In honor of Men's Mental Health Awareness month I want to dedicate today's Relatable post to the mental health of our male partners. A few of you on Coil (Gord & Ramon that I know of) are raising awareness by growing out your mustaches, but I am going to have to decline on that challenge and stick to providing emotional and mental support.

I've talked a little bit about mental health and marriage before but I really want to put the emphasis on a few actionable steps that you can take to support your male partner in caring for his mental health.

Before I dive into that I feel like it's important to say that we need to put more of an emphasis on men's mental health. We need to be better about normalizing men talking through their feelings and feeling safe to express them. I believe we've gotten better about this but with suicide rates averaging four times higher for males over females, we still have a major problem on our hands. According to the CDC suicide accounts for 80% of male deaths in the US.

This is attributed to the fact that it is believed that men deal with more stress in relation to finances, jobs and other issues. In addition many men struggle to express their emotions and process their feelings in the way that women do. This also goes back to brain chemicals being balanced, the lack of mental health care easily available (and encouraged) for men and then the fact that men just aren't encouraged to talk about how they feel. This goes back to dangerous stereotypes and it's an asset of toxic masculinity that really needs to go.

So what can we do about it?

Please note: I'm not saying that we need to fix men or that women are the only ones capable of helping in these situations. This is from my perspective as a wife and mother with ways that I as a WIFE can help my husband with his mental health. This is one perspective, it's not one-size-fits-all and I'm definitely not trying to say that if you are or are not doing these things that you're handling things right or wrong. Simply my experience and perspective.

Treat him as an individual.

I make A LOT of generalizations in this post and I'm very aware of that, so don't come for me. The reason I did such was because I was trying to cover as many sides as possible. In my case I have seen each of these things have various effects on different men in my life. They don't all work for one guy and they're not all necessary either- it's just a good list to keep in the back of your mind. At the end of the day you can't forget that not all men are the same and they each have their individual needs. It's easy to want to go into “fixing” mode when you see someone you love in a hard place but don't assume that you can or should fix things. Use this as a general guide and communicate as best you can with your loved one. Also realize that they may not appreciate or want your help, in those cases you just have to step back and pray for them and love on them as best you can. Gentle encouragement and unwavering support, even from a few feet back can do wonders.

Teach your children.

As a wife to a strong-willed man and mother to a *probably just as* strong willed boy I have been very aware of this issue lately. I think that it not only starts with being very intentional in the home about being present for your partner, but it's also important that we're intentional with teaching our kids about mental health. We should be putting just as much of an emphasis on mental health as we do physical health. Teach your kids about expressing their emotions. Be careful to not put a gender emphasis on emotions and be sure to normalize talking through your feelings. Encourage your kids to cry and let it out and be known that taking space to work through things is always okay. If we allow our kids this extra grace, love and attention they won't be as afraid to ask for it and will encourage it amongst their peers as they get older and it becomes harder to establish those patterns.

Be present for your partner.

Check in often with your partner. Don't allow days to go by without asking how they are and really sticking around for the answer. Be physically present – don't underestimate the power of putting down your phone and looking them in the eye. As women it can be easy to want your man to always make the first move but men like to be loved on too. And I'm not just talking about initiating sex. I'm talking about taking time to give them a hug, holding their hand and sneaking up with a kiss. Just letting them know you're there and that you're thinking about them can make a world of difference in feeling like they're cared about.

Become a better listener.

You need to listen not only when they're speaking but especially when they're not. I don't know about you but sub-consciously I like the sound of my own voice and it's easy for me to start rambling as soon as Dustin steps foot in the door at the end of a long day. One thing that I've had to realize is that me talking his head off or overwhelming him with information is not great for his mind. He needs space to decompress. This is a way that I can listen to him and honor his needs. When he's ready to talk, I'm ready to listen and vice versa. The respect goes both ways but this is particularly an area that I struggle in more than he does. It's also important to note that we need to be conscious about keeping our mouths shut when our partner is talking and not projecting our own fears, assumptions or disappointments onto them. Let them speak and hear them for what they have to say- in serious and non serious conversations. They need to know that you care about their thoughts and feelings and when things are hard that you'll be there for them.

Encourage counseling.

Many men tend to not prioritize counseling the way that women do. I'm not sure why this is. Maybe it's the stigma around therapy or maybe it's the fact that they don't want to talk to a stranger about their issues or admit that they may need help. Either way, I think it's important that we encourage them to go to counseling and not make a big deal out of it. By normalizing this conversation and way of healing we could help a lot of men get the help they desperately need.

