I draw rhyming couplets of cinematic death! I'm @SethStanley17 on Twitter. Come and talk to me!
Wordless Wednesday: Alaska
Coil subscribers – see below for some words of explanation and a few photos of some of the wildlife I saw in Alaska. Not a subscriber yet? You can fix that and sign up now for only $5 a month.
Happy and content
Greetings, avid fans!
Regulars to my little area of the internet will know that I dabble in a few different content areas. I joined Coil with the intention of finding an audience for my Movie Death illustrations, but I've since branched out – writing as well as drawing, sometimes about movies, other times about whatever's on my mind.
Sometimes I write about the act of providing content. I can get quite meta – writing stuff about writing stuff.
So, in place of being able to tag content appropriately at the moment, I thought I'd divide my posts up into rough categories to get you quicker to the content you came for. I wouldn't want you to miss out on anything.
A big shout out to Mirrae for the idea in her terrific post START HERE.
Welcome to Seth Stanley's Movie Deaths Volume 1
Seth Stanley's Advent Calendar 2019
A Lockdown Cartoon About Nothing
The Dustpan: a review [no spoilers]
El Camino: A Breaking Bad movie – a review
20 years of Fight Club [20 year old spoilers]
15 years of the The Incredibles
The Fear Of God: 25 Years of The Exorcist – a review
Remember remember the 5th of November (V For Vendetta)
3 pre-Christmas trips to the movies
Don't F*** With Cats: a review (spoilers inside)
Onward: a review [no spoilers]
Quiz! The films of Quentin Tarantino
5 thoughts about Coil after Week One
Coil: Understanding user needs
3 things I want for Christmas from Coil
There Is A Light That Never Goes Out
I'll be there for you (though you probably won't be there for me too)
I am in great pain, please help me
The infinite nightmare of the perpetually blinking cursor
Later 2019, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out
Kicking the s*** out of your inner critic
Expanding the Stanley-verse: Part 1
Expanding the Stanley-verse: Part 2
Watching other people go places: 5 films about travel
My top 10 list of top 10 lists
I hope you find this index useful – please let me know on Twitter.
If you're not subscribing to Coil already, you can sign up to support me and all of the other content creators for only $5 a month.
Lockdown sucks.
We can't go anywhere. Do anything.
I even volunteered to go to the DIY store this morning so I could stand outside with a good reason. I stood in a crazy long line for almost an hour and it was joyful.
I saw other people! I heard them talk about the dullest of dull things!
I loved it.
See, I'm at a strange point where THIS feels normal. We get up, we get ready, we stay in. The old normal feels strange and different.
I imagined that the places I can't currently go to, aren't actually there.
My life is a video game map, rendering only the sections I'm about to get to, as I get to them. Beyond that, there is nothing. I get so far and hit an invisible wall indicating the edge of the game.
That might as well be the case. Not only can I not get to those places, but I can't even plan for a future when I might be able to get to those places. That's the biggest cause of despondency for me right now.
It's the not knowing, the lack of hope, the denial of ability to look forward beyond this situation, that is irritating the living hell out of me.
But! As long as I have the internet, and Sky, Netflix, Amazon Prime and Disney+, I can suspend my irritation and pull out films about travel, or where going on a journey is a thing, and remember a world out there that is worth waiting for.
Here's my guide to five films you should consider watching to temporarily put your travel blues to one side.
This wonderful 1987 comedy is all about the comedic trials and tribulations of Steve Martin attempting to make it home for Thanksgiving. Against a backdrop of bad weather, he is thrown together with John Candy, a man with no particular place to be.
They bounce from sharing a hotel room, where Martin washes his face with Candy's giant underpants, to Candy driving the wrong way down the highway. Candy finds new and innovative ways to get on Martin's nerves, but there's a feel-good ending to warm the coldest heart.
