Riley Q

Music – Motherhood – Marriage – Mental Health | Listen to the Solidarity Podcast on Apple & Spotify🎙| Twitter & IG: @riley_quin

Hey ya'll. As you may have noticed, the world is kind of shutting down right now... Patty and Michael B have talked about how they're hunkering down in New York with family and Dustin and I can relate. Down here in Tennessee we have a lot of confirmed cases, specifically in our area. At first, I have to admit, I joked a lot about the virus. It didn't seem real and it definitely did seem like everyone was overreacting. But then we got more information. We learned more, we saw how quickly and silently it can spread, we learned.

I love that saying that is always floating around...

“You should never shame someone for changing their opinion once they have learned new information. Is that now how we ought to live? Learning & developing?” – unknown

This week I have experienced and seen more judgment than ever before for taking precautions for the health of my family and for the others around me.

I have never once before experienced such food shortages and seen such selfishness exhibited.

Now, more than ever, I have seen extended families sticking together and figuring things out.

I have to say though, I am extremely grateful. We have been caring for Dustin's grandmother for months and now with this, she's under a lot of precaution. All three of us have self-quarantined as much as possible. We've had doctors appointments we had to go to for healing of other issues, but our family has been wonderful about bringing food, helping to fill the shoes of the cleaner, and giving moral support.

As much as I have seen selfishness and greed, I've also seen a lot of selflessness and giving back. Companies stepping up with funds, postponing subscriptions, offering free internet and homeschooling resources, babysitters stepping up, national landmarks and museums and entertainment stepping up with virtual options. I've even seen so many families step up and offer food to those who can't afford it or missed out. It's beautiful.

Even when our country is in it's hardest times, you see the American people, learning from their past mistakes and trying to do and be better. Obviously you will always have failure in government and those rude people who couldn't give a crap about anyone other than themselves, but we're trying.

I encourage you, if you're stuck at home, take advantage of this time. This is difficult, yes, but we're all going through it. We're all experiencing fear and frustration and our busy lives being halted at the same time. Rather than focusing on the experiences we are missing, which trust me, I'm mourning a few of my own, focus on what you might gain out of this.

✘ Rest.

✘ Healing.

✘ A mental break from your fast paced life.

✘ A time to reconnect with old friends and family via the phone.

✘ Rejuvenation.

✘ Time spent with your family that you may have been neglecting.

✘ Making memories with your people.

✘ House work that has been stressing you out.

✘ Neglected self care.

✘ Reigniting your passion or hobby that was put on the back burner.

✘ A reset.

You see, the average American spends 4-5 hours outside of their house per day – not work related. With work, 13-15. Think about how much time your work actually takes you each day, what, maybe 6-7 hours? I mean really, how many hours do you spend scrolling and eating and chatting and dawdling and in wasteful meetings? What if you reallocated those other EIGHT hours a day to doing the things you love? To spending time with your family? I mean when did we get to a point in society where we started saying that “we're going to die” if we have to spend more than a few hours with our family a day. That's ridiculous. Get over yourself. Family is more important.

I am not by any means discounting the fact that this is hard and that we may find ourselves in the midst of another recession- but we knew this was coming at some point. I am also so sorry for anyone who is finding themselves out of a job or in a very stressful position due to this. Just know that you're not the only one and there are so many people who want to help- you just have to ask. Google COVID-19 and the type of assistance you're looking for.

And PLEASE if you are quarantined with someone abusive right now, please do not hesitate to try and call and get help. I know that sounds much easier than it actually is, but you need not suffer any longer. Here is information from the National hotline on what you can do: “For any victims and survivors who need support, we are here for you, 24/7. Call 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-799-7233 for TTY, or if you’re unable to speak safely, you can log onto thehotline.org or text LOVEIS to 22522.”

These are weird times, but you will get through them. Allow yourself to mourn the loss of weddings, funerals, baby showers, special events, proms, birthdays, vacations, etc. You're allowed to be sad. Don't let anyone tell you that you're not supposed to be. But try and find the silver lining in everything.

And if you are still choosing to partake in activities that are being shut down and advised against, please stop. You're not the most important person in the world and you need to look into what it means to be asymptomatic. Your beach vacation and dinner and drinks will be here next year. Also, stop hoarding the toilet paper and masks. Please and thanks.

I love you all and I am praying for you. In the meantime, try to remember that this is temporary and be smart. Don't pull all of your investments, don't spend all of your money like normal and be strategic about not wasting food. We can do this together.

xoxo – Ry

As we are all a little bit stressed right now, I thought it would be nice to share a song instead of a blog post! Coming up on our one year anniversary, I was contemplating my relationship with Dustin and where I have fallen painfully short this year. I wrote this song as a declaration that no matter what, I'm not giving up on us.