Normalize medication.

In the same way that we need to normalize counseling we need to normalize medication. Sometimes you need meds to help balance those chemicals that are messing with your head. That's okay! Encouraging mental health checks and hormone panels and following that up with treatment is important. These little things could literally save a life.

Encourage a healthy lifestyle.

Mental health is still health and lifestyle can attribute to this greatly. It's not just your weight that suffers when you don't drink a lot of water, exercise and eat healthy. Your mind suffers too. I'm all for therapy and if you need it, medication, but I encourage you to encourage healthy habits to start because they can greatly improve your mental health on their own. Plus, when you have a good foundation if you need to integrate therapy and/or medication it will help you reap the benefits of those exponentially! When you're supporting your partner in this way it's helpful to do workouts or cook healthy meals with them to let them know that you care and that they're not alone.

Encourage your partner.

When you're first dating you spend a lot of time building your partner up and showering them with compliments. As time goes on that becomes less and less common, but it's still necessary! It's nice to know that you're loved and seen. Be sure to not let the compliments slide, just because you see each other everyday. In the same way you want to be encouraging about their hobbies and doing things that will make them happy and will help them decompress their energy. It can be hard when there are kids and jobs involved and you probably feel overwhelmed as is, but take turns allowing each other guilt-free time to do whatever makes you happy and you will probably see an improvement in both side's mental health and overall relationship.

At the end of the day you need to remember that you partner's mental health isn't your responsibility and you aren't to blame if they're not doing well, but it is important to be intentional about supporting them as much as you can. As your partner you want them to be healthy and whatever you can do to aide in that process, you should. Obviously this goes both ways, but I know as a woman that sometimes I forget to be as intentional with my husband's mental health as I should be. I'm often so wrapped up in my own woes and emotions that I forget to check in on him and that's just not okay. I owe it to him to be just as present as he tries to be with me.

If you are struggling with your mental health please reach out to someone, anyone and let them know how you're feeling. If you don't have anyone close to you reach out to a hotline – America's is 1-800-273-TALK (8255) – and let them know that you need support. They will point you in the right direction. I don't know what it's like to be a man but I do know that it's always worth it to reach out for help. There are people that want you here and who will do whatever they can to help you stay healthy and alive.

Don't forget to love and be loved.

xoxo – Ry

When it comes to sharing the things I love, I don't hold back. But I'm also pretty cautious because I don't like to share things that I've only loved for a few minutes or even a few weeks.

The problem with “influencer” culture is that you're not really sure exactly how you're being influenced because so many companies send product after product to these people and expect them to advertise whether they like the product or not. In the same way influencers take on way too many deals on brands that compete against each other and you really can't trust them because of it.

Now I've been pretty vocal about Coil on Coil for the last year and a half and I've created a few resources that I've shared on Instagram/Facebook/Twitter/Pinterest but now that I really understand the technology and the process I feel like it's a good time to dive deeper. With censorship raging on these platforms and people waking up to the fact that big tech actually does not have their best interest in mind, it's time for platforms utilizing Coil's technology to shine.

I am fully aware that I have my Coil audience and then I have my audience that comes from the platforms I mentioned above so let me make this clear that this post is for those who are new to Coil. Those of you that already hang around here know this information and I'm not fishing for upvotes by stating the obvious. On the contrary, my hope is that I can create an easy resource with the FAQ's that I get about Coil to direct people to when I share it on these other platforms. Hopefully this will be a great resource that you can send your friends and family to as well!

What is Coil?

Coil is the company behind web-monetization. Utilizing Interledger technology they created the plugin that allows websites to monetize their content without giving into ads and ultimately selling their user's information to ad companies. The beauty behind Coil is that it benefits both creators and users because creators get streamed micro-payments in real time as users consume their content and users get access to exclusive content and their information stays private and protected.

What does this cost?

It is free to download the plugin and it is free to utilize it on your own website. It is $5 a month for the actual subscription which allows you to view exclusive (monetized) content. All of the micro-payments that are streamed to creators comes out of this subscription. Even if you consume more than $5 a month worth of content, they still get paid and it doesn't come out of your pocket. Creators will choose what content is to be monetized and which content isn't, but the beauty is that if you have a subscription any of their content that you consume will be monetized as long as you are consuming it on a platform, using a browser that has the plug in enabled. This allows creators to offer content to those without the plug in but it gives them an incentive to create exclusive content for those that support them via the subscription.