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In 1981, Steven Spielberg gave us Indiana Jones, and we knelt and gave thanks for this glorious miracle. Harrison Ford is the intrepid explorer going from exotic location to exotic location (via a map montage of course), as he tracks down the elusive Ark of the Covenant. Only to find more than he bargained for – a Well of Souls full of snakes and Angels of Death, bringing the wrath of God to Nazi scum.
If you've never seen this movie, trust me, you're doing life all wrong.
Hospitals should issue people with a copy at birth.
Here you go, Mrs Smith – here's your beautiful baby girl, wrapped and ready to take home and here's your copy of Raiders Of The Lost Ark, to be watched twice daily for ten years or until she spontaneously says “I am the Monarch of the Sea, I am the ruler of the...... Bad dates.....”
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Guy Pearce (you'll always be Mike from Aussie soap opera Neighbours to me), Agent Smith from the Matrix and General Zod (Superman II not Man of Steel) ham it up as drag queens and a trans-sexual, heading to Alice Springs to perform their act, on Priscilla, their pimped-up school bus.
With a terrific soundtrack full of classic pop songs, it's a funny yet thoughtful film, addressing homophobia and intolerance. It was way ahead of its time on LGBT issues.
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I adore Chevy Chase, he's never funnier than as the hapless Clark Griswald in the National Lampoon movies. This one sees the Griswald family win a trip to Europe on a gameshow.
It gives them a convenient excuse to joke their way through a variety of hilarious situations in London, Paris, Bavaria and Rome. Clark turning a folk dance performance into a street brawl is a particular highlight.
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Jason Segel and his Muppet brother Walter, discover Tex Richman's plot to bulldoze the Muppets theatre and drill for oil. They break from their LA vacation to round up the Muppets, who have all gone their separate ways, for a reunion to raise $10 million and save the theatre.
With razor-sharp jokes for kids and adults alike, the familiar chaos of the old films and shows and an array of wonderful songs (including Brett McKenzie's Oscar-winning Man or Muppet), this really is a must-watch. Amy Adams and Jason Segel are simply wonderful, as is Jack Black in his best role since School Of Rock. It has a beautiful innocence about it, but happens to be incredibly funny at the same time.
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So – there are my top tips for travel movies to keep you going while we're living through these strange times.
Tell me, what movies are keeping YOU going through lockdown? Let me know some of your favourites on Twitter.
Let's do this again soon. Til then, let's pretend we're on a Zoom call doing that awkward waving thing until someone clicks End Meeting.
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Don't forget, if you're not a Coil subscriber, you can support me and my awesome fellow content creators for only $5 a month. Sign up now, or I'll get Steve Buscemi to come and wave through your front window.
Quiz!
The films of Quentin Tarantin
Hey quizzerinos!
I haven't done a quiz in ages, so while you're all bored in lockdown, what better time to get your attention with some questions around the films of everyone's favourite auteur, Quentin Tarantino?
No prizes, but you can DM me on Twitter if you want the answers!
Let's begin:
Hope you enjoyed those 10 questions! What, you want some more? Ok, here's another 10 for subscribers! Haven't signed up yet? For only $5 a month, you can join in the fun and support me and other content creators!
Ticket to ride
“I think I'm gonna be sad, I think it's today, yeah
I ain't travelling to the Sunshine state, put sunglasses away – yeah
My holiday dreams have died,
My holiday dreams have di-e-e-d,
My holiday dreams have died
There's no planes in the air”
Beautiful song (and lyrics) by the Beatles, there.
I had a hell of an Easter vacation planned this year. My family were set to fly to Orlando for a week milling around Universal Studios. Firing all manner of spells from my interactive wand in the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, nerding out my superhero fantasies in Islands of Adventure, and lazing around the laziest lazy river in Volcano Bay.
Not satisfied with that, we were then headed for a Western Caribbean cruise, kicking off with a Perfect Day at Coco Cay (Royal Caribbean's private waterpark island), visiting Chichen Itza from Cozumel and hitting Puerto Maya in Mexico. Topped off with a stop in Roatan, Honduras.
