champagnekiss

“Sawamura gue mau pergi, lu jangan berantakin kamar”

Ucap Kuramochi melihat layar ponselnya sebelum berdiri tegap dan memindahkan pandangannya dari Eijun ke Miyuki yang duduk diseberangnya tadi di lantai lalu ke Masuko.

“Masuko senpai nanti gue beliin pudding, tolong usir Miyuki habis gue pergi”

“Uga!”

Masuko mengangkat jempolnya, setuju untuk mengusir Miyuki keluar yang di respon dengan protes “Eh?!” dari pihak yang akan diusir.

“Kuramochi senpai mau kemana sih?! Sudah berapa kali keluar malam-malam!”

Tanya Eijun dengan lantang yang tentu saja akan dibalas Miyuki. Namun sayangnya tentu saja Kuramochi tidak akan membiarkan kalimat itu lolos dari mulut Miyuki semudah itu.

“Dia kan mau jemput-“

“Miyuki”

Kuramochi yang sedang meraih ganggang pintu, menatap Miyuki dengan intens ala-ala berandalan, memberikan pesan ‘lo bocorin, lo mati besok’ membuat Miyuki bergidik ngeri dan diam di tempat.

“Yaudah, gue pergi dulu, dah.”

Ucap Kuramochi melihat ketiga orang di kamarnya tersebut sebelum keluar dan menutup pintu kamar nomor 5 di asrama Seido. Meninggalkan bisik-bisik dari Eijun yang memaksa Miyuki untuk memberi tahu rahasianya. Kuramochi janji, nyawa Eijun tidak akan selamat malam ini.

Sesampainya di tempat kerja kelompok si gadis yang dijemputnya dan ditaksirnya beberapa waktu ini, Oki, Kuramochi langsung menghampirinya dengan ajakan “Ayo pulang” dan balasan “Oke” perjalanan mereka menuju rumah si gadis di mulai.

Kuramochi tidak tahu sejak kapan pastinya dari ‘gue nemenin lo di telpon sampai lo pulang’ berubah menjadi ‘gue anterin lo pulang ke rumah’. Tidak bisa dipungkiri kalau dia memang tertarik semenjak mereka sekelas bersama saat mereka kelas satu dan kedekatan mereka yang bertambah seiring berjalannya waktu, ditambah mereka sekelas lagi bersama saat kelas dua. Kalau tidak salah ini dimulai dari kerja kelompok berdua perdana mereka di bulan September tahun lalu dan sekarang sudah Mei pada tahun kedua mereka di Seido.

Kuramochi bukannya tidak sadar akan apa yang ia lakukan sekarang, memang dari dulu juga dia tidak pernah berusaha keras menutupi kedekatan mereka walau ya dulu kamuflasenya mau jadi teman akrab, makanya ditemenin telponan tuh tiap malam. Tapi kalau begitu, bukannya dengan dirinya mengantar pulang sama saja dengan dirinya menyatakan cinta secara tidak langsung?

Apalagi Kuramochi bukanlah laki-laki yang pandai berkata-kata, ia lebih menunjukkan afeksinya lewat Tindakan, yah walau tidak romantis juga sih. Tolong jangan terlalu dikritisasi karena dia tidak pernah merasakan atau melakukan pendekatan dan hal semacam ini, yang agaknya sulit dipercaya karena dia adalah mantan berandalan. (uhuk, tukang gebuk anak pejabat).

Kuramochi mau perasaanya tersalurkan lewat aksinya, namun dia juga tahu ada beberapa momen dimana dibutuhkan kata-kata agar hubungan ini dapat maju kedepan bukan diam di tempat seperti 8 bulan ini. Gagal atau tidak, dia harus mencoba bukan? Maka inilah usaha pertama Kuramochi dengan mematahkan suasana diam yang sebenanrnya nyaman di antara mereka berdua ini.

“Oki, lo mau gak nonton gue tanding besok?”

“Mau aja sih tapi besok sabtu”

Jawab Oki cengengesan karena sejujurnya hierarki tertinggi dipegang oleh aktivitas tidur bukannya nontonin cowok yang ga jadi-jadi pacarnya ini.