I hope you enjoy this Cinnamon exclusive:

https://www.cinnamon.video/watch?v=276760715799299455

Hey friends! It's finally the weekend and it doesn't really matter because we all work from home now anyways. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Dustin and I are cozied up, self quarantining at least until anything official is mandated. For real though, if you're trying to navigate the whole work from home thing, I put together a few tips that most people aren't sharing to help ya out!

Today is kinda a special day. Not only is it Dustin's 23rd birthday, it is my 4 week mark of changing my lifestyle. I've officially made it a month of working out regularly, eating a mega-healthy diet, tracking my food and taking supplements.

I'm kind of amazed. Not only at how good I feel, but at how I've actually accomplished this first part of my plan. If you had told me I'd do this last year, I would've laughed right through my bag of chips.

In January, I had a moment that I almost thought would motivate me to change. I hated my body. I hated the fact that I lost my breath walking from my room to the kitchen. I hated that I was starting to grow out of my clothes. I was getting worried, I was afraid for what was next, but I just loved my food too freaking much. Growing up we ate really healthy and it was natural for me to rebel and eat whatever I wanted after I moved out. It was like a power thing for me. Yet, I hated how my body looked and felt. Anyways, it was late and I couldn't sleep and so I decided to watch a movie I had seen advertised on Amazon: “Brittany Runs a Marathon”. I cried the whole way through. The movie was filmed and the girl who acted in it actually lost weight as the movie went on. It was about her losing weight and changing her lifestyle to be healthier and to learn to love herself. I cried at the end when they filmed her actually running in the New York Marathon. I 100% recommend watching it as it's not only inspirational but it's eye opening about the process of what people go through to lose weight. It's emotional. It's not just letting go of the pounds, but of habits, traditions, emotions, trauma and years of experiences. It's messy. I remember that night I climbed out of bed and tried to do ten situps on the floor. I couldn't even do one.

I sat on the floor and I cried. I wanted change so badly. But I still wasn't right.

I started tracking my food that week, but I hadn't done the research and I didn't know the quantities or combos of food I needed to be eating. Naturally, I did what Brittany did in the movie, I tried starving myself. After about 8 hours and 3 meltdowns later, I was hunched over a carton of ice cream and I had given up. I was so mad at myself. How could I do that to myself again? Why couldn't I do this? I didn't want to join a team or pay for accountability, we were too broke. I had to do it on my own, but I just couldn't figure it out. Or really, I just didn't have the will yet.

Some of you may have been following along with our fertility journey the past few months.

In December I posted this..

(to clarify: Doctors consider you to be struggling with infertility after a year of trying and zero success. Because we have gotten pregnant we weren't deemed technically infertile. But in the TTC community, our pain is valid and we are seen, regardless of the doctor's “classifications”.)

In the beginning of February I posted ..

and on February 16th I posted ..

That last article was a month ago, during my breaking point. As Dustin said I finally had my “I've had it” moment. I finally had my purpose, my drive, my will and I could do it. It kind of goes back to the whole “I don't truly love myself” thing- which I'm going to be talking about more soon, but for some reason doing it for me wasn't reason enough. But doing it for my babies? I could do that. I am doing that.

This past month has been excruciatingly hard, I'm not going to lie.

The sugar cravings were unbearable the first week.

The research and figuring out the combinations and workouts and timing and tracking was HARD. I had to do so much research. But as a friend recently told me, I look at everything as “figureoutable”.

The first step was conquering my sugar cravings which is difficult living in a house with a constant influx of sugar and fried foods- we still live with and help care for Dustin's grandmother after his grandfather passed last year. And I don't know if any of you have a southern grandmother, but they're a whole different class of grandmothers. It wasn't easy, but I managed to stay strong. I'm pretty sure it helped that Dustin told his Nanny not to offer me ANY food- no matter how badly she wanted to.

After that I had to get into a routine of working out 5-6 times a week. I found a few YouTubers I really like and except for this last week when I was really sick, I managed to maintain that. I really hate people watching me work out so I send Dustin to eat Nanny's fried food or play Xbox whenever I have to workout. I found that finding workouts and instructors that I could relate to helped a ton. By the end of week 3 I felt so much stronger. I'm excited – I can't believe those words just came out – but I'm excited to start working out again this week. I'm sure my body has lost some strength but I'm ready to get back to it!

