Haircut economics. 4060 -2000 -8000 = -5940
The amount I'd need to take out of my tax savings... blehhhh.
Haircut economics. 4060 -2000 -8000 = -5940
The amount I'd need to take out of my tax savings... blehhhh.
Stayed up really late with modafinil last night. 3am. Fuck...
But screw it. Took another cap. Time to go workout under modafinil influence. Will drink a bit of water before popping off.
I forgot about the modafinil headaches... and unfortunately, I think they'll only get worse the older I get. But perhaps I can get used to them with a couple days of taking it.
I just massaged the back of my head which seemed to help a lot. Still have this feeling of pressure at the front of my head though.
I am tempted to buy Ritalin, just because I expect it to reduce the headaches. But I would be too afraid of side effects in that case.
Maybe on modafinil days I shouldn't drink coffee? Or perhaps I should, just in case the headache is coming on from the lack of coffee?
Whatever – drink water, keep working.
Aside: I got invited to apply for a job at my country's embassy in Brazil. Screw it! I'll go ahead and apply. I am not a fit in all respects, but I speak Portuguese!
First time doing modafinil in ages – over a year, I believe.
It's 11:15am so not ideal timing. I may be awake until midnight plus. But fuck it, it's “only” 100mg, so it shouldn't be too potent.
It's a thick round pill. No option to break into halves. Good, I always misplaced / took too much of the breakable ones anyway.
It's Libbs – the same brand my wife bought for her anti-anxiety Reconter. Speaking of which, she had to buy 3 bottles at once when she was still weaning off Reconter – and she only ended up using 1.5 bottles. So there's a whole unused and now expired bottle sitting on the shelf... R$180 down the drain. Damn.
I have been bending my no-sugar rule recently to allow in apple-cider-vinegar and honey drinks. I figure it's way more excusable and probably a much better form of sugar than I'd otherwise have. Still, it's important to stay vigilant.
I have just a little more time to organise my day before Modafinil kicks in and I'm in execution mode.
Credit card: Unblocked. Limit now 10k, positive balance 285. Picpay 12855. Mercado 500. Wise at last resort 356 NZD + 65 EUR.
I need about 20.250 in Picpay for taxes (940+940+940+265+940) at the end of the month. I want to live large in Rio, SP, and BH. I have some dentist bills and should visit dermatologist – a good one, not an insurance one.
So let's do the math... Credit card bill paid. Tax -20250+12855 = -7395 to make up. -3780 rent and utilities. -1750 dental resins -600 permanent dental plate -500 dental consults -1500 B's teeth glue-in -1000 dermatologist consult and meds (estimate) +20k salary after exchange fees (assuming 2% loss) +285 +500 =4260 safe to spend.
Not tonnes but it's alright. Guess that means I need to scale down my credit card then? Or, only put in about 2k to make up my tax savings, and cover the 5k the following month.
Speaking of following months... it'll then be June. I want to quit my job at the end of June and move to Goiania. So that will be tricky to balance. Well, at least I know that whatever tax I need to pay, I'll be able to take out the company.
Ok I think I feel modafinil coming on. It's 35 mins in so it makes sense. Remember to drink a lot of water...
About to do a call with a guy from sFOX. I don't see any immediate way we can collab but I might as well be open minded. A bit hard with modafinil. Lol.
Afterward L has asked me to send him what I have on the WhatsApp bot pitch. Sike, I haven't made anything aside from a bunch of scribbles. But it should be easy to make. I'll just download the slides and pop in what I think would be useful.
Then I will get down to business – coding up the finance database importer.
I do not enjoy being back in my crappy office chair. The supports are bad. I also don't enjoy having a wired keyboard that takes up both of the USB slots on my computer.
I have a “new” computer, a Thinkpad T480, but I still need to format it and replace Windows with Linux (and deal with all the potential fuckups that may come with that...)
Maybe I should just accept Windows. Start using it as a programming machine. Meh fuck that.