“Berkorban dikitlah demi gue, tar gue traktir kalo kita menang”

Dalam hati sih ‘tolong sadari usaha gue kelihatan keren di mata lo, please’. Tapi memang tidak bisa bisa bohong, Kuramochi tahu dan sadar diri dia sudah tidak ada keren-kerennya di mata gadis disampingnya. Kuramochi akan menyalahkan ini ke banyaknya interaksi dia di kelas dengan Miyuki, habisnya ga punya teman lain sih soalnya ansos.

“Misalnya nih gue datang, terus lo biarin gue cengo gitu di lautan anak brass band dan cheer?”

Tanya Oki lagi seakan-akan dirinya tidak mau datang, padahal kalau jujur juga yakali gak datang kalau gebetan yang ngundang secara pribadi walau harus terisolasi di lautan terompet dan baju cheerleader.

“Bareng Tata? Dia pasti ngerekam Tetsu san”

Balas Kuramochi lagi harap-harap cemas gebetannya mau datang gak ya. Yang Kuramochi tidak tahu sebenarnya mereka berdua sudah janjian mau nonton pertandingan besok, tapi Kuramochi tidak perlu tahu hal ini.

“Agak malu gue jujur sama dia, anaknya freak soal pacarnya iya gak sih?”

“Kyaha! Teman dekat lo sendiri tuh”

Dan sebenarnya mereka sekelas berempat dengan Miyuki, ini kesannya lagi ghibah tapi apadaya fakta di lapangan nama gadis yang mereka sebut sampai hari ini masih teriak-teriak melihat si pacar di batter box, kayak lo ga bosen ya udah puluhan pertandingan yang lo datangin tapi masih aja gini??? Gws.

“Eh, anaknya ngaku sendiri sih jadi gapapa, bisa gitu ya kasmarannya ga selesai-selesai”

Lanjut Oki yang sudah terbiasa juga melihat tingkah laku teman mereka ini, tiap hari ngebucin tanpa henti.

“Kyaha!”

Kuramochi sih maunya nanya ‘nanti lo juga gitu gak waktu kita pacaran?’ Cuma apa daya gengsinya hanya bisa mengeluarkan tawa khasnya. Beberapa percakapan dimulai dan berlalu dengan suasana ringan dan penuh tawa, tidak terasa mereka sudah di depan rumah si gadis.

“Makasih Mochiiii udah mau nganterin, dadah”

Baru saja Oki mau memasuki rumahnya namun panggilan dari Kuramochi membuatnya berbalik kembali.

“Ki, lo mau ga-“

Namun tiba-tiba Kuramochi berhenti, lidahnya kelu tidak bisa mengucapkan kata-kata yang akan menjadi penentu hubungan mereka kedepannya. Melihat si gadis masih menunggu untuk dirinya melanjutkan kalimatnya malah membuat Kuramochi semakin gugup dan menarik kata-katanya.

“Ah gapapa, awas lu gaada besok habis tanding. Kyaha!”

Kuramochi tahu lebih baik dari siapapun di situasi seperti ini dia masih menjadi pecundang yang tidak berani mengungkapkan perasaanya, dimana bravado yang dia miliki sewaktu masih berkeliaran menjadi berandalan? Tapi ini bukan berarti dia menyerah, masih ada hari esok, sekarang Kuramochi hanya berharap dia tidak akan menjadi pengecut di keesokan hari seraya langkahnya melaju pergi menjauh dari kediaman milik si gadis.

Omake:

Kuramochi dengan hati galau akhirnya kembali ke kamar nomor 5 di asrama Seido.

“Gue balik, nih Masuko senpai pudding yang gue janjiin”

Ucap Kuramochi memberikan tentengan kantung plastic berisi pudding di tangannya, tapi Masuko tidak bereaksi, masih diam begitu saja dengan Eijun tumben sekali dia tidak bertanya-tanya dirinya habis dari mana saja. Tapi ya sudahlah, begini lebih baik piker Kuramochi yang mau langsung tidur ke ranjangnya namun sebelum dia sempat naik ke tangga, Eijun dan Masuko menumpuknya ke lantai dan bajunya jadi basah, mereka sedang menangis???

“Kuramochi senpai ditolak ya, itu mungkin karena tampang senpai kaya berandalan! Nanti gue kasih email Wakana deh!!!”

