i am so out of my comfort zone it is frankly amazing. ive had to run after a rat today. not run away. run after. why? cuz i am seeking a made up dead dream in a dead world.
ive got something so fucking large on my face that it makes me want to kill myself. but ive disassociated enough that its not so bad. but its very bad.
upon very deep examination, ive found that i am where i started.
its so hard to live. was it always this way? no way this comes with adulthood. if every adult i see on the street passing me by lives the way i do. then holy fucking shit. the extermination of the human race would be a merciful act cuz the world would be delivered from an immeasurable amount of suffering. wanna hear a joke, i say, trying to lighten the mood after dumping the dumpiest dump on you.
my only solace is mitski right now. not even fucking kidding. the large thing on my face is getting exponentially big and i am getting proportionally small. i was talking with a friend about how fucked we are. and here i cant stop thinking that id like to fuck her. LOL god i crack myself up. i heard somewhere that kafka used to laugh so hard while writing his stories that the neighbors would complain. HE IS ME. like the meme you know. you wont know if youre a boomer. but then again you wouldnt know what boomer means either so youre lost already. id like to apologize here for not using apostrophes dear boomer.
no but seriously i kinda like her. well do i though? you know in the end i think i am just a man and as a man maybe all i need is youth, slimness, a decent face and a personality that isnt the equivalent of warm beer. she fits these criteria so i can fall in love with her????? i guess. lemme give it a shot.
nope. but id still like to fuck her and more importantly id like her to love me. (gayyyy xd) but this is all irrelevant cause i wanted to talk about something else and this was a 3 paragraph digression. we talked about mitski and i wanted her to listen to i bet on losing dog's live performance on yt and she suggested some songs from mitski and i was about to send her a link to the song like 10 minutes ago and i stopped myself. why?
cuz i think im bothering her. cuz my brain makes me think im bothering her. i know that isnt the case. i know she enjoys talking with me. would you text someone until 6 am if you didnt like them. and she is caring. even if i was a little too needy or pushy or whatevery she woulda just bared with it. cuz she knows im a simpleton who i guess probably means well :D -_– but i didnt send her the link.
its just hard to act normal you know. hard to act in a way so that your brain wont judge you. but it finds something regardless. look up aea sessions thats the video im talking about. its a terrific performance imo. thats short for in my opinion boomer.
i ended the previous article with a flcl reference so ill continue doing that.
Watermelon...or like a panda with a mean face or like sandals with pressure points drawn on them or the smell of a blackboard eraser or a Sunday morning where you wake up, and it's raining. Well, I like him more than hard bread.