Supplication of a Sometime Believer

God, give me doubt Doubt, to pierce my too small image of you To overcome the certainties with which I would fence you To remember that my knowledge of you can't outpace my love for you To let go of the half truths that had defined us To let go of you as I had once known you

God, give me faith Faith, to be drawn to something on the other side of doubt To seek you when there is no trace of you To love you when there is no love in me To cry out in despair to you In despair of you To dwell with the broken pieces of how I had imagined you To scream and rage and weep at the absence of you The distortions and mutations of you Let the obscenities and curses and imperfections Drip out of me, uselessly

God, give me awe Awe of you and all your works That I might fall flat on the ground before it Give it to me In a leaf In a mote of dust, suspended in a sunbeam In a book of ideas In a smile, for an instant Give me awe That my heart might be shattered That my image of you Might be just one iota bigger Than it had been