I Don't Think I Love Myself pt.3

written April 14th, 2020 by Riley Q Sandrell

Well this isn’t how I thought this would go.

I went to my producer in January, a month or so after I had written a song that changed my life.

I finally had come to the realization that I didn’t love myself, and I wanted to do something about it.


I wanted to embark on a journey that meant something, that would change me, that I could use for good.

I wanted my pain to have a purpose. I was tired of it just weighing me down.

And so I started. I finished the song, I submitted it to my distributor. I took the pictures. I started the work. I rolled out the opening post.

I was working on my body, my self esteem, my diet, my hormones, everything.

And then there were two little lines.

I stared at them in disbelief as everything I had been feeling about myself was suddenly insignificant. This journey wasn’t about me anymore. All of my self loathing and the way I viewed myself had to go, ASAP.

I could not, in good conscious, bring another life into this world, knowing that I didn’t truly want to keep mine.

This second heartbeat beating inside of me began to renew me and bring me new life.

Let me tell you, this has been weird.

I have been exhausted.

Pregnancy is no joke.

But not just that, my depression had kicked back in.


Wait, what?

Ya, not where you thought I was going.

Apparently you can’t just will depression away because you want it to be gone.

My journey is far from over.

As much as I am an introvert, the stress and seclusion that I am experiencing in the midst of this quarantine is not wearing well on my mind and mental state.

I’ve also had a few complications already with the pregnancy and it’s exhausting and stressful and heartbreaking.


Every twist and turn is something new and I don’t always know how to handle it.

I mean, I thought I knew how, but then pregnancy fog kicks in and I forget!

I mean seriously, I feel like I’m in a constant state of frustration or disappointment.


The word “failure” circles my brain for hours on end.

The lies and words of deception are non stop.

“You were supposed to release this project April 3rd, look at how bad you are.”

“You were supposed to have all the answers by now, what a fraud.”

“You think YOU’RE going to be a good mom? You’re crazy, you can’t stick with anything. Failure.”

“Failure. Failure. Failure.”

It haunts me daily and some days I give in to the thoughts and lay in bed all day and some days I get up and I walk it off.

I went so quickly from such a dark place to, “I’ve got this”, to “I so don’t got this”. Lightning fast.

And to be honest, I really don’t know where to go from here.

How do you release such dark and deep song, when all the world has been facing for the past few months is heavy and dark?

Aren’t I supposed to be a light?

How do I release such a dark song when I’m about to become a mother in a few months? I can’t have these thoughts…

Or maybe that’s the point. Maybe that’s exactly why God is having me release this song, right now.

A few months ago this song was purely to bring awareness to the fact that I, Riley, didn’t love myself and I, Riley, needed to figure that out and share the journey for my own satisfaction.

But what if this isn’t about me?

What if this is about those who are feeling the same things I am and have that same guilt, that same feeling of “I shouldn’t be thinking this. Wow, I’m such a failure.”

What if this is for all of the mothers who are at their END because this quarantine has threw their entire life for a loop and they feel alone and secluded?

What if this is for the guy who has been alone and quarantined and wanted to end his life so many times but felt so guilty for being a failure, that the guilt alone kept him alive?

What if this is for the woman who feels so broken and out of shape right now, because instead of covering up the feelings with parties and alcohol she has spent the past few months facing her true self?

What if this is for the abused, those who have been trapped with their abusers for months and the reasons for living seem non existent?

What if this song is for everyone who needs to shout from the rooftops “I DON’T LOVE MYSLEF…. but I want to.”

What if that’s for them?

So maybe I don’t have the EP right now. Maybe I don’t have the ability to even record it, if I had the money.

Maybe I don’t have the support and the huge release plan like I originally wanted to have.

Maybe it’s not how it was supposed to be, but it’s something. And the little somethings are sometimes more important than the big somethings.

I hope that if you feel alone that you hear this song and feel seen.

This song was my cry for help because I was paralyzed and couldn't speak. But it can be yours too. This isn't just my song anymore.

I hope that if you feel broken that you hear this song and feel like you have a chance.

I hope that if you’ve been in a place where life didn’t seem to matter anymore that you realize how important your life is.

It took those two lines, the knowledge that my life is not my own, to be able to reclaim mine.

What will it take for you to reclaim yours?

