I wanted to share my personal experience getting a COVID-19 test completed. I live in Canada so keep this is mind as I am sure this can be a different procedure depending on where you live. I live in the province of Alberta and since the beginning our province has been proactive and keen on testing.

For the last few months, all citizens were encouraged to go and get tested with or without symptoms. There has been a lot of talk about the test being painful and taking a lot of time; however, this wasn’t the case for me. I was pleasantly surprised and wanted to share so that more positive stories make their way out there.

The government just recently announced that all school workers and staff needed to be tested prior to the school year starting. This meant that 90,000 of us needed to be tested and ASAP, September 3rd to be exact.

The first step was easy, I had to go online and complete an online self-assessment. The questions were really basic as it went through a checklist of possible symptoms one could be experiencing. It also included whether or not you had travelled outside the country or had been in direct contact with someone who had tested positive for COVID-19. Once I completed the survey, the site allowed me to book in an appointment.

4 days later, I was able to attend the appointment. I opted for a drive through location. Tests were completed at the local community Eco and Recycling Station. It was busy as expected but I still managed to get in and out, in under 40 minutes. The entire time was spent in my vehicle. I was not able to have anyone with me including pets.

The health care workers were each assigned to a car. They had on suits, gloves, masks and shields.

The workers explained that today the tests being administered were the nasal swab tests. This is all dependent on availability and what they have in stock. The test itself took seconds and pinched a little but did not hurt. My eyes watered and it felt similar to getting water in your nose when swimming.

Easy as that

The results came back in 5 business days. I just received the call this afternoon...

Alberta Health Services left me an automated message and guess what?

I am COVD-19 FREE

Yay! Phew, what a relief. I share this story because I do not want anyone to avoid getting tested due to misinformation or for fear of it hurting.

The entire process was easy and simple and I would do it again tomorrow if needed. I will continue to get tested periodically for my position and am not anxious about it at all. I want to ensure that I am doing everything possible to keep others in my school community safe.

Thanks for reading ❤️

I haven’t been to work for months and it feels oddly satisfying knowing that I am returning to a little bit of normalcy. This is starting to feel good and just a little less scary in a world right now that is so dark.

I had know idea just how much I needed some downtime to recharge over the summer holiday. I feel much more prepared to take on a new school year.

This year is exciting because it will be my first time being in just one school full-time. I will be working in a middle school supporting grade 5 to 8 students. This means no more juggling my time between two busy schools. I look forward to having the gift of time as I will no longer be spreading myself out so thin.

This change also means that my school administration team believes in me. They advocated hard for me and fought to make it happen. l feel honoured that they have so much confidence and faith in me. I am committed to doing my absolute best each and every single day. I am invested in these wonderful little ones and cannot wait to see them all back in the school halls once again.

I am sure this coming year will be wild and we are going to no doubt have to make many adjustments along the way; however, I have faith that it will all work out okay.

I am going to show up and be brave and do my best because that is all I can do and that is enough.

We are all in this together.

This momma is as ready as I will ever be. Now let’s...

Bring on the 2020-2021 School Year!

Thanks for reading ❤️

Easy life is over

School is approaching...

I am starting to freak out

My anxiety is HIGH

I haven’t been able to write

I need to focus

I worry about my kids

Am I making the right decision?

I hope so

What if they get sick?

It will be my fault!

Oh my mind is all over the place

Prepare

Conquer

Organize

Yes, this always makes me feel better

Go get school supplies

Have a panic attack

The mask is choking me

Struggle to get air

I come home

The animals have gone wild

Hyper

Barking

Misbehaved

They are feeding off of me

I hope the kids don’t notice

Of course they will

Sweet Stanley

Pees on the new fabric couch

I drop to the floor

I have reached my limit

Tears flow down my face

The boys run upstairs

The animals clear out

Momma is pissed!

I calm down as I furiously scrub the couch

I eat pizza...

I feel sick and am uncomfortably full

I regret eating pizza

Time for bed

Finally! Except I cannot sleep

My mind is racing

Oh tomorrow has to be better

I cannot do this again

I have to get my COVID-19 test

Doesn’t sound like fun

They recommend bringing a bag

Will I gag?

