how to love someone and not get lost in their darkness how to suffer and not get crumbled
there is this buddhist idea where all that you feel is simply a potion of energy running through your mind and body. and you if you practice enough you realize that this energy can not possibly have a say in your decisions. because so what if i feel a certain way?
and if you practive even more you realize that this energy dissipates fairly quickly. even the strongest hatred, if you dont remind yourself of the reasons why you have all the right to be hateful, just fades away in a matter of minutes.
this is true for the fieriest lust this is true for the deadliest loss
so is this what one should do? how is this any different than simply being numb? (if you are expecting a solution by the end of this post, dont. sorry. i have only the questions.)
its fascinating that we are capable of pulling this off. you can train your mind to such a point that the biggest, most crippling loss of your life may become a trivial event.
is this really wisdom? but what else do we have? should we simply suffer and burn away in misery when life hits us? should we let the sadness take us away? should we resist it?
i am terrified of resisting it and terrified of living it.
i feel like im already number (which one – hehe) than i used to be. cant decide if this is simply growing up or im actually getting stale. it for sure feels like im getting stale. the bread you forgot to wrap up. dry on the outside dry on the inside. the songs that would make me bawl my eyes out are just “tunes” now. well, it may just be because im depressed lol.
this post's tune shall be pitseleh by elliott smith.
the silent kid is looking down the barrel to make the noise that I've kept so quiet