I cried while running this morning.

It is good to get that emotional release. It happened when I was listening to M83. If you’ve never listened to them before, you can think of their music as epic movie score shit. The crying was partly because of the emotional song “Outro”. The other part of the reason I was crying was because of how proud I was of myself. These past few days I have felt like a new person almost, or better yet—a better version of myself.

Not long after I was feeling proud as if I was in a movie scene, it began to rain. It didn’t bother me though—it was exciting! Some are turned off by rain, running or not. I love the rain. It’s funny how much we let the weather dictate our emotions. I might have said something to myself in the past like, “it’s raining, I’ll just run tomorrow.” Having an anchor in my mind makes it easier to know what I’m doing that day. It’s easier to know my goal and just do it.

It has been a while since I have actually pushed myself like this. I feel like I am slowly but surely becoming someone I can respect and hang my hat on. I’m not anywhere close at all yet, but the point is that I am trying. This is why I love the notion of personal development and growth so much. It feels like I always have something to come back to and use to my advantage. If something sucks in my life, I always have the opportunity to expand and better myself—whether that’s easy or difficult to do so.

Now, it’s not all about me at all. I don’t want it to be. When I am a better version of myself, I have more to give. I have more to share. More to write. More to create. Better thoughts. More empowering feels. I feel more connected to reality and the Universe. I feel more connected to my fellow humans. Or at least trying to be ;) As an introvert this isn’t exactly easy. But I do want to provide stronger social value—even if that is behind a keyboard.

Falling Asleep and Failing

As I type this now it is 12:37a. This means I have technically failed the 365-content creation portion. I could say that it is not past midnight in another timezone and not put the failure tag upon myself. I am not going to do that since I want to learn and discipline myself with time management. I am definitely waiting to long to write something and publish. I need to learn to focus more and not spend all day essentially. To clarify, I don’t mind spending long hours on pieces—just as long as I’m putting in the work and not procrastinating until it’s too late, I get tired, feel under the gun and run the risk of falling asleep. This happened for the last post too and just made it. Today, I didn’t. The good thing is this is a “soft launch” with the official start date being June 1. And I am still putting this out before I go to bed, so I can’t be mad at myself too much here—it’s just a minor setback.

Recalibrating and Becoming More Disciplined

This post starts out by saying “I cried while running this morning.” This morning is now yesterday morning. This is no good and bothers me. How can I become more disciplined? I can put “write article” on my to-do list with a hard deadline. I could have a time where I want to get them out. I can just start and finish earlier. I am being careful to not be too rigid here either, as I like to go with the flow of inspiration as well. I just need to learn to focus and become more structured. I am learning to do this. I can recalibrate as I become more disciplined.

The fact that I am a bit upset with myself is a good thing. This means that I care and don't want to let myself down. I don't want to let others down either. I want to prove to myself and others that if I say I'm gonna do something that I will.

Beating Yourself Up

We have a tendency to to be hard on ourselves when we fuck up. This only makes things worse. It's important to remember to be kind to yourself and not beat yourself up if you make a mistake. You're going to make mistakes. You're going to fuck up all throughout life. Setbacks are apart of life. Humans are resilient and we are great at dusting ourselves off and bouncing back. This just adds to your story.

Sometimes things get so stuff we want to give up. We may crawl in bed and get in the fetal position. We may want to cry ourselves to sleep hoping and wishing the problem would just go away. The key is not give up no matter how tough it gets. Be proud of your failures and battle wounds. Embrace the fact that you are only human. Learn from your mistakes and do better next time. Grow from the experience.

Tomorrow is a New Day

I am excited that tomorrow is a new day. It is a chance to try again. It is a do-over. It is a an opportunity to progress. How can we help others? What more can we do? I am looking forward to seeing what we can accomplish tomorrow. I am excited to keep going and create more a pure, honest place. Tomorrow may never come, so live for today.