sobkoos

tw // panick attack, mention of fighting with parent, mention of suicide thoughts

It was two o'clock in the morning when Leon saw the incoming call from someone, he can't believe what's happening right now. It's from Kaia, Kaia calls her. It's been years since the last time he last saw her, hey never meets her again, he only watched her from afar—from her instagram stories and post, and probably from their friends instagram too—if they're hanging out with Kaia, and listened his friends stories—probably from Raihan since they're in the same uni. That's why he is very surprised when he sees the notification that says Incoming Call from Kaia.

So he answers the call, “Hello?”

There's a long silence from across the phone, so he calls her name, “Kaia?”

“H-hi,” it was her voice.

“Are you okay?” he asks, because he knows there's something wrong with her because her voice is shaking.

“I'm sorry I called you this late but I'm—”

“Kaia, please breathe,” says Leon, he knows she has a panic attack right now—he remembers it so much because it sounds like the old time, when they were on high school.

Kaia listens, she's trying to do as he told—when he said breath in, breath out. Minutes have passed, and when Leon thinks her breathing is normal now, he speaks “Now go on, tell me what you wanna say.”

“I-I…” her voice still sound hoarse and a little bit shaky, but not as bad as before, “Thank you, Leon,” she whispers.

“No worries, Kai. It's my job, to make you feel better,” says Leon, “Now tell me what's wrong.”

“I had a fight,” tells Kaia.

“With who?”

“With my mom,” she answers, “I don’t know what's wrong with her today, it was just a silly problem but it turned into a bad fight. She screamed at me, and of course I screamed back. And then,” she pauses, “She hited me—few times, and she grabbed my hair until a few strands of my hair fell off.”

“Kaia, where are you right now?” he asks, still with a calming voice.

Instead answer his question, Kaia calls his name, “Leon.”

“Yes, Kaia?”

“It hurts,” she says, he knows she's crying right now, he can hear it from her shaky voice.

“It's still hurt?”

“Yes, after the fight I went to my room, and they're coming back again.”

“Who's coming back?”

“The suicide thoughts,” she answers, “The funny thing is my mom screamed at me and cursed at me to die, and I answered with amen. And when I went back to my room all I think about was how can I die tonight, should I do this and that. I was thinking I should just crying until I fall asleep, but I can't. I can't sleep. Because my head hurts so much, Le. It's been hours and it still hurts, and I'm still running out of breath. That's why I called you, because I know you will listen, and you will calm me down just like you always did. And I guess I was right.”

He listens, and stays silence—he waits if Kaias wants to speak again. But he only listens of her crying sound from the phone, so he starts to speak, “I'm glad you call me.”

Kaia shakes her head—she knows he can't see it but she still do it anyway, “No. I'm glad you answer my call. I'm glad you still want to listen to my stupid story—”

“Kaia, it's not stupid. Your story is not stupid,” he cuts.

“It's stupid, Le. I am stupid. I thought I was doing better, but turns out I'm not. I'm still a pathetic ass person who's crying and wishing to never woke up tomorrow since life always treats her life unfairly. The joke is on me, I look so stupid now.”

“You're not. It's okay to cry, you're just having a rough day. I want you to know that your mother shouldn't treat you like that, I don't care if you did something wrong or not. But she shouldn't hit you, she shouldn't grab your hair until your head hurts. It's wrong,” he says.

“It's not. I guess. She's true tho, I guess I should just die, no one wants me, no one loves me; just like what she said.”

“No she's not. Kaia, you deserve to live. Everyone deserves to live, not because you did something wrong you should die just like that. And did she say that no one wants and loves you?”

Kaia nods, but he can't see her. He only hear silence, so he takes it as a yes.

“There's always someone who loves, wants and cares about you, Kaia.”

“Who?”

“I do,” he answers—he guesses it's ok to be a little too honest tonight, he was such a coward back then, so it' okay; she needs to hear it, “I want you to live, I care about you,” he pauses for a second, “And I love you.”

“Oh,” she says—too surprised, “You do?”

“I do,” he says it again in a serious tone—to make her knows that he mean it, “Because of that I want the best of you, I want you to be happy. Today was a rough day for you, but you passed it. And for that, I'm so proud of you. You can hanging on until the end of the day. And I want you to always be like that, to always stay strong whenever bad days are coming to you. Because I believe that you're a strong person I've ever known. And I wish today is the last time you’re having a bad day. Because I want you to be happy always, you deserve to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. So please hanging there, Kaia. Don't give up. Bad things have passed, and I know good things will come to you. Because it's a reward for you—you're so strong, you can passed the bad day today. And for that, you deserve to be happy.”

There he goes, she thinks. He always be like that, he always listens to her and always giving her the most calming words ever. She wanna cry so bad, not because of today's fight. But because she still has him—Leon, he's still here. Still the same as ever. He's still her painkiller.

“T-thank you,” she says, and she truly mean it, “Why are you so nice to me? All I did just complain about everything, and yet you're still here. You listen, and give me calming words that I really want to listen.”

“Because I want you to be happy, Kaia,” he answers, “I told you since we were on the grade 10 that you can tell me everything, you can go to me if you need someone to talk; to listen; to calm you down; to make everything feel better. Because I am your painkiller, and I still am.”

