a liter of Mountain Dew or Pepsi. Or an extra shot of espresso. Or a can of Coca Cola.

I can tell myself I'm burnt out from social media.

I can tell myself alot of things, I guess.

But really deep down in my heart I know it's because it's October.

There's just that something about October, that's all.

In loving memory of my little sister, Dee…

Thank you for inspiring me to be the writer I was finally meant to be.


This is the first week of October.

I will not be that active on my social media sites or posting comments or join in chats on livestreams on any platforms this week so forgive me if I seem like I'm ignoring anyone.

I'm not. I am doing a digital detox.

Thank you!


I went to the beach last night.

I went with my hubby & stuffed monkey son Cuzzy. In case you didn't think you heard or read that right – YES!

REPEAT: A stuffed monkey son. 🐡

I've had him for about 24 years. He pretty much goes with me everywhere.

Here is the silly video:

(You can hear in the background adamantly telling my husband to β€œWave, wave, wave)!!! πŸ˜‚


I hope whenever you look at this video…

  • You try & remember that we really do have a good life. πŸ’‘
  • You look at the beautiful waves & you remember the day we got baptized here 9 years ago. Remember when I almost floated away because the waves pulled me under & you ran to go save me? πŸ˜†
  • You look at the serenity of the sunset & realize that this is the peace I always wish for you. Always. πŸŒ…
  • You look at the stillness around you & recognize that in spite of my screaming panic attacks, this is the contentedness I feel whenever I truly think of you. πŸ™
  • You see Cuzzy waving at the end & realize how blessed I feel knowing that we gave him a home for 24 out of our 25 years together. You made him have a family. πŸ‘ͺ
  • You see Cuzzy waving & just know I love you so much for accepting me as I am from the beginning. I didn't want to have children & you knew that. So you bought him for me after dating a year together. This way I had someone to dress up & play with me every day. πŸ’
  • You never saw that as a flaw. Instead, you embraced the little kid & little child inside of me. πŸ™†
  • You never judged me on my past because you really accepted me for who I became instead, not who I used to be. πŸ€—
  • You see the sun setting behind clouds & remember that not every day is going to have sunshine. But having someone you love on cloudy days is just as good. πŸŒ₯
  • You play the video & when you watch it just know that I don't care how many people viewed it or liked it, as long as YOU do & that's the only one that matters. πŸ’
  • You see this video & are grateful that I have a sense of humor because sometimes I honestly forget I actually do. 😁
  • You see Cuzzy waving & after he does that, he touches his eyes & heart & points at the camera. You know what that means, right? It means I – LOVE – YOU. (πŸ‘β€β˜›)
  • You look at this & see that I made this memory because I'm always worried we won't have enough good memories to remember & that scares me. πŸ˜”
  • That maybe you look & hear my giggling & see this & know there still might be some joy left inside of me after all? πŸ’ƒ
  • That you look at this memory & one day you will realize that in spite of my depression & in spite of my sadness & me not trusting anyone anymore, you still see something redeeming in me & I actually made an effort for you to see that. 😍
  • That when you see Cuzzy waving in the end, you realize that you were actually a really great father all these years. Even if other people just see a silly stuffed monkey, what YOU see is that I was a actually a really good mother to him all these years, too. We actually were really great parents, weren't we? πŸ‘«
  • And lastly, like you always told me, it doesn't matter how other people see us. What matters is how WE see each other. As long as WE still love each other, you always say. As long as WE still have all of us three together. As long as WE still have YOU, ME & CUZZY…
  • The only 3 that matters…
  • Those are all the things I hope you see…

πŸ’‘ 🐡 πŸ’‘

I went swimming the other day.

When I reached my car after my workout was done, I instinctively pulled up my phone to check on any texts I may have missed.

This was the first screen that popped up without me actually going to my calculator app. I mean, it just literally popped up when I opened my phone.

Hmmm, that was a shocker!

I don't even know what these emoticons mean when they are put together like this, but it is virtually impossible to type that from my calculator because the 2 digits, the e & the ^, are not found on my calculator display pad. It's literally NOT even possible for me to even accidentally punch those characters if it was rubbing against a pocket or my duffel bag.

So I checked the history on my calculator to see if that typing activity showed up on my end.

Unsurprisingly… it didn't!

I say unsurprisingly because I was at a place that has a public wifi which could have easily made hackers do what they did.

And anyone that's been reading my blog knows I've mentioned hacking as a gangstalking tactic that has been used on me before.

I looked at the characters from a distance & held them farther away from my eyes to see if I could determine a pattern. Basically, it looked like a sad face with a nose & bug eyes if you turn it to the side.

Or the 8 in the top corner could be a pair of glasses when placed on top of the other characters. (I DO wear glasses). Or it could mean something sexual or violent or just truly bizarre, I don't know. πŸ’

Feel free to interpret it any way you want. I honestly have no idea. I almost wish there was a comment section on this blog so someone can throw some hints out there to help me.

Hmm, well thank you to whomever hacked into my calculator & did this. Now I know what you think of me. 😩

You didn't type a happy face or anything that would brighten my day, did you? 😁

Maybe an angel face? πŸ˜‡

Or a pretty face? πŸ‘Έ

Even a peace sign? ✌

Or even a heart? πŸ’—

A hug would've been nice to see. πŸ€—

But I guess you don't have that in you to give right now, do you?

Just another creepy gangstalking tactic to make a victim feel violated, harassed, intruded upon & not safe again. Electronic harassment at its finest. Another method to doubt your sanity, make you feel like someone is watching you, making you feel like you're going crazy.

Which, BTW, I'm not…

However, I did have another panic attack.

Thoughts kept running through my mind like should I buy another phone, how much will that cost me, holy sh*t – who did this to me, why does it seem to happen alot when I'm around the same place, who can I trust, was it someone near my locker, what time did it happen???

Etcetera, Etcetera, Etcetera!!!

So, most likely, that was the ultimate motive on their end. Sadistically watching someone be psychologically tortured or harassed & gaslighting someone to doubt themselves. Not promoting anything peaceful that would eventually make someone feel good about themselves.

(Sigh)... 😩

Panic attacks can slowly kill people, in case anyone never knew that. The repeated trauma to the heart & brain can eventually damage the body. Especially if it has been happening for years. The organs have been so overwhelmed with adrenaline or cortisol that they just tire out.

Kind of like the way I feel writing this now.

Just tired…


I'm so tired I didn't even feel like writing this.


(Yes, I just injected some much-needed humor there, at least. Glad you noticed).

Seriously, though, I thought to myself that if a gangstalking victim reads this, maybe I will have made them feel less alone. Maybe they are going through the same struggles I am. Maybe they needed a validation & a confirmation to themselves that they are not going nuts.

That maybe they REALLY are OK.

Because it's the gangstalkers who are actually the ones who are really nuts, NOT the victims! If you think about it, who really takes the time out of their day to INTENTIONALLY do that to someone? Like, who is literally going out of their own way to try & ruin someone else's day? PURPOSEFULLY, mind you, not accidentally.

Someone who is NUTS, that's who!!! 🌰

And I'm talking about the bad kind of nuts, not the good kind. The bad kind where someone gets paid to harass someone.

(Another sigh)... 😩

Excuse me for rambling but I needed to. I truly needed to rant. And if you read this, I appreciate your time.

But I needed to make this short & sweet & then just leave. Just go. Just rant & go.


Because I'm just tired, that's all.

Just really, really, really tired…


P.S. Whoever I helped by writing this, you are very welcome. Here is the hug you may have needed too, like me… πŸ€—πŸ’–πŸ€—