I love you all so much and I hope that this song gives you hope that there is more and that you can be resilient and that you can learn to love yourself. There is hope in the future, just keep moving forward.

If you need someone to talk to or you need help, even if you feel like you SHOULDN’T need help, please reach out to someone. You matter, your voice matters and your story matters. I am always here to talk and below I’ve listed several organizations and hotlines below that will absolutely talk to you and walk with you through this.

All my love, xoxo, Ry

https://www.cinnamon.video/watch?v=304978076180153483

If you are struggling and need help:

1-800-273-8255 – National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Find a nearby chapter – American Foundation of Suicide Prevention

Text this crisis link – (text HELLO to 741741)

Check out: https://save.org/

Instagram Resources:

+ The Buddy Project

+ Hope For The Day

If someone you know is struggling or you would like to know how to spot the signs:

Let us not fall silent when our brothers and sisters need us most.

“And if today all you did was hold yourself together, I am proud of you.”

Today I am so thrilled to be taking a step forward in continuing to share my story with ya'll. I want to extend my deep gratitude for all of you who commented, shared your stories or DM'd me yesterday. I knew I wasn't alone and I hope that you feel the same way.

When I wrote the first parts of the “I Don't Love Myself” series, I had full intentions of finishing the whole book and narrating my journey of discovering how to love myself right where I'm at. While that is still the case, on March 17th, St. Patrick's Day, just two weeks after I wrote about my heartbreak, I discovered that my life is no longer just mine.

I truly was amazed. I had never seen such bold lines appear on that stick before. It took me all of about two minutes to hop back in bed and I woke up Dustin with my fast-beating heart.

The first few weeks were terrifying. Would I miscarry again? How would I stay away from the virus without letting people know? Would I get proper care? Would Dustin be there for the ultrasounds? Would there be a heartbeat?

I can now say that 9 ½ weeks into this thing, God has worked in beautiful ways and we have felt His blessings through and through. Not only is our precious baby healthy, but we were able to see the heartbeat and in a few weeks, due to the virus, we will hopefully be able to get an in person appointment to hear it.

My 7 week Ultrasound

Now hear me out, this hasn't been easy. There have been a lot of terrified tears, frustration, and even now, my heart is beating fast thinking about announcing this to the world. Will the other shoe drop? But I've learned, in my short 20 years, that when God tells you to share, you do. Even through a few medical scares already, God has given me and Dustin peace and is constantly giving us reminders that our baby is safe. It's National Infertility Awareness Week and although it feels wrong to post this during the week that I should've been a part of (we would have officially hit infertility status in April if we hadn't conceived by then), I know that my story is also important and that redemption is at the end of the rainbow.

We are so excited to welcome our sweet rainbow baby into the world this November. It is still earlier than normal to announce, most wait until 12 weeks, but we feel like we are supposed to share now as many of you have been such a huge part of our journey this past year and I believe prayer and community is important regardless of the “rules”. Obviously we know something could still happen, but we would love it if you'd celebrate with us and pray over our sweet baby and my health! This pregnancy also plays a huge part in how my story has changed and continues to change in regards to the journey of learning to love myself. I will continue to share about that as the week goes on, but I wanted to dedicate an entire post to announcing this sweet news.

We love you all!

xoxo – Ry

I Don't Think I Love Myself pt.2

TRIGGERS: Suicidal thoughts, Miscarriage

written February 21st, 2020 by Riley Q Sandrell

I was sobbing in my bathtub at two in the morning. I had just had my second miscarriage and honestly, I didn’t want to live anymore. I was over life. I cried out to God, “Why the hell did you create me? Why, if you were going to put me through so much shit would you put me on this terrible earth? Why would you take the one thing away from me that I wanted more than anything, AGAIN?”

My husband was in the other room, snoring away, completely unaware of what was happening.

It wasn’t the first time I had thought it or even attempted it.

I was an angel away from slitting my wrists at 16, but God slapped that knife out of my hands and hugged me silly until I came back down to earth. It was a moment I cannot truly describe, but it was the clearest God has ever shown up for me.

He did it again that night.

My best friend texted me right before I was going to slip under the water.

It was random. A random time, random place, random thing- but it was God. 100%. 
Because I have a purpose on this earth and even when everything hurts too bad and I have given up and completely stopped loving myself, He reminds me of it and gets me back on track.

