katelovesorange

The Mamas And The Papas Lyrics Play “Monday, Monday” on Amazon Music Unlimited (ad) “Monday, Monday”

Monday, Monday, so good to me; Monday morning, it was all I hoped it would be. Oh, Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee That Monday evening you would still be here with me. Monday, Monday, can't trust that day; Monday, Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way. Oh, Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be. Oh, Monday, Monday, how could you leave and not take me? Every other day, every other day Every other day of the week is fine, yeah. But whenever Monday comes – but whenever Monday comes You can find me crying all of the time. Monday, Monday, so good to me; Monday morning, it was all I hoped it would be. But Monday morning, Monday morning couldn't guarantee That Monday evening you would still be here with me. Every other day, every other day Every other day of the week is fine, yeah. But whenever Monday comes – but whenever Monday comes You can find me crying all of the time. Monday, Monday, can't trust that day; Monday, Monday, it just turns out that way. Oh, Monday, Monday, won't go away; Monday, Monday, it's here to stay. Oh Monday, Monday Oh Monday, Monday

i like alot of older music and this seems to suit today. so much to do so little time it seems, and so little energy. its a cloudy start to the day. todays goals. try and make an appt with eye dr. try and get a copy of a t4. and do some sorting. some say to toss things you have not used in 6 months. well there are some things i only use once or twice a year but still use them .

its like tossing winter coats and sweaters because you dont need them for 6 months. my canning things i use all year round. i do a lot of small batch canning. jams ,vegetables fruits, etc. i learned this skill on my own. i read alot of book on how and to find recipes as well. one of my kids does canning , maybe i pass my jars to him. i was wondering what i would do with them.

the stress of this last week has caught up with me. i made myself a tea and was going to have a break to knit and promply fell asleep. didnt get as much done as i would have liked. the bone crushing fatigue hits me like nothing else. so i will stop here and have a hot cup of tea.

sunday and its partly sunny and still cold. brent took me out for breakfast. we ate it in the car but still a treat to get out.

i am terrified of driving right now. it is because my eye failed while i was driving the last time and i was on my way to a client. my left eye needs a cataract removed so not in the best shape right now.

i lost interest in doing anything. knitting , drawing or anything....i just sit and stare at a screen...or do housework... or declutter. tues we are going to be dropping stuff off at value village. so will be getting out then too. i am so sad its all i can do to get out of bed. yesterday while out i had to stop myself from crying. i was wondering how i was going to do this alone soon.

when i lived with my ex our first move was to the east coast. almost right after we got there he left . i was alone to unpack and find my way around the city. i had to do the shopping alone and i didnt drive yet so it was walk or take the bus. i had no clue what i was doing. i was 21 newly married and alone. no idea what was expected of me other than not to go out anywhere except to buy food and pay bills. i had one cat at the time, sam. he was orange and white. good cat but i should have known when he didnt like my ex much. animals know good people and bad people. i guess i am really good cause animals gravitate towards me where ever i go. i am so very broken but i guess animals can sense this and maybe they want me to know i am good.

another rainy day. its cold. so today i drop off my taxes and hope i get something back. i will need the money for 1st and last months rent now. still have not found anything around here i want to live in. i kind of know what i am taking, but it will be determined how how big the apt is. the idea of moving never leaves my mind now. i am terrified to live alone. no one will worry about me if i fall, or need help. i dont know if i should just wonder off into the wild and be done with it.

i have projects i must finish and pass on. i also would like to pass on my various needlework books onto someone who will enjoy them as much as i did. i know you can find alot of the information online but i still feel books are important in ones life and learning.

all this worry about selling the house and finding a place expends so much energy. i am tired. so very tired of being afraid and of the thought of dying alone.

the decluttering has begun. so far its about 80% of my cookbooks. ones i have picked up over the last 30 yrs or so. mostly the unusual ones. but i guess its time to pass them on. so they will get donated. some things will be put online and sold such as furniture.

this is still so overwhelming for me.. i feel like i am spinning my wheels. oh and the one apt i did feel inclined to see...already rented. it will take some time to clean out the house and find an apt. not going to happen over night but will have to take this one shelf at a time.

i had no plans or desire to ever move again. i moved too much and too often when i was with my ex. i hate it. but no choice now. being forced to live someplace rather than being able to choose where you want to live is hard.

i never thought i would be living alone again. and now with fibro is going to be even harder. i had some help with brent. and he was great when we had to go out of town for my eye. but what do i do if something else happens. i have no one i can call. i thought i had a few friends but they have drifted away. i cant depend on if my kids will help . so i have no idea how i will make it ....

i dont know what todays shit show will bring. the house is going to be listed soon and i have to start to pack up. i hate the thought of moving yet again. i am tired of moving. and i have to get rid of more stuff. i had started to get rid of things but no where to send it yet. i found out yesterday that value village is back open. so i guess it can go there. and it means i will have to start driving ready or not.

