If you watch American Football like me, then there is a good chance you participate in Fantasy Football. From the months of September to late December, I become obsessed with reading about football players. On Sundays, the TV has football on all day long. It's probably the only time I see a commercial, because my family typically does not watch TV. I myself am in three different leagues this year. The one I care about the most is my brothers league, Jazz FFL.

My brothers fantasy league was started 17 years ago. I myself didn't join until 10 years ago. At the time I really didn't care much about the sport, he just needed another person in his league because people come and go. I figured, What the heck, it's only 20 bucks I could get lucky and win. My, my have things changed in a decade. The league has completely changed with people coming and going, that there are only three original people from the first year. The entry fee is no longer 20 dollars, in has increased to 150 dollars. So the people that are still in it, take it pretty seriously.

We always try to come up with a unique way to decide the draft order, and this year was no different. This year we had everybody pick race horses, then my brother Chris and I went to the race track and watch the races.

If I ever become stinking rich, I will buy a race horse and name him, "Xavier Runs Phast, or XRP for short."

The day of the race arrives and my brother picks me up and we go to the race track. It is like the place, time forgot. We were by far the youngest people by 20 to 30 years. As we walked up the stairs to find a booth we could sit at, I peered down one row of tables. There was an old man laying down on three chairs he and pushed together. The ceiling had loose electrical cords just hanging. “I don't think this place is up to code, ” I whispered to my brother. He just ignored my observation and we sat down at our booth.

After about 10 minutes we notice that no races have happened and the first one was supposed to have happened at 5:00 sharp. I got up and walked over to an older gentleman sitting in our row. I tapped him lightly on the shoulder.

“Excuse me sir, can you help us?” I asked.

“Eh?” he answered back without looking away from one of the monitors that had races going on simulcast.

“We were wondering why the Five O'clock race hasn't started.”

“You missed it.” he snorted.

“How could we have missed it, there was no race.”

“Sonny, there hasn't been a race at this track in ten years. Everything is simulcast.”

Terrific.

So we watched the rest of the races on a terrible 12” in a race track that didn't have any live racing.

Tallied up the score:

...and a week later we had our draft party. There was a tie for 6th which I won, so my pick was right in the middle of the draft.

A week later we had the draft party and is was serious business. We rented a suite at the Plaza in New York.

"I wonder if this place has a toaster oven for my pizza rolls."

Sorry just seeing if you were still reading. We actually had the draft in my brothers garage.

There were not enough chairs for everyone, so we kind of played "Musical Chairs and Draft." It was ever so much fun.

When we finally finished we the draft the fantasy site we used gave us grades. I got a B, and was placed right in the middle of the pack. This got me discouraged. Raspberries, I though. Another year of winning some, and then losing some. Then we had the first game.

Then the second...

The third I lost but it was close...

This is the first time in a long time I think I got a shot to win this thing! Tune in next Tuesday when I give you a recap of NickelNDime's Fantasy Football!!!

Hey hey it's NickelnDime! This blog will cover 5 great songs you've probably never heard of before. I'll also try to give my interpretation or take on the song. Some are folk, rock, or acoustic, but they all have one thing in common, they are amazing...that's why I'm writing about them. So, let's get this show on the road.

5) Thin Blue Flame – Josh Ritter(2006)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtPgwPPGTfk

This song is epic in it's lyrical content,and also has a great use of dynamics. It's starts off with just a guitar, going back and forth between two chords, then slowly builds to a full band, then finally ends with just the guitar. What really is impressive about this song is the lyrics, or the subject matter. The singer is questioning the existence of god or the afterlife, and if there is why is there is so much suffering? The song and lyrics take darker and darker tones, until there is a moment of realization. That' quite a simplification of the lyrics, and I don't want to give the whole song away. Here are some of my favorite lines:

He bent down and made the world in seven days
And ever since he's been a'walking away

or

Now the wolves are howling at our door
Singing bout vengeance like it's the joy of the Lord

and

And this whole thing is headed for a terrible wreck
And like good tragedy that's what we expect

There are so many good lines, or images that I could've just copied and pasted the whole song. Hopefully you'll take a listen.