That night I drained the tub and sat and shivered and wrote the song that I will be releasing next Friday, “Love Myself?”.

I wrote the song of wanting to kill myself. Of wanting to slip away and be done with this life and this earth. I was so tired that night and I had strayed so far from truth, I had nothing left in me.

Nothing.

Until He gave me a little. And then a little more. And a little more. Until I had the strength to get up out of that tub and look myself in the mirror and say, “You are nowhere near done. You may not be done.”

I went to bed that night and snuggled in close to (a still completely unaware) Dustin and fell asleep in the arms of Jesus.

(He did comfort me when I told him in the morning. He's a great husband, I just didn't wake him up.)

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It’s hard. I know it’s hard. You don’t have to tell me. I know.

I don’t tell you my story and I will never share my experiences for attention and pity. I tell you because I need you to know that you are not alone.

That no matter how much you think you have it together, no matter how many people tell you that “you’re doing amazing” or “wow, you’ve got it all handled” that it’s okay and normal to feel like you’re falling apart.

You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be perfect to love yourself.

And for those of you who don’t really care about having it all together, that’s fine too- you don’t have to be what someone else wants you to be to love yourself.

But you know what you do have to do to love yourself? No matter who you are or where you’re at?

You need to value yourself.

You need to know who you are. Where you came from. Why you matter. And you need to see the bigger freaking picture.

Our culture has decided that the only thing that matters is right now. And sis, (or bro) that can’t be farther from the freaking truth. Now is temporary.

How you feel now? Temporary.

How you look now? Passing.

How you think now? It’ll change.

We are not here on earth to just have fun and act like everything revolves around us.

We are not here to eat whatever we want and do whatever we want.

We are here to love others, serve them and love ourselves fully and wholly.

We cannot do that if we don’t understand what loving ourselves really looks like or means.

Stay tuned tomorrow for a very (good) turn of events.

xoxo – Ry

I Don't Think I Love Myself pt. 1

written February 19th, 2020 by Riley Q Sandrell

I don’t love myself.

I love myself.

I don’t love myself.

I love myself.

Do you love yourself?

The mission of learning to love oneself, truly and wholly is a never ending journey. It’s a constant cycle that we go through as humans. But the reason it’s a never ending cycle of toxicity is because even when you think you’re loving yourself, you’re actually not.

As I've mentioned before this series I am starting today is based off of a song that I wrote that I will be releasing on Friday May 1st. Tomorrow I will tell you about how I came to write the song and later this week I will share about how drastically my life has changed for the better since writing the song and the struggle I have to now share it. I encourage you, if you have ever struggled with self love, self confidence or mental health in any way, to stick around and hear what I have to say. It may be triggering. It may be hard to hear. It may even trigger you into realizing that you're not being honest with yourself. Whatever the reaction, I encourage you to dive into it and explore what your heart is telling you needs some work.

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

Our society is stuck on this idea that we are perfect just the way we are. And that’s simply not true.

Are you always beautiful? Yes.

Are you always enough? Yes.

But are we perfect? Absolutely not.

It’s a prideful attitude that we have when we’ve decided that self improvement is too hard. You may hear it manifested as..

“Take it or leave it. This is who I am and I won't change.”

Which is great if it's a healthy trait, not so great if it's toxic. You see it's about the attitude behind the statement. If there is humility to acknowledge when we are misguided and to reroute, that confidence is endearing. But if there is a prideful wall that we have put up to protect our fragile ego, then there's a problem.

Yes, you need to love yourself.

But love isn’t always fun and it’s not always pretty.

Why do you think our divorce rates have skyrocketed in the past 50 years?

Because we’re living in a society that says when love gets hard, it’s wrong. When love takes work, abandon it. When love is painful, walk away- it doesn’t serve you.

But that is NOT what love is.

“Love means to be deeply committed and connected to someone or something.” – Lisa Smith

When you are deeply committed to something or someone, it means sticking it out through the rough times and constantly working it, molding it, and bettering it for the benefit of both parties.

So when you say you love yourself, do you mean that you love yourself fully?

If so, what are you doing to work on yourself?

What are you doing to make your life better, to take care of yourself, to improve yourself?

Your attitude, your body, your relationships- everything that makes you, you?

We live in a world that is always focusing on improvement, and I hate that. So please don’t mix up my words when I say this, you are always enough where you’re at right now, but you can always be more.

