I'm realising now I've been quite narcissistic in my way of being for quite some time now. This can't continue – I'll make this change consciously.
My self absorption has been holding me back mentally in a lot of ways. I always idealised having money, being ripped, having beautiful women around me. But it wasn't due to my own beliefs – it was to do with how I wanted other people to see me. In essence, I lived with a hidden inferiority complex.
Don't get me wrong, I'd still like to be financially independent, in good shape, and have a long, committed relationship with someone I can appreciate – but I've got to drill down into the substance of these things rather than the thin superficialities. Like service over greed. Health over aesthetics. And connection over lust.
I'm even writing this blog sometimes with the idea of other people reading it, even though it's completely personal (and I have 0 readers – I checked)... Ultimately, these changes might take a while to make. But it's something I'm willing to struggle towards. Lessening these narcissistic tendencies of mine will be uncomfortable, but in the long run – may be the way to a more fulfilling existence, not only for me, but for the people around me, too. What more reason do I need?