4) The Stable Song – Gregory Alan Isakov(2007)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfwbguyBQJw

My wife and I went to the Ann Arbor folk festival last year for the sole purpose of seeing Gregory Alan Isakov perform this song. To our disappointment, he didn't play it. We left shortly after his finished his set, even though there were other acts still performing. As we were walking out there was a couple walking ahead of us and I over heard the man say to his girlfriend, “I CAN'T BELIEVE HE DIDN'T PLAY THE STABLE SONG!” So, it wasn't just us that were disappointed.

In this song it's rather hard to see where the singer is going with the lyrics. I used to think the lyrics were just random lines with some wonderful imagery attached to them. It wasn't until I focused to the first, and last lines of the song that brought the rest of the lyrics in focus for me.

Remember when our songs were just like prayers.

and...

Turn these diamonds straight back into coal

Basically the singer sings about the exuberance, and recklessness of youth. It isn't till he sings that last line that he makes the connection that he wants to go back to those days, but it is as impossible as turning diamonds back into coal.

3) Fare Thee Well(Dink's Song) – Unknown

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M8m4LyFSkE

“Fare Thee Well” is a traditional folk song. What's great about folk songs is that when artists cover them, they might change a verse here or there, but the essence of the song stays the same. Nothing is set in stone so to speak. The main topic of this song is about a couple. One is madly in love with the other, while the other is not. It is from the perspective from the one that's madly in love. As the song progresses the one madly in love comes to the realization the other person doesn't feel the same way.

One o' these days, an' it won't be long,
You call my name, and I'll be gone

2) Piazza, New York Catcher – Belle and Sebastian(2003)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUusqP5GLtU&list=OLAK5uy_mR2ZMnv4dGY6QeupQwRaOWLRQOYm7Pq6U&index=4

This one is very open to interpretation so I could be totally off, but here goes. Mike Piazza was a baseball catcher for the New York Mets. During the course of his career rumors spread that he might be a homosexual. The rumors bothered him so much that he called a press conference with the sports media so he could announce that he was in fact, not gay. While the song makes several references to Piazza and the sport of baseball, I don't believe that's the main focus. I believe the main character in the song is gay and trying to keep up the appearance of being straight by trying to maintain a heterosexual relationship. The main character draws many parallels to the Mike Piazza incident and the sport of baseball to his current situation. The best example of this is this verse:

Elope with me, Miss Private, and we'll drink ourselves awake
We'll taste the coffee houses and award certificates
A privy seal to keep the feel of 1960 style
We'll comment on the decor and we'll help the passer by
And at dusk when work is over we'll continue the debate
In a borrowed bedroom virginal and spare

In this verse the main character is telling his girlfriend that when they elope, they'll rate coffee houses. It seems charming and cute on the surface, however that last part of the verse gives it away. He suggest they will continue rating the coffee houses when they are alone in their hotel room. This implies there is absolutely no intimacy in this relationship. Such a well written song, from the perspective of someone trying to conceal who they are.

1) Jesus Etc, – Wilco (2002)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USMsgVbf8Us

If I'm ever feeling depressed, or melancholy, putting this song on always helps me turn 'my orbit around'(a phrase in the song). Such a masterpiece of song writing, in my opinion one of Wilco's best songs. The song starts of with the words “Jesus don't cry,” as if the singer is pleading with a loved one not to be sad. My favorite lines in the whole song are:

Our love
Our love
Our love is all we have

Our love
Our love is all of God's money
Everyone is a burning sun

This is when the singer is makes his best point. The line, “Our love is all of God's money,” is such a beautiful concept. Don't chase money and s materialistic lifestyle, when the only currency they use in heaven is love.

I hope you take a listen to these songs and find them as wonderful as I do. If you don't. that's cool too. NickelNdime out!

NickelNDime here. Getting a live acoustic guitar sound can be frustrating when plugging straight into a PA. It tends to sound muddy at the lows, weak in the middle, and shrill on the high end. One solution is to use an acoustic amp, designed just for acoustic guitars. That is great if you have that option, or you don't mind lugging more gear around. For the types of gigs I tend to play, hauling an extra acoustic amp just isn't practical, so this board can get your acoustic guitar sounding pretty good, going right into the PA. Today was the girls maiden voyage, and she did not disappoint. The gig was for a private party, and I was thoroughly impressed with the sound. Each of these pedals is modestly priced, so putting one together won't break the bank. So let me go over each of them, and their function.