Loving yourself where you’re at is great, but as soon as you decide that you’re “good enough as is, never going to change”, you start to become complacent. And complacency can easily and quickly become toxic.

Let me give you an example, one out of my own life.

*I love to eat.* I love food. I love everything about it. It’s great, it makes me feel good, it’s awesome for coping.. not. But you get the point.

So when I went to my doctor and they told me I had to lose weight to undo my PCOS and Insulin Resistance so that I wouldn’t develop diabetes or get sicker, I had a choice. I could either love myself right where I was at and say “No, I’m perfect as is. My body is beautiful and that’s all there is to it.” or I could say.. “I know my body is beautiful and I love the person I am, but I know I can do better and if I really love my body, I’d take better care of it. This love is going to be hard, but I love myself more than I love brownies.”

I had to choose the latter. But here’s the deal, most people won’t.

For two reasons.

1. Because the world has told them, even if you’re sick, unhealthy, mentally unstable, or struggling at all- you are perfect just the way you are and don’t let anybody tell you that you need to change. Just keep being who you are and everything will work out for you. Yikes. That’s not true.

2. They don’t value themselves enough and don’t realize that true love is hard work, sacrifice and seeing beyond the right now.

And FYI- this isn't a brag. I have been facing these diet vs. health decisions for years. And every time I chose to let myself get sicker. I chose the food over my body. It wasn't an overnight choice.

Do I want brownies right now? Hell ya. I’ve been craving brownies for weeks. But I know that eating a brownie right now is temporary pleasure that would result in me continuing to roll down the hill to worse things.

It also stems down to that I don’t love myself entirely right now. I don’t love the way that I look in the mirror, and I need to get to loving myself on the outside and the inside. I need to fix the way that I see myself as a person, so that I can better support myself and love myself and others in the ways that I need and want to.

Self love is far more complicated that we’d like to admit. And unfortunately, no matter how many times you tell yourself in the mirror that you love yourself, until you start putting in the work and the effort, the words are meaningless.

Action truly do speak louder than words.

Now, I’m not a fitness coach. I’m not here to tell you how to physically treat your body or eat or anything like that. I’m here to try and help re-write the way that you see yourself, the way that I see myself.

We have to undo the toxic view of self love that the world has. It’s not healthy and it’s only moving us backwards.

It may not seem like it, but there is a world where you can love your body and take care of it.

There is a world where you can love your mind and care for it.

There is a world where you can love your talents and continue to cultivate them.

There is a world where you can have self care, self love and self worth AND still continue improving yourself.

There is a world where you can constantly be better and rest.

There is a world where you can be uncomfortable and doing the best thing for you.

There is a world where you can love yourself- fully and continually.

Complacency has no place in this world.

We are not done until we are dead.

Are you tired of saying affirmations every morning and you’re not seeing change?

Are you tired of constantly feeling like you never fully love yourself?

Are you tired of constantly being told to just “love yourself” even though you feel completely unloveable?

I invite you to join me on a journey of discovering what self love really is, how TRUE self care fits into that and how to stop being complacent.

We’ve got this.

- xoxo Ry

FYI: I will warn you that there are several triggers in this series. Part two deals with suicidal thoughts and miscarriage. Please keep this in mind before proceeding to part two tomorrow.

Hey friends! Today I felt compelled to check in on ya'll. It's been 5 (I think?) weeks since this quarantine truly began – correct me if I'm wrong. For some of us we've been running like crazy, trying to keep up with the workload of being frontline workers and just trying to survive, literally. For others we've been isolated to our homes, with or without family for a VERY long time.

I love the post that's been going around, the “stop judging people because you don't know why they're out” post. I think we need to see more of that. But also, I think we need to be checking in with each other intentionally. The overall posts are fine, but the intentional 1:1 conversations are priceless. Even when I'm in a bad place mentally, having a friend check in on me, even when I don't want to talk, means the world. It means that I can start to tell myself that I'm not forgotten, that I am loved and that I am needed.

We went through our lives before this all, painfully unaware of those suffering around us. Some people are really good at hiding it and most people are really good and not paying attention to the warning signs. There's no one to blame, it's just something that we need to get better at!

So how are you doing?

Do you need any support?

What's something you've needed to rant about but haven't had the space held for you?

What's something you need prayer for?

Do you need any assistance in this time?

