marlborobouquet

“Gua gak bakalan pacaran lagi ah Wa,”

“Percaya gak lu?”

After a month in my post-breakup phase, I realized everything.

I saw how immature I can be and recognized that communication is not my strong suit.

Finally, I came to the conclusion that being in relationships with just anyone is something I am never sure about.

The fact that I welcome someone else into my life, possibly falling in love with them and leaving all about you behind. It's belief that I can love them as deeply as I do you,

even though deep down inside,

it will always be “I love you more” to them when in reality,

it’s just an everlasting love I have for you.

Sometimes I find myself hating my tendency to always try to please others, even if it means accepting things I don't really want. Just for not making them feel disenchanted.

However, this only ends up hurting them in the long run.

So why can't I tell them the truth? the thing that I'm not sure whether I can love them or not because you’re the one I want this whole time?

Well being in love with you is not the main reasons why I treat them unfavorably the main reasons is me. Me and the Uncertainty.

My last relationship made me realize that I shouldn't be with someone who is willing to give me their last bite of their favorite pancakes,

while all I do is leave them with a crumbs.

Make me realize that I am still selfish, holding onto everything and unwilling to share.

Help me see that I have been a neglectful partner who hasn't shown enough care for my current partner's well-being.

Show me that I still have a long way to go before reaching maturity, and make it clear how my immaturity has resulted in leaving deeper scars for them.