avery (sw)rites !

i have an upcoming tour to one major and one slightly smaller us city. and i am quite nervous, because it's coming up soon, and i have not a single pre-booking for either, and my prices are relatively high. lots of clients, especially in big cities where options for companions are vast, only book last minute, or day-of, which also makes me nervous, because i have no clients i've seen before in these cities. it feels like a big risk. every day i think about lowering my rates, to feel more accessible.

i guess part of touring in general is just sort of blithely striding forward into very un-sure things, and costly ones at that, between flights and air bnb's and extra polishing beforehand and oh yes advertising. a veteran provider told me that it's not worth it for her to not buy anything other than the most expensive advertising options, if she wants to make 'real money.'

my money goals are likely very different, and my goals in general. what i've heard, albeit from providers with more time in the ring than me, is that boosting your own prices reduces your clients but you can do just as well. that is inordinately appealing.

i think about the very real limitations of my extremely sensitive body, including how often i've gotten uti's and yeast infections from just my regular, occasional sexual encounters (and not the kind of experience some providers have on tour, like seeing seven clients a day!), and know that it's only a matter of time if i push my body too hard until it absolutely rejects the premise that that's something i can do. i also think about my introverted self running completely out of people juice, another real limitation to my abilities as a companion, and certainly why i do not really do overnights, although that's an experience for another post

oof, and then there's my assessment of the market, and my place in it. this is the part that makes me squirm in discomfort. there's the racist, ableist, fatphobic, cissexist and classist part of it, that puts me at a distinct advantage in the market, which is like a gross gift i do not want, and i try to engage with and offset. but, there is also the regular line among providers, about knowing our value and standing true in it (especially in the face of hagglers). it's certainly a means of empowerment, and i've found that when i'm in other, less lucrative, markets, like sugaring or camming, i resent the devaluing of my time.

of course, sometimes, money is money, and i take it regardless. but, right now, i'm shooting for my ideal, which is working little and making enough. i'm playing chicken, nervously considering lowering my rates, but trying to stay firm in not doing this, and building this as the life i want.