By Shannon Janssen
Plain and simple, writing (specifically poetry) has helped me through alot the best descriptor though is a comparison look at two completley different poems I have written. The first, Toy Robot, was written in 2017. I was struggling with a lot of different things and my mental health was not the best and writing gave me a voice that I often felt I didn't have or at least didn't use properly. This is Toy Robot:
I am sick of needing this fuel Drop the coins in And watch me come to life Playing the rehearsed lines That I have spent years of my time Memorizing and adapting Word by word Line by line I am just a little puppet Playing a role in the show called life Being held up by a single string I am tired of needing this life support Choke them down Then brighten up And you’ll be feeling quite new Just tossed around, maybe you’ll be found By another handful of coins
Because I am just a little toy robot Wind me up Watch me smile and wave Then watch as I fade away Just as fast as I shut down You go and wind me up again I prance around with that fake smile Why don’t you watch me And this time just stay for a while
I am shutting down And closing up My breath cannot escape me My eyes are shut My hands unclutch And now my breath is fading But there you go again Winding me up I open up But this time I am not there
My mind has gone away And this time it will stay that way You try to communicate But all I see is a smile waving Colors fading to gray You keep trying By twisting me Adding a few coins But now your voice is just a sound No words can save me now I am too far lost to see What effect this has on me
Nothing worth keeping can stay I will just destroy it in my haze While you keep trying With different coins and tokens Big and small Bronze and gold But nothing seems to work
It is because I am sick and tired If being spoonfed this life Of having to rely On these coins To stay alive That’s why my mind is gone It doesn’t want to be A well-oiled, Coin-fed and operated Machine It doesn’t want to be another puppet In the show
My mind wants to be A self-functioning independant thing That can make it’s own Choices of when to start and stop You keep saying that part of me Isn’t me But what isn’t me Are the coins you keep dropping in
Fast forward to a few days ago, I was feeling extremely happy and I am really content with life right now. I wrote this untitled poem about feeling in the moment, something I would have never ever thought I would feel back in 2017.
I'm not broken anymore I can see some light and all of the stars But here's what's tearing me apart This way of living life I don't want it anymore I've seen the pain I've seen the laughs The smiles and the sad But that's not my motivation anymore I don't want it anymore I don't WANT that anymore That crawling feeling up my skin That realization of I don't know what's what Who's who And where I've been But let me try and begin They always say What's new and how's life been But like I said that motivation Isn't working anymore It's not what i am searching for But thats okay Because my questions They find answers in ways That I didn't even know Were tangible Reachable Thinkable Touchable No I didn't know that any of this was possible and i'm sure that shows But now I know the gears are turning My brain is finally working And if you don't know what im saying then I don't know what you're thinking Because everything seems close now Like I could reach out And touch the clouds And as far-fetched as that may seem The only thing I have to tell you is I've got all the questions But don't need all of the answers now Because they're all around And lets just say it's crazy how You say an idea and then it is made Guaranteed to be saved And time seems frozen Like the minute doesn’t matter because it's all happening right here right now
You can really see the change between the poems not only in writing style but tone and mood too. Writing gave me a way to express myself in a safe space and it shows me continually how I have grown.