As far as tracking goes, I've used a super helpful app “Lose It!” where I can add individual foods and recipes. I've been cooking a TON so the recipe feature has really helped. Between google, my dad and the advice of a doctor, I figured out exactly how many calories and what types of foods I needed to be eating to maintain my weight loss goals and keep my blood sugar under control and my hormones balanced.

It was hard at first to find recipes, but with a ton of improvising, a really sweet gift from a friend of a slow cooker and anti-inflammatory cookbook, I've been doing the dang thing.

I think I mentioned it in my last post about this, but I cut out sugar, dairy, gluten, processed foods, red meat, any carbs that aren't complex, and any drinks that aren't water, unsweetened sparkling water, organic/zero added sugar kombucha and coffee.

A bit extreme, but I'm down 22 pounds in 4 weeks. I'm feeling amazing, I got over my sickness really quickly, even sticking with it when all I wanted was crackers, and I'm doing it!

I'm planning on staying strict for at least 8 more weeks, but if I can, I'd like to do it for a full 6 months and get down to my goal weight of 145 by July!

I don't say all of this to brag, but rather to say that you can do it.

Every time I wanted cookies or the fried chicken and mashed potatoes that was cooked and eaten in front of me, I would think of the healthy baby I'm going to have because I'm fixing my hormones and my cycles and my overall physical and mental health. If it weren't for that, I would've quit by now.

Find your thing and stick with it. You won't regret it. If you have any questions about an anti-inflammatory diet or you want to know more about why I chose to treat PCOS naturally, just shoot me a DM, I'd be more than happy to chat!

xoxo – Ry

Coil Subscribers: My FAVORITE magic healthy pancake recipe that I eat pretty much every morning for breakfast. ⤾

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For almost a good two years I have worked from home! It all began when I started my online business in 2018 as a desperate attempt to move out of state. It ended up, to my great surprise, a success and I've been doing it ever since.

Working from home is both a blessing and a curse.

It is a blessing in that you are

It is a curse in that you are completely alone.

For instance, I can walk around in my pj's all day and eat at whatever time I want, but on the flip side, I can go weeks without human contact beyond my husband and my virtual clients.

For fellow introverts, it really is the life, but not everyone excels with it. A lot of people actually thrive in a structured work environment where they can enjoy human interaction with coworkers and leave behind the stressors at the end of the day. Now for me, as much as I wish I could do that, even when I worked in an office, I never left my work at the office. So regardless of where you're coming from, I get how hard it is to not want to work 24/7, especially if you are stuck at home right now. On the other hand, I also get how hard it is to force yourself to work if you're not used to working at home.

In light of COVID-19, many of us are now working from home and many are having to juggle kids and “homeschooling” in the midst of all of this. Regardless of if you're a parent or not, you're bound to be slightly overwhelmed if you're not used to working from anywhere other than the comfort of your cubicle.

So from me to you, as someone who's made a lot of mistakes working from home and have also found several helpful tricks, here's my “work from home 101” checklist!

1. Eat first before you work. I really cannot stress this enough. It's so important that you nourish your brain before you get started for the day. One perk of working from home is the fact that you get to skip the morning rush of getting ready, making breakfast, making coffee, tidying up and your morning commute. Rather, you can wake up and take your time and enjoy your morning. I recommend that when you wake up, you go through your usual routine to keep some sort of structure and then make breakfast. My WORST habit when I first started working from home was the second I woke up, I'd lean over and grab my computer and work in bed until my stomach was literally screaming at me and I had an awful headache. So really, unless you're sick, avoid working in bed until 4 pm in the afternoon- or at least eat something first. Eating first will also help your brain function better throughout the day.

2. Choose background noise wisely. So, my second worst habit with working from home used to be watching Netflix all day long while working. Now, I do have a few things to say about this. I have nothing against Netflix and work, it actually helps me get ideas for writing projects, it makes me feel not so alone and having worked in a coffee shop and busy office, I need that background noise. BUT, you really have to be careful with this. First, 14 hours of Netflix isn't good for anyone. Second, multi-tasking too much can really reduce the quality of your work. Therefore, I'm careful about when I pop on a show and when I just put on music. Music is a much better way of stimulating the creative side of your brain while also giving you peace and your normal office-noise feel. And for those of you who need absolute silence and low-key hate your co-workers for how loud they are, it's your lucky week!