Periodically, it hits me that I'm not going. I won't lie to you, I'm pretty down in the dumps about it.
But I'm a big boy, I'll get over it quickly, for a couple of reasons.
Firstly -me not taking my Easter vacation, or going anywhere else right now, is saving people's lives. Through my non-action, I'm lessening the strain that my local, and therefore global, health services are currently under.
And that sounds good to me. God knows, if anyone I know needs those services for another reason, I'd be pleased to know they were freed up and able to cope with their visit.
Secondly – I'm fortunate enough to have done a similar trip before with my wife, in 2010, before our kids came along. In fact, I'm lucky enough to have seen quite a bit of the world considering I didn't leave the UK until I was 25.
I was re-organising my photo folders recently (Oh Coronavirus! What have you reduced me to?) and I stumbled on the header image. It's Glacier Bay in Alaska. From my honeymoon – a trip to Vancouver, followed by an Alaskan cruise. The furthest I've ever been away from home.
We visited Juneau, Skagway and Ketchikan. Beautiful places unlike anywhere else I've ever seen. Their buildings look temporary, like film sets. At first glance, like wooden-fronted facades that would blow over with a strong wind.
I saw nature at its finest and most exhilarating. Glaciers carving, whales breaching, golden eagles soaring and brown bears frolicking! Awesome times.
So, instead of dwelling on my upcoming holiday that seems lost at sea right now, I thought I'd reflect on some of the trips I've done in the past and wheel out some of my favourite holiday snaps. If only to remind myself that there are parts of the world worth pausing social life for right now in order to get out there again in the future.
In no particular order, here's 5 top travel photos from my past trips:
Ah, Rome.
Drinking sweet vermouth with a twist reminds me of the way the sun hits the buildings in Rome in the afternoon... Oh, wait! No, that was Andie MacDowell in Groundhog Day.
I loved Rome. I spent three days there and after getting over the blind panic of not feeling safe from moped riders anywhere, not even indoors, I fell in love with the place.
When in Rome, do as the Romans do – throw a coin in the Trevi Fountain! I did – and so am destined to return one day, to eat incredible pizza outside in the warm evening air, drink water from a cherub's winky at some ornate, street corner drinking fountain and hum the theme tune to the Gladiators tv show once more at the Colosseum.
Ah, Paris.
Oh, wait! That's not Paris! It's The Paris Hotel, Las Vegas!
Las Vegas, where you can visit Paris, Rome and New York, all without leaving the Strip.
If you can brave the trail of seedy characters, aggressively flicking cards bearing escorts' phone numbers in your face (and that's just the Cirque du Soleil shows!), Vegas is a wonderful place.
When I got over the fact I wasn't going to see the magnificent Penn and Teller, I really enjoyed my stay at the Mirage. I felt right at home seeing the terrific Beatles show Love and the other-worldly semi-aquatic O at the Bellagio. I stopped short at putting my head in the mouth of one of Siegfried and Roy's white tigers. They were big cats!
Ah, Toronto.
I have such fond memories of you. You were the first place I ever chose to visit when I plucked up the courage to get on a plane and go fly somewhere.
And boy, did I make the right choice. You led me down the longest street in the world, I had my first Tim Hortons chocolate doughnut (but not my last), and got to stand on the Maid Of The Mist, and witness the awesome power of Niagara Falls first hand.
Then we went to Hard Rock, cos you know, fajitas. (And they had the gold disc for R.E.M's Automatic For The People).
So. Impressed.
In the words of Indiana Jones when he comes up out of the sewer in Last Crusade -
Ah, Venice.
Venice, you had me from the airplane window as I was coming in to land. The beautiful terracotta rooftops, the wily canals and cobbled islands, some fresh but ancient treasure around every corner.
I have never felt more vulnerable than sitting only millimetres from the depths of the Grand Canal in a rocking gondola, with speeding water taxis zooming by, much closer than they need to. Next time I'm there, I know how I'll be travelling.
Ah, Florida.