“I-i… don’t know what to say..”

He chuckles, “It's okay. It's late, do you want me to sing you a song? So you can fall asleep quickly?”

“Yes, please.”

“Go drink a glass of water first, after that I will sing you a song.”

And she does what he told her to. After that he sings a song to make her fall asleep—the song that they always listen when they were on high school.

Even if I'm leaving you at the door Even when I know that you're never lonely Harder than imagined Harder when it's cold

Even when I'm playing in the fire Even when I'm doing it for all my life Harder than imagined Harder when I let it go

Tell me that love is enough That seas will be parted for us Tell me that love is, 

It's 1000x by Jarryd James.

In another lifetime I would never change my mind I would do it again Ooh, a thousand times Just to let you in here Where you make me lose my mind In another life I'd do it all again A thousand times

His voice makes her head feel a little bit less painful, he eyes starts to feel heavy, “I'm so glad to have you in my life, Leon,” that's the last thing she said before she falls asleep.

Leon can hear it, he smiles and then he whispers, “In another lifetime, I would always do all the things just to make you happy for a thousand times, Kaia.”

from kaia and leon, the end.

cw // kissing, mention of toxic relationship

When the working hours are over, Ai tidying her things up on her desk, trying to go home quickly. Let me remind you again, she doesn't want to meet Mika. For her, Mika is an asshole and what happened last night is the answer that she should walk away from whatever she has—had with Mika, since it's already over. Wait, she doesn't even know what kind of relationship that she has with Mika, and now she says that she have to end their relationship that's not even real? Oh please, she wants to laugh.

But anyway, like what she has said before to Yosse—her life is a fucking joke. Because when she walked out from her room, and surprise, Mika is standing in front of her office room.

“We have to talk,” he says in serious tone.

“No,” Ai rejects him directly.

“Please, Ai. I want to explain everything.”

She snorts, “There's nothing to explain about, i thought last night was very enough, so i don't need your explanation anymore.”

“There's a misunderstanding between us. That's why you need to hear my explanation,” explains Mika.

“But i don't want to, so please excuse me,” says Ai who's trying to walk away, but Mika is blocking her way.

“Move, Mik,” says Ai again.

“No,” he answers, “I don't wanna move until you listen to my explanation.”

She sighs, “Mika, please move.”

Mika shakes his head, “Please, Ai. At least listen to my explanation for the very last time, and after that if you don't wanna talk to me again, I understand.”

Ai stares at his face, Mika looks at her with pleading eyes, and to be honest, his gaze shakes her heart. So there she goes, giving him a chance, “Okay.”

Mika looks at her with a surprised look, “Okay?” he asks, just to make sure if he doesn't hear it wrong.

“What? Do you want to make me change my mind, and take my words back?”

“No!” he says with a high tone, “Thank you, Ai. Let's go to my car, let me drive you home too.”

—

So now they both here, inside Mika's car. At first Mika just drove the car in silence—just some musics from Mika's playlist are playing on the car, but then when they arrived and Mika parked his car in front of Ai’s home, he starts to speak, “Aiko,” calls Mika.

“Hmm?” answers Ai, but she’s still looking down—doesn’t want to look at Mika’s.

“Please look at me.”

After she heard what Mika have said, her face turns to Mika—who already looks at her, “What?”

“I wanna talk about last night.”

“Okay, go ahead,” she says.

“First, i want to say sorry because i kissed you without your consent. I didn’t even ask you if it’s okay and kissed you just like that. I’m such an asshole, i’m sorry,” says Mika.

“Yeah, fuck you for that. It was such a dick move, Mika,” replies her.

“I know, and for that i’m sorry.”

Ai looks at Mika’s face, his facial expression shows that he is truly sorry for what he did. So she sighs, “Okay, i forgive you. Thanks for saying sorry.”

“No, Ai. I’m the one who should say thank you, thank you for forgiving me.”

Ai just nods.

“Anyway,” he went silence for a second, “About what you said last night.”

Ai raises one of her eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

Mika clears his throat, “You said that i have a girlfriend.”

“Oh,” says Ai, she’s trying to control he expression—and probably her feelings and heart too. Because she knows, it’s going to be hurt as hell, once Mika explains everything after this.

“Abby is my girlfriend.” Fucking hell Mika, you don’t need to make it clear, i already know it, she thinks.

But she can’t believe the next words that came out from his mouth, “If you said that to me three months ago.”

“What? What do you mean?” she asks—this is so confusing for her.

“Ai, me and Abby broke up three months ago,” answers Mika.

“Oh?” that’s the only word that came out, she still can’t process what just she heard.

Ai still freeze, she stays silence for a moment. Until she realizes what just happened, oh my god, she’s so embarrassing, she looks so stupid right now.

“So you don’t have a girlfriend?” she asks again, just to make sure.

“Yes, i don’t have a girlfriend, Ai.”

“Oh my god,” she says, “What the fuck? I’m so sorry, Mik.”

“No, you don’t have to say sor—“

“Yes, i have. Because it’s so embarrassing, i look so stupid right now. Oh my god, i can’t believe i was mad at you for weeks and turns out it’s all just me being stupid.”

“Aiko, it’s okay.”

