Calvin Diaries

You know, I had an amazing start: All the motivation and ability to wake up, discipline and keep up with my proposed improvements but as time passed, my conviction to stick to it diminishes. I don't remember if I wrote my why on my first diary, but I guess I'll write it now again:

Waking up Early

While it does feel horrible to wake up late, it's amazing to do so because of all the self-help you can do. Journal, meditation and reading, the remaining time before work or stressful activities is amazing because of the moment it can provide you for a momentum of productivity.

Read a Book

Though I'm into Audiobooks, there are some books that don't have it's audio counterpart. That aside from the fact that I'm reading a local book that I don't believe will have an Audible record any time soon.

My brother also tells me that by reading it with your mouth as well, you improve your ability to be fluent in speech which helps with my next endeavor of being a public speaker.

Reading the Bible

Yeah, it's controversial. My lifestyle doesn't exactly glorify the religion but I still do believe in all it's core messages. Coming from a history of atheism and agnosticism, I have no doubt that it is THE book of life, and I will continue reading it and believing in it's philosophies till the day I die.

Meditation

I've come to believe the ability of being mindful helps a lot. Both in the aspect of mental health, capacity and ability to think right. It's 15 minutes of your life that will affect the rest of the day, on the few times I'm able to, I accomplish a lot. So, while sometimes I degrade it's importance on a fast paced world, the act of doing nothing for extended minutes clears my engine to perform optimally.

Abstinence

The thing about habitual masturbation is two things: * It loses it's pleasure overtime and becomes a need more than a want * You become more selfish into thinking you're more important than others I want to be free of these two shackles, both don't feel well overtime and heck it affects my relationship with others. The goal is to be self-less overtime and to be more disciplined about my life. Life shouldn't be about what my body wants for myself but unlocking my capacity and using it for others.

Besides, it is one of the greatest pat on the back regarding self-discipline.

Prayer on Mornings and Evenings

You know, regardless of your faith saying your wishes and goals helps you achieve it. More so, is when you believe they will be answered by someone who seeks out the best for you.

The thing about the God of the Bible is that even though he knows what you want and need, he likes to hear it as well. I never understood this at first as a kid, but now that I'm in a relationship, I get it. It takes a different kind of active effort to say what you think they know and make them know about it rather than just hope they would get a clue. It takes a different amount of trust to lift it up than to just hope and excuse it's because you didn't ask for it.

Communication is two way, to read the Bible is to inherit the message, to pray is to send a message. I've always just inherited the message without having any idea what it's for. I'm really hoping this can change that.

Podcast Reimagined

I honestly still haven't decided if it will be humor or of serious topic but I believe in podcast as a way to inherit knowledge. It's one of my go-to and what works for me. Problem is I don't have the edge to work on it.

But I still plan to pursue it, regardless of success or numbers. I will work on it and achieve it this year.

——– Reminder Ends Here ——-

Love and Adventure:

I'm going to a financial seminar this Saturday and I was hoping to meet a friend over at the city where the event is taking place for a “unique experience”, I'm not usually for it but I was stoked about it. Unfortunately it wouldn't push through since he's leaving the country by then.

It strangely occurred to me that this time, I wanted it. I usually won't but this time I had that adrenaline over it. I'm not taking this as a good sign of where I am standing as this isn't a compliment to my status or character in a respect that I prefer.

Yesterday I gave my bf a snack since I was near his office, lent him some of my care products and yet, I didn't get a kiss to end the night. I know I shouldn't expect but it was really sad for me considering it wasn't a usual day. I would consider it excused if it was just any other schedule but on those days I've made an effort, I really hope he would appreciate it with a kiss out of the abundance of his heart, to return the very least.

That moment pierced me a little, and the worst thing is, I'm sure he wouldn't realize it.

It's not the most obvious slope, but I'm sensing a gradient downhill moving forward.