I was so close to coming back to you. This was the moment when my excitement levels went up a few notches and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. After buying tickets for the Magic Kingdom, you're boarded onto a ferry that slowly bring the iconic castle into view.
I saw its spires rising into the sky and the child inside me awoke. I felt like I was returning to a place I'd been to before. Somewhere so familiar, I could walk its streets with the familiarity of a Florida resident.
And I did. Disney make it easy as pie to navigate the wondrous treasure troves of rides and attractions that their mini-cities hold.
Ah, the world.
I know you're out there, waiting for me to explore you once again, when these crazy times are over. Hell, right now, I'd settle for being able to walk around my local park, or take a train to my office and go to work.
For now, I'll settle for looking longingly at these snaps and remembering what it's like to look forward to travelling.
You can hit me on Twitter and tell me where you're looking forward to visiting when the travel restrictions are lifted.
If you're not a Coil subscriber, you can sign up and support all of the excellent bloggers on here for less than the cost of a daily bus ticket.
If you are a subscriber, read on and see another one of my holiday pics.
Onward: a review [no spoilers]
Sobbing uncontrollably at the end of a Pixar film. That's how l roll.
Damn you, Pixar, and your complex, delightfully-woven tales, tugging at my heartstrings AGAIN! Like a sugar-crashing toddler, crying in the cinema is, apparently, my jam.
Onward is set in a universe much like our own reality with all the trappings of modern life. Except its populated with unicorns, pixies, dragons and anything else you might find in an '80's role-playing game.
It tells the tale of the two elven Lightfoot brothers, Ian (Tom Holland channeling Peter Parker) and Barley (Chris Pratt channeling Jack Black).
When a spell to bring their dad back to life for a day is only successful from the waist down, the brothers embark on a quest to find a magic stone that will restore the rest of his body.
I would have loved to see the pitch for this at Pixar! That premise is nuts, right?
But incredibly, it works as a device on a number of levels. It creates real warmth between the brothers. It's frustrating to see them so near their dad, but unable to talk to him and ask them the burning questions they have.
There are also plenty of opportunities for physical comedy. The brothers create a wayward fake torso to pass their dad off as a 'person', making for some genuinely funny moments as he bobbles about, often reflecting the brothers' moods with his unintentional movements.
The brothers are up against a time limit to see their dad again as the hours whittle away. Obviously things don't run smoothly, and Barley's madcap adventuring ways rub Ian up the wrong way once too often.
The friction of playing two brothers up against each other works really well. One is afraid of nothing, while the other is afraid of everything. It's a sibling dynamic seen across the board.
As fantastical as the premise of the story is, as usual, the characters are grounded and at their core, nothing less than human.
I promised not to tell you how it ends, so do see it (when you can).
Well, it's just wonderful. I don't cry easily in movies, but as someone who's lost both parents, one very recently, this film can't help but provoke feelings of 'what if I could see them for one more day'? and then the floodgates opened.
Pixar have long mastered the art of pushing people's emotional buttons and getting people to cry almost on command, but it's always with soul and investment in the story – it's not often schmaltzy.
As with almost all Disney Pixar output, the attention to detail is incredible and the film looks absolutely gorgeous. Every frame is perfectly coloured. The character design and universe-building, a delight.
As much as I'm looking onward to Disney Pixar's next outing (Soul with Jamie Foxx later this year), I'll also be keen to look backward and re-visit this again when it premieres on tv.
For Coil subscribers, here's a little taster of what I'd do given one more day with my folks. Not a subscriber? You can sign up for less than the cost of a movie ticket.
Seen the movie? Come and tell me what you thought on Twitter.
Saturday Night (Cabin) Fever
What are your plans for the weekend?
Oh, nothing much? Washing your hands? Fighting for toilet paper at the supermarket? Talking to your folks on Facetime?
Me? Oh, just the usual.
It's not easy this social distancing/isolation lark. It's amazing how much we take our freedom of movement for granted. While all of the businesses designed to bring us together are closing their doors (temporarily I hope), I hope you're not going stir crazy.
