kr-han

written by Khairunnisa Han @daiorenji on twitter

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Koushi thinks it’s okay to stay like this forever.

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Aku tidak bisa membedakan, apakah waktu yang berjalan lambat atau hanya aku yang memang tidak mengerti bagaimana waktu bekerja. Semua yang tertinggal di belakang, masih segar di dalam ingatanku. Aku masih bisa melihat ketika kita selalu berada di samping satu sama lain, ketika kau berdiri gagah dengan bahumu yang kokoh, ketika kau tersenyum lebar kepadaku—dan hanya kepadaku kau tersenyum seperti itu.

Daichi, aku rindu saat-saat itu.

Aku tidak menyangka kau berdiri di depan gerbang sekolah. Berdiri dengan sedikit canggung, memasukkan kedua tanganmu ke saku jaket, dan melambai kepadaku begitu mata kita bersitatap. Aku membalas lambaianmu, tersenyum. Kau datang tepat di saat aku merindukan sosokmu yang berada di sampingmu.

“Libur? Atau udah selesai?”

“Libur,” jawabmu, “makanya ke sini. Mau ngajak kamu makan malem. Gimana?”

Mana mungkin aku menolakmu?

Dalam keheningan yang terjadi di antara kita, aku selalu bersyukur, berbisik pada diriku kalau begini saja cukup. Perasaanku bukanlah sesuatu yang bisa kau terima begitu saja. Hubungan seperti itu bukanlah hubungan yang bisa serta merta diterima. Berada di sampingmu begini saja, cukup. Begini saja bagiku cukup.

Cukup.

Cukup….

Cu … kupikir aku ingin meminta lebih. Tapi apa mungkin?

“Suga.”

“Um? Kenapa?”

“Mama bilang, aku harus cepet-cepet nikah. Tapi, kamu tau kan? Aku udah ketemu calon yang dipilihin Mama….”

“Tau…. Terus kenapa?”

“Aku enggak suka.”

“Lah, terus gimana?” Daichi, kamu tau? Agaknya, hatiku, sakit…. Tapi aku tidak bisa memintamu berhenti.

“Aku sadar—“

Apa?

“—aku sukanya kamu.”

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Daichi proves him wrong.

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Fin

written by Khairunnisa Han

[Rekomendasi Lagu: Haiiro to Ao (+ Masaki Suda) by Kenshi Yonezu]

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Dia berjalan dengan pelan di tengah kerumunan orang-orang. Shibuya tampaknya tidak pernah tidur, atau pada dasarnya Tokyo memang tidak pernah tidur. Tangannya yang satu dimasukkan ke dalam saku, sementara satu lagi melonggarkan dasi yang mengikat lehernya. Berpikir untuk mampir warung ramen atau soba sebelum kembali ke apartemennya.

Shibuya jelas berbeda dengan Kodama dan perbedaan itu yang memaksanya untuk beradaptasi. Termasuk mengubah kebiasaan bicaranya. Sekarang, dialeknya justru terasa aneh di lidah. Shibuya seperti mengubah segalanya dalam dirinya, namun tidak sepenuhnya. Masih ada yang belum berubah. Warung ramen yang didatanginya sepi, mungkin karena sudah terlalu malam. Sambil menyuapkan lembaran-lembaran mie itu ke dalam mulutnya dia berpikir banyak hal. Masa mudanya misalnya, saat semuanya masih terasa ringan dan dia melakukan sesuatu tanpa harus berpikir keras.

Tangannya sibuk dengan ponsel layar sentuhnya, membuka galeri, melihat foto masa kecilnya yang blur. Ayahnya terkadang buruk mengambil gambar, tapi dia tetap menyimpan foto blur itu. Dirinya sendiri yang masih kecil dan seorang anak perempuan yang giginya tanggal dua. “Kamu di mana sekarang?” bisiknya pada kuah ramen, tentu saja kuah ramen tidak menjawab.

Hari itu ketika matahari sedang terik-teriknya, mereka mengendarai sepeda. Anak perempuan itu belum lancar menaikinya, dan dia yang laki-laki menggowes sepedanya lebih dahulu meninggalkan si anak perempuan yang kepayahan. “Yuu-chan! Tunggu!” seru anak perempuan itu.

