marlborobouquet

Red.

“Gua gak bakalan pacaran lagi ah Wa,”

“Percaya gak lu?”

My last relationship make me realize everything. How immature I am. How selfish I am. How bad I am in the communication. How people pleaser I am.

The fact that I well-coming someone else so I could falling in love with them and leaving all about you. The fact that I think I could love them the way I love you. The fact that I always saying “I love you more” when I just love you.

Kenapa ya gua selalu jadi orang yang menerima sesuatu karena gak enakan karena takut mereka kecewa padahal kalau dilanjutin I will always leaving them with much scars. Kenapa sih gua gak bisa tegas that I can’t love them because you’re the one that I want.

Well being in love with you is not the main reasons why I treat them unfavorably the main reasons is me. Me and my immaturity.

My last relationship make me realize that I should be someone that I love too, not someone who love me much but I can’t give them love good enough like the way they did. Make me realize I still in my selfish way who always think my own, make me realize that I am a careless partner, make me realize I still far from “mature” word. Make me realize the more immature I am the more scars I left to them.

I realize everything. I realize that I was such a jerk. I realize I was never in love with someone after I fell in love with you. until today it means—4 years? gila ya 4 tahun aku suka sama kamu. 4 years I try to erase how delicate you’re in my head, 4 years I try to fall in love with someone else but after being a part with them the room that is full of how I feel ever ytime I see your face just slowly opens, 4 years I deny to myself that I love other guys but in the end I know where my heart belongs.

“jujur sebenernya gw juga suka lu”',

“tapi gw takut hubungannya bakal ga jalan”.

kenapa sih? why you not brave enough to take the risk? with me? why you can’t for once disregard the world and run to what you know is real?

Kenapa ya waktu itu lo gak berani buat ngutarain semua nya, kenapa gua mikir lo gak bakal suka sama gua, kenapa sih lo pecundang? kenapa sih gua jadi cewek insecure-an?

will you like me… again?

If someday we talk again, I hope you call me with some cringe-worthy words, just like the other couple did. If someday we see each other again, I hope you see me with your dazzling eyes and tons of love.