Will it hurt?

This is the calm before the storm

A great big shit storm that is...

Quickly heading my way

I have no control

I have to go back to work

Will we be able to pull this off?

Yes

The kids need us now

More than ever

No option

Must succeed

How am I going to show up and support them like this?

Will my best be good enough?

Put on my brave face

I can

I will

I got this

Rise to the occasion

I always do

This is what I do

For now just go to sleep

This is the mind of a worried and anxious momma who just wants life to go back to before this fucking pandemic.

Thanks for reading ❤️

The mind is a powerful thing. We make up stories that we believe to be true even when they are not. I have held onto these made up stories for years and as a result suffered unnecessary pain and turmoil in my life. So be careful what stories you tell yourself because our thoughts are extremely powerful.

I told myself when I was a little girl that I was suppose to be a boy. This all stemmed from what I had heard in passing growing up. See I was the last child born in my family and I found out that everyone was convinced that I was going to be a boy. My paternal grandparents were hoping that I would be able to pass on the Lynch family name.

My name was chosen before I arrived and I was set to be Clint Lynch; however, I surprised them all and was a baby girl. My parents clearly could not name me Clint so they settled with Lee. I wondered if they were disappointed with me and still dreamed of that baby boy that never came to be. I told myself from a very early age that I came into this world as one great big disappointment. I had overheard others saying comments like, “oh Larry should have had a boy.” I was certain that this was true and must have meant that I was a mistake. I grew to have feelings of being inadequate, not worthy and unlovable.

I continued to carry this secret story as I grew up and it lead into me believing that my dad resented me and deep down never wanted me. I was never told this once yet this story became so powerful in my life. My mom later told us girls that she had wanted to try for another baby a few years after I was born but my dad convinced her that a family of four was perfect. He had always told her that he was content with his two little girls and had no desire for more kids; however, I still hung onto my story.

I was a typical girl into barbies and frilly things and my older sister was more of a tomboy and similar to our dad. The two of them got along fabulously and I always felt that I was the odd one out. I grew to become angry at my dad and felt that I was invisible to him. I read into a lot of situations and felt neglected and ignored. I was convinced that my dad did not like me. He was forced to love me only because I was his child.

These feelings of inadequacy only grew stronger every year as I continued to tell myself the same old story that my dad didn’t love me. When I had my first child it seemed to have been a trigger and I recall getting even more angry and hostile towards my dad. My sister and I both had boys and others made comments about how Larry finally got his boy. I eventually shared parts of my story to my mom and she was shocked at how I felt. She gave me the courage to talk to my dad about our relationship. He was hurt and felt attacked. I had came in to the conversation hoping for a different reaction and felt sad about how it had gone. I felt as though my feelings were not being validated. He expressed that this was not how he felt and that he loved me. I tried to convince myself that this was true but that same old familiar story continued to creep back up.

I later attended counselling to work through my abusive relationship with my ex husband. I had several other toxic relationships with males and I grew to hate men. I saw them as cruel and unavailable yet I was raising two gentle and loving little boys; therefore, I knew that this scewed belief system regarding males needed to change.

I started to dissect where all these feelings came from and finally made the connection to the story that I had created. This process allowed me to gain empathy for my dad. I explored his own childhood and how this affected his ability to become a parent. I started to find compassion and grace for my dad and understood where he was coming from. He always loved me and I truly wish I had been able to see this growing up instead of making up false truths in my head.

Thanks for reading ❤️

Life can be hard and is not all fun and games so what can we do when life kicks you down. Today I’m going to share some tips of what I have found helps me.

“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.”

Dr. Seuss

*Cry If You Want To

I fight crying and sometimes it actually hurts me because I am stubborn and don’t want to cry. I totally get where the term “ugly cry” comes from. I get this angry looking red rash all over my face and chest when I hold back tears. It is healthy to have an emotional release as it is part of processing feelings. I was gifted over a year ago with an Indigenous name from an amazing elder during a sweat lodge. My Indigenous name is “Singing Waterfalls”and this reminds me of all the tears I have had to shed to get to where I am today.