so now as i decide what to get rid of which is really hard i wonder every minute what will happen to me. seems i have been tossed aside without a second thought. i was putting things in a box and brent says i should take a picture and try and sell online. and all i am thinking is that is a ton of work over something i will probably get frustrated over and quit anyhow. and there is what do i do with the birds. do i let them go and hope for the best? or do they go to freezer camp for a guy we know who has a hawk and needs food too.....so i have no clue on what to do...i feel like i am on the shit side of the merry go round.

i am looking for an apt now. its hard. during a pandemic there is not much out there. what i want and what i get are 2 different things. what i wanted was to live in my house till i died what i got was you have to move again cause your man is a fuck up.

the shit has hit the fan and we have to sell the house. so in a few months if it sells i will be moving into an apt ... alone. after all this work and time and effort its all gone. i dont know where to go from here . i dont want to go through this again ever. so once i move again thats it thats all no more men. and thats all i can say today.

looking out on the yard today it made me sad to think my grand kids wont be around to enjoy it. i have no idea when i will see them again. i miss their laugh. i miss them calling me grandmother. the one thing i was really looking forward to was grandkids. and i think i blew it when i decided to live with brent. seems my kids dont trust him. and now i have my doubts. i am on the fence of believing him and asking him to leave so my kids will talk to me. but i cant afford to live here alone. he pays half the bills.

being as i wont be seeing the grandkids anytime soon leaves me not wanting to do anything outside, like gardening, going for a walk, or even just sitting on the porch. i keep telling myself tomorrow. but tomorrow never comes. i avoid looking outside when i can. i am glad from my chair i cant easily see the outside. i dont even want to sit in the sunroom. it needs to be dusted and vaccumed right now which means tons more work. yet another job on my list of things to do .

no tv to watch today. all my shows are repeats. so i guess it leaves me more time for work. its very hot today with a humidex. so will go out later to the flower bed and do some weeding in the shade.

almost too hot to knit. my hands are all sweaty. so today is washing floors , dishes and mats. i made an appt to get my taxes done. no idea how much i will get back but something is better than having to pay.

gratitude ... what am i grateful for? i am not sure anymore. between health issues and no family i often wonder. sure i could be grateful for the usual things, such as a home and food etc but really how can i be grateful when i feel so sad.

i think unless someone has experienced depression they could not fully understand how it takes over your mind and body. no one sees whats wrong. like no one can see my fibro. my dr didnt believe there was something wrong with me. i demanded to see a specialist. took a year but finally got told what i already knew. now its on paper. now its time to apply for other monies so i can survive another few years. i dont smoke i dont drink. i dont go anywhere i dont do anything other than my needlework. so my life over all has been pretty boring.

my ex used to get mad at me for not drinking at parties. i never liked to drink and certainly didnt want to be forced to drink just to make him happy and to fake enjoy myself. he always said i was boring and when i learned to drive only took me so he would have a ride home. i once took my knitting to a party because i was sick and tired of listening to the other women brag about how drunk they got last weekend. i said i have better things to listen to than that, and i really dont give a shit how drunk they got. rather spend my money on something else. i remember when he opened a case of beer he didnt go to bed till it was all gone. so once again i spent alot of time alone.

so today is full of chores and trying to hold it together. trying to make it look like i am ok ....when in truth i am dying inside.

its sunday. and the weather is dark and cloudy. no yard work today. which leaves me lots of time to think about how much i miss my kids and grandkids.

not feeling the best either. kinda sick feeling. time for some ginger ale i think.

we were not able to drop off anything at the thrift shop yesterday as they were taking only furniture. so much for working on getting rid of more stuff tomorrow. the store says you have to check the web site to know what they are taking that day. sigh...we only get out once a week.

my life is not that exciting. pretty boring i guess you could say. i am not famous nor special. but there are creatures that depend on me . so i keep going mostly for them. the depression is bad lately. my mind is broken today so will call it a day and wish everyone a better one.

saturday and shopping is done. one of the thrift shops is now open and we stopped in to take a quick look. we had a 20 min time limit and only 10 people in the store at a time. i thought it sounded fair. i got a couple big vases for the bird feeder/bird bath. i glue them together and make a sculpture for the garden. they look neat in the sun. we got groceries , i didnt think i bought alot but it still got to 70.00. then it was to walmart. only so many allowed in the store there too. i had to pick up meds i asked if they had any masks. they had none. so i have to wait until such time as they may have some.

todays entry may be short as brent is trying to get the internet faster for work. and on top of that he dropped his phone and needed it to get the access codes for work. we have a small tablet so he downloaded the app onto that so he should be ok for now. he said he needs a cell phone for work. and i am thinking why cant the codes be emailed. i says if you are required to have a phone then work should pay for it. i certainly would not get a cell phone just to get a code.

i have not been able to do any art today as brent has been in and out of my office. so i did some dishes put the groceries away and checked facebook. i have been working on the same sock all week. between feeling sick and very tired ...just no energy to do the knitting. the only thing i want to do right now is go sit in the park and have a picnic.