If you're glued to the constant stream of breaking bad news, cooped up with a partner and/or kids, I bet you can feel your anxiety ramping up. Here in the UK, a more severe lockdown is imminent, restricting our social movements even further. I'm not relishing my only exercise as pacing round my back garden. It's going to be tough.
But saying that, it's not a war, or a zombie apocalypse. It's a virus – and all we're being asked to do is keep calm and stay away from each other. We can do this together, right?
I get that we might need a little helping hand to do it though. So, here's my 10-tip guide to help us get through these testing times.
Being in tight quarters with family means it's more important than ever to get a bit of time for yourself. Whether it's a quiet cup of tea on your back door step, or a long soak and a glass of wine in the tub. When your normal physical boundaries close in, your mental space is vital. Make sure you get it.
A little escapism is welcome at times like this. Make the most of your extra time at home! Watch that Netflix box set you've been threatening to look over. Read a book. Fire up a video game. There's some snot-nosed 8 yr old somewhere who reckons they can kick your ass at Fortnite. Go get him.
Until you're on tight lockdown, get outside as much as you can. Get fresh air, walk, run, whatever your thing is. Do sit-ups, run up and down your stairs. Keep the blood flowing, it's super important.
Do crosswords and sudoku. Play Scrabble! Feed your head – keep those neurons firing.
Keeping one eye on Twitter and the other on a breaking news feed is a surefire way to imagine that this is the end of the world. Check social media at certain points of the day. If it's getting too much, back out. It will still be there when you come back.
Watch the news round up at the end of the day – a constant stream of devastating news from morning til night will chip away at your soul.
You can't influence the news and social media. You can't influence the people who are STILL going out to bars and restaurants. You can't tell the people on the train that they're standing too close together. You can't tell another country's government that you think their strategy for dealing with the virus is wrong.
Focus on your own behaviours. Make sure you're doing YOUR bit. Control the things that are in your gift to change. It's all you can do. Accept that and life becomes a little less stressful.
6. Be (but don't test) positive
Maintain a positive frame of mind! I know – not easy, right? It doesn't feel like it right now, but there ARE pros as well as cons in this crazy situation. Whatever is important to you, you will find creative ways to keep doing it.
Share what you're doing and make someone's day with your innovations. Whether it's using a drone to walk your dog, or putting your snacks in a time-locked pet food bowl so you don't eat more while working at home.
With no bars and restaurants to go to, think of the money you'll save for when they re-open!
It's tempting and easy to let it slip, but try and keep your normal routine on the go. Get up, have breakfast, shower. Walk somewhere and back to trick your brain that you've had your morning commute.
Do it again at lunchtime. Do it again at the end of the day.
When your work laptop is out and open on the kitchen table, it's easy to spend another hour emailing people who have already logged off for the day. Turn it off! Be strict about when you log on and off for the day.
I know I said take regular breaks from your social media feeds, but do think about how social and other technologies can enhance your relationships by delivering face-to-face contact without crossing social distancing boundaries.
You can use apps like Facetime, WhatsApp and Slack for instant messaging and video calls. If you want something more stable to get a wider number of friends or family on the same call, you could use things like Zoom, Google Meet (formerly Hangouts) or even Microsoft Teams.
I started to learn Spanish on Duolingo quite a while ago, and it was an easy thing to drop when life got in the way. Now, with a little more time on my hands, it's something I intend to pick back up.
You could learn a language, a musical instrument or maybe a piece of software, or some poetry. Keep your brain fed and it will serve you well.
Challenge yourself to make something new! Draw an amusing picture, write a story or poem, take photos, make music, code, knit a sweater, crochet a blanket, sew a quilt!
These are interesting times! It feels very surreal and weird right now, but incredible creativity can come out of the imposed constraints we find ourselves working within.
Let's be inspired by #QuarantineLife memes and web apps that show us how much toilet paper we need. Because that's what we do – we refuse to be beaten by anything. We find humour and positivity shining in the darkest of corners again and again.
