Elias

Yesterday evening, when I was lying in bed, I could suddenly remember my new self. It had lost all its presence while my old self had grown back almost to its old strength. I wasn't feeling all that good.

I don't like when people are involved in their work with their ego. Probably I am as well, but it's easier to see in other people.

Last night I had a super intense headache. I don't know exactly what the reason was but essentially I felt like I ended up in a dead end, both physically and mentally. I realized that I can't go further in this direction, that I had forgotten the direction I wanted to go.

It's fascinating how the mind seeks to balance everything. Over the past four months my income has consistently been a good bit higher than my expenses – taking into account that over the next four months it will be a good bit lower than my expenses this was very reasonable.

I feel like yesterday my old self was trying get back to control. More realistically I had just forgotten that when I'm not feeling well I can just meditate and find peace within instead of allowing old narratives to wind up on my feelings.

Getting back to work after a solid two week break is interesting. The feeling of frustration (because a software doesn't work as it's supposed to) seems to come up a lot earlier than it did only two weeks ago.

Yesterday I had a fascinating experience with fear. It was as if my subconscious mind had decided that after expanding my capacity to feel sadness and joy it was time to expand my capacity to feel fear. But how did I get there?

I know that there are different types of health, as well as different types of awareness (waking, dreaming and deep sleep) corresponding to our different bodies (gross, subtle and causal).

I also know that you have the best overview of all of your bodies and their health and that you can very well manage them without my help.