“No, i’m sorry, Mik. I should ask you earlier than push you away like what i’ve did.”

Mika chuckles, “Hey, i already said it’s okay. So you don’t have to worry.”

Ai goes silence, but then one question pops up on her mind, “If you said you already broke up with her months ago, then why you celebrated your birthday with her?”

“What do you mean?” Mika looks so confuse.

“She posted you on her snapgram, so i guessed you had a dinner with her to celebrate your birthday,” answers her.

“Oh,” Mika finally realizes what she’s talking about, “Wait a minute, do you stalked her instagram, Aiko?” teases Mika.

Ai looks away, “Shut up, i just wanna know what she looks like.”

Mika laughs, “You’re so cute.”

“Shut up, Mik. Just answer my question!” she’s so embarrassed right now.

“Okay, okay, chill,” he’s still laughing, “Okay, so first, i want you to know that my relationship with Abby was so toxic. Yes we dated for two years, but i’m not happy, we’re not happy. She is very possessive, and always asked me to don’t do this and that, she often forbad me when I want to meet my friends, because she gets jealous easily. We always end up fighting, and i don’t like it. She always screamed at me—blame me for what i did, and when i defend she always end up crying and it makes me feel guilty, so i will say sorry even though i didn’t do anything wrong. It’s always like that, so i asked her to broke up with me. She didn’t want to and always spammed me and annoyed me—especially when i posted someone on my snapgram. That’s why i hide her on instagram, and then she realized. She went mad at me, back then i always ignored her but i guessed i had enough, so i met her and yeah i just want to really make her understand that we’re over so she has to stop bothering me. And yeah, we met not because i celebrated my birthday with her, maybe she posted it before i explained everything to her, so yeah, that’s it. I’m sorry for the misunderstanding, Ai. I don’t have a girlfriend, funny when you accused me that i have a girlfriend when you’re the one that i like—the one that i have a feeling for,” explains Mika.

His last sentence makes her heart flutters like crazy, “But you don’t change your profile picture on instagram. She’s the one who took it, right?”

“Oh my god, Aiko. You’re so fucking cute,” he chuckles, “Okay then, please take a picture of me so i can change it directly.”

“Oh, you want me to take a picture of you? You want your new profile picture to be the one that i take?”

“Yes, Aiko,” he smiles, “I already said i like you, so of course i want it.”

Ai looks down shyly, “Okay.”

Mika shifts his body closer to Ai, “So, Aiko. You look so cute and i kinda want to kiss you right now. So, can i kiss you?”

Ai nods, and for Mika, her nods is enough to answer his question. So he kisses her. No force, no rush. The kiss is so slow, but it feels like they both truly mean it. It feels so different from yesterday.

Mika pulling away slightly, “Are we okay now?” he whispers, “Like for real?” he’s running his fingers through Ai’s hair.

“Yes, we are,” she smiles, “We always are.”

Then they’re kissing again. Just like the song that’s playing on Mika’s car right now—Sweet by Cigarettes After Sex, tonight’s kiss feels so sweet, maybe because they’re kissing while knowing that they have mutual feelings for each other. And for them, it's more than enough.

“Lo gebetannya Kael ya, Ai?”

Ai tersedak saat mendengar pertanyaan yang keluar dari mulut Tian. Sumpah, bisa tidak Tian kalau ingin bertanya melihat situasi terlebih dahulu? Sudah jelas dihadapannya Ai sedang menyeruput kopi, dan bisa-bisa Tian melontarkan pertanyaan seperti itu.

“Eh, sorry, Ai. Sumpah, maaf. Kayaknya lo kaget banget ya, sampe keselek gitu,” ujar Tian sambil memberikan beberapa lembar tissue kepada Ai.

Ai menerima tissue tersebut dari tangan Tian, dan mengelap mulutnya yang basah karena tersedak kopi tadi, “Lagian lo bisa gak sih nanya tuh liat situasi dulu? Gue kan lagi minum, Ti!”

“Sorry, Ai. Gue kira lo gak bakal kaget kayak gitu,” jawab Tian sambil tertawa, “Jadi bener gak pertanyaan gue tadi?”

“Kok lo bisa nanya kayak gitu deh, Ti?”

Tian mengangkat bahunya, “Soalnya Kael pernah bilang ke gue, terus selama dua minggu ini gue liatin tingkah laku kalian gue bisa menebak lo berdua gebetan yang lagi berantem,” jawab Tian. Iya, apabila berbicara langsung begini Tian selalu memanggil Mika dengan sebutan Kael, beda kalau di chat pasti dia menyebutnya Mika dengan alasan ‘Gue sebelum ngetik pasti mikir dulu. Beda kalau ngomong langsung gak pake mikir, langsung asal ngomong aja.’

Ai mengernyit, “Emang Mika bilang apa ke lo?”

“Waktu itu kan Kael bilang ke gua kalau yang bakal magang di kantor bokapnya bukan cuman dia sama gue doang tapi ada lo juga, terus gue tanya ngasal ‘Siapa Aiko? Cewe baru lo?’ Terus si Kael malah ketawa-ketawa terus bilang ‘Gatau deh’ tapi sambil senyum- senyum kayak orang tolol,” jelas Tian.