Yuuta, si anak laki-laki menghentikan gowesannya, menengok ke belakang dan tersenyum menang. “AOI PAYAH SIH!” teriaknya tanpa rasa bersalah. Tapi Yuuta menggowes kembali sepedanya untuk menemani Aoi, si anak perempuan yang wajahnya merah karena kesal.

Pada akhirnya, Yuuta turun dari sepedanya sendiri dan membantu Aoi untuk naik sepedanya. Setidaknya, kalau Aoi sudah lancar bersepeda, mereka bisa bersepeda bersama melewati komplek perumahan, melalui komplek perbelanjaan tanpa takut. Tapi sekarang, Aoi masih payah dan Yuuta mau tidak mau mengulurkan tangannya.

Kembali kepada Yuuta dewasa dengan mangkuk ramen dan ponsel layar sentuhnya. Yuuta tersenyum kecil, kecut seperti bau badan seseorang. Itu sudah lama terjadi namun masih begitu segar di ingatannya seperti baru terjadi kemarin. “Waktu itu kamu jatoh, terus nangis. Aku jadi harus gendong kamu ke rumah.” Yuuta menutup monolognya dengan tertawa kecil dan meninggalkan warung ramen, kembali ke apartemen kecilnya yang hangat sambil bernostalgia.

Dia tidak tahu di mana anak perempuan bernama Aoi itu sekarang berada. Jepang cukup besar. Mungkin dari Kodama, Aoi pergi ke Hokkaido atau mungkin Kyuushu, barangkali Okinawa, pergi ke Tohoku juga bisa menjadi kemungkinan. Sementara Yuuta yang hanya beredar di sekitar Shibuya tentunya tidak memiliki harapan untuk bertemu secara kebetulan. Yuuta sadar dia tidak hidup di dalam novel atau anime yang bisa membawa kebetulan itu datang kepadanya.

Lampu apartemen kecil itu dinyalakan. Tidak ada seorang pun yang menyambutnya. Jelas. Orang tua dan kedua saudara perempuannya masih di Osaka, sementara dia merantau ke Shibuya, Tokyo. Cukup jauh apabila diukur dengan jarak.

Yuuta membaringkan tubuhnya di atas kasurnya, menatap langit-langit apartemennya yang bisu. Banyak hal yang baru-baru ini disadarinya. Bahwa dia sudah dewasa, sudah bukan anak kecil, sudah tidak bermain melainkan bekerja. Bahkan tinggi badannya melebihi tinggi ayahnya sekarang. “Kamu juga pasti nambah tinggi. Dulu sih, tinggian kamu, Aoi. Kalo sekarang, mungkin aku.” Yuuta berbicara sendiri lagi. “Kalo sekali lagi aku dikasih kesempatan ketemu sama kamu, aku pasti bersyukur banget. Apa aku harus ke kuil buat berdoa ya?” Yuuta kembali menutup monolognya dengan tawa kecil dan senyuman pahit.

Menutup matanya, pergi ke alam mimpi, Yuuta menutup harinya dengan satu hal yang pasti. Di mana pun dia dan Aoi berada, sejauh apa pun mereka berpisah, bagaimana pun mereka tumbuh, mereka masih melihat langit yang sama.

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Fin.

written by Khairunnisa Han

⚠️⚠️⚠️ Daichi/Koushi Major Character Death

Aku masih mencari sosokmu. Biasanya kau di sana, duduk di sofa yang kita beli bersama, menungguku pulang, dan ketika aku membuka pintu, kau akan tersenyum dan menyambutku dengan senyuman hangat. Kau tidak ada di sini. Berkali-kali aku membuka pintu, kau tidak terlihat. Aku merindukanmu.

Menurutmu, perlu berapa lama bagiku untuk mencintaimu? Tidak tahu? Sama, aku juga tidak tahu. Tapi aku lebih tidak tahu lagi bagaimana aku bisa hidup tanpamu. Semuanya terasa hampa tanpa dirimu.