3. Limit your coffee intake. Weird, right? Well. Often when we work from an office, we grab a coffee on our way in or take ours to work. We don't walk back and forth to the office kitchen 5 times for a cup of coffee. But what about when you're at home and you have unlimited resources in the comfort of your own home? I found myself drinking 4-5 cups of coffee PER DAY when I was first working from home. Mostly to get through my 9 am – 2 am days I was hustling through, but also because it was convenient. Limit your coffee intake and stick with water or tea after your first or second cup. It'll help with your routine, headaches and sleep cycle. I also don't recommend, as tempting as it is, breaking that wine bottle open until the day is over... But I mean, who cares, you work from home now! 😉

4. Try and see daylight for at least 5 minutes each day. Really, if you can make this 15-30 that's even better, but I get it. A lot of times we will be outside walking into work, on our morning and afternoon commute, maybe going out to lunch midday- but when you work from home it's super easy to become a hermit. Once, before I met Dustin, I'm pretty sure I stayed in my house for a week straight. I went from my bedroom to the kitchen and back and worked non-stop. Granted I had about 15 full time clients then and I was dying, but still, it was not good for my health. Simply by going outside and breathing in the fresh air and seeing the sun, your mental health will improve, your brain will be refreshed and you will remember the days when you once had to leave the house for a paycheck.

5. Stop working at least a few hours before bed. It really wasn't until the past few months that I started taking this advice really seriously. I am really terrible at not working up until the minute I fall asleep. It's bad. It's bad for your sleep, it's bad for your brain, it's bad for your eyes, your neck and your relationships. Now for those of you who have kids, you're probably thinking, this isn't possible, post bedtime IS work time. True, I get that. And I'm not even going to try to understand because I don't have children that I'm raising yet. But, I really encourage you to try and turn off the laptop at least a half hour or an hour before you sleep. Maybe that means getting up super early? Maybe that means working with good ole fashioned pen and paper for a little bit. Whatever you can do to start winding down your brain. It's also important that at the end of the day you're giving yourself and/or your family some self care and time with each other. Really the reason why I don't work until 2 am now, is because of Dustin. We were getting to the point where we were on completely different sleep schedules, we kept missing each other, we weren't talking a lot- and it all came down to how late I was working. He would have already had half his day by the time I woke up and he would fall asleep 4 hours before I was ready to get to bed or even remotely tired. By shutting off my laptop after 5ish, I was prioritizing dinner and time with him, giving my brain a break and setting boundaries with my clients. It sounds crazy, but I actually ended up being MORE productive when I started doing that. I challenge you to give it a try!

6. Put on deodorant. You'd be surprised but this is not actually a no brainer for work-from-homers. It sounds terrible, but I mean, when you don't have to see people, things like showering, deodorant and brushing your hair sometimes slip through the cracks for a few days. For the love of yourself and your family and your mental health, resume your usual regime. If you get up and shower in the morning, do that! If you shower at night before bed, close the laptop and shower and then you're done with work for the night! Continue to care for your body the way you do when you have to see people, it will keep your spirits and your body fresh.

7. Take breaks. Ahh. The dreaded break. I see you, the one who doesn't even take a break at work. I see you! When you're working from home, you often will work hours more than you do AT work. I mean you don't have anybody distracting you except for social media and you don't have a commute or lunch or meetings to really worry about. Suddenly a lot of time is freed up. But what about when your work starts getting sloppy? Your brain starts getting tired? You start getting distracted? That's a cue for you to take a break. Take a walk to the mailbox. Make yourself lunch. Set a timer and scroll for a little bit. Take a bath. Anything you love to do that will “reset” you, do! Taking breaks is good and necessary for your brain. The freedom in working from home is that you're on YOUR time. So if you're having a rough day and you need an extra long break, take it! You've probably earned it.

8. Find a friend. I'm not going to lie, working from home gets lonely. You start to miss human interaction and conversations about your family and drama and work. You will start to miss people. That is why it's SO important to find a friend that can relate to your work situation. Fortunately, (kinda), we pretty much all know someone right now who is in the same situation as we are. Connect with those people! Hold a slack group or a zoom call. Mute each other and work for a few hours. Check in and help keep each other accountable! Do virtual coffee. Especially if you're a major extrovert, connect with people to keep this time more fun and to keep your mental health in a positive place. For those of you who deal with seasonal or isolation depression especially, make sure that you're not isolating yourself. Be intentional about holding your friends accountable and face-timing friends and family. Anything you can do to stay connected!