Seru Eijun bersungut-sungut yang langsung di sahut Masuko sebelum Kuramochi sempat berbicara.

“Uga! Kuramochi saja yang makan puddingnya”

Kuramochi yang ditindih sempat bingung beberapa saat, sebelum akhirnya sadar ini perbuatan siapa lagi kalau bukan si titisan setan yang jatuh ke bumi bernama Miyuki Kazuya.

“Si bangsat!! Lihat besok gue bunuh dia habis pertandingan! Dan siapa bilang gue ditolak? Sawamura lepasin gue atau lo juga ikut gue bantai besok!”

Teriak Kuramochi menggelegar, masih belum bisa lepas dari timpukan Masuko dan Eijun. Namun bukannya di gubris, mereka malah ditimpuk semakin erat dengan bisikan dari Eijun ke Masuko “Kayanya Kuramochi senpai masih denial” dan “Uga! Tidak boleh dibiarkan sendirian” dari Masuko, mereka sadar tidak sih kalau Kuramochi bisa mendengar mereka dengan jelas?

“Udah gue bilang, gue gak ditolak!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Line Without a Hook

“Honestly... what are we Kazuya?”

The line was stinging but Mei's delivery was light-hearted with coyness. Who knew what he meant? Certainly not the boy with glasses who sat beside him.

“I don't know Mei, I guess we are what we are”

Kazuya answered him with his usual tone. Upon hearing it, Mei just chuckled before going into full-blown roaring laughter. Kazuya was right, there wasn't a single word that fits in this world to define both of them.

Their schools were rivals that's for sure, but were they friends? They were as if friends kissed each other on the lips. So, rival with benefits? Maybe, but they didn't like the sound of that and for Kazuya, it wasn't quite fitting when he had feelings for the said blonde guy beside him.

“Hey, Kazuya there isn't anyone right now, you don't need to be that far you know”

Mei might be reaching his hands right now, but he wouldn't care if he didn't reciprocate it. Sure, Mei would throw a tantrum for a bit but Miyuki Kazuya knew damn well in the end it wouldn't matter.

After all, if Mei loved him why did he only hold his hands when no one is around? Still, Kazuya held his hands, gripping them tight, not wanting to let them go even if his position would only be a line without a hook in Mei's life.

But was that the case? At least it wasn't clear from Mei's point of view. One thing you should know about pitchers, all of them were the same with ego and pride as high as the sky. Mei's ego was saying to not care and he would straight up kiss Kazuya in the public.

But when you fell for someone, love conquers all, including your ego. He didn't want to be a burden to Kazuya, what would Kazuya's team say about their captain kissing their biggest rival? He didn't want to add unnecessary problems to his life.

Then again, you have to remember that the sky is the limit as far as an ace's pride could go. Mei wanted to show their relationship to the public, but there was no way in hell he would say it first. He wanted Kazuya to bend his words and kissed him without caring about someone seeing them.

Mei wanted Kazuya to confirm by himself that Mei wasn't a burden in his life, that he was worth the trouble for him. Mei was attractive and had a lot of fans and he prided himself on that. Yet to the person who mattered the most, he was only a line without a hook.

Would their status ever change? Kazuya didn't know that as he reached Mei's face inching for a kiss. Mei knew he entered one of his worst nightmares. Therefore he would stop at nothing to hook that bait right into his heart, as his lips pressed against Kazuya on this corner of the stadium no one ever came to.

It was devastating, the loss of Seido against Inashiro. He did his best, Tetsu always gave his all. He wasn't lacking anything, either in his capabilities of being as a captain or as a cleanup. Yet they lost to Inashiro, again. Why did luck never side with them? He broke down on the bus, crying in silence, and everything went downhill from there, no one touched the food for celebratory, the mood was ruined.

So he called her late in the night toward his house, he couldn't bring himself to go home right now. He went back and told her to meet him up at the Seido's practice field. She came, of course, she did. This was the moment his boyfriend needed her the most, she felt guilty too if only he didn't have to take care of her. But she was selfish because she couldn't let him go too.

She said that they did her best when they just went out of the match with tears running down her face, she felt frustrated too. She knew the best how much, how hard her boyfriend worked for it, yet luck never sided with them.

