Too Many (+ 25th Post Check-in and End)
In the same vein as people who occasionally say “I have so many clothes in my closet, but I've got nothing to wear”, I have fallen into the pits of boredom yet I have so many sources to draw entertainment from.
To illustrate, I've amassed the following over a lifetime:
- 71 games on Steam most of which I bought off from sales and have never touched, downloaded, opened, etc.
- 2 gaming consoles; a Nintendo Switch solely for the purpose of playing ACNH and a modded GBA with 3 game cartridges
- 5 cookbooks
- 29 Mousebooks, 95% of which have never been cracked open from their plastic casing
- 40 books in my Filipino Book collection, which I admittedly hoarded on the last trip home
- 16 books I've bought from second-hand bookstores
- 2 library loans (one physical book and another an audiobook)
- 100+ articles saved on Pocket
- 162 Watch Later videos on Youtube
This is probably just a partial list of things that I can potentially do, yet most of the time I've just been sitting on my bed, listlessly scrolling through my phone. Now that I've actually written it all out, I feel both horrendous and disgusted with myself – all this self-talk of “owning less” and being “purposeful” is hypocritical if I own so many but not derive any pleasure and enjoyment from them.
What mindset or framework should I be looking at this current train of thought? The simple answer to my dilemma is to go through the list, but it's weird to admit that I have no motivation to do any of them. No desire to pick up a book. No inclination to cook. The fact that I'm writing this is the only indication that the embers inside my mind have been somewhat stoked, but just ever so slightly – it isn't enough for me to finish anything that I try to start.
It's a weird and petty dilemma for sure, one that I'll probably ponder on a few more days before finding something to occupy my mind again. I've never thought of myself as this person until now. Does it mean that I'm changing as a person and that the old things no longer hold my interest? Is there something else I'd rather occupy my time with? I might not know the answer now, but I'd love to understand where this feeling is stemming from, and how I can fix it for the better.
It hasn't escaped me that this is going to be my 25th post (not day) in the #100DaysToOffload and oh wow, I'm actually amazed that I've made it to this point! If I had followed instructions, this would have been Day 55, but as it is, life tends to just take its course and make a beautiful mess with personal plans.
I have been seriously considering it but I've made my decision and at this point going forward, I'll be dropping the challenge hashtag. No, I'm not going anywhere, of course, and I'll continue writing, but I just feel like the frequency of which I post is no longer motivated by the challenge itself, but more of an intrinsic need to write what I feel. It has always been the main goal of this space, and initially, I jumped on the challenge to jumpstart me back to the right path of writing. Right now, I just find it silly of me to be saying “post” instead of “day”, and this is the only way I can reconcile it in my head.
But I am absolutely thankful. Because W.a is set-up the way that it is, I have no clue if anyone is regularly reading this, but I've gotten the occasional message on my fnContact and that has truthfully warmed my heart. I've learned so much from reading other people's musings as well – so much so that I've been influenced to make changes with the way I interact with the internet. The pinnacle of my learning would be embodied in the fact that I now have Mastodon and use it! You guys are great – it is exactly the internet that I want to be in.
I'll still keep on reading and writing, and this is definitely not a goodbye. You guys know where to find me (if not, check out my About Me – it's all there), and I'll always keep an eye out on everyone else who joins the challenge.
Signing off now. See you guys on the next (highly irregular) post!