“Kamu lagi ngapain sekarang?” tanyaku kepada udara yang kosong. Jelas, tidak ada jawaban. Aku menatap foto kita yang dipajang dengan manis di dinding kamar. “Aku mau ketemu aku. Aku mau sama kamu. Kamu … apa enggak mau bawa aku sama kamu?”

Rumah ini kosong, dingin, hampa, senyap. Aku harap ada kamu yang akan bertanya bagaimana hariku, memintaku membawakanmu cemilan kesukaanmu, atau hanya dirimu yang bersender manja padaku sambil berbisik pelan, “Aku sayang kamu….”

“Aku juga sayang kamu….”

Setiap langkah yang aku lalui, aku melihat sekelilingku dengan seksama. Barangkali aku bisa menemukanmu. Di sudut jalan, di persimpangan, di depan toko bunga, di depan rumah kita, atau hanya sekelebat harum shampoo yang biasa kau gunakan. Barangkali aku … bisa menemukanmu dengan sedikit keajaiban. Meskipun aku tahu, seberapa besar pun harapanku, hal itu tidak akan terwujud sama sekali. Betapa bodohnya aku.

Malam ini aku bersimpuh di depan fotomu, memandang senyumanmu yang menyejukkan hatiku sambil merindukan sosokmu. Berharap barangkali kau akan muncul entah dari mana dan memelukku dari belakang. Tapi itu hanya mimpiku. Aku tahu aku bodoh sekali memikirkan hal yang mustahil.

Teman-temanku bertanya, seberapa besarnya cintaku padamu? Aku jawab, entahlah, aku juga tidak tahu. Kira-kira, seberapa besar?

Malam ini aku menyalakan dupa, menepukkan kedua tanganku, dan berdoa. “Di kehidupan selanjutnya, aku ingin diberi kesempatan untuk mencintaimu sekali lagi. Saat itu terjadi, aku ingin jalan cerita kita lebih indah lagi.” Aku menarik napasku dengan berat. Dadaku sesak, mataku panas, kepalaku sakit. Apakah ini yang orang sebut rindu?

Sebelum beranjak, aku bertanya, “Koushi, hari ini, bagaimana keadaanmu di Surga? Aku, Daichi, baik-baik saja di Bumi.” Aku berharap, barangkali aku dapat mendengar lirih jawabanmu dan mengobati sedikit rinduku.

I was in the first grade of highschool, bored af, and nothing to do when NCT U just debuted back then. So I just started to look up on NCT.

There was a new variety show named NCT LIFE in Bangkok and I started to watch it because Im bored af, and I found Johnny. I dont have any bias in NCT but when I found Johnny, which is not debuted yet, I just went, “Oh I should stan him.” Thats why I stan him. I dunno the spesific reason why I like (no—its love) him.

Then, I forgot all about NCT and being a total weebs around 2017 — 2019; 2019 was my first year in college and I have had a lot of pressure. I was very busy and dont have me time as I should. I tend to keep all my problems by myself. I also broke up with my boyfriend. Thats just gave me a lot of stress that I couldnt handle. I also suicidal.

When I was about to do it (selfharm) once again, I remember him. Johnny. I wonder what did he do. It was a long time since the last time I saw him debuted in Limitless (whichs I didnt recognize in the first place, lol). So I lookin for him in youtube, and I found JCC, I couldnt help myself but smiling. He helped me. He saved me. JCC gave me comfort and warm, listening to his voice makes me calm … and thats how I stopped being suicidal. He really is saved me.

I know my English suck, and maybe there are grammatical errors but, thank you, Johnny.

Prompt

Haechan AU dimana Haechan bernama Arka yang mana adalah teman masa kecil dari Arrana (OC). Setelah sekian tahun berpisah, Arrana mencari kembali keberadaan Arka. Tapi Arrana sendiri tidak dapat mengingat nama Arka dengan baik.

Main • Lee Donghyuck as Arka • Arrana a.k.a Rara (Original Character)

Supporting • Kim Dongyoung as Dirga • Na Jaemin • Lee Jeno • Huang Renjun • Bianca (Original Character)

written by Khairunnisa Han

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She loves it. Hara Aoi loves summer and Nakamoto Yuuta knows it. They’d like to spend their summer break together. Just two of them. There are a lot of thing to do in summer beside of their homeworks. Everything is fun in summer, except the homeworks.

