sometimes the things in my head need to be said

What is it with us? I knew from the second I first saw you that I was going to fall. Now that I've gotten to know you I know that it was true. Everything about you. The blue eyes and the dark curly hair. The way your whole face lights up when you get excited or talk about something you love. The way you love living on the edge because you crave adrenaline. The way you hold me when I need so deeply to be held. The way I can never get enough of you. The way you helped me realize I didn't need my ex to survive or to be beautiful. The night we decided to admit the way we were feeling, I wasn't sure it was really what I wanted but I would do anything to make you happy. So we decided we'd try and be an us even though you'd never done it before and you were scared. I tried to go slow and give you space and even reassure you as much as I could. But in the end, you couldn't do it. I think it was for the best even if it hurt at the time. It's been a few days since then and it's easier to talk to you now that there's not the pressure of the label. I still like you and I think it'd kill me to watch you like someone else but this is good. What we have, the connection is amazing the way it is right now. I never want to lose you. You're not ready for the potential we have and that's okay because I'm not either. I'm just not ready to date anyone at all especially with the connection that we have. It's terrifying isn't it? I don't believe in God but I pray with everything I have that when we're ready, you'll still want me. Want us the way I do. I'm not going to seek out anyone and I'll still be everything you need. You told me you were sorry and that no matter what you didn't want to lose me. I thought about quitting, never talking to you again, never going to the place in the mountains we always go to, moving away and starting over completely. But the next day when I saw you at work you smiled at me and I spent the rest of the shift thinking about how much it would hurt to lose you. Then when you were in the back I brought something to you just so you'd say something to me. I looked into those beautiful blue eyes and I knew I couldn't leave you. I knew I had to be whatever you needed me to be for you. I'm going to be whatever that is for as long as you'll let me which I hope is forever. You and me, I have no idea what it is or even if it'll ever be anything. All I know is that soon I just know I'm going to love you and I'm not sure how to feel about that. I know you don't love me. You've never loved anyone before so you don't even know what love is but the way you look deeply into my eyes, how could I not? I'm going to graduate soon which means I'll be leaving for college sooner than I intended and I know it's bad for me but I don't want to because that would mean being away from you. I need to do what's best for me I know that but I think that's you. I have issues and you know that but since we got closer, I started actually looking before I crossed the street. I stopped my bad habits when you came along. I no longer burn myself when I'm overwhelmed or think about hurting myself. You've been so good for me since you started caring about me and I need that right now. You kept me out of the mental hospital after he left me and I wanted to die. You stayed up with me at night when I didn't want to be alone and that meant everything. You absolutely deserve everything good that this world has to offer. No one could ever deserve everything you bring to the table unless they were simply perfect. You have issues too, just like mine. Your mind is your own worst enemy but I think it makes you even more perfect. Knowing that you're one of the kindest people I've ever met yet you still feel that way. How can you be so caring and loving when you feel that way inside? I'll never understand how someone could have a heart as perfect as yours. Or how no one else sees what I do in those beautiful eyes of yours ~Your first try