i have not written anything for a very long time. i would bring up the page and then nothing. my mind would go blank and i would forget the things i wanted to say. my memory is either getting worse or my brain is still in grief mode or both. i dont know.

my doctor retired last month. i am so grateful she took the time to forward my file to another dr. i had an appt to meet with the dr a couple of weeks ago. he seems nice enough, and seems sooooooo young, or am i sooooo old. sigh. he also is not going to give me a hard time about my pain meds which i am also grateful for. as i explained to him i need the meds so i can work. it takes the edge off enough that i can work. i am not sure where i would be if i didnt have the meds. when i work the 6 day shifts the less sleep i get the more pain there is and i tend to be more grumpy as well.

i have no appitite lately either. i just dont want to eat, but i have to with the meds i am on. sometimes i make something and just dont like the taste anymore. nothing i look at in the freezer i want to eat. most of it i bought for brent anyway. i have given some away to a family who can use it. i know it can be very hard to ask for help. i can only hope i made a bit of a difference for them.

i have been off work this past month. my left retna detatched. not a fun thing to deal with thats for sure. my oldest son gave me a ride to the clinic in ottawa that would help to treat my eye. i saw the doctor and he went straight to surgery. i dont know how long i was in the operating room for but i made it through and thats all that matters. they almost said no to the operation as i didnt have someone to stay with me or take me back to the hotel. my dr offered to drive me home , and for that i am truely grateful. i phoned my gf and my son to call me every hour to check on me to make sure i am doing ok. i made it through the night no problem. the next morning i was back to see the dr to make sure everything was still in place. after the check i was good to go home. my neighbour drove to ottawa to come and get me. i have no idea what i would do with out her as a friend. so it has been a month now and i have not been back to work yet, they want a drs note. my next appt is in a couple of weeks so it wont be long before i will be back at the work grind. like last time i will need to get new glasses, but for now i tape my eye shut to avoid getting a headache with my eye trying to focus.

i keep saying to myself i have to get things cleaned up and put away. for some reason i just never get to it. i find other things to do . i dont know why i cant get it together. so far i have paid to get the roof fixed . my oldest is doing the work i bought all the stuff. i also had to buy a new frig, so that now puts getting the plumbing fixed even farther back.

i finally got my 2021 taxes done so we will see if anything shows up in my bank account. i need to hire someone to do the plumbing work and i know they dont come cheap thats for sure.

i still live alone, except for the cats, rabbit and birds. i am ok with that. i have been on 2 dating sites and no one even bothered to chat with me. oh well i guess its just me until the end.