Why Coil over Patreon or Subscriptions?

In this day and age subscriptions are simply out of control. We now have apps just to control our subscriptions because we simply have too many. Coil wants to eliminate this issue by offering up one subscription that would allow you to gain access to many different sites and consume content all over the internet. With Patreon if you want to support a creator, you have to support JUST that creator leaving you limited on how many creators you can monetarily support. The same goes for magazine, newspaper and blog subscriptions on various sites. It's very frustrating and as much as we want to support our loved ones, it's not feasible when you're spending hundreds in subscriptions every month. I don't know about you, but $5 a month for all of the content, allowing me to support any creator that is utilizing Coil sounds way better to me than anything we've been offered before. Coil has made it known that as they add more companies and more services – possibly even entertainment streaming services at some point- that the subscription price could increase or they could create tiers but still, even $10-$20 a month sounds a lot better than say $200 a month to only support a handful of creators.

What is Coil's edge?

You can monetize all types of content ad free. Twitch streams, YouTube videos, Cinnamon videos (a way better option that YouTube FYI), Imgur content, etc. The possibilities are endless and it opens up opportunities for content creators that are struggling. It's also important to note that they are against censorship and although you can make money on Twitch, YouTube and TikTok via their monetization programs, you have to qualify with big numbers and you have to stay within the constraints of their approved messaging otherwise you risk demonetization.

Who's content can I access with Coil right now?

It's totally understandable to question things when they're in an early building stage. As of right now Condé Nast's online publications are monetized (Vogue, GQ, The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, etc.), Cinnamon Video, it can be enabled on Twitch, YouTube, Imgur Emerald, Hackernoon, plus many other independent sites and apps. For a longer list you can check out the Coil Discover page and look for content you enjoy! This is an awesome avenue if you know of any creators who are over censorship/demonetization on other platforms or are tired of advertising random products that they don't actually believe in just to try and make some money. Creators are always looking for new ways to make money and grow their audiences. If there is a creator you'd like to see on these platforms or you want to support them through web monetization, be sure to reach out and ask them if they've heard about it!

FYI: You can tell when something is monetized and streaming payments if you have a subscription and the plug in shows the green $ attached to it.

I thought Coil was a blogging platform?

Nope, as of now Coil Blogs are simply a facet of Coil. Coil launched this to serve as an example of what it looks like to monetize content. It's kind of hard to sell a product (the plugin/subscription) when you don't have an example. You don't have to have a Coil subscription to create content on the platform and get paid, but you won't be able to access exclusive content or support other creators with micro-payments if you don't have one. $5 a month really does pay for itself if you're really consistent, create great content and bring in users. You can post directly on Coil or you can post links to your web-monetized content on your website. You'll just want to make sure that you have the meta tag on your website that you'll receive when you sign up. This ensures that the money you are paid gets streamed to the correct wallet. If you don't have a website or if Coil Blogs isn't exactly what you're looking for to monetize your content, head to this creator page that Coil put together to look through all of your platform options!

How do you get paid?

Like I mentioned above when a subscribed user is consuming your content with the browser that has the plugin they are streaming micro-payments to you via Coil's technology. That money then gets streamed via the payment pointer in real time to the creator's wallet. As of right now you can use one of two wallet providers that connect to Coil. Your options are GateHub XRP and Uphold. I personally use Uphold because it can support USD, EUR, GBP, CAD, PLN, XRP, BTC, ETH, +59 more currencies. If you are interested in crypto currency either of these options will work but if you're interested in simply getting paid in USD then you should use Uphold. There is an app and it is very easy to set up, get connected and connect your bank account to it. I've gotten asked before why PayPal isn't an option and there are several reasons for that but the simplest answer is that they aren't capable of handling micro-payments streaming in real time. They're not using the most up-to-date technology. That doesn't mean it'll never be an option, it just isn't an option right now. That being said I've been using Uphold for awhile and haven't had any issues getting paid. You simply have to “cash out” like you would on PayPal, it's very simple. If you have any more questions about this the Coil FAQ page is a great place to start.

What's with this boost program?