Behringer Tube Ultragain Mic100

The first pedal the guitar signal enters is the preamp. Preamps boost signals. This particular preamp is a tube preamp, which some say can give a warmer feel to the sound. Others will say solid state is just as good, or that most people can not tell the difference. If I had to choose, I would go with the tube. I've always been fascinated by the idea that an electrical signal comes in through the input, gets boosted by an old tube, and then goes to the output. You can get this model for around $45.00.

DOD Milk Box Compressor FX84

After the signal leaves the preamp, it enters the compressor. Compressors take a signal, and balances it out. So for instance, let's say a performer is strumming very hard on their acoustic guitar. The compressor will take that hot signal, and bring it down. It will do the same vise-versa. If the performer is playing delicately, it will take that signal bring it up. This is very useful for an acoustic guitar. There is so much variance from song to song during a live performance, that to adjust the volume in between songs would be rather tedious. This particular compressor is discontinued, but there our similar pedals out there. You could probably pick up something similar for about $50.00 to 75.00 price range.

LR Baggs Venue DI Acoustic Preamp EQ/DI/Tuner Pedal

Finally the signal enters the EQ pedal. The L.R. Baggs Venue has a preamp, but my thinking was to boost,compress, then EQ. EQ refers to what frequencies you would like to increase or decrease. For example, the bass could be higher in relation to the rest of the mix. A simple adjustment to the bass knob and the mix sounds balanced. It's very useful when you're trying to fine tune your sound. It also has a mute/tuner button which is just good to have. This pedal list for around $299.00 but is well worth the investment.

So there you have it my pedal board. I'm going to try and life stream using it, because I'm curious as to how it will sound plugged into my Focusrite interface.

Day 1

Day 2

The last day of our vacation got off to a good start. The hotel had a continental breakfast which wasn't too bad. After a quick call to the Old Growth Forrest from the day before, we discovered that there was no mosquito warning this afternoon. So, we decided try again for the hike. We checked the weather and it called for a slight chance of rain.

A slight chance of rain...

By the time we got to the Old Growth Forrest the rain was coming down in buckets. We went inside of the rangers station to wait out the rain, and low and behold it was the same ranger from yesterday.

“Hey, I remember you.” he said.

“Yep,” was my response.

“Sorry, it just isn't your lucky today either. We just got confirmation that lighting touched down in the park, so we have to shut the trails down for the day. You guys can try back tomorrow.”

“But we're leaving tomorrow...” I whimpered to myself. The ranger must have thought I was talking to him.

“Ahh that's too bad.” He responded.

We climbed back in the car and drove 45 minutes back to Houghton Lake. By the time we got back into town, we were all pretty hungry. “Where should we eat?” Grace asked.

Then I saw this place as we were driving.

"A place that doesn't spend any money on the outside is bound to spend it on the inside and on the food."

“Lets go in there!” I said with such excitement and vigor.

“Uhhh...There?”

“Yeah, trust me I have a feeling.”

“Okay...” There was that tone of hers again.

The inside looked like the last renovation had been done in the 70's, and I don't think they were trying to go for some retro feel. There were no other customers there except for these three old ladies sitting at a booth. For some reason the hostess sat us in the booth right next to them.

The waitress took our orders and then went to check how the elderly ladies were doing.

“How was everything?” The waitress asked.

One of the old ladies looked up at her and answered, “This taste like a rat's asshole honey.”

"In my younger years I used to be a school marm at a finishing school."

She continued to elaborate, “I've been alive for 72 years and by far, by far this is the worst meal I've ever had. I'm just glad that my husband passed ten years ago so he didn't have to eat this crap.”

“Oh...” the waitress seemed shocked, “I'm so terribly sorry.”

“Don't be sorry, just don't make terrible food. Is there an owner or manager I could speak to?”

“I am the owner,” The waitress replied.

“Well... I suggest fixing the food, or you won't be in business much longer.”

Grace looked at me, “Are you going to say something?”

I looked at her in bewilderment, “Such as?” I replied.

“Well, I don't know but those women are being awfully rude.”

“It's not illegal to be rude, babe, and it's also none of our business.”

The elderly women got up and left, and the owner came back to our table with drinks. She looked clearly frazzled. “I'm sorry you had to hear all of that.”

