marlborobouquet

We used to play together until I reached seven years old, and then you left me feeling confused and stained a bloody hatred towards me.

I don't know what's going on. Why were you being so cruel to me?

Why can't we be lovely siblings like Bang Daffa and Kak Sania, despite the fact that they're usually fighting? I know they worry about each other and love each other,

so why can't we be like them?

Everybody wants to be like me when I told them I have a brother, they say “enak banget deh punya kakak cowok pasti enak! Iri banget deh” I wish it was true.

I wish I could feel superior to them because I have you, instead of feeling confused because all I can sense is the distance you create.

I remember thinking you were cool when I was a kid.

That’s why, I've always followed you around. Comparable to a puppy who is looking for her mother's absence of love. You always push me away even though I've wanted to play with you.

I don't follow you everywhere since you always manage to break my heart or make me want to remain in.

Now I understand.

You usually seem to think of me as a spoiled brat who pit on our mother when we go out with our family or our cousins.

You'd prefer not to speak with me.

You only speak to me when;

you need something

or

tell me to get something.

Worse, you yell at me in a way that makes me feel afraid every time I do something stupid.

You scare me.

It's not the ridiculous,

humorous,

fearful kind that average sibling does;

rather,

it's closer to appearing that you are possibly capable of

murdering me,

breaking me,

and shutting me down

whenever I do something stupid.

You scare me.

Again. Or almost all of this time?

No one wanted to play with me as a little kid.

Of course, they hate kids. Especially like me. You hate kids like me.

But you love other kids, so why do you hate me?

because I always cry?

because I am not a fun kid who not gets annoyed every time you annoy me?

or because you get yelled at by Father because you hit me back then when, honestly, you just want to play with me? Is that the reason you hated me so much back then?

If that's true, then I must apologize. Im sorry if I ever make you get yelled because I pit our father and mother every time you annoy me when I was a kid.

In the end, I hate you.

Your cold-heartedness makes me hate you.

Perhaps I have a slight animosity towards father because he's the reason for the way you behave.

But you simply hate me for unknown reasons. I'm not your little sister, from your standpoint.

To you, I am an individual who does not share the same ancestry as you.