“He’s so weird,” kata Ai, walaupun ia daritadi sibuk menahan rasa senang dalam hatinya saat mendengar penjelasan Tian tadi.

“He is. Tapi tumben banget Kael kayak gitu, makanya gue gak sabar dong ketemu lo. Eh, pas magang mulai gue malah melihat drama pasutri lagi berantem.”

“Maksud lo? Siapa?”

Tian tertawa, “Ya lo berdua, lah. Diem-dieman, lo gak bales chat Kael, terus Kael selalu bilang ‘Dia gak mau balik sama gue lagi hari ini.’ Terus hari ini lo ngikutin gue kemana-mana, dan gue yakin karena lo gamau ketemu Mika. You guys are so dramatic, but it’s so entertaining to watch.”

“Sialan, lo,” Ai memutar kedua bola matanya.

“Eh, beneran. Tadi nih orang baru reply story gue,” ujar Tian sambil mengangkat handphonenya.

“Dia reply apa?” tanya Ai.

“Tuhkan, cie kepo,” goda Tian dengan senyum menyebalkannya.

Ai memutar matanya, “Gak jadi, deh.”

Tian tertawa, “Gitu aja ngambek lo,” ledek Tian, “Dia nanya gue makan bareng lo, terus gue bilang iya. Terus yagitu, dia bilang lo harus sampai kantor dengan selamat.”

“Dih, gak jelas.”

“Kok lo salty, sih?” tawa Tian.

“Ya abisnya,” bela Ai.

“Tapi serius, Ai. Kalo lo lagi berantem sama Kael atau lagi ada masalah, cerita aja ke gue. Siapa tau gue bisa bantu, because we’ve been friends for years, gue temen SD dia.”

“Oh, lo satu SD sama dia?”

Tian mengangguk, “Yes. Me, Mika and Lucas have been friends for years. Kita satu SD dulu, tapi abis itu pada beda sekolah, tapi sampe sekarang masih suka main bareng.”

“Oh, gitu. Berarti lo kenal ini dong?”

“Kenal siapa?” tanya Tian.

Abbriel Winata, pacarnya Mika yang katanya hubungannya udah dua tahun lebih.

Ai menggeleng, she has no right to ask a thing like that, “Nevermind, gue bingung mau tanya apa tadi.”

“Gak jelas lo, Ai.”

Ai tertawa, “Hehehe, sorry, Ti.”

“Eh, tapi gue serius, Ai. Kalau mau cerita tentang Kael ke gue silahkan aja, karena gue udah tau dia dari kecil. Siapa tau gue bisa bantu,” kata Tian sambil menatap Ai dengan raut wajah yang menunjukkan bahwa ia serius dengan perkataannya.

Ai tersenyum sambil mengangguk, “Okay, thanks, Ti.”

cw // kissing

“Thank you ya, Mik,” kata Ai kepada Mika. Sekarang mereka ada di lobby kantor, saat Mika selesai mengerjakan tugas Ai, ia langsung mengajak Ai ke bawah untuk segera pulang melihat jam sudah menunjukkan pukul 12 malam.

“No worries, Ai. Lo pulang sama siapa?” tanya Mika.

“Ini gue mau call Bang Jo atau gak supir gue,” jawab Ai sambil mengeluarkan handphone dari tasnya. Namun sepertinya dunia tengah mempermainkan Ai, karena setelah berusaha menghubungi Bang Jo dan supirnya berkali-kali, mereka berdua tidak mengangkat telfon Ai.

“Gak diangkat, Ai?” tanya Mika yang daritadi mengamati gerak-gerik Ai.

“Enggak, nih. Kenapa ya?” ujar Ai. Saat Ai ingin menghubungi Bang Jo lagi, Mika menahan lengan Ai.

“Gausah, Ai,” kata Mika, “Pulang sama gue aja. Daripada lo nunggu lama.”

Ai menatap Mika dengan raut wajah terkejut—karena Mika yang memegang lengannya tiba-tiba, “Gausah, Mik. Gue gamau ngerepotin.”

Mika tersenyum, “Gue mau direpotin, Ai. It's late, and it's raining outside,” kata Mika sambil menunujuk ke arah luar menggunakan wajahnya.

“Gue gaenak, Mik.”

“Ai,” panggil Mik, “Please, i insist.“

Ai terdiam sebentar—menatap raut wajah Mika yang memang serius dengan perkataannya, “Okay.”

—

“Tugas lo udah kelar semua, kan?” tanya Mika. Mereka berdua sedang berada di mobil Mika—he always tries to make a conversation with Ai during the way home.

Ai terkekeh, “Udah, Mik. Kan, i already told you di kantor tadi,” jawab Ai.

Mika mengangguk, “Just making sure. If you need someone’s help, i’m here for you.”

Ai terdiam sebentar, kemudia menoleh ke arah Mika, “Thank you, Mik. Really,” ucapnya.

Walaupun kedua mata Mika masih menatap ke arah jalan, namun sebuah senyuman terukir di wajahnya, “Anyway, Ai,” panggil Mika.

“Hmm,” gumam Ai yang sibuk memperhatikan hujan turun membasahi Jakarta lewat jendela mobil Mika.

“How are you?” tanya Mika.