“I'm sorry you had to deal with that.” I replied and continued, “I'm sure the food here is really good.”

It wasn't, the old lady was correct with the comparison to a rat's rectum. The fries laid limp in a puddle of the grease they were cooked in, and the burger was charred on the outside, and raw and frozen on the inside. Grace's food was just as terrible. “You should say something.” I starred at her in complete disbelief. Feeling discouraged with how the day was going, I just paid the tab and we left.

My final attempt to salvage this vacation was to rent a boat and do some fishing. So we drove to the marina only to find out they were not renting boats out due to the rough waters. We got back into the car drove around aimlessly. We passed by a park that had lake access. I shouted to Grace, “Pull over!”

“Nick, we can't go fishing,” Grace said to me. It was like she could read my mind, “It's freezing and drizzling rain.”

“Just pull over!” so she did, and I got all my gear and raced to the water.

In this picture you can see me trying to fish for some dignity. There weren't any nibbles.

After 45 minutes of being out in the freezing, drizzling rain, I decided to throw in the towel. Once we got to the hotel I told Grace to get Desmond to bed, and I was going to go pickup a six pack. She took Dez out and they went inside the hotel.

The gas station down the road from the hotel also served as a liquor store, so I park and walked in. As I walked back to the cooler I noticed a man at the counter and a man behind the counter having a conversation. From what I gathered that man at the counter was venting about his life to the man behind the counter.

”... So she says she's going to take half in the divorce. I told her that's fine, because half of nothing is still nothing. Did she forget that we don't have any money?”

The man behind the counted acknowledged him with a, “ Mmmmhmm.”

“If she thinks she can get my four wheeler, she's gotta another thing coming.”

“Mmmhmm.”

“Well, I guess it could always be worse,” the man at the counter said as he spit some tobacco into the cup in his hand. He peered out the front window and continued, “I could be the owner of that Escape out there with the flat tire.” Then they both chuckled.

I chuckled along with them, and then clicked. Wait a minute... I HAVE AN ESCAPE!!! Looking out the window I realized that yes, it was my Escape that they were talking about,and yes the front tire was very much indeed flat. My hand involuntarily let go of the six-pack in my hand and it crashed to the ground. Four out of the six bottles shattered. My mouth opened, and out came the loudest F-bomb that's ever came out of my mouth.

Actual photo of me

I paid for my beer and walked outside to assess the flat tire. There was a huge spike in the tire, so no chance of patching it. Opening the hatch to get the spare tire and jack out, I realized I had to take out all the stuff we packed for the trip out first. I just started grabbing things and throwing them on the ground beside the car. As I got to the spare and jack, I heard someone say, “Excuse me sir?”

My head whipped around to see that it was the man from behind the counter. He motioned his hand toward the jack, “Need a hand?”

“Uhh... sure. Thanks.” The man who was probably in his mid-twenties got down and started jacking up my car. “You on vacation?”

“Trying...But to be honest, it's been an absolute dumpster fire.” I then went into detail about first staying in Harrison.

“You stayed in Harrison while driving this?” He gasped and continued, “Sir you're lucky nobody held you up and gunpoint. I grew up there, it's a pretty bad area.”

“Yeah, I kind of figured that out.” Then I told him about the rest of the vacation being a nightmare train wreck. He chuckled at the mosquitoes, and the meth heads, and for the first time, I started to relax. He finished changing the tire for me, and then lit up a cigarette, and offered me one. We stood there smoking in silence until he started speaking again.

“Well, at least you have a good wife, Yeah?”

“Yeah she's the best. So many times I would have lost it on this trip if she wasn't here.”

“And it also sounds like you got a pretty cool kid.”

“Dez? Yeah, he's like the best thing I've ever created in this world.”

“Well,” He flicked some ash off his cigarette and continued, “ then it sounds like it was a pretty good vacation.” I gave him a confused look as he continued, “I mean, take Ol' Bob in there,” he pointed to that guy that was complaining to him in the store and continued, “EVERYDAY he is in here complaining about his deadbeat wife, or how he wishes he never had kids. Ol' Bob will never be on vacation, even if he was on vacation. Does that make sense to you?”

