Bitter Pill
https://open.spotify.com/track/6iUZtPnwLySt1lUNmxYW99?si=QxqAyG74Ta6PRuOhz7dAIg
Love. Death. They are all part of the same cycle; we endure the pain to see the light of day just one more time because sometimes a little bit of pain is worth it.
We endure the hurt if it means we can love another for just another day, even when the tears stains the pillow cases, and the sobs increase within the days that slowly progress into weeks. months. years.
It all comes down to love, and the mourning of the death of love.
Because everything dies. Including love.
Moments that they share slowly losing their meanings. Arguments becoming more and more frequent.
And as the rain keeps pouring down, and trouble keeps on coming around. . . . . . Both Mark and Hyuck slumped against the wall, defeated and tired. They slid down the wall like the tears down their face. They felt hopelessness consume them. Their reality became so dark in a matter of seconds.
This, Hyuck thinks, looking at the disheveled space and the sight of Mark as exhausted as him across the room, —this isn’t working out.
“We aren’t okay anymore,” Hyuck decides to tell Mark, because there is no other truth.
“We aren't”
“Mark?” Hyuck said again, this time softer. He knew something was wrong.
He hesitated, fear filling him up, even overpowering the numbness for a moment. He couldn’t run away from the truth. Hyuck knew his mind almost as much as he did. He couldn’t hide.
“I’m not in love with you anymore.”
All the way across the room, Mark froze for a moment before his features softened. Recognition.
Hyuck’s brows furrowed out of confusion, “You know?”
“We both knew.”
Falling out of love isn’t like the movies.
It isn’t melodramatic, curled up on the floor with tear stained cheeks drowning your sorrows with wine. It isn’t even burying your problems with tubs of ice cream and breakup songs while friends tell you it’s for the best.
Falling out of love was portrayed with such intense emotion, painting the world in reds and blacks when in reality it was a lack of feeling. It was nothing until it was too late.
Then it was everything.
Mark's voice cuts through the silence, “I've been wondering what you're thinking about us lately...” his voice sounded heavy.
“You never told me about anything so i kept on assuming that we're fine.”
Hyuck stayed silent as he watches the man he loved trembling across the room.
“But somehow i couldn't push back the small part of my brain that keeps on telling me that you don't love me anymore, yet i decided to ignore it because-”
“Because?”
“Because i thought that this is all in my head. It’s all happening in my head.” Mark gazed at Hyuck's disoriented hair, wanting to fix it.
like he always did. But he couldn't seem to bring himself closer to Hyuck.
“Hyuck...”
“Yes?”
“If in another life, in future settings.. let's say... 10 years. Will you ever love me again?”
“You can’t love what is already dead.”
Ouch, that hurts.
Such a sorrowful line. On first thought, it seems completely correct too. Why bother yourself to still be in love with what you know wont ever come back to.
“It’s the end for us isn’t it?”
A moment passed. Then another. Just as the silence became too unbearable, Hyuck turned at Mark, their expression hollowed and grey.
“Yeah, it is.”
“Where did we go wrong?” Mark asked, eyes full of sorrow as he still could not process the idea of losing Hyuck, the only person he ever loved-
Oh wait- Loves.
“I have no clue, Mark. I genuinely do not know.”
But Hyuck knows, he just chooses not to tell Mark since it'll break him even more. And he simply could not deal with hurting Mark more than he already did.
Mark choose to not talk about it further since it's quite clear that Hyuck has already made up his mind.
“What happened to our happily ever after?”
“Not all love stories get a happily ever after, sometimes it’s just once upon a time.”
And so there they were, 2 beings letting go of each other.
“What’d I do wrong? I tried to do everything right, and I still messed up.” Mark thought to himself. . . . . . Little did Mark knew, Hyuck lied to Mark.
Because it is not his feelings, nor his love for Mark that is dying.
It's him.
Knowing that death is not far away takes an emotional toll on the person and their loved ones. So for this time being, Hyuck is going to let Mark un-love him.
For the sake of sparing the man he loves from the pain that is coming.
Because Hyuck knows, that he's fighting in a battle-
And he's losing.
Because everything dies. Including him.