“Tetsu,” She said approaching him, he immediately went after her and buried his face in her nape, she wrapped her arms around him making him feel safe, shielding him away from the world at this moment. “I'm here, I'm sorry too” He continued to let his sobs and wails out, she was his haven the place he could let loose and be himself at this moment, the person he could be equal and not a captain. He let out his frustration, even if her clothes get soaked she didn't care if that could help Tetsu get better, she would do anything.

“You did your best, I know Tetsu, I know... I'm sorry too I couldn't give you so much more” She kept repeating those words but really what could she say in this situation after all?

“Why, why?” Those words went out of his mouth on repeat, why God didn't validate his hard work? Was it not enough? Did he lack something? Their head was full of what-ifs but the reality was they lost, Seido lost against Inashiro and there was nothing they could do.

“You were amazing Tetsu, you should know that and I will always be proud of you okay? No matter what happened, you on that stage make me the proudest I have ever been”

Her fingers ran down and entangled himself in his hair in an attempt trying to calm him down, and he let her be because he felt it calming him too. “I love you Tetsu, you are and will always be the best for me okay? And I know the world will see it soon” She said again, hugging him tighter. Then lay the two of them in the silence for a moment in each other embrace.

“Thank you for coming Tata, I'm sorry for disturbing you,” Tetsu said mumbling his words softly in her embrace,

“What did you say? Did you disturb me? Never Tetsu, never and this was one of the things I should do as your girlfriend, most of all the thing I hated the most is to see you sad you know” She said continuing to ruffle his hair. Then Tetsu fixed his posture and brought her lips to meet his in a kiss. It was such a sweet and tender moment, ah he felt a little bit more peaceful though not completely over it it healed him a bit.

“I think it's time to go now, I don't want you to go home too late. Here let me walk you home” He said after they broke their kiss and gasped for air.

“Fine, but let me take you out to date tomorrow? You need to relax and unwind, after all, just let us have a day with nothing to worry about and if you ever want to kiss just hug me and we will go somewhere secluded”

In a moment like this he couldn't help but let a small chuckle left his lips. Because of how lucky he was to have her as his girlfriend who constantly worried for him and care for him. He loved her truly, and she didn't have to say it but he knew the feeling was mutual by the way their hand intertwined right now.

Bonus: Tetsu kissed Tata's forehead as a goodbye

nothing good starts in a getaway car

“I gotta get going”

She said but her actions were the opposite. She still laid on her back, his shirt hanging on her body, while her hands reached to grab a lighter to lit the cigarettes hanging on her lips.

“Since when did you start smoking?”

Kakucho sat beside her on his side of the bed, proudly displaying fresh bite marks scarring across his body.

“And what? Are you going to stop me?”

She asked a teasing smile adorned her face.

“It's not good for your health.”

His fingers tried to reach the cig, but her hand stopped him.

“You want to know why I started smoking? Because it reminds me of the garage's air, then why not just visit Seishu you ask? He just hits too close to home, he reminds me of everything he left and I betrayed.”

A puff of smoke came out of her mouth, while he still stared at her intensely, waiting for a continuation.

“And to add to that, smoking is an unladylike behavior, she wouldn't do it. Well, I admit that's just another reason for me to justify this newly added bad habit.”

She chuckled lightly, but her eyes didn't shine. She still loved Draken, she still longed for him. Every time Kakucho touched her, she pretended it was his touches instead, but when she inhaled his scent, she knew it wasn't him.

In the end, Kakucho was just a mere pretend, although he was an unlikely replacement for him, that was another reason why she picked him.

Maybe she couldn't get over Ken for the rest of her life, but she wanted to try, she desperately wanted to. She didn't want to feel like she had to share anyone anymore, she had enough of it when Emma was there, and then she died, adding salt to the wound.

She always felt like Ken couldn't get over his first love the entire time they were together, even if they were each other firsts in everything, even if Ken said he only loved her now back then, but she always had this doubt in the back of her mind.

She couldn't be any different than Emma, in fact, Emma was her opposite, either in manners of speaking or how they operated every day.

Emma was nurturing, she was not. Emma was nice to everybody, she had her sarcastic mouth to be her defense mechanism. Emma wanted to settle down, she only changed her mind because of Ken.