How are you feeling about what's going on, how is it effecting your mental health?

Is there anything you're going through that doesn't have to do with the virus that you just need someone to talk to about? (Remember people, we all had problems and issues before this one began. This doesn't trump what we already were struggling with.)

I really encourage you that if you're struggling, no matter how big or small, reach out to someone. Obviously it would be great if we always had people reaching out to us, but especially now, that's just not the case for everyone. Sometimes if you want to talk, you have to reach out, but I promise that you'll be glad that you did (if it's the right person). Just connecting with other humans and for all the parents here, having adult conversations, can change the state of your brain and your mood significantly!

Check in on your friends, your family and your neighbors. Check in with yourself! Don't be afraid to seek online counseling and therapy if you need it. I know that this feels like it's never going to be over, but one day, we will find our new normal and when we do, we still need you to be around to play your unique and necessary part.

Much love to you all, I'm always here to talk, so please reach out!

xoxo – Ry

Hey ya'll! Yesterday I reached out and asked for inspiration to write a few new songs. As always, you showed up and delivered! Yesterday I was very inspired by Adam's request...

This is actually a topic I've been thinking about a lot lately. I think it's beautiful how the entire world has turned to content creators and art to get them through this time of frustration and sorrow. But I also believe that we have an opportunity to show our worth right now. Content creators and artists aren't valued the way that we should be for the value that we provide. It's honestly extremely annoying and as much as people say they don't need us in comparison to other professions, this world epidemic is proving that they do. So it may not be exactly what Adam had in mind when he suggested I write this song, but I hope ya'll enjoy it and can relate! This may be the cheesiest song I've ever written and it's a bit rough but I just had to share it with you. Let me know what you think. 😅

xoxo – Ry

https://www.cinnamon.video/watch?v=297672475053917435

The Creator by Riley Q – 04/14/2020

Before the world went down in flames

Money ruled and we played its game

If you had a degree than you deserved it

And if you didn’t well then you were worthless

Do it for free or just for exposure

But now the world is ending and you’re losing composure

I guess we’re more important than you thought we were

So have some respect for the creator

You should’ve thought of how bored you'd be

Without your favorite show to binge on TV

And all of the people who are fun & creative

We have nothing to say until we hear a big thank ya

(and stop saying)

Do it for free or just for exposure

But now the world is ending and you’re losing composure

I guess we’re more important than you thought we were

So have some respect for the creator

So now you like my music, isn't it comforting?

And expressing yourself ya it’s pretty important?

All of those books & watching tv, now it’s a real job,

I’m glad that you see

So when the new normal comes out of the woods

I hope you remember the way that we should

Be treated and paid and fairly commended

Cuz we got you through the great epidemic

(and we won’t)

Do it for free or just for exposure

But now the world is ending and you’re losing composure

I guess we’re more important than you thought we were

So have some respect for the creator

Hey ya'll! I hope you had a lovely Easter Sunday. Dustin and I laid low and watched a movie, family dropped off food and treats and I did a chaotic Zoom call with 30 of my family members on my Dad's side. Needless to say I needed a nap after that. 😅

Today I'm feeling a little restless. I took another few days off of posting because my heart wasn't in it and I didn't want to muddy up the feed with whining. But today I have a question for you!

One thing I've noticed about myself is that I thrive off of other people's stories and inspiration. Mostly to write songs, but also to get my brain working. Needless to say hours of the Office and Law & Order aren't inspiring me whatsoever and it's been over a MONTH since I've written a song. I just haven't felt like picking up my guitar and I haven't had anything to say.

I really would love to get back to writing, but I need some inspiration! So here's my ask:

Would you pretty please comment on today's tweet or DM me with a prompt to write a song about?

https://twitter.com/riley_quin/status/1249788433817616386?s=21

You could send me a story about your life, you could write a story on here and tag me in it, you could just give me one word, anything. I just need some inspiration and who better to come to than those who inspire me the most?!

I hope you'll play along otherwise I may have to put my songwriting career (temporarily) to rest as I am drowning in a seemingly empty brain.. 😅

I'll do my best to start writing this week and hopefully by the end of this quarantine I'll have a few new songs!

Sometimes us creatives just need a little push in the right direction and today that is ME.

Thanks a bunch, xoxo – Ry

I am in the midst of a dilemma. Remember a few weeks back when I announced my project? The book/EP/interviews about the process of learning to love oneself? Well, it's on pause, for the moment.