I know that this transition is going to be hard for a lot of people. And for those of you with kids who are stressed out of your minds about how you're going to work, how they're going to be taught, even how they're going to be fed, I feel for you. For those of you who have had your hours cut or your tips are low or you've even been fired, I'm thinking about you and praying for you. If you need anything at all, any assistance or any support, please don't hesitate to reach out. I know of a TON of people all over the country who are willing and able and ready to help replace school lunches, hire temporary babysitters and tutors and I know of an awesome business coach who is helping people expand or start their small businesses in the face of the potential recession. It can be scary, but if we all stick together and remember to be proactive instead of reactive and to hold on to peace over panic, we're going to get through this.

I hope this helps! Let me know what your favorite work-from-home trick is on my tweet and I hope you all stay safe.

xoxo – Ry

Hi friends!

Today I am laying in bed on day 3 of having whatever illness I have. I'm not exactly sure but I'm miserable and ready for it to be OVER. I kinda jinxed myself because just last week I commented on the fact that I haven't gotten sick once this last season. And then I felt a tickle in my throat. 🤦‍♀️ Anyways, I'm on the up & up and I was out of pre-done content for the week, so I decided to take a minute to write. I consulted my weekly topics board that I put together at the beginning of the month and realized that it's time to introduce you to a project that I am starting. It's my biggest one yet.

Remember a few weeks ago when I asked you to fill out the survey about what self love truly is and looks like? Well, you came through and boy did I get some great answers.

Now, this isn't a typical project where I do months of drum rolls only to drop a song or a post- this is a bit bigger than that.

So please, let me introduce you to my newest project:

This is a project that will not only bring light to the struggles of dealing with mental health issues but will also illuminate the brokenness that is the “self love” movement. The goal of this project is not to be pessimistic, but rather to raise awareness and provide another viewpoint and way of healing these issues from my experience and perspective.

Over the course of the next few months I will be releasing:

  1. Several singles leading up to a final EP.
  2. A book about accepting and acknowledging that you don't love yourself and the process of reclaiming that in a healthy way.
  3. A series of videos and art in multimedia form on my website.
  4. A blog series.

This is a massive project to say the least and has been worked on for a few months now.

The scary part? It's not anywhere near done.

Songs included.

You see, in December, right after my second miscarriage, I had a bad night. A really bad night. A night you will learn more about in my book and in my first single. After that night, I had a realization that I had to turn this pain I was feeling into purpose, or I would self destruct. Through the process of journal entries, learning lessons as I went along and taking the first step in writing the first single off of the EP- I realized that this project was way bigger than me. I realized that I needed to use this all on a grander scale. I realized that I didn't want to wait until I had healed to teach and to show. I realized that I needed to release this project and write this project AS I MYSLEF was going through it.

The first segment is dark, I won't lie. It came out of a very dark few months in my life. And honestly, the next few songs aren't even written because I'm still living the second segment of healing. I'm not there yet. The chapter can't be written until I've lived it.

As vulnerable as this is, I'm really excited. I know that this project will make an impact on the world and with those struggling in the same or similar ways that I have. It's going to be a bit of a wild ride and I'll probably be sliding in just at the deadlines for each release, per usual. But I truly hope you stick around to see what I've got up my sleeve and to experience the other surprises that I can't quite talk about yet. 😉

I love you all and I am thankful for the community that we've built to support these crazy dreams we all have.

xoxo – Riley

Subscribers:

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Welcome back to the Merge Podcast!

Today’s episode features everyone's favorite Cinnamon comedian: Andrew – aka @aaa!

Listen in to hear his story and all about why he loves Coil and Cinnamon! We also got a chance to discuss why the Internet of Value needs more support from Gen Z and Millenials and what needs to change to get more “young” people on the current platforms.

You can follow Andrew on , and !

Let’s connect on Instagram, Twitter, Coil and Cinnamon!

If you’d like to be featured on the podcast to share about what you're up to as a creator or developer, or you know of someone who would be perfect, reach out on social media or send me an email, riley@rileyq.com.

- RILEY Q

https://www.buzzsprout.com/790439/2977147

or !

Show Notes:

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Hey friends!

This past week has been full of drama, I've seen a lot of true colors show and I have sat back and allowed myself to really think and not engage. With everything that has been said, I'd like to share a few thoughts, if you'd allow me the space and time.

Please take everything with a grain of salt and remember that I ultimately love and care for each and every creator on this platform.

I know I've talked about these concepts before, so I'm not going to go too in depth, but I do want to provide some truth and clarity for anyone who has been confused by the gossip and words.

1. Coil isn’t a Competition. We all have equal opportunities to succeed on the literal platform.

To clarify, I understand that external websites have not been rewarded in the same way, but Coil is aware and is already working on solutions. Again, please remember that things take time and patience is key.