The boost program is something that Coil launched in 2019 to incentivize creators to use the platform and create great content. This is an extra boost of money in addition to the micro-payments. Right now it is closed to new applicants and there have been tweets that have hinted at an affiliate link program that would impact future boosts and the way the program is run. It was made known in the beginning that the boost program is temporary and a part of the case study to show the possibility of the type of money you could be making when there are enough users consuming your content. Micro-payments may be small but with enough users it can add up quickly.

Censorship?

Big tech is having a field day with choosing the narrative right now. It used to be a conspiracy but now it's blatantly obvious and they truly don't even try to hide it. A lot of this has to do with how these companies make money, via advertising companies which have restrictions on who they will work with based off of messaging. This is a long and complicated issue to unpack but if you watch the Social Dilemma on Netflix or just take a few minutes to scroll through any of these social platforms, you'll see what I mean. Coil is a part of the Internet of Value movement which puts the value back onto the creators and eliminates the need for ad companies and therefore censorship. You're more than welcome to look through their very straight forward and short Terms of Service which lays out what they're cool with and what they're not. Basically if it's legal, it's cool. That being said, you may find some things on there that you're not okay with not being able to monetize and that's understandable. That list has expanded since I first used Coil and I don't love a few of the things they've added to the list, but at the end of the day it's a step in the right direction and it's way better than the current alternatives.

These are the main questions that I receive on a regular basis about Coil but if you have any others please reach out to me via Twitter or email – riley@rileyq.com! I will be updating this on a regular basis to make sure that the info stays relevant.

If you got anything out of this I hope it's this: don't settle.

You deserve to be monetized and you shouldn't have to jump through hoops and always-changing algorithms to make it happen. If you're interested in learning more about some of the other platforms that utilize this technology that I love, be sure to check out my “Censorship” highlight on Instagram!

xoxo – Ry

It's no secret that things have been very tense lately. Everyone's energy is drained and we're all feeling the repercussions of this year in our minds and hearts.

I don't feel like I can give much more of myself in that area and frankly, I don't want to. Maybe that's privilege but right now my energy has to go to me, my husband and baby boy. And as it is my energy I'm reclaiming that and declaring that it's okay.

It's easy to get wrapped up in everything when you're constantly being guilt tripped about not doing enough, not fighting hard enough or not being enough- but that's a really toxic way of looking at things. It's only directing more negative energy into the world and it's actually taking away from the positive energy that could be going towards solutions.

It's funny, those who spend their time ordering others around to check their privilege, care more about others and do x, y and z typically aren't actually doing the work themselves. Almost like when we were kids and your parent would tell you to clean up and rather than do the actual cleaning you'd stand there and nag your siblings to pick up their toys and order them around the room. All it did was cause fights and as an on-looker you could see the immaturity in that child who wouldn't just do the work. Doing the work doesn't mean that you can't kindly encourage others and nudge them along- it just means that you're setting the example and working alongside them instead of shouting and adding to the stress of the situation.

Anyways, regardless of those who wish to make me feel bad about preserving my sacred energy for me and my family and our needs right now, I am tapping into truth. There's a lot of truth being misconstrued in the Christian community especially right now and it's breaking my heart. The divide is great and some of the people who have been closest to me in other seasons of life are unknowingly declaring absolute statements that would mean they don't want me in their life anymore. That's the problem with absolute statements, you fail to look at people's hearts, life experiences and situations. Treating someone badly because of your assumptions about them is unfair. Assumptions & the judgement that follows are burying our chances of unity.

To try and combat this energy I'm up against I'm turning to Biblical truth and holding onto what I know. This song has been of great comfort to me the last few months and weeks especially. I have a feeling it will be on repeat during my labor because it's so encouraging. I hope you find my rendition of it peaceful and that it brings comfort to your weary soul. If you'd like to download the original it's called “No Doubt About It” by We The Kingdom.

xoxo – Ry

https://cinnamon.video/watch?v=437701422083999416

Man, oh man, I'm about to have a baby any day now and with that comes a lot of last minute tasks to be done! I'm pretty much done with everything as far as the nursery and diaper changing stations/breastfeeding stations go. That being said, I feel like there's a few things that people don't normally talk about that I want to remind any new or soon-to-be-again mama's of.

Here's a quick little video that sums up these five things that will definitely make your life easier if you do them BEFORE baby arrives. I hope you find it helpful and be sure to let me know what last minute thing you wish you'd done before your baby came on my tweet today!

https://cinnamon.video/watch?v=442747323659847649

xoxo – Ry

2020 has been a hard year for a lot of us, emotionally and financially. Taking a lot of time off work, losing jobs, losing hours and dealing with price inflation on basic household products took a toll. There's definitely some of us who faired better than others, but for the sake of the holidays it's important that we keep this in mind.