Aoi said that she wanted to go to summer festival. So Yuuta fulfilled what she wanted to, accompanied her there and bought a lot of foods to eat. Aoi wore her prettiest yukata and Yuuta wore his favorite sleeveless shirt and short as usual. “Your yukata so pretty,” Yuuta said and Aoi’s face turn red.

“Thanks,” she said in tiny and Yuuta smiled gently to her.

Yuuta patted her head and said, “Let’s go buy what you wanted to eat. You’ve been so noisy about foods.” Yuuta took her hand and held it tight. “Let’s holding hand, I don’t want losing you in this crowded festival. If you lost, it’d be hard for me to find you,” he said with a gentle smile. Aoi can’t help but gasp.

They walked together side by side and bought a lot of foods that they could find. Yuuta bought a bottle of ramune, thought he lost his count on how much they spent for foods only. They eat a lot of foods and Aoi seems like she wants to add more. “Over there! Over there! Let’s buy ringo ame!” Aoi held Yuuta’s hand tight and said it with her wide smile. In this crowded place, she won’t let Yuuta go.

“Eh? Haven’t you said you full before?” Yuuta asked.

Yuuta got a giggle instead of answer. But he knew the reason. He didn’t even need to ask in the first place, it was his reflex. Yuuta knows Aoi loves sweets, and girls often said that they have special place for sweets in their stomach—so does Aoi.

“You have to brush your teeth after it,” Yuuta said as soon as Aoi got her ringo ame in her hand.

Aoi nodded without hesitation. She probably doesn’t listen to Yuuta at all. She probably doesn’t listen to everything. Head empty, just ringo ame. “Look! It’s pretty,” she said and Yuuta nodded. “It’s so pretty and I wanna eat it so bad.”

“Just … eat,” Yuuta said. He doesn’t know what was in her head when she looked up to ringo ame as if it was the most precious thing in the world. “Hanabi taikai will start soon, let’s find a good spot to watch it.”

Hanabi taikai, or in simple word is fireworks.

“Tamaya!” Aoi shouted out loud, her eyes sparkling and she smiled widely. “You said it too!” she said with her finger pointed on Yuuta’s nose.

Yuuta smiled and shouted, “Tamaya!” Yuuta, then, looked into Aoi’s face. She seems to enjoyed the fireworks. But Yuuta just can’t take his eyes off of Aoi.

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we changed into Japanese dialog with translation

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🐙 青いさ、分かる? 🐙 Aoi, you know what?

💙 何? 💙 What?

🐙 俺はお前が好き何だ。好きやから付き合って 🐙 I love you. Because I love you, let's date.

💙 え?えええ?何で急に? 💙 E? Eee? Why so sudden?

🐙 どう?付き合ってのか?嫌なのか? 🐙 Wdyt? We're dating or nah? Or do you hate it?

💙 別に嫌じゃないよ 💙 It's not like I hate it

🐙 それでわ今から悠太を呼んで。俺はお前の事青いを呼んでるから。 🐙 Call me Yuuta from now on. Because I'll call you Aoi.

💙 は。。。はい分かりました 💙 O…ok, I understand

written by Khairunnisa Han

Summer has come.

I wish summer would never end. So we can spend a lot of time together. We can go to the summer festival. We can buy ringo ame, yakisoba, ramune, everything that you wanted to eat, as much as we can. We can go to the beach, you can wear your favorite swimming suit thought I hate the fact that people would see your body, but as long as you enjoy it, there is no problem.

Summer and you, such a good combination that I never thought about it before. I can follow you wherever you want to go, hold your hand tights and won’t let you go. I’ll bring you happiness as you asked. Even if you’re not ask for it, I’ll give you.

Hara Aoi, I wish summer would never end, so that I can hold you forever.

written by Khairunnisa Han

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He said there will be performance. But there was no performance at all. He just sat there with a coffee, probably ice Americano, and he was smiling gently. “Sorry, it was a lie,” he said but he doesn’t look like he was sorry at all. “I just wanna meet you in person, Fay.”

