looking out on the yard today it made me sad to think my grand kids wont be around to enjoy it. i have no idea when i will see them again. i miss their laugh. i miss them calling me grandmother. the one thing i was really looking forward to was grandkids. and i think i blew it when i decided to live with brent. seems my kids dont trust him. and now i have my doubts. i am on the fence of believing him and asking him to leave so my kids will talk to me. but i cant afford to live here alone. he pays half the bills.

being as i wont be seeing the grandkids anytime soon leaves me not wanting to do anything outside, like gardening, going for a walk, or even just sitting on the porch. i keep telling myself tomorrow. but tomorrow never comes. i avoid looking outside when i can. i am glad from my chair i cant easily see the outside. i dont even want to sit in the sunroom. it needs to be dusted and vaccumed right now which means tons more work. yet another job on my list of things to do .

no tv to watch today. all my shows are repeats. so i guess it leaves me more time for work. its very hot today with a humidex. so will go out later to the flower bed and do some weeding in the shade.

almost too hot to knit. my hands are all sweaty. so today is washing floors , dishes and mats. i made an appt to get my taxes done. no idea how much i will get back but something is better than having to pay.