2. The groaning & grumbling is to be expected.

It's a new platform and things are being worked out. There will be grumbling and complaining. There will be impatient people and there will be greedy people. Look past all of that to the big picture and keep doing you.

3. Nobody in this community is in charge. Nobody controls Coil except for Coil. Anybody who would like you to believe otherwise does not have good intentions. Use your head and don't believe everything you see and hear. Pay attention to what your gut tells you and don't associate yourself with people who don't have your best interest in mind. With that being said, no matter who is giving you advice, including me, check the facts, check the stats, compare and contrast and always take it with a grain of salt. I do not give advice that I myself have not personally done and tested. I don't believe in it. I will always update things in my articles if I change my mind/a strategy or something does not work. I believe in helping everyone and being kind to everyone. This is not a place for a power struggle, because there is no power to be had.

I would also like you to know, coming from my keyboard and my keyboard only, I am ALWAYS available for you. I love helping others, serving is a passion of mine. It allows me to build a relationship with you and get to know YOU. I gain nothing by helping people except knowing that you will feel empowered and have community and a new friend. Regardless of what you've heard, please don't ever feel like you would be a bother by reaching out to me. My arms and heart are wide open and I will never push my opinions or advice on you. I am an open book, so you are free to ask whatever you'd like and I am beyond thrilled to help you, but I will never ask for anything in return. It's not in my nature. With that being said, if anyone tells you there is only one way to do something or acts like their way is the best way, stay cautious. Nobody's “way” is right or wrong. What works for you, works for you, period. In addition to that, be wary of anyone who asks for, expects or demands upvotes, retweets, or support of any kind. Especially in return for advice and wisdom. That's not a real leader and they do not have your best interest in mind.

So please, reach out, introduce yourself, I WANT to know you and I'm always here to encourage and support you in any way that I can. I will never turn you away- regardless of what you've been told.

4. Coil doesn't need you.

I mean this in the KINDEST way possible. But really, if you want to leave, go right ahead. If you don't want to create anymore, because you don't feel like you're getting enough out of it- they're not going to cry. Obviously they want to have as many amazing creators as possible, but at the end of the day, nobody is owed anything. Even if you are an out-of-this-world creator and you are bringing people in, if you get rude, entitled and controlling, things aren't going to fare well for you. At the end of the day, the world will keep turning, new creators will come and all will be well in the world. They're here for the long term. Stay kind, stay humble and do it because you love it.

I have said it once and I will say it a million more times, this isn't a competition and if you want to find success in this community/endeavor, you HAVE to stay focused on what is important which is... the LONG TERM.

Patience is key.

And as for the competition that we are all apparently in, if you start viewing those around you as your co-workers and fellow encouragers and not your opponents, things are going to go so much better for everyone.

If someone is getting in your head and making you feel like you're not good enough, that is their own insecurity shining bright and red. Don't let them drive you away from what you love. If you don’t like something, take away its power. Refuse to let their opinions hold any weight on who you are and what you're worth. We are all growing and evolving and absolutely nobody has any foot to stand on and say “wow, look at you, you're doing this terribly”. Unsolicited advice does not usually come with good intentions. With that said, look at the character of the person it's coming from and if they do this often or it's a once in awhile thing. If they're making you feel terrible about yourself instead of truly providing gracious and loving help in a non-condescending way, it's not in your best interest. Don’t allow anyone or anything to occupy unrented space in your head.

My heart is hurting for some of you that have been deeply hurt. I pray that at the end of the day this community can stand united and not burn itself to the ground. We don't have to be a bunch of sub-groups. Find your support where you want, but you don't have to only support those people or try and “poach” people. This isn't a hunting ground, it's not a competition and we are all on an equal playing field. The first step is to remove the power and the second step is to welcome people warmly. We wonder why people are turning away from creating and engaging on Coil and this is why. We are focused on the money, greed, upvotes, competition and being hateful and controlling. People see straight through it.

So please, stop upvoting things because you feel like you have to scratch a back to get yours scratched. If that's how it works you're not in a real community and you'll never know what content is actually doing good or not.

Stop posting to please others and start posting to fulfill your need and love to create.

Stop wondering if your content is doing good or not and start taking control and advocating for yourself. See better, do better.

Stop taking the easy way out for short term success when you can work hard for long term success.

I love you all.

xoxo – Ry

Happy International Women’s Day!!

This week I had the honor of lifting up and celebrating 6 different women in the community. I had so many others that I wanted to also highlight but either couldn’t or I didn’t know about them at the time, so if you weren’t featured this week, I do see you and you’re amazing and beautiful and you matter!