Ai menoleh, “What?” tanya Ai, “Why you’re asking me that question?”

“Kenapa enggak?” tanya Mika balik.

“We meet every day, Mik. Kita satu magang juga,” jawab Ai.

“I don’t know, Ai. I just feel that you’re avoiding me, you always refuse whenever i offer myself to pick you up or drive you home, and you haven’t answer my text for days,” jelas Mika.

“But i answered your dm yester—”

“On dm, not on iMessage. It’s different, Ai.”

Ai terdiam, suasana di mobil berubah menjadi canggung—apalagi saat Mika memotong perkataan Ai disaat Ai berusaha mencari pembelaan. Ai tahu apa yang dia lakukan salah, she should talk about it with Mika. Tapi apakah pantas membicarakan hal tersebut? Is it appropriate for Ai to say she’s starting to catch some feelings—hell, she already likes him, when Mika already has a girlfriend?

They were both silent for the rest of the way home, until Mika’s car is in front of her house, “We’re here,” says Mika.

Ai immediately took the seat belt off, “Thank you, Mik,” she says while opening the passenger door.

When Ai wants to get out of the car, Mika holds her right arm, “Ai,” he calls her name.

“Yeah?” answers her.

“Are we okay?” he asks.

Ai tries to control her facial expression, she sighs, “What do you mean, we always are.”

And then Mika kisses her.

For some people—even Ai thinks it was such a dick move, but for Mika it’s not. Because he thinks since Ai said that they’re okay then there’s no problem between them, so he can kiss her. He think the kiss can delivers what his feelings are for Ai, because he truly mean it—the kiss.

But Ai can’t read his mind, so when she realizes that this is wrong—the kiss, she stops kissing him back. She puts her fingers on his lips, “Sorry, Mik. But i don’t kiss with people who already have a girlfriend,” says her.

Mika was taken aback. He stays silent. It’s not because what Ai said is true, but because he was surprised by whats words that he just heard.

But again, Ai can’t read Mika’s mind, “I guess i’m right,” she says, “You already have a girlfriend. So bye, Mik. Thanks for a ride,” and then she gets out of the car—she doesn’t care if her clothes get wet because of the rain, leaving Mika who’s still shocked in the car just like that.

Pukul sebelas malam, dan Ai masih berada di kantor, duduk dengan laptop di hadapannya. She swears, she’s so close to having a mental breakdown. Or maybe she already did. Melihat dari kedua mata Ai yang sudah berkaca-kaca, namun jarinya tetap berusaha mengetik untuk menyelesaikan tugas yang diberi oleh atasannya.

Sumpah disaat Yosse selalu menggerutu tentang atasannya yang tidak suka dengannya sehingga ia selalu diberi banyak kerjaannya, she finally understands. Entah karena atasannya yang tidak suka dengan Ai atau memang sedang dalam mood yang kurang bagus, karena yang Ai tau tadi sore tadi atasannya datang dengan raut wajah yang menyebalkan lalu memberikan kerjaan kepada Ai dengan deadline pagi besok. Sebenarnya bisa saja Ai pulang ke rumah dan mengerjakannya kembali di kamarnya, namun rasanya tanggung apalagi Ai yakin rasa malasnyq akan muncul saat ia sudah menyentuh tempat tidur, jadi lebih baik ia kerjakan disini saja. Awalnya Ai kira ia akan selesai mengerjakannya sampai setidaknya pukul 7 malam, namun melihat sekarang sudah pukul 11 malam dan tampaknya kerjaannya belum selesai juga, Ai merasa sangat tertekan. Bahkan waktu ia magang saat semester 6 kemarin, ia tidak diberikan kerjaannya sebanyak dan sesusah ini.

Mungkin apabila kalian melihat keadaan Ai sekarang kalian akan mengatakannya cengeng, namun Ai sudah sangat lelah, kepalanya pusing, kedua matanya sudah letih menatap layar laptop dari tadi, dan kesepuluh jarinya yang sibuk mengetik dari tadi.

“Aiko?”

Ai menoleh saat mendengar suara yang sangat ia kenal memanggil namanya, ia mendapati Mika berada di depan pintu ruangannya yang bahkan Ai tidak mendengar Mika membuka pintu tersebut.

“What are you doing up this late?” tanya Mika sambil menghampiri meja Aiko.

“I still have—” Ai berdeham saat menyadari suaranya yang serak, “I still have task to do.“

Melihat kondisi Ai yang cukup memprihatikan—rambutnya yang berantakan, raut wajah yang terlihat lelah dan kedua matanya yang berkaca-kaca, “Wait, are you crying?“

“I'm not,” gumam Ai sambil menggosok kedua matanya.

“Hey, are you okay?” saat Mika bertanya terdengar suara isakan dari Ai, “Aiko, why are you crying?” tanya Mika dengan lembut sambil memegang kedua bahu Ai.

“Gue cape banget, tadi sore gue dikasih kerjaan sama atasan gue terus gue gak nyangka bakal sebanyak dan sesusah ini. Gue udah kerjain dari tadi sore tapi gak selesai-selesai, Mik. Kayaknya gue emang bego deh,” jelas Ai seenggukan.

