so. it has been a very long time since i wrote anything. my grief has over taken me in alot of ways. i am sad, but i have to be happy at work. i am lost but i have to pretend all is well.

during the summer i tried planting tomatoes and squash. the deer enjoyed the salad bar that is my yard. they ate the tomato plants down to almost nothing. the plan for next summer is a fence around the garden and my holly hocks. they really like those too. i put a fence around the apple tree and the poor little tree has really grown. maybe some day i might have some apples. who knows.

i am tired alot too. i have taken on a side client. i go to his house and make him dinner 4 nights a week. it makes my days much longer. it started out that i was just cooking for shawn. now i am cooking for his brother tom too. they both love my cooking. go my ex was very critical of my cooking. today i did a load of laundry as well. i put the clothes in the dryer and turned it on. i thought the thing was going to explode. tom says its the barings. what ever is making that horrible sound maybe they should get it fixed.

work is going well. over the months i have managed to get one thing done. i went into the office in the spring and asked that when i am training someone i get paid more. my reasoning is that if i am good enough to train someone i am good enough to get paid more. so now when i am training i get paid 5.00 an hour more. one small step to more change.

i am still working in just one spot. i really like it and the people there are getting to know me. two wings have been added to the retirement home. the first wing has opened and lots of people have moved in and i got my first client on that side this week.

i have also been visiting a former client on my own time. she is very depressed and i have been trying to encourage her to eat and drink. she has basicly given up . i hate seeing that in someone who had so much life. so i go in and try and make her laugh and maybe convince her that life is still good.

i found a newer used car over the summer as well. i didnt have a choice. my old car was falling apart and would not last the next winter. i was so very lucky to find the car. low milage and in near mint condition and a fantastic price too. so i will make the winter. my insurance went up of course but i expected it.

i also gave away 2 of the doves, and a cage. the lady i gave them too was thrilled to have them. this week however they came home. she is selling her house and is not sure where she is going from here.

i joined a dating web site over a year ago, hoping to meet someone. i have not met anyone. even though i am looking for a companion, maybe i am being too picky. i did have dinner with someone but he has parkensons , all i could see in this was me becoming his caregiver. so i just left that to the side. so i am still single . i still talk to my friend in london almost every night. its like a check in for us. i dont know if he is seeing anyone. if he is i am not sure i want to know. i think it would be painful. i am going to bed now.....