Forgot that the planning call is in the afternoon on Mondays. A whole day ahead of me.
Write write write. What to write about? What to think about? Before facing the day. Before facing the day I will...
Stretch – done.
Drink water – doing.
Listen to some music – is it really necessary? No, it's not. In fact it's a tad distracting.
I am worried about my wife looking over my shoulder to see what I'm writing. It doesn't feel good to be watched. It's a feeling that I'm going to be critiqued, laughed at, misinterpreted. That I won't get time to come up with a proper defense.
But why should I feel that way with my wife? Of all people, she should be able to assume the best of me. She lives with me and decided to be my partner. If she secretly is out to get me, then that's on her – she decided to marry a guy she doesn't respect and wants to see embarrassed.
Water is good.
Coffee is good too. I bought a shitton of decaf recently because it was on sale, 30% off. At ~11 USD a bag usually (which is easily double normal coffee prices, RIP poor people's efforts to become less addicted), for 5 bags, that's a total of $16 saved – over a whole bag free. And closer to the normal coffee price.
I feel a bit meh today because I seem to have an ear infection flareup. First it was on the right side, but that went away, but now seemingly I've got it on the left side and it doesn't seem to be getting better. But thanks to the antibiotics that I'm taking, leftover ear drops from last infection, and fresh air, I think I'm going to be fine. Maybe a workout today will give me a little immune system ramp-up.
Speaking of antibiotics – I'm finally on good acne treatment. Higher quality facial soap, a creme to put on at night, and antibiotics. My face is getting itchy, but I think that's because the acne deep under my skin is dying and the skin is adapting. I ran out of facial sunscreen so I ended up using CeraVe hydrating facial lotion which seems to work just as good if not better. Seemingly all these lifestyle changes were good but just not as effective as some medicine. I am glad I quit alcohol and sugar – they seem to have reduced my blackheads and whiteheads significantly. Just not cystic acne.
My teeth are getting whiter too. My gel is lasting longer than I expected so I think I will spend an extra week in C, so that I can use all of it. I hope my temporary bruxism plate doesn't break.
Someone reading this might wonder why I am publishing private thoughts in a journal-like format publicly. I think it's because I know I'm just going to delete it if I store it in text files on my computer. Plus the experience of writing here is nicer. And I guess I can access it anytime by going to tiny.write.as/gringo. Potentially too, it's because I can build up a good habit of writing a blog, and omitting private details.
I don't read much of my writing right now. I want to avoid self-censoring. Perhaps I'll restart the Artist's Way program and use this as my morning pages instead of the book. I suspect it'll get me to edit or read my pages at some point.
What to do today?
It's 11:22. I have til 4pm or so to do what I want. Potentially some work preparation would be good. But would it? Might as well just leave it for later...
I will need to eat lunch at some point. But I've had two boiled eggs, so I'm good for now.
Outside is a bit messy and could use a clean. Old ass towel could be thrown out and replaced with my current semi-clean but stained shirt. Clothes could be folded and put away. Bed could be made. Dishes could be cleaned. Bathroom surfaces could be wiped down and holders cleaned. But how would it make me feel? Just like I've lost hours cleaning, right? Putting things into order for no good reason. They quickly lose order again.
Nah, better to wait until I feel more motivated to put things in order. Right now I'm okay with a bit of chaos.
I like the idea of going through my contacts. That's the kind of order I could find interesting. I like to keep things simple...
What would be a good method of doing that?
Go through my most recent messages on all my most-checked platforms, search for the relevant contact, if I find none, make one? Most of my A category contacts will be in my recently contacted...
Look for dupes and remove them? About 382 by my last count.
Yeah hm, that's pretty grindy.
I'll check out my tasklist...
- Buy bus ticket KBH>AAR – yeah, worth trying to get an orangebillet now... ok, confirmed, I can't. Have to buy in-country. Do it tomorrow or this evening.
- Book bus to C – same here, I don't know exactly what day so I'll wait.
.... bruh, all the rest are fucking boring. Not inspiring at all. No money, no energy, just grindeeeey.
What could actually work? What could actually be inspiring?
Reading a book? Going for a run? Meditating?
This is already a kind of meditation. Writing without a set aim or purpose. Observing what I feel.
yeah lol. The single most interesting thing I can do today is write until I have to work.
Why are Brazilian girls so fucking hot?
It's not fair. Though it's pretty nice at the same time.
But seriously – so many hot girls in this country.
One I just met... I am trying to focus on what she has to say, the professional reasons she's reaching out to me. But she's damn pretty.
I am worried about being tempted to cheat while my wife is away. Not because I'll justify it by her being away, but because I will be 6 weeks without seeing her. I won't be able to touch her, fuck her, kiss her, hug her, nothing.
But I think I know the answer. I'll be tempted, but I won't do shit. Even trying out a tantric massage with a girl would make me feel guilty. Or, I would only do it with her permission, which she'd only give if I first get massaged by a guy, and maybe not even then.
I don't believe in that shit some men say about how you can get away with it, lie, omit the truth. It would eventually come up in conversation, it would eventually eat at me. No, cheating is not for me.
But on the positive side... if we did break up... or if she cheated on me... I would more than happily return to the dating pool. Regardless of the fact that many chicks are boring and/or crazy, there are some fucking gems out there – beautiful girls with great personalities.
Vish... I don't want to get in trouble. If I get coffee with this girl that is looking for a crypto job, there's a risk she'll pick up on my attraction to her and try to use it against me. How can I prevent any bad effects? I suppose by saying I have a wife early.
Time to go outside and get some motherfucking sun methinks!
Then what?
Updating contacts. We already know there is nothing better for us to do today.
Ah yes, and having lunch.