The holidays can already be stressful as is- sans pandemic. Depending on family traditions, work obligations and how you handle exchanging gifts with friends there can be a lot of pressure to over perform during this time of year. There's pressure to buy for everyone in your life, go big and extravagant, take out credit cards, etc. You get the point.

I did a poll on Instagram and this is what I found:

How are you handling Christmas gifts this year?

I didn't get a ton of responses thanks to the fact that I think I'm shadow banned right now on Instagram for sharing things that go against their narrative (aka censorship) but I got a decent idea from this about how people are handling gifts.

The general consensus is just as I thought, most people, in response to this year, are cutting down because they just don't have it. I know so many people who had to cut into or completely drained their emergency funds just to get by during the really hard part of this year. Some still haven't returned to full time work, some still are job hunting and some are just trying to pay off the credit cards they were forced to rack up when all else failed.

Knowing this I want to remind ya'll that gifts aren't everything and it's okay if you can't buy this year or if you can't buy a lot. Spending time with your loved ones, as 2020 has proved, is far more important than any gift you could buy them.

But don't get me wrong, gifts are fun! I enjoy giving just as much as I enjoy receiving. I love to see people's faces when they get exactly what they want or when I've done something meaningful for them. It brings me so much joy.

So what should we do if we want to give gifts this year but just don't have the exorbitant budget to do so?

Here's a few ideas..

Go DIY

If you like to (and you're good at) DIYing things then you should definitely consider this. Journals, coasters, mugs, experience jars, decor, thrifted and upcycled clothing, scrapbooks, shadow boxes- the possibilities are endless! Spend a bit of time on Pinterest and then go shop your local dollar spots, utilize those 40% off coupons at Michael's and Hobby Lobby and you can create something really beautiful for your loved ones!

Host an experience

An awesome gift is an experience, but sometimes that can rack up and depending on how comfortable you are with venturing out into the world right now it may not be a good option this year. But, if you're going to have family and friends over anyways you could host an experience in your home! This could be a potluck dinner, a Christmas cookie decorating contest or a movie night! Anything to get together and spend time with those you love.

Go with food

If you're a good baker or cook you can never go wrong with food as gifts! Little goodie bags full of signature holiday treats are sure to make your loved ones smile. Cookies, bars, candies – anything homemade makes an awesome gift. You can get packs of the cellophane baggies on Amazon for pretty cheap. Fill them full of goodies, wrap jute around it, stick a little pine sprig in it with a homemade tag and you've got a beautiful and thoughtful gift.

Utilize rewards & shop deals

If you truly want to buy, choose one small thing that you know that person will love and then start looking for deals! This year especially the majority of buying is going to be done online and deals will be in abundance. Browse deals, use plugins like Honey or apps like Rakuten to get coupons and get money back! If you know how much you want to spend exactly and you have the self control to not go over and pay it off immediately, find a card that gives you a significant amount of cash back or a cash bonus when you spend x amount in the first month. Use it for your shopping, pay it off with the cash you would've been using anyways and then close the card. There is absolutely no need to go in debt over holiday gifts but there isn't wrong with utilizing these programs to save!

I know it can feel disappointing when you want to buy for people but you just can't. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be able to still give gifts. Do the best you can and if that means showing up with a big hug and a cheap bottle of wine, or just a hug, then go for it. Your presence is a gift within itself and we should be cherishing every minute we have with our loved ones regardless if we have something to physically bring to the table.

Happy holidays!

xoxo – Ry

It is that time of year when we start thinking about how we're going to celebrate Christmas!

Personally it's my favorite time of year, I'm brought so much joy through my memories alone.

I look back fondly on my childhood, especially around Christmas time. My parents worked really hard to make it special and to make the season a time of pure joy.

As Christians we use Christmas as a time to celebrate the gift that God gave us of Jesus. I don't call Christmas Jesus' birthday because according to historians who have studied scripture it is clear that Jesus was most likely born in the early fall and not in December. That being said, we should be celebrating Jesus everyday and if Christmas helps people get into a church building to hear about the gift of God and we can partake in fun traditions that help us remember that gift, I'm all for it. This is debated in the Christian community but I really don't see a problem with it as long as we're not idolizing it.

