i don't know what to write about right now
So i will talk about a YouTube channel that I (kinda) like: Lost Yet Free
It's this guy (idk hisssss name) that dresses like a ridiculous hipster and travels the world with only a bum bag. He one pair of pants, one longsleeve shirt, one t shirt, “trainers” (shoes), a pink little sockhat, and then some toiletries and a phone. That's it.
So, as he sets out and travels the world, he makes videos! They are artfully done but i think he is under the impression that no one else makes videos abou world travel, minimalism, digital nomadism, etc. His videos are more like a French art project than they are “good”, but he gets his message across.
I like this because of the total lack posessions he is carrying. I aspire to be that minimal.
liberation
what does it mean to me?
Well, it ties in with minimalism, to a degree.
I had never heard the term minimalism before the moment when i first felt the true feeling of liberation. I was at the St Louis Job Corps in 2003 and I had to pare down my possession to juuuuust what would fit into my wall locker. A small wall locker. So I put one entire suitcase full of possessions in storage and the other suitcase (and all of its well-curated belongings) went into the wall locker. I then turned the lock, locked it up, went outside, and remarked to my friend, Jason, “This whole minimalist living thing is pretty liberating!”
I just took the word “minimal” and added “ist” to it and assumed it was a term people had used before. And no, I cannot lay claim to the idea that i invented minimalism. I just discovered it independently. But minimalism and liberty are two things that go hand-in-hand, in my opinion. It more or less means “freedom from responsibility”. No ties. No stuff to be owned by. An empty backpack.
I started practising minimalism again in 2010 when I was in a very crowded apartment in Festus, MO. (crowded with STUFF, not people) and living with my dog, River. It was soon after I adopted River that I realized that having a tie to responsibilities (him) was a burden. So I curbed this stress/depression by whittling down my possessions. More and more stuff was thrown in the garbage, donated, and sold in the following 8 years than I can count. The “bulk” of it in the first three years.
The dog has since passed on. I have minimized even more. And today I deleted all of my Tweets (though technically theeeeee Twitter account exists with just a single Tweet). So, do I feel liberated? Yes. I do. I have no (74K) Tweets, or “body of work”, weighing me down on the Internet. I remember this feeling the first time I deleted a blog. Notorious News (a celeb gossip blog) back in 2011 (that I had run for the five years prior to that). What a great feeling!
Now I am no longer “on” social media. I have no Facebook. No Instagram. No anything else (besides an old dead Tumblr or two which I never bother to look at). So....LIBERATION!
there. all tweets are deleted
funnily enough, it deleted all Tweets except the one that linked to my last blog post, that said i was going to delete all of my tweets. that may still get taken down eventually, but, yea. Fuck it. Tweets are GONE!
i also had 395 followers a few months back before blocking everyone who i didn't know on a personal basis (which was about 25 people) and then i put my Twitter acct on lock-down.
I tried to delete my Twitter but i end up coming back but i suppose now i have no reason to. I was trying to get my Tweet count to 100K (idk why) but i deleted all tweets at 74K. All is well and good.
i could “start afresh”, but that would be dumb. I will just not use twitter. lol.
what a waste of my precious time
i am referring to twitter. i spend so much god damn time on there. it sucks.
gonna delete all my tweets with twet delete or whatever the fuck.
brb
So since tomorrow is called off, I am going to be meeting with my sister or my brother-in-law or whateverthefuck and getting $$$ for laundry so my clothes are not nasty anymore.
idgaf if i ever talk to my mom again. If she doesn't now how to pick up a phone, I don't know how to pick up a phone. Bitch.
And unless my sister is on her best prestegial behavior tomorrow when she drops the money off, she can fucking forget about me watching her retarded dogs this weekend.
I am basically done being a positive influence in people's lives because I am dealt off the bottom of the deck by everyone. I am not in the victim mindset of life happening to me, but rather that life is happening for me, however: my family are scum and will do anything to annoy/sabotage what I am trying to do with my life and they make batshit, bad decisions with theirs. So they can fuck off.
Fuck You, Raspberry Pi
Just threw the RPi & all of its components in the dumpster outside my house. Why? Because the thing is under-powered and I am sick of looking at its god-awful, on-life-support ass sitting on my desk. Also because I am buying something different next month (in terms of computing).
