Journal #1: Endless Beginnings

Mother's Day

I'm not really someone that's fond of events nor remembers it. Yesterday was mother's day and I haven't prepared a thing for her. I don't know if it's my direct responsibility as for 28 years of living, I had no pressure about it. But I'm starting to think I have a part and have to do something about it.

Sad to say, it was kind of sad and uneventful. I didn't feel like she was appreciated. She isn't the best mom, but she did somethings well. Unfortunately, she's not improving her status and might be damaging it recently. Regardless, I still believe she needs to feel special on a day that was made to glorify her, even just a little bit.

Secluded Date with Friends of BF

I was supposed to go on a business meeting with one of the friends of my boyfriend, but it turned out to be life and heart to heart talks instead about sexuality, emotions and love. While it was kind of awkward that they weren't my direct companions, it felt good to connect to people outside of my comfort zone.

Three things struck me strongly in that conversation: * People do long for the companionship of their attracted gender that's purely platonic, for the possible affection and difference they bring * The Ladder/Bucket Theory – While men only see one ladder up, from friends to lovers, women can segregate their attraction in between platonic and romance. They can control themselves from moving one person to the other. * It is not right in any way to find “friends” in a dating application. * Some people treat Mother's day as glorified while I'm passing it just like any other day. This friend I met up with took a lot of time to buy last minute gifts and prepare reservations just so that her mom would feel the love abound. * Nothing is permanent – She was at a point that she can tell herself while she was with her ex “He's the one” and yet they broke up. It felt painful to hear, I can only imagine how it felt. To me, what's scary is, I think I've found myself in that position to. I'd like to think he's the one as well.

Application for Goals

In the age of technology it's a wonder why people don't abuse it as much. There's not much idea that hasn't been executed, published or has been made. Last night, I decided to keep my goals to my face rather than the back of my brain: what better way to do that than keep it in my phone? So, I installed an application called, to help me keep in check. So far, I'm happy with it's features: * People huddled into the same goals as a group * A community that struggles together * Checklist for progress each day or on assigned intervals

This is day 1 with this app, I really hope this is a progress regarding my dreams and aspirations coming true.

Waking up well with 4 Hours

I never thought of waking up with 4 hours of sleep as I am usually comfortable with 9 hours as my daily routine. But here I am, functioning with 4 hours and 30 minutes of sleep plus a 15 minute nap and I feel wonderful and productive.

I made this choice to extend my productivity. Waking up at 10am to 12pm feels like everything's in a rush and you have no time for yourself: Like a leaf getting dragged in raging rivers, or a car with stuck acceleration pedal in a high way full of cars.

Today, I felt the beauty of pacing, I felt space, time and availability. One of the most limited resource in this world is time and we seem to be obsessed with speed but I tell you, taking it slow, enjoy the moment and making sure you're aware of the present is far better than throwing your most precious commodity because people are ravaging for it is one of the worst expense you will take.