That being said my parents started a lot of traditions in our house that I hope to carry on with my own kids. I'll be starting a few of them this year with the help of family members but will definitely be more intentional next year when baby boy is a bit more aware of what's going on.

If you've been looking for fun Christmas traditions to start with your kids, be sure to read on and maybe pick one or two to get started this year. I know that Christmas is looking a bit different this year for a lot of people as some are afraid or unable to travel. If this is you and you've been sad about that, it's totally understandable. Maybe you can start one of these, even if you don't have kids to make you feel a bit better and make this Christmas just as special.

Christmas-Tree-Getting-Day

Although Christmas always started with Christmas music around November 1st, we really got in the spirit the day after Thanksgiving. I talked about how sad I was to miss this last year and it's bittersweet having a fake tree this year as well, but Dustin has assured me we will go cut one down at a local Christmas tree farm next year when we don't have a very fresh newborn. On this wonderful day we'd all bundle up and walk through a Christmas tree farm with our wagon and handsaw and go on the search for the perfect tree. Once we found one we'd all take turns cutting a bit and then my Dad would finish it off, load it up and we'd haul it back to the car where he'd tie it on (some years tying himself out of the car) and we'd take it home. We'd usually enjoy the rest of the evening by wrapping it in lights just to make it shine and then we'd sit down with cocoa and cookies and watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. That last part was added once we were all a bit older but we've had this tradition going since I could remember. There's something special about the smell of a freshly cut tree and we'd usually pick up extra branches to decorate the rest of the house with. A fake tree, although convenient, just isn't the same. If you've never had a real tree and you're planning on not traveling for the holidays this year, I encourage you to try out a real one! Just don't forget to keep it watered or you may just have a real Uncle Lewis/cigar situation on your hands.

https://media.giphy.com/media/3oriNWeb2gzrZufbZ6/giphy.gif

Homemade Christmas Cookies

A lot of people do this one but buy pre-baked cookies. Nothing against pre-baked but have you ever made cookies from scratch? 10x better. We usually used my great grandma's sugar cookie recipe and we'd do cutouts with the assortment of Christmas cookie cutters my mom had collected over the years. We'd bake, frost and eat them all in the same night, usually close to Christmas eve when we were little to put out for Santa. My mom also did homemade fudge, mounds bars, magic cookie bars and chocolate peppermint bark for neighbors and friends- that's one thing I'm definitely going to miss this year.

Advent

Advent is celebrated a little differently all over the world but we celebrated as a family in a few ways. The first way started on December 1st with a chocolate calendar. Not a huge deal, but it was fun especially as kids. I actually have a wooden advent calendar that someone gave us one year and I commandeered when I moved as no one else really cared for it. It's a beautiful calendar that I can't wait to fill with treats when baby boy is older.

The second and bit more important part of advent that we celebrated in our house had to do with remembering the story of God's grace. Every Sunday evening we'd light a candle in the advent wreath and sitting around the kitchen table with cocoa and cookies we'd read a portion of Max Lucado's “Angel Story” and in later years we'd also read a portion of Ann Voskamp's “The Greatest Gift” and we'd hang an ornament on the Jesse tree. It was a time to remember the family tree of Jesus and how God uses people in His greater story. It's a tradition that I am very fond of and I plan to continue. In fact my mom gave me my own copy of both books so that I could carry on the tradition in my own home.

Christmas Ornaments

A very fun tradition that my Mom enacted when we were very young was meant to set us up for success and she absolutely did. Every year she would pick out an ornament for us. Some years she would surprise us with one and other years we'd help pick it out. Usually it would have something to do with our personality that year so looking through my collection is very, uh, diverse. This was her way of helping us to make Christmas our own as we'd decorate our own little trees and she also wanted to send us out of the house with a collection of our own. She still gives me an ornament every year, even now that I'm out of the house and it's fun to see my collection continue to grow. This is one of my favorite traditions because as I sit and look at my tree every ornament has meaning and a story behind it. It's fun to reminisce and remember my childhood. I want to pass this tradition on and while my husband insists my son is not going to care one bit, I'm still going to do it anyways. I didn't manage to get around to getting him an ornament this year, but his Em (my mom) did so his little felt Christmas tree will be his first ornament in his collection.