I didn’t 100% know what I was going to write about for today until I got here. I knew I wanted a lesson based blog, but I wasn’t quite sure what the lesson was going to be about. After talking with friends last night and mourning the loss of some of my favorite memories, because in hindsight I know the real people behind them, I knew exactly what I wanted to say.

Women, my loves, I’m talking you to today mostly. Guys, listen up too but ladies I really want you to hear me today.

We are all beautiful.

We are all talented.

We are all incredible.

But some of us don’t know it.

Some of us struggle with that.

Some of us don’t know how to love or be loved.

Some of us have never believed the words “Wow, you’re beautiful.”

Some of us have never believed the words “I am so proud of you.”

Some of us have never believed the words “You are enough.”

And some of us really need to.

On the other hand, some of us love attention.

We are “pros” at handling the spotlight.

We flaunt our perceived worth to cover up the deep insecurities.

We blast Lizzo and scream “hell ya!” But our tear-stained mirrors tell a different story.

We all have work to do.

We all have worth to learn and love to take hold of.

We all have a journey ahead of us, they all look different, but they are there.

So why, if we all have issues and insecurities and journeys, are we tearing each other down?

In the name of love? Sometimes in the name of hate, but usually in the name of “love”.

First of all, my love, your worth is not dependent on anybody else’s opinions, on any amount of money, on your talents, on your realtionship, or anything else superficial. Your worth is based off of who you are and who’s image you were made in and who you are meant to be. That is it and that is all. End of discussion.

Second of all, who gave you the right? You have absolutely no place to judge and not a foot to stand on, so kindly, sit down and until you have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Here’s the reality, here’s the truth we don’t want to hear:

It takes nothing from me, to lift you up. It takes nothing from you to lift me up.

We as women love compliments, yet we are so stingy in giving them out. Why is that? Why is our first thought to tear someone down?

Why is our first thought to tell her what she’s doing wrong?

Why is our first thought to tell her what she did?

Why is our first thought to tell yourself that you’re better?

Why are we so freaking insecure?

I think it comes down to three things:

  1. We truly don’t understand or acknowledge our worth.
  2. We pride ourselves on accomplishments instead of personalities.
  3. We use everyone until we can’t anymore.

Women are pro manipulators.

We are pro gossipers.

We are pro judges and executioners.

We give her zero chance before we decide her fate.

We give her zero opportunities to get to know HER before we decide what we think of her and how she is going to play a part in our lives.

Women, we need to be better.

We need to do better.

We need to love better.

We need to judge, manipulate and hate less.

This life is not a competition, we are all on the same path heading towards the same direction: death.

We might as well enjoy the path that we’re all on together.

We might as well live this short life to its absolute fullest.

We might as well have as many lovely friends as possible.

So please, don’t dim her sparkle.

Instead, shine so many spotlights on her that people see her from miles away.

Lift her up. Cheer her on. Remind her of her worth. Remind her of her beauty. Remind her of who she is and why she’s here.

I can guarantee that our mental health, our communities and our creations will thrive if we are being cared for and loved on by our fellow women.

We go through hell. We handle a lot. We are capable of insane things. But we have got to do this together.

In celebration of this wonderful day, here is a song that I sing all the time. It is a beautiful testament to the importance of checking in and being real, even with the women that most of despise. Allowing women to take their place and shine, without letting it effect our worth and who we are. It is an amazing reminder that no matter how shiny the outside looks, you never know what’s going on below. This song is important and it’s more than your traditional country song. I hope you enjoy it and I hope that as you go throughout your day you remember to say “I love you” in the mirror and to the women around you.

Remember that you are amazing, you are capable, and you are ENOUGH- no matter what anyone says or how they make you feel.

xoxo – Ry

Homecoming Queen – Kelsea Ballerini

“Hey homecoming queen, why do you lie? When somebody’s mean, where do you hide? Do people assume you’re always alright? Been so good at smiling most of your life.”

Remember, you never know what someone is going through or how they’re feeling inside. Even if they seem to have it all going on, even if they seem fine, even if your problems seem way worse, ask them how they’re doing. Please.

https://www.cinnamon.video/watch?v=270499245063144995

Today is the last official interview in the Women's Week Project! Sad, I know. With that said, I do have a special post coming tomorrow celebrating all women for International Women's Day, so stay tuned!