What if this entire time she was just a way for Draken to pass his time and eventually he would settle for Emma. But then she died, ruining his plans? She hated being the loser, she loathed feeling like she was number two.

The night Emma died, they broke up for the first time, she broke it off, thinking that was the end. But then they got back together, then the on and off cycle went for years.

Then during that on and off situation, she found Kakucho, who became hers the time she and Draken broke up and then tossed away when they got back together.

The cycle was playing like that on repeat, she knew it wasn't healthy, but in her own twisted way, she felt like she was finally the winner in their sick little game. And it wasn't like she's cheating anyway, she fucked Kakucho when they broke up.

But it all changed the night he died, the night when she lost to Emma for the second time in a row. The night she realized that maybe it was okay if Emma hold his heart, but the fact that he was still there with her trumped it all. Now what? Not only his heart, but he also got her up there with him. This joke the universe played on her wasn't funny at all.

She got lost in her own thoughts while Kakucho still had his unmoving gaze on her. His face didn't change at all but like his body, she knew how his heart worked all the same.

“Don't look at me like that, you know that in the first place you were just a getaway car. The same way you made me be yours too. You replaced Draken and I replaced Izana. I need to love someone and you need to devote your life to someone, maybe this time in a different way. You devoted your entire life to Izana, and this time you devoted it all when we had sex and it's alright to admit it because I don't mind it all, Kaku.”

He knew she knew, this sham wasn't a mystery at all. Both of them were empty vessels to each other, vessels they tried to paint to be someone else in their mind.

That was true at the start, but what if Kakucho didn't want it to be that way anymore, though he knew she wouldn't allow him to think about that if she could prevent it.

“To answer your question before, yes I want to stop you because I have a better offer for you, Tata.”

His face started to inch closer to hers and all of the sudden his lips were already in front of her. He snatched the cigarette away, extinguished it with the palm of his hand, and this time she didn't stop it.

“Oh my, didn't I say I have to go now?”

She taunted him, but nevertheless, when his lips crashed against hers she didn't reject it. She let it consume her entire being.

Kakucho knew he couldn't replace Draken, but he could for a moment, making her his, forgetting that Draken ever existed on this earth. After all, a dead person couldn't come back alive, could they?

Break of day, the dawn is here and again another night comes to spend it in the office for Jean Gunnhildr. Varka wants to pass his title to Jean, meaning she will soon can appoint someone as acting grand master to lessen her never ending work load since as grandmaster she will have to attend foreign appointments, meaning she will be in and out of Mondstat very often. How can she be separated from Mondstat for that long?

She doesn't want to be like Varka, always off to somewhere. But taking the role as Grandmaster is a logical decision, since it is the next step of her career after all. But one side of her is scared, what if she can't make her marks as a grandmaster in the future?

Jean is not one to hide, but in this moment she wants to be shielded away from the world. Why there isn't a guide out there for things like this? Her mind is racing, Jean can't decide.

Jean wants a family, that much she knows about herself. Well not now, but someday in the future. Jean also knew that Kaeya wasn't one to want a family, but he changes and that's all on her. Jean knows Kaeya has been eyeing that cottage near the beach for them someday to settle down, when he is through with all of this.

Kaeya wants a life with her, she knows that, and the first step is to take that step and appoint someone as her replacement to try to live a little slower with the occasional 'escape' for foreign matters to another nation.

Kaeya definitely would love to accompany her anywhere, but the matter at hand is, is she ready for that yet? Can she tries to settle down and for once try not to drown in it like her paper works drowning her everyday? Jean gets a tough decision.

“Ambition eats right through you” The sentence that Kaeya said once and still until now it hasn't leave Jean's mind at all. What does she wants anyway? What is her ambition exactly? Jean questions herself everyday, but in the back of her mind, she knows what she wants. She wants her mark on the heart of Monstat people, she wants it recorded in history book, just like Venessa.

Which is why she is afraid of accepting the grandmaster role, she is afraid she doesn't have enough time for it when she becomes the grandmaster. She doesn't want to be acknowledge for her foreign accomplishment, she wants to be recognized for the things she does inside of Mondstat, she wants the people of Mondstat to recognize it but she doesn't know if she already done enough yet or not.