For Coil subscribers below, a further reflective note on where we are right now. Not a subscriber? You can sign up for less than the street value of a small packet of pasta.
Paying for rain
Since I joined Coil and got to grips with the subscriber-only content concept, I've tried to provide good value for my readers.
I want everyone who wishes to be able to read what I write for free, but I want to offer something for the folks who put their hard-earned cash down. Something that they can't get anywhere else. More of me – so they feel justified in coughing up the green, so to speak.
I've tried lots of different ways to do this:
It doesn't keep me up at night, but it's a question I've given much consideration to over the last few months. If people are paying to view subscriber-only content, I'd like to think they were getting something that meets their expectations.
A poll by our friend Ramon on Twitter revealed that 73% of people felt the $5 subscription fee was unjustified based on the quality of content alone.
My Aussie mate CryptoAdam responded by asking the community to show us what they want.
Remember when the concept of paying for bottled water was ridiculed? Why pay for something that falls from the sky for free?
How do you get someone to pay for something that they would normally get gratis?
https://twitter.com/CryptoAdam4/status/1235920551379529728?s=20
It's a tough question. And one I've tried to think about objectively. It's so hard to point to a piece of content and say “I would pay $5 a month for THAT!”
It's often not the content of a post that leads me to like it, but the way that it's been structured and written. For me, it can be more about voice.
Like most people, I'm much better at articulating what I don't want. I won't bother letting you know what I do want, because I'm too busy reading it when I find it.
The truth is, I would prefer not to have to subscribe for anything. It's a hassle to sign up for “stuff”. Even if it is less than what I'll spend on coffee this month. I want to be a passive visitor consuming content for free like most other people in most corners of the internet.
The Web is a shop window. People will idle by casually, literally browsing until they see something they like. When the shopkeeper appears, beckoning them into the store, it's decision time.
Go inside, commit to buy. Invest in a product. Or walk by quickly and peer in some other shop windows.
Except the shopping analogy doesn't quite cut it, does it?
On the internet, you can browse and get something approximating what you want, for free. Information, entertainment, validation, a platform to air your views. All without having to move from the shop window.
But it's not as free as you think. Is it?
In return, you might be subjected to a flurry of ads that seem somewhat personalised with spooky levels of intelligence. You might hand over data about yourself, your browsing habits, your likes and dislikes.
I see you shrugging your shoulders. What's so bad about that?
Well, that data can be used to influence your future decisions, to advertise products and services to you in such a targeted way that it feels like magic. Thanks Amazon/Facebook/Google! You always know exactly what I'm thinking!
You might think that's a fair trade – your personal data in exchange for ad-driven content that is, for all intents and purposes, free to you. And if you have that point of view, it's a pretty hard one to shake.
It's a point of view I largely held myself, until I became a Coil creator AND subscriber at the same time. How can I expect people to read and support my content, when I don't take a leap of faith to support theirs?
Coil as a blogging platform is a real hotch potch of content, without categorisation. No taxonomy or structure so far to help users filter and find what they're looking for.
Users have to sort through a mixture of satire, art, crypto, gaming, lifestyle, music, recipes and beer reviews, among other content. Apologies if I didn't mention your brand of cola by name.
I don't expect that there are people out there actively looking for what I provide, because even I can't neatly articulate what I do. It's not relationship advice, it's not auto-repair tips or make-up tutorials.
And I can assure you, I won't be looking to branch out into any of those areas to make my content more desirable. All I can do is keep doing what I'm doing because I enjoy it. And my advice for what it's worth would be for all content creators to do the same.
I can't claim a huge audience right now, but I know some people are reading because they're engaging with me on Twitter and Telegram and talking to me about what I write.
Week to week, they don't know what they're going to get from me, because even I'm not sure.
Coil subscribers can find out my answer to what subscribers really want below. Not a subscriber? You can sign up now.
The Distance