It did. It was like this young man ten years younger than me, smacked me upside the head with a good old fashioned reality check. He helped me pack up my belongings into my car, and then I took out my wallet, but he held up his hand.

“No need sir.”

“Come on.”

“Nope.”

“What about one of the two beers I have left?”

“Don't drink.”

I looked around, then asked, “What about some weed?”

“You a cop?”

“I am not.”

“Then yes.”

I gave him the rest of my weed that would smoke when the wife and kid would go to bed and headed back to the hotel. We shook hands and wished each other farewell, and I headed back to the hotel. It was like the last three days had been washed away. It was a pretty good vacation.

Here’s Day 1

I awoke the next morning a little groggy because I stayed up way too late searching everything thing I could about Harrison. Grace and Desmond were already at the table waiting for breakfast, so I got up and started cooking the eggs and… the bacon ends.

Now made withmore ends?

The bacon ends tasted like SPAM and LARD had made sweet love and the bi-product was bacon ends.

This is me coming to terms with what I had just ingested.

There wasn't time to focus on the knot in my stomach because a sound was coming from the back door. It was the sound a locked doorknob trying to be turned. Grace looked at me in sheer panic. My eyes scanned the room for any type of weapon. The best they found was the fire poker. So I grabbed the fire poker and tipped toed to the back door. As I neared it I could hear two voices. A male and a females.

“Hurry up!” The woman hissed.

“Be quiet devil woman!” The man snapped back, and he went back to trying to jimmy the locked.

Adrenaline must have washed over me because the logical me would have crawled into the fetal position and urinated myself as a sign of submission. I flipped the lock on the door and whipped open the door holding the fire poker above my head and shouted, “HEY!!!”

The two people standing on the back porch couldn't have been further from what I expected to see. They were in their mid 50's possible early 60's. They were rail thin, and had a total of five teeth between the two of them. What surprised me the most was how indifferent they responded when I had opened the door. It was if this wasn't the first time someone opened a door on them, yelling, and brandishing a fire poker at them.

The man spoke as his eyes darted all over the place, “Ahh... Hi there...are you the owner? We were think of renting this place for a family reunion.”

“BEAT IT OR I”M CALLING THE COPS!” I shouted. That was all they needed to hear. For older people, they could move rather quickly when I mentioned law enforcement.

"Come Agnes, if we catch the early bird special at Chuck's we can be tweaking on that sweet, sweet meth by noon."

I slammed the door and walked back to Grace. “Alight, let's pack our stuff it's time to go.”

“But where?” She asked.

“Anywhere but here.”

Once we got the car loaded and got on the road I pulled out my phone and realized we were only an hour and a half south of Houghton Lake. Houghton Lake is one of the biggest if not the biggest inland lakes in Michigan. There's tons of activities to do up there. Hiking, fishing, and boating... we should be fine. I pitched my idea to Grace, but she had her reservations.

“But... we'd be another hour and a half from home. The trip home might be too much for Dez.”

“He'll be fine, he was fine the whole way here. Let's just go.”

“Okay....” She answered in a long drawn out way. Over the years I've translated that Okay to, “If anything goes wrong I'll hold you personally responsible.”

On the way to our new destination I noticed we were coming up on a state park. It featured some of the oldest trees left in Michigan. “Let's stop there, do some hiking then get dinner and then the hotel room.”

“Okay...” Grace answered... with that tone again.

Got set up for the hike...

But, alas this was as far as we got.

As we climbed the stairs we were greeted by a park ranger. He raised his hand to stop us.

“Good afternoon folks, we are issuing a severe mosquito warning to everybody. Enter at your own risk.”

“Oh my!” Grace gasped.

“But, it's not closed?” I inquired. Grace tilted her head as she stared at me.

The ranger replied, “No, like I said 'enter at your own risk,' and if it was me, I would not enter. You folks have a good day.” With that the ranger walked off to the next couple. As I started to head across the bridge, I looked back to see if Grace was following. She was not.

“Are you coming?” I called.

“Did you have an aneurysm?” she questioned back, and then continued, “The ranger said....” but I cut here off.

“Yeah, yeah, I know what the ranger said. It's totally fine. Watch! I'll prove it!” and I headed across the bridge onto the trail. There was a cloud of mosquitoes right at the entrance of the trail. I called back to Grace, “It's just at the beginning of the trail. If we push though we'll be fine.” With that I plowed through the cloud of mosquitoes.