This is the exact reason why kaeya warned jean of, Kaeya knows it first hand how ambition can eat you right up. After all Khaerin'ah did fall from its glory for knowing too much. In the end, Kaeya was right ambition eats right through you.

Jean feels like she is backed against a wall. Should she bends her dream? Her dream which include her idealic version of Mondstat? She wishes she could but she still holds tight to it, her friends doesn't understand it but that's Jean.

She holds tight to the things she feels are true, the warm Mondstat like the one Venessa had. Her dreams are big, yet for a simple decision like does she want to be a grandmaster or not, she can't answer them.

And Jean knows it herself that she is a sucker for rule, so how can she soar in the hearts of Mondstat's people when she herself is nailed to the floor by rules? Should she let go of that foolish dream? Is it already the time for it?

But how does one know when is the time to let go of your foolish dream anyway? Should she compromise it or should she persevere? Jean doesn't know, she doesn't have a single clue about this. Jean can't decide.

Kaeya couldn't open up to anyone, well until Jean came along. Kaeya doesn't know how she did that, but he knows that he will do anything for her. The question is how can he does that when Jean turns the volume down?

The answer to all of Jean's questions, at least for Kaeya is simple. She just needs to come to her senses. She just needs to realizes for her to soar she needs to marches through, battles didn't get won only by defenses.

She is an acting grandmaster, that much she should know about battle. But in the end Jean is the queen and Kaeya is her knight, if she wants him to play defense then so be it.

For Kaeya, Jean only needs to realize the fences she builds inside her mind aren't real, she needs to get out of it. But Jean hasn't come out of it, she is slowly changing in the direction Kaeya doesn't like.

Kaeya doesn't want their love to become disposable, but soon enough Kaeya could sees her started to replace illusion for care to him. He dread that, he hates it.

Can they just go back to the start back on their knight training day? Where there is only him and her, no one else beside them on that sunflower field. But all he could do right now is pray for Jean to come back to her senses.

Break of day, the dawn is here and again another night comes to spend it in the office for Jean Gunnhildr. Varka wants to pass his title to Jean, meaning she will soon can appoint someone as acting grand master to lessen her never ending work load since as grandmaster she will have to attend foreign appointments, meaning she will be in and out of Mondstat very often. How can she be separated from Mondstat for that long?

She doesn't want to be like Varka, always off to somewhere. But taking the role as Grandmaster is a logical decision, since it is the next step of her career after all. But one side of her is scared, what if she can't make her marks as a grandmaster in the future?

Jean is not one to hide, but in this moment she wants to be shielded away from the world. Why there isn't a guide out there for things like this? Her mind is racing, Jean can't decide.

Jean wants a family, that much she knows about herself. Well not now, but someday in the future. Jean also knew that Kaeya wasn't one to want a family, but he changes and that's all on her. Jean knows Kaeya has been eyeing that cottage near the beach for them someday to settle down, when he is through with all of this.

Kaeya wants a life with her, she knows that, and the first step is to take that step and appoint someone as her replacement to try to live a little slower with the occasional 'escape' for foreign matters to another nation.

Kaeya definitely would love to accompany her anywhere, but the matter at hand is, is she ready for that yet? Can she tries to settle down and for once try not to drown in it like her paper works drowning her everyday? Jean gets a tough decision.

“Ambition eats right through you” The sentence that Kaeya said once and still until now it hasn't leave Jean's mind at all. What does she wants anyway? What is her ambition exactly? Jean questions herself everyday, but in the back of her mind, she knows what she wants. She wants her mark on the heart of Monstat people, she wants it recorded in history book, just like Venessa.

Which is why she is afraid of accepting the grandmaster role, she is afraid she doesn't have enough time for it when she becomes the grandmaster. She doesn't want to be acknowledge for her foreign accomplishment, she wants to be recognized for the things she does inside of Mondstat, she wants the people of Mondstat to recognize it but she doesn't know if she already done enough yet or not.

This is the exact reason why kaeya warned jean of, Kaeya knows it first hand how ambition can eat you right up. After all Khaerin'ah did fall from its glory for knowing too much. In the end, Kaeya was right ambition eats right through you.

Jean feels like she is backed against a wall. Should she bends her dream? Her dream which include her idealic version of Mondstat? She wishes she could but she still holds tight to it, her friends doesn't understand it but that's Jean.