Today I am honored to share an interview with fellow singer, songwriter and Coil creator:

S: I am an Indie Pop artist who goes by the name SHEE. I started releasing music in Feb of 2019! I love creating! Whether it’s conceptualizing a photo, writing a song or simply picking out an outfit for a photo shoot, I love to come up with ideas and bring them to life. I love a good challenge because I believe there’s almost always a way, sometimes it just takes many failed attempts and laying upside down on the couch to finally figure out how to do what you’re trying to.

R: I hear that! There’s always a way. Whenever I get suck writing a song, I have to remove myself from the energy/location I started it in. Whether that means going and laying in the hallway, upside down on the couch, sitting on a countertop- anything to get me out of my original element. It’s funny how a creator’s brain works. It makes us do things to throw us off track, yet often it puts us right back on. SHEE’s cover art is all designed by her and it’s beautiful- you can see an array of her art below and learn how she creates it on her blog!

S: I started writing music around age 14, however I didn’t release any of it until years later. My husband, who was my boyfriend at the time had been encouraging me to sing and release music since we first started dating at age sixteen. I greatly appreciated his continual support and belief in me as a song writer and artist.

R: *heart melts* That’s absolutely precious! I love that he saw that in you. I’m thankful that I also have a husband that pulls me up when I am hesitant to share my heart. I know we fall into a minority of people who have extremely supportive spouses.

S: Stacy Ann Ferguson (Fergie)

While my style of music is very different from Fergie’s, I have listened to many interviews where she has spoken about her career. My views on life differ from Fergie, but I deeply admire her confidence, work ethic and perseverance.

R: I may or may not have just sang the entire first verse to Fergalicious before even reading anything after I saw her name... Anyways, I don’t know a lot about Fergie so I will definitely have to check out her story!

For those of you who are uncultured:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5T0utQ-XWGY

S: Dresses because you don’t have to wear pants! :)

R: Definitely a top ten perk.

S: When I comes to my journey as a indie pop artist, I don’t really feel like I’ve had many difficulties that derives from being a women, so far. Rather I’ve been very encouraged by many men and women to continue creating music even with the high influx of female artists in my current genre.

R: That’s awesome that you’ve had that experience. Unfortunately I’ve dealt with men (really boys) telling me that I have no place in music as a woman and that I’m overly emotional and nobody wants to hear or watch a woman sing about being upset. So, I haven’t had quite the same experience. But, I definitely think that the times are changing and people are starting to open their minds. And jerks will always be jerks, regardless.

S: I’m not sure if this is due to my gender or not, but I am a very imaginative person and I attribute much of my interest in creating music, to that part of me! :)

R: I love that! I can definitely agree, I don’t think that creativity and gender are linked at all, but the light in which we see certain concepts I do believe differs. I think it’s interesting how your imagination plays a part in your songwriting because I can’t relate whatsoever. Your music is seriously DREAMY and so that aspect of your personality definitely translates. It’s funny because I am such a realist and once told my art teacher that when I was eight “I put my imagination in a box and shoved it under the bed”. So yeah, not a huge fan of dreaming and imagining, totally weird, yet I’m still a songwriter, just from a very different point of view.

S: I would like to one day know that my music was responsible for helping someone continue to pursue their dreams. I would also eventually enjoy being able to work with other artists that have inspired me!

R: That’s really special. Your music is very unique and inspiring, With your level of talent those goals are 100% achievable!

S: In the fall of 2020 I will be finalizing a four song EP. A lot has been poured into this EP, I don’t really want to give too much away, but you should know I’m super excited for everyone to hear it!

R: I am pumped!! This is the year of EP’s and I am so ready.

R: Note: *I wasn’t able to get the voice memo from SHEE, there has been a ton going on with the tornado in Nashville, BUT, I still have her advice and a special song below for you that truly captures her essence!*

https://www.cinnamon.video/watch?v=239636116083312227

SHEE wrote this song for her husband for their 10 year anniversary I believe? You’ll have to correct me if I’m wrong. But it’s a beautiful testament to their story and her heart. I have it stuck in my head all the time.

Thank you so much for this interview SHEE! I really appreciated being able to talk to a fellow singer/songwriter and I value your time and energy in being a part of this project. I was thrilled to have you involved.

Don’t forget to check out SHEE’s socials:

Instagram

Twitter

YouTube

Cinnamon

Coil

Thank you to everyone who has been following along with this project and celebrating the incredible women in our community this week!

Be sure to check out any interviews you missed:

Sophie Chanko

Giulia Grotenhuis

Patty B

Sincerely George

PatrĂ­cia

I can’t wait to celebrate tomorrow on

International Women’s Day!

xoxo – Riley Q