its been so long since i felt up to writing anything.
june and july where so hard. brent would have turned 65 in june. i turned 60 in july. it was a very lonely and quiet birthday. so now its just me the cats and bunny and doves. fred the budgie died.
i am so tired of being alone some days. i used to look forward to coming home and hearing brent yell downstair.the house is too quiet. sure i hear the birds and the cats talking. but i really miss brents voice.
he has been gone now 7 months today. i found some old facebook posts he did and he was speaking. it was wonderful to hear his voice. i started to cry.
i have been donating his clothes. one bag at a time. i feel like i am throwing him away. its so hard. i know he is not gonna walk through the door again. i just dont want to feel like i am just tossing him out of our house and life.
i have been so depressed that i have let the house go. i have not been keeping up with the chores very well. i am making an effort to try and change that. my son convinced me to start using the dishwasher. so i am for now. its helping to keep me motivated to keep going. i finished a sewing project that a friend wanted me to help with. she was so excited it was done. i was glad. i am caught up on laundry . i still have some shirts to iron but i don one or two a day.
i started a quilt to help me work through the grief.. its helping as i never worked on a quilt around brent. he usually saw me knitting. i was always making something for him. i dont have any memories of him commenting on my quilt so its not so hard to work on. i work on the quilt everyday. even if its just 10 min i am not very creative right now. i cant seem to make any trading cards right now. i went through the same thing when my friend ruth died. it took a year for me to get creative again. grief is so hard.
i am still not sleeping well. i am up some nights every hour. its tiring. i never slept well alone.
i really didnt plan on being alone i suppose no one plans on anyone dying.