She holds tight to the things she feels are true, the warm Mondstat like the one Venessa had. Her dreams are big, yet for a simple decision like does she want to be a grandmaster or not, she can't answer them.

And Jean knows it herself that she is a sucker for rule, so how can she soar in the hearts of Mondstat's people when she herself is nailed to the floor by rules? Should she let go of that foolish dream? Is it already the time for it?

But how does one know when is the time to let go of your foolish dream anyway? Should she compromise it or should she persevere? Jean doesn't know, she doesn't have a single clue about this. Jean can't decide.

Break of day, the dawn is here and again another night comes to spend it in the office for Jean Gunnhildr. Varka wants to pass his title to Jean, meaning she will soon can appoint someone as acting grand master to lessen her never ending work load since as grandmaster she will have to attend foreign appointments, meaning she will be in and out of Mondstat very often. How can she be separated from Mondstat for that long?

She doesn't want to be like Varka, always off to somewhere. But taking the role as Grandmaster is a logical decision, since it is the next step of her career after all. But one side of her is scared, what if she can't make her marks as a grandmaster in the future?

Jean is not one to hide, but in this moment she wants to be shielded away from the world. Why there isn't a guide out there for things like this? Her mind is racing, Jean can't decide.

Jean wants a family, that much she knows about herself. Well not now, but someday in the future. Jean also knew that Kaeya wasn't one to want a family, but he changes and that's all on her. Jean knows Kaeya has been eyeing that cottage near the beach for them someday to settle down, when he is through with all of this.

Kaeya wants a life with her, she knows that, and the first step is to take that step and appoint someone as her replacement to try to live a little slower with the occasional 'escape' for foreign matters to another nation.

Kaeya definitely would love to accompany her anywhere, but the matter at hand is, is she ready for that yet? Can she tries to settle down and for once try not to drown in it like her paper works drowning her everyday? Jean gets a tough decision.

“Ambition eats right through you” The sentence that Kaeya said once and still until now it hasn't leave Jean's mind at all. What does she wants anyway? What is her ambition exactly? Jean questions herself everyday, but in the back of her mind, she knows what she wants. She wants her mark on the heart of Monstat people, she wants it recorded in history book, just like Venessa.

Which is why she is afraid of accepting the grandmaster role, she is afraid she doesn't have enough time for it when she becomes the grandmaster. She doesn't want to be acknowledge for her foreign accomplishment, she wants to be recognized for the things she does inside of Mondstat, she wants the people of Mondstat to recognize it but she doesn't know if she already done enough yet or not.

This is the exact reason why kaeya warned jean of, Kaeya knows it first hand how ambition can eat you right up. After all Khaerin'ah did fall from its glory for knowing too much. In the end, Kaeya was right ambition eats right through you.

Jean feels like she is backed against a wall. Should she bends her dream? Her dream which include her idealic version of Mondstat? She wishes she could but she still holds tight to it, her friends doesn't understand it but that's Jean.

She holds tight to the things she feels are true, the warm Mondstat like the one Venessa had. Her dreams are big, yet for a simple decision like does she want to be a grandmaster or not, she can't answer them.

And Jean knows it herself that she is a sucker for rule, so how can she soar in the hearts of Mondstat's people when she herself is nailed to the floor by rules? Should she let go of that foolish dream? Is it already the time for it?

But how does one know when is the time to let go of your foolish dream anyway? Should she compromise it or should she persevere? Jean doesn't know, she doesn't have a single clue about this. Jean can't decide.

“BENNET, BENNET!!!”

Teriak Fischl di lorong rumah sakit ala drama yang membuatnya di tegur oleh para dokter dan perawat yang berjaga. Padahal udah tau nomor kamarnya cuma anaknya dramatis aja sih.

Sesampai di kamar Bennet, Fischl langsung membuka pintu lebar-lebar membuat Bennet terkejut.

“Lho Icel?! Kan aku sudah bilang gausah datang...”

Ucap Bennet yang alih-alih mendapat balasan dari Fischl malah keningnya di tinju sedikit dengan bogem kasih sayang (tidak sakit kok) dari Fischl.

“Icel kok mukul akuuuu?”

