karma police

day thirteen

May 19, 2020

Idle Curiosities

Perched on her windowsill, Fourteen stories above the ground Through the glass and hazy mist She felt a vague radiating warmth She saw a chrome glimmer flicker And wondered what it was all about.

Huched over a little fire As the lines of fighting and surviving blurred Like today and yesterday and everyday He glanced up 14 stories high Saw the laser strobes of light And felt so acutely the coldness of her warmth.

Her self-serving self-satisfied Analog states of mind The true highs and fake lows Of a girl on the 14th story His heart beat in binary Or to put it more accurately- Whatever he had left of his heart beat in binary A rusted piston engine grimly at work.

#100DaysToOffload #NotAPoet

day twelve

May 19, 2020

Train of Thought

“H-h-hey it's me I, uh, just got off the train Buy another ticket?” The panic is coming on strong, “How a-a-are you?” So strong only in my head. “Can-n we talk? ,” Wasn't that hard.

“Didn-nt want to bother you But some-something's been b-b-bothering me.” Performed as rehearsed.

Your eyes crinkle in the dusk, Your forehead wrinkles, Head droops in sorrow, As you rub your temples, And your eyes water in love. Expressed as experienced.

“No, it-it's no big deal” It is a big deal. To me. “L-let's just hit the bar, yes.” Nobody really cares. “Yup, I'll be-I'll be fine.” I won't.

My eyes crinkle in the soft night, My forehead wrinkles, Head droops in sorrow, But my eyes water in broken love. Where are you when I need you?

“Y-you're fine, aren-n't you? How could you not be?” I don't care anymore. “You-you-you” Why is this so hard? “You never cared for me, d-did you?” I throw a poisonous dart into your heart.

I could feel your heart crack and splinter, Before I saw your face aghast, Your eyes wide and arms flailing. You who didn't care for me? Then I noticed the stars didn't seem to align, Something was amiss- You had a hole in your heart too.

“Is-is it about your m-m-mother?” Don't nod. Please don't.

You nod slowly. The medication didn't work. You're orphaned and left alone, And 'all I wanted' was your helping hand.

“I'm so-sorry, I di-didn't know” How could I have known? “I didn-dn't mean to” God, what have I done? “We'll g-get though this. I pr-promise.” Just don't return the venom. Don't. Please don't.

And you say, “You never cared for me, d-did you? Never even bothered to ask”, Returning the venom.

And our hearts crack and splinter, As we silently scream, Our eyes wide and arms flailing, Who will pull out these arrows in our hearts? Where were we when we needed us?

#100DaysToOffload #NotAPoet

day eleven

May 19, 2020

The Fortress

I could live inside my head Barricade that fortress Then deep underground Drill holes into my heart Watch it crumble to dust And softly fade into the evening.

Sorrow is my soldier Tears are his weapon To serve and to protect The mind's darkest basement.

The more the barbed wires that fence and entangle The more the cuts and pricks, The more the holes my heart has.

To disclose or to close off, This close to breaking down? To tell or to pretend? Or to foretell what I portend? To wear a mask and dissolve my face- Or embrace the underground weeds?

Out of time yet twirling and twisting Is this a downward descent or- Am I climbing the turret?

#100DaysToOffload #NotAPoet

day ten

May 19, 2020

Numb Womb

Last night when a star streaked by, I told it I wanted to be numb again.

I remember when I was numb. Like a child in a womb, I was protected and cradled, from the pain that is existence.

But then like a child stepping on a mine, I discovered I had a heart. A drill and a heart with holes, A salt and an open wound, Is like a mind and some memories.

Analysing turned into paralysing, and beliefs turned into illusions. When finally thinking became supressing, I embraced the fake highs and true lows.

But everyday I inch closer, Everday I grow wholer. Everyday I find a new hole.

So when the star streaks by tomorrow, I think I'll ask it for the same old rotten dusty heart.

#100DaysToOffload #NotAPoet

day nine

May 9, 2020

Why I feel Word Processing Software is Redundant

Fosstodon: @advait #100DaysToOffload

day eight

May 9, 2020

How We'll Live on Mars by Stephen Petranek (TED Books)

Ah, what a monumental book for me. Listening to the TED Talk was how I got into Mars colonization in the first place, and re-reading it was what sparked my post about Mars on day two of this challenge thing.

All in all, this book is very well-written. Providing a structured understanding of the steps we need to take to get to Mars – from the funding to the food/water/shelter on Mars, to the colonization and terraforming – if you want a quick overview of how these things are going to be carried out, this book is the place to go. It offers succinct explanations that can be understood by the layman (I mean, I first read this in 6th or 7th grade).

My biggest gripe while re-reading this book was the optimism. There's nothing inherently wrong with optimism- but I found it a little concerning Mars was depicted more as a heroic adventure story than an engineering challenge of magnificent proportions.

I utilize this book mostly as a Mars 101 lecture, which after all, is what TED is all about.

day seven

May 9, 2020

Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood

Nolite Te Bastardes Carborundorum.

Been wanting to read this book for the longest time, and finally got to knock it out. A 300 page read, this book has one of the most unique “voices” I have come across. The book contains short, crisp sentences in fragmented narrative structures that bounce back and forth between timelines and locations – and yet the book manages to feel seamless, expansive and smooth. Heavily descriptive and mastering “show don’t tell”, the book manages to get us both in the head and the surroundings of our main character – “Offred”.

In the introduction, Margaret Atwood writes:

“If you mean an ideological tract in which all women are angels and/or so victimized they are incapable of moral choice, no. If you mean a novel in which women are human beings — with all the variety of character and behavior that implies — and are also interesting and important, and what happens to them is crucial to the theme, structure and plot of the book, then yes.”

It is very important to understand this basic perspective to consider Atwood's novel.

The book captures beautifully the humans in tyranny- those that simultaneously suffer from it and uphold it. It depicts the deep, flawed guesswork that goes into forming friendships and alliances in a dystopian world, and the longing and nostalgia for love that has been lost.

It’s a classic for a reason.

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