“No, you’re not,” sahut Mika sambil mengusap kepala Ai pelan—berusaha menenangkan, “Deadline nya kapan? Kenapa gak lo kerjain di rumah aja?”

“Deadline nya besok pagi, dan gue gak mau kerjain di rumah karena gue tau gue pasti udah males kerjain kalo sampe rumah nanti,” jawab Ai, “I’m so tired and frustrated as hell, perasaan waktu gue magang di tempat lain gak dikasih kerjaan sesusah ini, atau gue yang bego, ya? I think it’s true, i’m dumb because i can’t even finish this task.”

“Stop saying that you’re dumb, you’re not, Ai. Let me see, biar gue bantuin,” kata Mika sambil menggeser laptop Ai agar ia bisa melihat dengan jelas apa yang Ai kerjakan.

“What the hell, Ai. You’re not supposed to do this, ini bukan tupoksi lo. Jadi, ini wajar kalau lo gak ngerti. Ini siapa yang ngasih tugas?” tanya Mika saat melihat layar laptop Ai.

“Kak Sasha.”

“I’m going to tell my father about it.”

“No!” sahut Ai, “Please jangan, Mik. I think she’s tired or not in the good mood, deh. Makanya dia kasih ini ke gue,” jelas Ai.

Mika menatap Ai, “But still, Ai. Dia harusnya gak ngasih lo ini, dia gak bisa seenaknya kayak gitu.”

“Gausah laporin bokap lo, Mik. I don’t wanna cause any trouble. Please, Mik,” mohon Ai.

Mika menghela nafas, “Okay, i won’t. But let me help you to finish it, ya?”

“Okay,” jawab Ai.

“Okay, then,” Mika menarik salah satu kursi yang berada di ruangan itu, dan mulai mengerjakan pekerjaan Ai.

“Mik,” panggil Ai, “Uhm, kok lo belum pulang?”

“Same like you, i got so many tasks to do,” jawab Mika dengan mata yang masih melihat ke arah laptop Ai.

“Susah juga?”

“Hmm,” gumam Mika sambil mengangguk, “Sebenernya hampir mirip sih sama yang lo kerjain, cuman beda kasus aja.”

“Kok lo gak protes? Kan lo bilang harusnya intern gak boleh kerjain ini.”

Mika menoleh ke arah Ai sambil tersenyum, “Bokap gue yang minta, since i’m going to take over this law firm when he retires.”

“Oh.”

“Now can i finish this task?” tanya Mika kepada Aiko.

“Yes,” jawab Ai, “Thank you, Mik.”

“Okay, first i wanna ask you, do you feel better now?” itulah kalimat pertama yang dilontarkan oleh Yosse saat ia sampai di rumah Ai.

Sekarang mereka berdua berada di kamar Ai, dimana Ai daritadi hanya merebahkan badannya di tempat tidur, sedangkan Yosse duduk di pinggir tempat tidur sambil menatap perempuan itu.

“Am i suppose to not feeling well?” tanya Ai balik sambil mengeluarkan tawa paksa.

“Cut the bullshit, Ai. I know you so well, kalau lo mau tau gue liat semua tweet lo dari dua hari yang lalu, dan gue juga liat story lo post lagu Hurts nya LANY kemarin malem,” jelas Yosse.

Ai terkekeh, “God, i forgot we’ve been friends since we were five.”

“Jadi gimana? Henry sama Gyanna pada nanyain lo, since lo gak bales chat mereka dari dua hari yang lalu.”

“Lo kasih tau mereka karena apa?”

Yosse mendengus, “You said we’ve been friends since we were five, but you still don’t know me well. Ya enggak lah, Ai. Itu hak lo buat ngasih tau ke mereka, bukan gue. Jadi gue bilang gue gak tau makanya gue mau samperin lo hari ini. Awalnya mereka mau ikut, tapi gue larang karena kalo ada mereka berdua pasti lo gak cerita.”

“Thank, Yoss. I know i can count on you.”

“Jadi, gimana?” tanya Yosse.

“Gatau, gue sedih. Tapi gue ngerasa konyol aja, kenapa gue sedih? Okay, i admit it, i’m starting to catch some feelings. Hell, i think i already like him. After all the arguments that we had selama workshop kemarin, turns out he wasn’t that bad. Bahkan lucunya, gue nyaman sama dia. So i guess it’s time for me to open up my heart to someone again after a very long time, just like what you said. Tapi, my life is a joke. Baru gue mulai admit kalo gue suka sama dia, tiba-tiba gue dikasih tau sama lo kalo he already has a girlfriend. What a fucking joke,” Ai terkekeh, “Kalo gitu dari awal gue gausah masukin hati dan baper sama apa yang gue sama dia lakuin selama workshop. Harusnya gue sendiri terus aja kayak biasa. Gak kayak gini, gue suka sama cowo orang.”

Yosse menatap Ai, “I’m sorry, Aiko. Gue kemarin gak terlalu merhatiin cerita lo, kalo gue merhatiin mungkin lo tau dari awal.”

“It’s not your fault, the blame is on me. Anjir, gue suka sama cowo orang. Menyedihkan banget, kesannya kayak pelakor gak sih? And what i and he did selama workshop kemarin, that was so fucked up,” jelas Aiko sambil menutup mukanya dengan kedua tangannya.