Bennet langsung mengeluarkan puppy dog eyes nya yang membuat Fischl semakin sebal.

“Kamu ini kok mau jemput aku pagi-pagi gitu, pasti kecapean kan???! Makanya sampai ketindih motor sendiri di pom bensin!!”

Ngomel Fischl panjang lebar yang dibalas dengan cengiran Bennet.

“Kamu kan tahu kita pulang dari Mekdi jam 12 malam harusnya hari ini istirahat aja!”

“Tapi aku kan mau ketemu pacar aku :(”

“Besok ketemu aku juga bisa, gaada alasan ih!”

“Tapi kan Icel seminggu sudah diet demi aku, hari ini aku mau ngajak kulineran biar Icel sehat lagi!”

Skakmat, alasannya memang sedikit ngadi-ngadi namun Fischl itu paling lemah dengan alasan untuk kamu dari Bennet. Namanya anak muda, gampang tersentuh.

“Ya-yaudah lain kali jangan di ulang ya Bennet, kesehatan kamu nomor satu dulu!”

Ucap Fischl menoleh ke lain arah agar Bennet tidak melihat wajahnya yang merah padam.

“Iya Icel sayangggg, sekarang mana peluk aku? Daritadi belum di peluk lho”

Fischl pun pelan-pelan duduk di samping ranjang Bennet, memeluk laki-laki dengan kaki terkilir demi dirinya ini. Yah, menemani Bennet di rumah sakit tidak begitu buruk kok, pikir Fischl.

Asal jangan jadi kebiasaan deh, ini sudah terhitung kelima belas kalinya Bennet masuk rumah sakit dalam durasi hubungan mereka.

Barbara langsung bergegas turun ke lantai bawah, membukakan pintu untuk Razor. Tidak sopan bukan membuat tamu menunggu, APALAGI tamunya sudah menunggu selama satu jam lebih di depan pintu.

“Razor, halo! Sini masuk!”

Barbara langsung menyambut Razor dengan panik, pemuda di depannya hanya mengangguk dengan ucapan balik.

“Halo... juga, Barbara”

Masuklah kedua sejoli itu ke dalam rumah. Barbara masih berpakaian piyama untung saja dia sudah cuci muka dan sikat gigi sebelum mengatahui Razor ada di depan pintu rumahnya.

Sebenarnya Barbara masih malu dan tidak enak, namun dia harus tahu apa gerangan yang membawa Razor ke rumahnya di pagi hari ini.

“R-razor, ada apa ya kesini?”

“Kata Bennet, wajib mengajak pacar pergi kencan pertama kali keesokan harinya kalau bukan hari sekolah”

Ucap Razor dengan wajahnya yang berekspresi begitu-begitu saja. Mata Barbara langsung membelalak, bukannya kemarin Razor tidak mengerti?

“Lho jadi aku s-sama Razor pacaran nih?”

Tanya Barbara gelagapan.

“Kemarin Barbara bilang suka sama Razor... Eh, apa Razor salah tanggap...?”

Tanya Razor balik, ekspresi panik mulai muncul di wajahnya membuat Barbara ikutan panik juga.

“N-nggak begitu! Jadi Razor juga suka sama aku?”

Wajah Barbara langsung memerah saat sadar apa yang dia lontarkan dari bibirnya.

“Iya, suka”

Kali ini wajah Razor juga tersipu. Hening, awkward dan suasana tersipu-sipu orang baru pacaran menyelimuti mereka berdua beberapa menit. Sebelum Barbara akhirnya mematahkan keheningan itu

“Ya-yaudah aku naik ganti baju dulu biar cantik hehe!”

“Pakai baju ini saja, Barbara kan memang selalu cantik...”

Balas Razor kembali yang membut muka Barbara menjadi tomat rebus.

“RAZOR IH, YANG INI DIAJARIN SIAPA LAGI????????????????????!”

Teriaknya sebelum masuk ke kamarnya sendiri tidak mau mendengar jawaban Razor, bisa-bisa dirinya pingsan di tangga karena tidak kuat.

“Padahal memang cantik lho...?”

Gumam Razor kepada dirinya sendiri, bingung dengan respon Barbara kan memang dirinya cantik sekali bukan? Ya buat elu sih zor, kan lo bucin (2).