Christmas Books

Another one of my favorite traditions is actually an advent tradition as well. My mom would wrap our Christmas books and number them and then we'd pick a number out of the jar or go in order based off the day of the month and everyday we'd sit down and read a Christmas book. We'd receive a new one to read on Christmas eve which was a fun little gift to open when you're an anxious child ready to rip into the pretty packages under the tree but you need to wait until the morning. As we got older we'd have to do several Christmas books a day because it didn't take long for us to get to 24 with three kids. That being said, when I left home I got to take my own Christmas books with me so I have a collection for my kids to read. I plan to continue this tradition with baby boy and I did buy him his first Christmas book already. I don't have quite enough with my whole collection (18 books) and his one to get us to Christmas but it will only be a few years and we'll be there. I look forward to reading him these well-loved books and sharing my memories with him.

Christmas Pajamas

And last but certainly not least, every year my Mom would get us new Christmas pajamas. We'd unwrap them on Christmas eve along with our books, cozy up in them and read. Once we were a bit older we'd usually stay up and watch Christmas movies too while our parents headed to the basement to do all of the wrapping that they hadn't gotten around to yet. Some of my best memories with my siblings were on Christmas eve. I think that's why I like Christmas so much, it just brought out the joy in my whole family and it was the one time of year where everything was just good and magical and peaceful. At least from my perspective.

Christmas morning is usually spent with homemade fresh baked cinnamon rolls, stockings and presents and although I'll miss that this year I am looking forward to newborn cuddles, Dustin's hot cocoa and a morning full of Christmas movies my husband can't complain about because it's actually Christmas. It's going to be different but it'll be ours and that makes it beautiful.

I hope that this inspired you to start a few new traditions this year! Do you already have any? Let me know on today's Twitter post, I'd love to hear about them!

xoxo – Ry

What can I say? Shit's about to get real.

Literally.

We are in the final countdown to baby boy who is going to be arriving anytime now in the next few weeks. My official due date is November 23rd but nobody seems to think I'll make it that far. I guess we'll see as it really isn't up to anyone except for baby boy and my body. Although if I can put my two cents in, sooner rather than later would be preferred.

That being said, I am treasuring every moment I have left that is just me and Dustin.

A lot of people don't talk about the strain that a baby can have on a marriage but witnessing it second hand with my friends and family members, I am prepared for the fact that it will make an impact.

Knowing that, an impact doesn't have to be bad, it's just going to change things a bit.

Most people nowadays wait years until they have a baby, we didn't. We chose to date for a very short period of time, be engaged for a short period of time and be married for a short period of time before trying. We knew we wanted kids young but it isn't until you're about to pop one out that you realize how very different life is going to become.

Society and the media loves to make babies out to be marriage killers. Fear around parenthood and losing your partner to the process is very real. It's also very gender-stereotyped and causes a lot of issues.

New dad's are told that their sex lives are over, that their partners won't want anything to do with them, that they're only good for making money and taking out the trash and that their partner won't trust them with the baby, so why bother?

New mom's are told that they're not going to be attractive or want sex for years, that they're going to hate their bodies, that all they're good for is milk and changing diapers and that their partners will be cheating-lazy-bums, so why bother?

I didn't pull these stereotypes from nowhere- we all know that this is what movies, tv shows, songs, ads, social media and even some medical professionals project onto us.

No wonder it's terrifying for some to learn of an impending baby.

You spend so many years building a beautiful relationship only to learn it's going to be torn away from you.

But I'm here to ask the question, who says?

Why do we have to let these stereotypes come to fruition?

Why does our entire identity have to shift to “mom” and “dad”?

Why can't we still be partners, lovers, career-focused and parents?

Babies change things, absolutely, we wouldn't want it any other way. But that doesn't mean that with that first cry all of our dreams and other roles are flushed down the toilet. In fact when we let that happen our mental and physical health can't help but suffer.

Some may roll their eyes at this and say “just wait” as to which I say,

When new parents say they need support, they don't just mean that they need help caring for the baby, they also mean that they need help caring for themselves and their relationship.

1:1 time is still vitally important.

Nights without dishes and laundry are important.

Intimacy is necessary.

We need to stop making postpartum (for both parents) seem like a one size fits all experience because it's not.

So yes, I am cherishing these last few weeks with just my husband but I'm also not scared for postpartum because it's going to be just as beautiful with me, my husband and our boy.

We're going to spend so much time getting to know each other in these new roles. I'm going to get to meet a new side of husband who I am confident is going to be just as amazing as all of his other sides and I'll get to introduce him to my “mom” side. We're going to get to see one another in a whole new light.