*Talk Away

My mom is my go to person when I need someone to talk to. She always takes the time to listen to me and hears me out. Gord is also my best friend and never makes me feel silly or stupid. They both keep me balanced. I have to be mindful to not let my worries build up or it is disastrous and I end up exploding.

*Music Soothes My Soul

I listen to music and do my best to just be still. Sitting with my thoughts can be uncomfortable but I push myself to do this because it is necessary. I am someone who likes to try and fix things but this isn’t always possible. It is important to remember that is okay to not be okay. I find driving is the best time for me to think and listen to music. I do some of my best thinking when I drive.

*Give Yourself Permission To Be Angry

I can get mad and have a wicked temper. I sometimes see the color red. I wouldn’t want to mess with me when I have reached my limit. It doesn’t happen often but watch out when it does. It takes a lot for me to get to this point. Trying to deny yourself the right to feel certain emotions is counterproductive as it will only hinder your healing process. Let that anger out even if it is messy.

*Eat Copious Amounts Of Carbs And Comfort Food

Okay this may not be the healthiest coping strategy but a good bread or pasta dish always makes me feel better. I try not to restrict myself when I am already feeling down that just seems like a nightmare. If ice cream is your jam then eat ice cream just try to be kind to yourself.

*Get Moving

Physical activity helps me even if it is just a walk with my dogs. If I am really upset, then I step it up and go for a run. Pushing myself physically helps me deal with feelings and afterwards I feel less anxious. This also helps me work off all of the comfort food that I enjoy eating. I attended kick boxing when I was going through my nasty divorce and it was a life saver. I felt so empowered being able to protect myself especially coming from an abusive past.

*Sage And Smudge

This is by far the thing that I do the most often to ground me. I started picking sage myself a few years ago as it grows wild in Alberta. I feel such a sense of peace when I smudge. I have clarity and always feel better after smudging. This is considered sacred medicine in the Indigenous culture. I am so thankful to have learned this gift as it has helped me throughout some of the darkest days of my life.

*Living On A Prayer

When my life starts to spin out of control, I have always been able to turn to my faith. I have my own personal relationship with God and to me it is an important aspect in my life. This is going to look different for everyone depending on their own religious and spiritual beliefs.

*Nature, Fresh Air And Sunshine

I instinctively find my way outdoors especially when I notice that I am starting to struggle. The fresh air and sunshine helps me calm down and breath. My anxiety is dramatically reduced when I’m surronded my nature and animals. I cannot help but notice that my problems seem smaller when I am outside.

*Reflect, Read And Respond

I have found reading to be extremely therapeutic. I need to try and make sense of what is going on in my life. Thinking alone is not enough, I need to hear other people’s stories and sort out my thoughts. Before Coil I would journal and now I mainly blog. I feel a huge relief when my thoughts are out.

*Sleep And Dream

I love to sleep and it’s nice to rest and check out for a bit. Having anxiety, I tend to run pretty high all day so sleep is good; however, I have sleep apnea and do tend to be a crazy sleeper and usually remember my dreams with which are often intense. I have lots of nightmares and flashbacks to traumatic events in my life. My therapist explained that my mind is trying to subconsciously process trauma and feelings that are too painful during waking hours. Man I wish I just didn’t remember them when I woke up then it would be perfect.

*Therapy

Look sometimes we all need help working through our shit. Finding a good Psychologist can make all the difference. Everyone is different and we all don’t necessarily jive with certain personalities so It’s the same thing with therapist. When you find the right person, it will make all the difference. It is equally important to do your research and find a therapist who specializes in what your dealing with. I found a phenomenal therapist who specializes in trauma and EMDR and this was exactly what I needed. Talk therapy wasn’t cutting it and frankly I was tired of talking I wanted to process shit.

*Baths And Candles

There is nothing that a hot bath can’t fix. I find hot water, bubbles and some candles helps me through a hard day. I do this as part of my self care practice and it works. It gives me the opportunity to be alone...away from the pressures of work and family. I can just sit and soak away my problems.