“It’s not your fault, Ai. You didn’t know he already has a girlfriend, jadi wajar aja lo ladenin dia kemarin.”

“Iya, sih. Tapi gue ngerasa kayak ngerusak hubungan orang. They look so happy on his girlfriend’s instagram, and here i am just ruined they’re happiness.”

Yosse menarik tangan Ai dari muka perempuan itu, “Gak, inget kata gue, lo gak tau, udah gausah ngerasa bersalah. Dan yang gue tau they’re not happy, malah setau gue their relationship is not healthy karena gue sering banget denger cerita dari Abby kalau mereka suka berantem.”

“I don’t fucking care, intinya i fucking make out with mika when he already has a girlfriend. Dude, it was so fucked up. I don’t care if i know or not, it’s still sound so wrong, Yoss.”

“Yaudah, Ai. Don’t think too much about it, lo gak bakal ketemu dia lagi kan. Case closed.”

Mendengar perkataan Yosse, Ai hanya bisa tertawa, “Hahaha, gue bakal magang di kantor bokapnya sama dia, dan gue baru dapet e-mail nya kapan gue magang tadi.”

Yosse membelakkan kedua matanya, “Are you fucking kidding me?” tanya nya kaget.

“Surprise, bitch. Hidup gue emang bercanda banget,” jawab Ai.

“Lo harus tahan iman ya, Ai. Kalo kata kekeyi jaga hati, jaga mata, jaga pikiran.”

Ai melempar bantal ke arah Yosse, “Tolol!”

“Gue cuman ngutip kata-kata kekeyi!” sahut Yosse sambil menunjukkan senyum giginya, “Inget dia udah punya pacar.”

Ai memutar kedua bola matanya—namun terlihat dengan jelas senyum di wajahnya, “Iya, gue tau.”

“Btw, terserah lo mau cerita ke Henry sama Gyanna soal ini atau enggak. Tapi tolong bales chat mereka, at least kabarin kalo lo gak kenapa-kenapa. They worried sick,” jelas Yosse.

“Yeah, i will text them after this.”

“Nah, sekarang stop sedih-sedih, dong! Udah cukup terakhir lo galauin cowo karena Bang Jeffrey. Fuck Kael, he doesn’t deserve your sadness!”

“Yeah, fuck him. He just another asshole.”

Mendengar perkataan Ai, Yosse tersenyum, “Yaudah, stop kayak orang gak bernyawa, Nyet! Mending kita nonton sambil gofood banyak makanan, okay?”

Ai mengangguk, “Okay!”

“Here we are,” kata Mika saat memarkirkan mobil tepat di depan rumah Ai. Memang awalnya Mika menyarankan Ai untuk menginap satu malam lagi, karena masih banyak tempat yang ingin mereka kunjungi dan juga apabila pulang hari ini akan sampai di Jakarta sangat malam. Namun, karena Bang Jo tidak mengizinkan, terpaksa mereka harus pulang malam ini. Dan benar saja, mereka sampai pukul 1 malam.

“I’m sorry, Mik. Karena Bang Jo gabolehin kita harus nyampe jakarta jam segini, mana lo harus anterin gue ke rumah dulu,” kata Ai kepda Mika.

“It’s okay, lagian gue juga tadi ngide kan muter-muter Bandung dulu, makanya tadi gak langsung pulang.”

“Yaudah, gue mau ambil koper dulu,” kata Ai sambil keluar dari mobil dan berjalan menuju bagasi, yang kemudian disusul oleh Mika.

Saat keduanya sudah berada di depan bagasi, tiba-tiba Mika bertanya, “Sekarang jam berapa, deh?”

Ai melihat jam dari handphone, “Jam satu, Mik. Emang kenapa?”

Mika mengangguk, “Nothing,” jawabnya, “It’s my birthday today.”

Ai membelakkan kedua matanya, “Hah? Are you serious?!”

“Yeah.”

“Omg, happy birthday!”

“Thanks, lo orang pertama yang ngucapin.”

“Kita harus tiup lilin dong, Mik!”

“No, it’s late. Ayo masuk ke dalem Ai,” ujar Mika sambil mengangkat koper Ai dari bagasi mobilnya.

Melihat apa yang Mika lakukan, cepat-cepat Ai mendorong koper tersebut agar tetap berada di dalam bagasi, “No, kita tiup lilin dulu.”

Mika terkekeh, “Pake apa? Korek? Sure, let me grab my match,” katanya sambil merogoh kantong celananya.

“No, what the hell,” Ai memegang tangan Mika, “We need a cake!”

Mika mendengus, “Ini udah jam 1, Ai. Toko kue udah pada tutup.”

“Pake martabak! Itu bisa dibilang kue juga, kan?”

“Are you being serious right now?”

“Yes,” jawab Ai, “Ayo kita beli martabak!” sahutnya sambil masuk kembali ke mobil Mika.

Melihat hal tersebut, Mika hanya bisa tertawa, “She’s so weird.”

cw // kissing, makeout.

When Mika asked Ai where is she going after the closing party and Ai replied she wants to see the sunrise with Henry after this, Mika volunteered himself to replace Henry and accompany her instead. So here they are in Mika’s car, going to Ai doesn’t know where. Before they went out from the club, Ai asked if he’s drunk or not, but Mika said he only drank few shots so he’s not drunk nor tipsy.

