fitForConsumption
On Friday I left work early to donate books to the regional library. Then, I visited the Oakwood Cemetery in Raleigh. It was a sprawling necropolis and I only saw a quarter of it. There was a funeral procession that passed through. It was overcast and everything was a bit damp. I walked across a green bridge, painted to match the mossy headstones. I felt awkward taking photos at a certain point because I didn't want to capture any mourners, I left early and have to plan to return and photograph the rest of it later in the month. I was also pretty tired from all the walking, I don't think I'm completely healed from the illness I've been struggling with all month.
After the cemetery I visited The Optimist which is a coffee shop in Raleigh with lots of plants. I ordered an americano and two blueberry muffins because I had worked up an appetite walking around. I sat quietly and worked on my laptop, documenting some of the things that had happened recently and ruminating. Everyone at the cafe was working and seemed closed off, many wore headphones, others crowded close together to talk about things in hushed tones. It didn't seem like a very social place, at least not one for introducing yourself to new people.
I thought about visiting Tap Station in Apex and getting another massive pretzel or sitting at the bar and listening to people talk. But then I remembered I had not been to Hot Topic in many years and had discussed a visit with some folks online.
Earlier in the week I met with Ben and he suggested I plan dates in a way where even if the person stood me up or was a bad date, it would be something I wanted to do. I looked at him incredulously from behind my sunglasses and nodded, thanking him for the advice. I don't think he understands what dating is like in twenty twenty-four.
At least at the end of the night I can go home and look at myself in the mirror and say, I'm glad I called ahead and made reservations and paid sixty dollars a plate because I totally would have done this for myself.
Slay
Instead of watching the rest of Saltburn I dropped off my things and went to Southpoint Mall. While I was there I thought I saw someone I knew but they disappeared quickly, they were on the first floor and I was on the second which is where Hollister and Hot Topic are. It had been awhile since I felt like I was hooked and there was this one two combination that contributed to it and I'm still not over her. Because of the way things ended I feel like she could walk into my apartment at any time and we would continue where we left off with no hard feelings.
I entered on the Macy's side so I could get the full mall experience. I walked in past the shoes and some of the women's clothing, went up the stairs to where they had the kitchen knives and other things I have forgotten.
I walked past the Hot Topic slowly. In fact, I walked past all the places slowly. I looked inside and wondered at how things had been rearranged, how the merchandise has changed.
Then, I walked down to the food court, made a circuit in there so I could see everything, I approached the door to West Elm, not knowing what was inside.
I walked all the way down to the end of the mall and back noting the outdoor mall, the long walk to the AMC theater and the Barnes and Noble book store.
I went back to Hot Topic and went inside, looked at the shirts on the wall, there is a lot of stuff in there, it was kind of overwhelming. On my way out a woman in glasses and a Hellfire Club shirt from Stranger Things said hello, she smiled at me. I felt like she wanted to engage with me. But I walked away because I'm a coward.
I made another little circuit, I think I went down to the ground floor actually and walked all the way out and back. I was surprised there are furniture and workout bicycle stores in the mall, I wonder if they deliver and how much that costs.
When I went inside Hot Topic the third time she asked if she could help me find something, buttons and patches to put on a leather jacket?
These are all the buttons and patches I have.
She stood on the other side of the kiosk from me and I thanked her, then I rounded it and picked through until I had three of each.
I stood waiting to check out and more people came in. She approached and told me I could use the register on the other side.
There I was met with another employee who was very friendly. I asked what the story was with the shirts, so it went from music to anime?
She explained they group things together. The shirts behind me were the women's shirts, they had The Craft and Edward from Twilight laying on a bed of flowers.
There was the legends, which is like Rush and Metallica. Then there was one that had rap bands in it, Eazy-E.
She said that at one point they didn't have any alternative fashion and had something else instead. I forgot what that was because it was a terrible idea and I'm surprised they didn't bankrupt the company doing that because it wasn't anything that interested me. Maybe it was all just their Pop Culture section so, Marvel and Disney merchandise.
I ran into someone at Publix when I was getting pecans and vegetarian nuggets.
I continue to repeat the mistakes I have repeated my entire life. I don't introduce myself to people. I don't make an attempt to connect, to find some way to follow up and make some friends out of the random people I talk to throughout the day. And it is slowly killing me.