Now it would have been a completely different story if the ARM processor within the Pi had been compatible w/ TAILS OS. Only Intel processors work w/ TAILS at the moment though, so...
Anyway, I am making coffee and getting more and more pissed off that I haven't recieved a call-back from someone who told me three fucking times that they would call me back. People are cocksuckers.
Be back in a bit.
Not Enough
So, for reasons I will not go into here, the student loan discharge is more than likely not going to go through. Which means I cannot get a Pell Grant. Which means I cannot attend STLCC in Fall 2018. Or ever. Until the loan is paid off. Which cannot happen. I am 110% broke 24/7 and the thing will have to just sit and fucking linger.
So what now? Now I suppose I try to build the app even though I am not motivated to do a simple god damn thing with my life right now. I wanted to go to college. Realllll bad. But, fuck me, right?
No matter the intentions, no matter the motivation, no matter anything, if you are a statistic of any sort: You Will Stay A Statistic. There's absolutely no escape. That's the end of that. I come from poverty. I am in poverty. The only ticket out of poverty is to get an education. Particularly a higher education degree (not just HSD which I already have). So, because of that, I aimed to get a higher ed degree. But I fail. In the United States of America, the government and educational institutions make it as absolutely difficult as possible for any type of socioeconomic upward mobility. It almost cannot be done. Even China has a campaign to erradicate poverty. No such thing in the U.S.
So, fuck me. Right? I don't know. I have zero motivation for anything other than higher ed. People will fucking look down on me and shame the living fuck out of me for “not doing what I am supposed to be doing” in terms of achieving this degree/attending college. It was the last and final hope I had left to do anything but watch paint dry and be a fucking loser all day.
More later. I'm gonna have coffee.
no more read.write.as
it's a cool feature/service, but, i am going to keep this blog unlisted, and my Twitter acct set to private because i do not want anyone from STLCC to see the dribble i put there nor here. Certain folks can see this stuff, no one else.
I went ahead and changed the layout of this blog to “Notebook” instead of “Classic” or whatever. This looks better, imo.
that's all for now.
I never used this font before
So let's give it a whirl! Sans-serif. Looks pretty.
Been reading a lot of articles lately. Been fun. A lot of #minimalist/ism blogs as well.
But anyway, I reduced my keychain down to two simple keys (apt/mailbox) and a knot of paracord (to prevent them from jingling), and they are attached to a carbiner for belt hoop clipping, of course. My wallet was downsized, too. I now have only my State I.D., insurance card, and debit card within. The SLCL card, laundry card, Starbucks giftcard and the like are all in the kitchen “junk” drawer. This lightens the wallet quite a bit (in a good way). My phone? As mentioned before, it stays at home. Basically always. I am going to make it so I never take it with me. It is merely a mobile hotspot (but I do still need a home phone at least (in the form of this smartphone)).
The vast majority of the things that I own are affiliated with backpacking (which is a fun hobby, but...meh). I have all kinds of stuff that goes along with backpacking all tucked away (conveniently) in a backpack in my walk-in closet. Aside from that, I am down to very little possessions (just for the fuck of it). It is possible that I may even give up backpacking altogether and just be a hiker. I hike regularly anyway (when it isn't 96 degrees out like it was today). I enjoy hiking more than I do backpacking. Backpacking (even though I bring about 9 lbs of gear with me) is always inconvenient because then I have to set everything up, sleep outside, take everything down, blah blah. Camping is great, sure, but a quick outdoor jaunt is much more satisfying to me, to be honest.
So anyway, possibly more downsizing tomorrow.
Be back in a bit!
Could I/Would I Ever Write Fiction Again?
No. It is simply too mind-boggling for me. I have to “create” every second of every sentence and I am much, Much, MUCH better at simply expressing an opinion on something, or writing about hard-facts, or doing an academic paper or something like that instead of making up a novel for entertainment. I fucking love reading fiction, and admire people who can write it, but I cannot.
I am basically burying that hatchet right now. Never to write fiction again. Unless it is a super-inspired short story or some shit. End of that discussion.
#fiction #writing #amwriting