This tiredness, this mild exhaustion, is I feel being generated from the monotony. Every day is the same. Solving problem after problem with seemingly no end in sight. I am not clear as to what I am looking forward to.
Now I know that I want to do a good job with the portal and bring it to the the point where it just runs. A tremendous amount of progress has been made, and it's an amazing system. Really it is. There are a few significant pieces that must be done still and some minor ones. And those should be done, and I want to get them done.
But there has to be something else. There has to be growth in a different direction. Bringing the portal to where it has to be will be an on-going process, but it does not have to take up all of my time. It really does not. I don't look forward to the Sheppard work, I just do it because it should be done, and to be a professional is to do the work that must be done, even if it is not exciting and even if you do not want to do it. So there needs to be something more.
I need to improve the system that I use for handling Sheppard as it will be going on for some time. I need to keep and emotional distance from it and execute the tasks without fear or overwhelm. That's the ideal. Fear and overwhelm will come along but they really do not need to be there.
I need to work on something new. Course improvements, new courses, a new product or service. It has to be new. I don't have to be totally free to work on it. Even though there is work still to be done on the portal, it does not have to occupy the full work day. It is possible to set aside the time to look at these new things or new thing. It is very possible and practical.
I should not wait. No reason to wait. Let's start small today. Even if it is something as small as creating an Evernote note for it. Even if it is just that. I should keep writing as often as I need to about this, even if it is several times a day. I don't want to feel this way for much longer. I want to feel better than this.