*Essential Oils

I use essential oils all the time. I have them in my office, car and at home. I have diffusers that I use with my favorite oils depending on my mood. I also have sprays that I use and roll on scents. The essential oils from saje are my favorite brand of oils. If I had to pick my most commonly used blend it would have to be the Stress Release blend. This amazing combination of oils includes lavender, orange, roman chamomile, clary sage, geranium and myrtle.

Thanks for reading

I am thankful for the beautiful day I had yesterday with my family. We got out of the bubble during this pandemic and headed on a mini road trip for the day. First stop was Peter’s Drive-In. The place is the drive-in that you can’t drive by. The food is amazing especially the burgers and shakes. The banana milkshake was delicious.

Next stop was the Discovery Wildlife Park in Innisfail, Alberta. The park is unique because all of the animals here have been rescued. It does have a little “Tiger King” feel but I do sincerely believe that the animals are treated with love and respect otherwise I would not support it.

These are some of the cuties we got to hang with at the park.

The most memorable part of the day was by far the adorable bears taking a swim. It so reminded me of Baloo the bear from Jungle Book. They were loving life splashing and chilling in the cool water. This funny dude really stole my heart his name is Berkeley a young Kodiak Bear.

https://www.cinnamon.video/watch?v=390383788313544253

We ended the day off at Sylvan Lake a little beach town with all kinds of fun things going on. We got to see a man in a tiny little thong bathing suit. Yikes, it was memorable though and we sure laughed hard. We ate dinner at a fun place that offered some really tasty drinks. The restaurant was called Son of a Beach. I thoroughly enjoyed my drink which was called Cotton Candy Skies.

I cannot remember the last time I ate cotton candy maybe not since I was a little kid but wow that stuff is amazing. The flavour was sour apple and it melted in my mouth YUMMY.

I really had the best day with my family and it reminded me how much fun life can be outside of this frickin pandemic. We still had to be cautious so we social distanced and wore our masks but man it felt amazing to be alive again out of our tiny little bubble in the country.

Thanks for reading ❤️

I truly believe that everyone has a soul. Our bodies are just shells that we carry around us but when we take our last breath on this earth we transcend into a better place. Our soul begins a new journey, as this life as we know it was really only a small part of our story.

I am a spiritual person and believe in heaven and know that there is much more to us then just what we see. I don’t have any proof or have all the answers but I do have faith, and that’s enough for me. I have lost loved ones and saying goodbye is the hardest part but I know that they are in a better place. I believe that their souls check in on us from time to time and are always with us in spirit. I have experienced several spirit encounters that solidified what I already believed. That our souls carry on just not in the physical world that we live in and can see.

The big question is what happens to us when we die? We may not ever have the answer until it is our time to pass. The fear of death is very real for many because of all the unknowns. I can honestly say that I am not scared to die because I have lived a blessed life. I have loved and been loved by many. I am anything but perfect but I have done my best to do good. The God I know loves us all equally no matter what and is forgiving.

The one thing that I struggle with the most is the idea of leaving. Leaving behind my loved ones and children. I could care less about my worldly possessions because for me it is all about what matters the most, family. My love for them is so strong, I doubt that I would ever go willingly. I try my best to appreciate life now and in the moment because I never will know, when my time is up. None of us do and that’s the unnerving part. We are never guaranteed more time so spend it with the ones you love and make the best of every single day.

I just got back from visiting the graveyard with my mother and sister. We went to pay our respects to our loved ones who have passed on. It is a way to be close to them still and honor them. I miss them and love them, that never goes away. We like having a place to go and visit but it is for us, those left behind. The loved ones who are no longer with us are onto better things and I believe in a much happier place.

Until we meet again...

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.”

-Mary Elizabeth Frye

Thanks for reading ❤️

There is always so much to be thankful for that I sometimes struggle to narrow it down to what is the most important. It is without a doubt my FAMILY; however, we must also not forget to recognize all the mini blessings in our life, no matter how small or silly they may seem.

Today I am truly grateful for my hair. It has been bleached and prodded with for several weeks now and is holding up surprisingly well. I am so thankful that it has not fallen out. I have heard horror stories. I have incredibly dark hair and to get it to a blonde level has been a huge challenge. I am happy with the finished product and all my hair is still intact. I literally could not have done this without my amazing and talented mom.

Thanks for reading ❤️