I never expect that thing would come out of his mouth. There was something strange on my stomach. I don’t know what it was. I don’t wanna know. “And?” I replied, not a good one.

“When you handed me a tissue,” he said, “no one ever do that to me. I still don’t know much about you and you don’t know about me. So I thought it would be great if we know each other more. I wanna talk to you about that.” He is genuine, I know that.

We ended up talk about each other so he can know me better, and I can know him better. I can’t take my eyes off of him, thought I know that I can’t looked at him straight to his eyes, yet he looked at me straight it my eyes. It was hard to avoid eye contact, ended up he always giggled. “You’re so cute,” he said it, like, multiple times.

“I’m glad that you handed me a tissue so I got a chance to know you,” he said. “I’ve never met a girl like you before. I was just wondering at first but all I know that I can’t take my eyes off of you.” Johnny stopped. “I think I might fall into you,” he added.

I hid my face with everything I can reach. It was embarrassing. I didn’t know how I look in front of him but I’m 100% sure that my face was red, as red as boiled crab. “So….” I’m sure my voice was cracking. “What do you mean by that?”

“Can we be friends? From now on? So I can confess to you someday in the future. I wanna make sure first, if you don’t mind.”

Oh my.

“Yes….”

written by Khairunnisa Han

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“Saturday, 5 P.M.,” he said, and he sent me the location afterwards. He really is genuine. Well, it’s true that I didn’t know him—or I know him but it’s just for days, and I approached him through a tissue.

Now, here I am, sat down with a coffee and seeing him there with his band-mates. Oh, he didn’t sing right now. I guess the one who singing is Ten. Johnny stood there with a keyboard and he flipped his hair like—likehow to say it? It’s beyond my vocabulary.

“Aren’t they great? They’re all-rounder,” Theo said with a mouth full of cakes, fortunately I can understand what he said. “Who’s your fave?”

Of course it’s Johnny!

“Mine is Jaehyun, I guess.”

That was Theo.

“Johnny,” I said. It felt awkward.

Theo laughed and said, “Obviously. Your eyes stuck on him since the first time you see them. You keep asking me this and that about them—most likely you asked me about Johnny, and Johnny only. So, tell me, you have a crush on him?”

“I have a crush on him? Who?”

Theo looks very annoyed. He knew it’s obvious but he keep asking me like he didn’t know anything. “You. Have. A. Crush. On. Johnny. Right?” he repeated his question and it sounds intimidating.

“Yes, I am, I guess.”

Obviously!”

I knew that he knew it.

“So you gonna go for a date with him, right?”

“No. I don’t think so. We barely know each other, you know that, Theo.”

“So,” Theo said, “why is he always looking at you? It feels like he’s watching us. Or he’s watching me. He gotta beat me up, you know.”

Oh my.

written by Khairunnisa Han

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Theo really knows where good sweets came from and also a good place to spent time. He came with me with a bright smile, he said, “It was a long time since the last time I eat some sweets. It would be nice. I heard there is a band. They said that band was pretty good. But I don’t care, I just wanna eat some sweets.”

I didn’t pay that much attention to what he said about the café. All I do is walk beside him with a novel in my hand that I wanna read it so bad. Even after we entered the café, I’ll just sit there, sips my coffee in silent, reading my novel while Theo enjoying his sweets. I never thought that the band would be this good, but yeah, it was good. And there is a guy who catched up my attention.

“Theo, you know who are they?”

“Not really. They often say something like be there or be square—not sure tho. They are Ten, Mark, Jay, and Johnny….” Theo explained about them. I did pay him attention now. “That’s all I know about them.”

“And that guy in yellow shirt is Johnny?”

“Yup. He is Johnny. Why?”

He looks hot. I would never say that in front of Theo. “He’s cute,” I said that instead. “Tell me if you going to this café ever again.”

“Oh.” Theo looks surprised with what I just said. “I thought you hate my idea to coming here.”

“At the first time? Yes. Now? No.”