I can't say it's just COVID that put it on pause, there are several different reasons honestly, but I can't go into that right now.

Before everything happened, I was very fixed on the topic of mental health, the issues that I was facing as an individual and bringing awareness to the healing journey.

You see, I don't have the ability to record the rest of the EP right now. I also don't have the mental capacity to finish the book, leaving me at a crossroad.

Do I push through my heavy laden mind and just finish it, even

Do I put it on hold and risk not ever picking it back up?

What do I do?

I share all of this, not for pity, but to show you that I'm not perfect and I'm struggling right now too. I know a lot of people have expressed that they look up to me and that they look to me for advice, but right now, I just don't have anything. I think that in the world of content creation it can be easy to compare and judge.

“Well look at her, she hasn't put out content in a few weeks, obviously she gave up!”

or

“Wow, they're putting out killer content right now and I feel like my brain is a pile of mush. I'm so overwhelmed and stressed out by what's going on right now, nothing I say is important, I might as well give up.”

That second boat, that's the one I'm in right now. Usually I'm on top of these things. I rise above the hardship to be inspirational, but yet I can't. I literally DO NOT have it in me right now.

In fact this morning I was complaining to Dustin that I feel like a big ole failure right now. Like how could I be so on top of things and then fall so hard?

Well, it's because, trauma. The world “collapsing”, panic, a constant fear and unknown, it is traumatizing. I've never lived through something like this before. I've never had to worry and wonder and wait, knowing I couldn't do anything to control my circumstances. This is fresh territory and it's scary.

Ya know how sometimes when someone is murdered, there's evidence that they didn't fight? They just froze? Well we wonder, “how come they didn't fight for their lives? Why didn't they do everything they could to get away?”. Well, that's kind of like what we're experiencing now. We've been attacked. We're afraid, we're out of ideas, we're frozen. We cannot do anything but simply experience what is happening.

Now obviously that's a harsh comparison, maybe fueled by far too many episodes of Law & Order, but it's how I feel right now. And I truly feel guilty for feeling that way. In my cushy little, provided for lifestyle, why should I, of all people, be feeling paralyzed? Why am I not working 10x harder and taking advantage of this down time? Why am I failing?

I think the word we all need to remember here is grace. We need to have grace for where we're at, because we've never been here before. We need to have grace for where we're at because we're all facing different storms. We need to have grace and stop comparing because this isn't your typical hardship. It feels never ending, it feels like the world is caving in and it's scary. How does one create something new when there is zero inspiration?

The world needs creatives to cope, but the creatives need the world just as much. We need time with each other, time spent exploring, time spent being INSPIRED, it's what we thrive off of!

For those of you who are managing to still kick out awesome content right now, good for you. I'm really enjoying it. But please don't judge those of us who are having a hard time. And for those of you who feel like you're not up to par with what you usually can do, that's okay, give yourself grace, you're healing and coping too. Don't be afraid of falling behind, you'll catch back up.

I pray that we can all stand by each other and hold each other up in these uncertain and scary times.

I love you all and hope that you can forgive me for not following through with all of my projects right this second. I am a woman of my word and when I have it in me again, I will return to the Riley Q that you know and love.

Until tomorrow, xoxo, Ry

I still remember the butterflies. Everyone was inside of the chapel and I was standing on the top step peeking into the stain glassed window trying to get just one glimpse of you.

As a planner and perfectionist I was shaking in my boots, literally. Would it perfect? Would I know what to do? Would we get this right? How can one do perfectly what they’ve never done before?

But then the doors opened and I saw you, tears rolling down your face.

All the worries melted away and the minute I tok your hand I was home.

They say the first year of marriage is hard. That’s an understatement. But this year we had more than hard thrown at us. There were some nights I questioned my ability to love unconditionally. Could we survive?

But like always, your loving arms were there to catch me and pull me back to reality, to us.

I never asked, but you proved your love to me time and time again and I have never doubted how much you love me.

This certainly isn't the way that I thought that we'd spend our first anniversary, cooped up in the house, but I know it's for the best.

I'm thankful that I have you. I'm thankful that you never let me go.

You are an amazing husband, friend, business partner, chef and I love you more than words can say.

Thank you for an amazing first year, my love, xoxo, Ry.