"Fine work boys! The forest is now ours!!! Wait... What's this idiot doing? Is he coming towards us? Everybody attack on my orders!!! NO MERCY!!!"

I still cringe imagining what was going through my wife's head as she watched the man she married go barreling into a mosquito invested forest then start flailing aimlessly while yelling, “It's not bad, come on!” and then come running back towards the bridge.

We didn't speak for the rest of the car ride to Houghton Lake.

The day finished up with us pulling into Houghton Lake, eating at a restaurant and checking into the hotel.

Well, I thought day 2 was a wash, at least we can salvage day 3...

Did I get your attention? Good. Today’s blog is going to cover probably the worst place to vacation in the entire state of Michigan. There are many great places to visit if you ever come visit the mitt, and if you’re by the Metro Detroit area, hit me up we’ll go have a beer...your treat. This story needs a little setting up so here it goes…

This was a couple of years ago when our first son Desmond was only nine months old. Now usually when we vacation in Michigan, we go up to the U.P.(The Upper Peninsula) or the north west part of the state which is heaven (I’ll cover that in another blog post). Seeing as our son was only 9 months old, my wife didn’t want him to be in the car for 4 to 5 hours. So we had to find something within a 2 to 3 hour and drive time. So I searched Homeaway or one of those sites and found a cabin on a lake… for 60 bucks a night, in a town called Harrison. This is too good to be true, I thought to myself. Now in all honesty I didn’t do any research the area cause I like to wing things. I thought, we’re going to stay in a cabin on a lake, what the hell is there to research? Besides, it might be fun to have an adventure and throw caution to the wind, and not have a plan. I find if you plan things too much, a vacation can become stale and dull.

Vacation time rolls around so we pack up the car and hit the road. And we make great time. The first time the warning bell in my head rang when we got off the exit, and I noticed plots of land with barbed wire fence around their perimeters and signs that read, “Trespassers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.” I thought to myself, well that's not very welcoming at all. When we pulled into a grocery store, the warning bell rang again when we saw a sign on the door of the grocery store that read, “ONLY ONE SUDAFED SOLD PER CUSTOMER!!! NO EXCEPTIONS!!!”

Well… That’s odd why would they only sell you one pack of….

Then it clicked…

"Sweet! Maybe we’ll get to meet Bryan Cranston while we are here. "

We walked in and got our groceries. Now, I like to consider myself a healthy person, but when I’m on vacation… all bets are off. I usually get the biggest rib-eye steak, and thick cut bacon. Well this store did not carry rib-eye, nor did they have bacon. Instead, they had a cut of meat I wasn’t familiar with, and instead of bacon, something called, “Bacon Ends.” My wife said just get them and so I did.

We paid for our groceries and on the way out there was a claw machine arcade with some stuffed animals. I figured I’d try and win a stuffed animal for Dez, so I put a dollar in and what do you know? I won. When I turned around standing behind my wife and child were a mother and her six kids. One of the kids spoke.

“Mom, can we have a dollar to play?”

“No,” the mother answered and then continued, “I told you before, the machine don’t take my EBT.”

The kid yelled at his mom, “You suck ma, I hate being poor!”

The mom retaliated unfazed with, “I wouldn't be poor if I didn't have you!”

We got into the car and headed to the cabin.

Now, if you know any Michiganders they will talk about “Going up North”. You see, most of the jobs and industry are in the southern part of the state, and so instead of saying, “Going on vacation,” we just say, “We’re going up North.” We also pluralize proper nouns in our speech, it’s a terrible habit and we must really do something about it. We also refer to soda as 'pop', but I digress. Going up north a sense of calmness takes over. Everything slows down, you start to relax and feel calmer. It's like a great big exhale, or the first sip of a craft beer after a long day. The reason I mention all this is because that feeling of calmness had not kicked in yet. In fact, the exact opposite was happening. Since we had got off the exit on the freeway, I had become more tense and anxious. This feeling didn’t get any better when we pulled up to the cabin.

It was like a glorified shed, and there was no privacy, it was just glorified shed next to glorified shed. It was if the city planners were like, “Hey, let’s put a shanty town on the lake, should do wonders for the property value.” Oh yeah, there was not any trees to speak of, a couple here and there, and this guy

“My brothers and sisters are now paper plates in a dollar store outside of Flint.”