We're going to spend time supporting one another in these new roles and falling in love all over- I'm speaking it over us because speaking life and truth rather than fear can make or break a situation and we are going to make it.

We're going to spend time learning what life looks like with a new baby and we're going to have fun doing it because we have fun doing life together- even the hard parts. We're going to laugh and cry and then we're going to laugh some more.

We're going to be tired but we're going to be tired together.

We're going to be touched out and in need of intimacy all at the same time- together- and we're going to figure it out.

We're not going to just start not communicating.

I am not going to suddenly forget I have a husband and only love my baby.

I am not going to choose to distance myself because of fears.

We're going to face this head first .

Postpartum isn't going to be easy, but we're going to make it work together because that's what we do. The stereotypes may be real but they don't have to be

I encourage you, if you're going into this season with fear, take some time to break those fears down and dispel them.

Just because someone else experienced something doesn't mean that you are going to.

Also, remember when you're reading through those pesky Facebook mom group threads that the majority of people posting in those are posting their issues. Nobody is going to post all of the things that are going right- just because those issues seem like the “majority” doesn't mean they are.

So if you have a fear about something, choose to address it from your logic rather than assuming everyone else's experience will be yours.

I hope that makes sense and I hope that if you're about to have a baby with your partner that you are excited and hopeful, you deserve to feel all of the joy. Don't let anyone ruin that for you. Your experience is your experience and you deserve to take that one day at a time without any fears or assumptions riding on your shoulders.

Don't forget to take care of you and your partner.

Let someone come help or if that doesn't feel good to you, let the laundry or dishes wait, order pizza and have a night on the couch just the two of you when you finally get a second. You don't have to put your relationship on hold until that 6 week appointment. You don't have to let those who try to fear monger you into believing that you won't want anything to do with your partner for at least 6 months to a year win over your thoughts. Go with what your body, your heart and your mind tell you to do. Like I said, this isn't one size fits all.

Here's to strengthening our relationships by bonding over the miracle of life. Don't fret over the messy bits because darling, life is the messy bits.

xoxo – Ry

This song split my heart open the first time I heard it. The lyrics are so incredibly raw and sent me into a tailspin of wanting to treat myself better. It exposed areas in my heart and made me very aware that I haven't been very nice to myself- I think that's exactly what Sasha Sloan wanted when she wrote it.

If you've ever struggled with any insecurities, which duh, all of us, this will tap your tear ducts and ask to stay awhile. I will also warn you, if you haven't dealt with high school trauma and wounds.. you may feel the need to call a therapist after you listen to this.

If you haven't heard the song, be sure to give it a listen but here's my take on it.

xoxo – Ry

https://cinnamon.video/watch?v=437700139583276693

Read along with the lyrics as you listen!

I'd be cooler, I'd be smarter

Probably be a better daughter

I'd jump in a pool without thinking twice

Take off my shirt like one of the guys

I would save a lot of money

I would say when I was hungry

I'd throw on some jeans, not know the size

Walk out the door and not wanna cry

If I lived in a house with no mirrors

Where the walls didn't talk back at me

Maybe I'd dream a bit bigger

If there was nothin' to see

If I lived in a house with no mirrors

Where the walls didn't pick me apart

Maybe my skin would be thicker

If I lived in a house with no mirrors

I'd be louder, I'd be honest

Probably wouldn't be self-conscious

I'd go to a party, not care who was there

Not spend an hour pickin' what to wear

Would've never dyed my hair blonde

I'd have sex with all the lights on

And I wouldn't pull away from his touch

If he said I was pretty I'd think that I was

If I lived in a house with no mirrors

Where the walls didn't talk back at me

Maybe I'd dream a bit bigger

If there was nothin' to see

If I lived in a house with no mirrors

Where the walls didn't pick me apart

Maybe my skin would be thicker

If I lived in a house with no mirrors

Wonder what I'd be like

Maybe I'd sleep a little better at night

Yeah I wonder what I'd be like

If I

If I lived in a house with no mirrors

Where the walls didn't talk back at me

Maybe I'd dream a bit bigger

If there was nothin' to see

If I lived in a house with no mirrors

Where the walls didn't pick me apart

Maybe my skin would be thicker

If I lived in a house with no mirrors

I wonder what I'd be like

Yeah, I wonder what I'd be like