I don't want to add my contacts to a contact system. So why do I have them? Why did I build this system?
Eh it's just laziness. I will add the business cards now at the very least.
Day 2 of ritalin.
Yesterday was awesome. I got on a roll with programming. Created Excel bank statement import. Historical price checker.
Today I need to make a tax report then I will get back to programming.
Will use BrainFM too.
Taking ritalin for the first time.
Sorry for the leave of absence! I was travelling for the last month and barely used my computer, and was writing anonymously via my phone only.
My friend from Goiania gave me some Ritalin. 2 caps. I am trying the first one. From what I can see, Ritalin lasts up to 8 hours, but a lot of people need a bit in the morning, a bit at lunch, a bit in the afternoon. So let's see how I go.
I also ordered some Modafinil (called Stavigile in Brazil) from a pharmacist in Rio using bitcoin. Through the official Brazilian SEDEX post. If it works... ahhh how I love Brazil.
There's an old guy at this coworking who trades bitcoin. Would be nice to get to know him but I'm afraid my love/hate relationship with crypto would make me come across as a downer.
Anyway. It's important to prepare for Ritalin's rapid onset and use it for good. Way too easy to get stuck in on reddit or the like.
I think I might be feeling it's effects already... is that possible? Just placebo? Surely just placebo, it's been only 10 minutes.
I am a little anxious about the effects and getting addicted. But hey I quit porn and gambling, I am sure I can quit Ritalin if I start it.
Before all other things it is important to think first.
What is truly important to get done?
Delivering the IN1888 report would be smart. But, I have a mind that will be useful for programming today. So why don't I focus on getting that done, and using the data it exports to submit IN1888 for this month?
Yes. Better idea.
Ok. Time to go. Time to blast off. Visual Studio open... open. Finance Exports open... open. Ah I forgot about a 2 minute task, exporting the bank data. Will send that quickly just now.
Whoosh – that took longer than expected. But done now. Nice.
The Ritalin should have definitely hit by now. I would like to listen to music but I don't have it. Ah well.
I should look through my tasks. Yeah literally nothing critical. Time sensitive: reach out to people for Rio trip. But even that is pretty meh.
I think the power has hit. Ok I got all the sheets now. Time to figure out how to replace them...
I need to start a new programming project I think.
I am so bored at my current job.
Solo travel is really good. I don't think I can ever have a relationship without it. I need time to be alone, be with myself, have the freedom to act how I want. And no I don't mean that I want to cheat or flirt or whatever. I mean being a stranger in a new place, with no one who currently knows me setting an expectation for the type of person I am or should be.
B loves Denmark. That is good and bad. She wants to immigrate there and get a job. I could probably help with that process if I also got a job there. Probably easier for someone from my country than from Brazil.
But I am wary of the effect that immigrating will bring. I will be entirely away from home if I am there. It will be cold. Expensive. And I liked the culture, but I didn't feel home last time I went there.
I would miss Brazil. And there are some things that B hates about Brazil that I love. For example the preoccupation women have with looking good and being feminine. As a man it's great! And sure you can say it's oppressive and I should be willing to give that up, but should I really? It makes me feel good to see so many beautiful women on a day to day basis.
Then again there are a lot of beautiful women in Denmark to so...
Lol. Imagine choosing the country to immigrate to based on the women when you are already in a relationship.
The things that you do and don't do are far more important than you think.
Maybe I need to fully embrace and dive into rape.
It's always chased me.
I need to embrace it. Stop hiding from my own times being assaulted.
And no the way you embrace rape is not by becoming a rapist. Nor by being raped. Although I would say if you had to choose between the two, it would be the latter.
It's by fully exploring it...
Surrendering to more dangerous types of sex. Trying to find that exact balance between ravishment and rape. Trying to truly find where ravishment turns into rape.
And talking and writing and rewriting over and over about what rape is and what rape with consent is.
I think it's also worth investigating my own capacity for rape. Fully feeling and becoming it, without ever raping anyone. Have the capacity then never use.