My wife could see the tension in my face and suggested, “Why don’t we get unpacked and go down by the lake.” So we got unpacked and I took our nine month down to the lake so he could splash his feet in the water. When we walked down to the dock I noticed something odd in the water. It was a moat of cigarette butts. My wife, who had not walked down with us, called out, “What’s wrong?”

“We can’t go in.”

“Why not?”

“Cause the fish are chain smokers. Who knows what other bad habits they have.”

She did not find my joke humorous.

After regrouping and trying to get our bearings, we decided it had been a long drive and neither of us wanted to cook, so we settled on going into town and finding a local diner. This is when my warning bell went into high alert.

“I tried to warn you. But you just don't listen do ya?”

As we pulled down what I guess would be considered the main strip we noticed a guy in the middle of the street, pushing a shopping cart aimlessly and drooling out his mouth. He honest to god looked like an extra from the walking dead.

“Good god man, eating brains is a gentleman's pursuit.”

We slowly drove around the man as not to startle him when I spotted what looked like a restaurant/bar.

“Let’s go in there.” I said.

“Doesn’t that look a little rough for our nine month old Nick?”

“It’s fine, I’m sure it has a booster seat. Pull in.”

The minute we pull into the parking lot, the door to the restaurant flew open and out came two big burly men punching each other like out of some kind of old western movie. Following behind them was a waitress who was very much pregnant. She walked over to the curb sat down, lit a cigarette a put her head between her hands as if to maybe re-evaluate the choices that led her to the curb.

"It's okay, it's ORGANIC tobacco."

My wife stared at me with her “I told you so” look.

“Well…” I started.

“Well what?”

“Don’t you want to know what caused these chain of events?”

She did not, and we pulled out of the parking lot.

Down the road we found a restaurant, “Chuck's Family Feed Wagon” so we parked our car. The place wasn’t too bad, it was actually decent. Everything was starting to right itself, and my wife and I were chuckling about everything that had happened to us thus far, when an old man walked up to our table.

Now I know old people will come up to people with babies, or toddlers and say how cute they are. I don’t have a problem with that. It was what he said, and how he said it. He walked up to our table, put his thumbs under his overall straps and proclaimed…

“You gotta good looking boy there!”

“Uh...thank you?”

“Good looking boy, Ha!” and he proceeded to walk off as he continued to mutter, “Good looking, real good looking.”

Dez seemed to pick up on the vibe

“Hey guys.... you wanna tell me what THAT was all about?”

When we finally got back to the cabin, my wife was putting Desmond to bed when I decided to actually search Harrison MI, and see what there was to do and here were some of the headlines.

and....

and...

OHHHHHH crap... I just took my family on a vacation in meth county.

Tune in tomorrow, when things get much, much worse.

Hey fellow Coilers, it’s NickelNDime again. This time I thought I’d share the 5 most influential albums. Each one holds a special place in my heart, and I categorized them by relevance or importance to me, not by release date. So, here we go….

**5) Nirvana – Nevermind(1991)

**

The first time I listened to this album was on a bootlegged cassette tape that my cousin gave me. He was always listening to the newest and coolest music, and up to that point, I had only listened to radio friendly music. So, my 12 year old self gave it a listen.

And another listen…

And another… etc…

I listened to it so much that at certain points the music would just drop out because the tape was worn out. This album inspired me to pick up the guitar and learn every song off the album. It was a perfect album to learn guitar to. The guitar parts were not terribly difficult, but sounded really really cool to play.

The odd thing is as important as this album was to me, I probably haven’t listened to the entire album in a good 15 years.

*4) Weezer – Blue(1994)*

Yet another album I would listen to over and over again. This was the first album that I connected with the lyrics on a personal level. Before bands like Weezer and Nirvana, music was dominated by stadium rock, aka hair bands. Now, there’s nothing wrong with hair bands. I don’t hate that genre of music or snub my nose at it.. It was simply hard to connect with it lyrically. The lyrical themes usually included: partying, rocking as you partied, and all analogies had a reference of fire in some form of manner.

Weezer’s songs were about not being understood by peers, playing with toys as a kid, and playing D&D in the garage. Concepts my teenage angst riddled brain could relate to. Songs like, “Only in Dreams”, “In the Garage”, or “The World Has Turned” are songs simple in structure, yet so powerful in their lyrical content.

*3) Todd Snider – Near Truths and Hotel Rooms(2003)*

I know a lot of you went, “Who?” Trust me, if you have never listened to this guy, go listen to this album. Like, right now. I came across this album while I was in my early 20’s crashing on friends' couches. It was while I was staying with a friend, of a friend, of a friend and we were drinking beer on the porch when he put this album on. To me, this is what a live folk album should be. Each song has a monologue that is as rich and hilarious as the song themselves.

On a side note, I saw Todd perform twice. The first time it was as good as the album. The second time was at a bar and it didn’t go as well. Quite a few people in the crowd were talking in between songs and after about three or four songs he walked off stage leaving the crowd confused. It turned out he just left. The bar owner ended up buying three rounds for everyone who showed a ticket. So there was that… Also one of his fans yelled at me as I was trying to buy a T-Shirt. He kept yelling at me, “Why are you supporting someone who walked off stage?”

My response was, “Please stop yelling at me.”

*2) Wilco – Yankee Hotel Foxtrot(2002)*

Very few bands can do experimental music, while sticking to their roots. Even less can make it sound amazing. I actually didn’t get it when I first listened to Yankee Hotel Foxtrot. There is a lot going on in every song on this album, almost to the point of chaos, but maybe that was the point. Quite a departure from their alt-country background. When I saw them perform this album live, I was floored by how well they brought the recording to life on stage.

**1) Bob Dylan – The Times They Are a-Changin'(1964)

**

I know what you are saying. You’re saying, “NickelNDime, it’s impossible to narrow Bob Dylan’s best album.” Well, I just did. In all seriousness, for some reason this one is always my favorite Bob Dylan album. The genius of Dylan’s lyrics are that they are timeless. Take “God On Our Side,” for example. If you play that song right now in 2019, it has the same relevance and weight as it did back in 1964. Many artists go their entire career without ever writing a song that makes a positive impact on society. Dylan has dozens upon dozens of masterpieces that became anthems for social movements.

I’ve taught kids as young as five to seniors as old as 70, and there are a couple of tips I’ve developed to help streamline learning the guitar. Here are 5 tips to help set you up for success:

1) Record yourself

Try to do it the first time you sit down. It might seem crazy but let me explain. This is important for two reasons. People don’t catch all their mistakes when they are playing. They might fluctuate tempo and not really catch it. There is an old saying, “Recordings don’t lie,” which is true. With a recording you can actually measure the progress you have made. This runs into the second reason. It is very easy to get discouraged when you are learning guitar, or any instrument for that matter. You might not hear the progress you have made and just be focusing on all the things you can’t play. If you record yourself playing the first time you pick up the guitar I guarantee you will notice an improvement.

2) Practice time is irrelevant, set goals instead

So many times I'll have a student come into lessons discouraged and say something like, “I practiced for hours and hours, and I’ve made no progress.” So I’ll have them go over what they actually practiced and notice that they just played stuff they already could play or they could play a little bit of a song, then they would play a little bit of another song. Set very small goals at the beginning. Perhaps only one or two measures of a song. With that being said, make sure those measures are perfect.

3) Play with other people

Playing with other people is so beneficial when starting off. Most players are happy to show beginners something that you typically wouldn’t pick up in lessons, or on the internet. When I first picked up the guitar I was like a sponge, I would ask anyone who could play to show me their favorite lick or riff they liked playing. Even if it was from a band I loathed, I still looked at it from a technical aspect.

4) Take a lesson or two

I’m not saying this because I’m a guitar instructor. I’m saying this because so many people pick up bad habits when learning on their own. I’m not saying you can’t learn on your own, I’m saying that you might benefit from some formal classes. With that being said, make sure you “click” with your instructor. It is so important that your instructor knows exactly what you want to learn and that they can provide that kind of instruction. I’ve heard so many horror stories of students who wanted to learn folk songs and then were forced to learn Led Zeppelin riffs. So many students through the years have said, “Man, I should have signed up with you a long time ago.” I don’t think that has anything to do with me personally, I just think many people benefit from formal training.