“We’re here,” says Mika.

Ai looks up to the window, she can’t see anything since it’s dark outside, “I can’t see the sunrise.”

Mika chuckles, “Of course, you idiot. It’s still four a.m, we should wait for an hour or more to see the sunrise.”

Ai looks down, she looks stupid now but please blame it on the alcohol, she always said something stupid whenever she was drunk.

They both move to the back seat, they just talk about anything—Ai always talks too much when she’s drunk, so she’s the one who talks—tells Mika about her uni life, how annoying her step brother is but she loves him so much, her friends and sometimes she just babbling incoherently that makes Mika smile like an idiot, because for him, Ai is so adorable.

“Are you cold?” he ask, when he sees Ai keep rubbing her hands.

She smiles, “Yeah, but no need to worry. I’m okay.”

Mika puts his hand around her waist, “You okay with this?” making sure if it’s not too much for Ai.

She nods, “Yes, thank you.”

He smiles, “Now go on, continue your story.”

Minutes has passed, and for everything that she can swear—she doesn’t know what just happened right now. All she knows is Mika lips on her, just like the last time. But tonight is more than a kiss, there’s something about the kiss that makes Ai can feel the butterflies on her stomach. Oh my god, now she sounds so cheesy like a fucking teenager.

They keep kissing and maybe have a make out session, but no lust—okay, maybe there’s lust of course, but everything feels so sweet—no force and no rush. She only can hear the sounds that Mika makes on her neck, and Warm on a Cold Night by HONNE is playing on Mika’s car—she knows it’s not night anymore, last time she checked it’s four a.m, but Bandung’s air is cold, and Mika makes it warm.

Ai doesn’t know how long they make out until Mika pulling away slightly and pressing a kiss against the corner of her mouth, “Look, the sun has risen,” he says breathlessly, while look into the window on Ai’s back.

Ai looks to the back, and yes, just like Mika said before, the sun has risen.

Mika puts his hand on her shoulder and push her slowly on his chest, and whispers words on her right ear, “Let’s watch the sunrise, shall we?”

“Yeah.”

Ai can’t believe what happens next. Yes, they’re cuddling while watch the sunrise. It sounds so ridiculous, but she doesn’t care. Because for a moment, everything feels so right.

Para panitia dari workshop tadi ternyata mengadakan closing party untuk menjadi penutupan dari acara ini. Biasanya dalam acara seperti ini, closing party merupakan hal yang wajib since it's one of a way untuk membuat mereka semua akrab. Oleh kararena itu, sekarang Ai berada di Nyonya Manis—salah satu tempat malam di Bandung.

Mereka berdua—Ai dan Henry, berada di sofa yang sebenarnya tadi ada Lucas, Xavi dan Gyanna. Namun, Lucas dan Gyanna entah menghilang kemana—pastinya pacaran. Sedangkan Xavi tadi bilang ingin menghampiri teman-teman kelompok workshopnya dan belum juga balik. Lalu, Mika, entahlah. Sejak awal Ai masuk ke sini, ia sama sekali belum melihat batang hidung laki-laki itu, ia juga masa bodo dan tidak mau ambil pusing.

“Henry, are you sure you don't wanna go to the dance floor?” tanya Ai.

“Gak, bentar dulu, Ai. I still want to enjoy this drink,” jawabnya sambil mengangkat gelas yang dari tadi ia pegang, “Btw, you better stop drinking, Ai,” ia menatap Ai, “You had enough, now do something instead of drinking.“

Ai memanyunkan bibirnya, “You're no fun. But anyway I know I had enough, my head feels so dizzy right now. It's time for me to go to the dance floor,” ujarnya sambil berdiri dari sofa dan tersenyum kepada Henry. She always in the good mood whenever she was high—alcohol makes her happy.

“Great, now shoo,” ujar Henry sambil memberi tanda seolah mengusir Ai menggunakan tangannya, “I will join you later.“

—

Now she's on the dance floor and she has been dancing for she doesn’t know how long. Henry never join her, maybe he did go to the dance floor but he can't find her. She doesn’t care anyway, she still can dance and enjoy the night without him.

Ai blends into the dancing people easily. She closes her eyes and lets the heavy bass control every bit of her body. She grinds and touches her skin, totally in tune with the music and the warm bodies next to her.

She loves it.

Time has passed until she feels a firm grasp on her. Ai's eyes fly open and she tries to hide her startled face, it's him, she knows his scent so well.

“Hi,” Mika greets her with a smile.

Ai raises one of her eyebrows, “Why are you here?” that was such a stupid question, Ai, she thoughts.

He chuckles, “Why? I'm not invited to this closing party?”

“No,” she answers, “I mean, why you're here? With me.”

“I told you on the dm 'see you soon', so of course I have to meet you. You already know I'm a man with words.”

“Whatever,” she rolls her eyes, but still snaking her arms around Mika's neck, feet and hips still moving to the rhythm of the music. Ai's eyes flicker all over her face, seeming lost and confused by her own impulse. Why she puts her arms on his neck? Why she still dances with him on the dance floor?

But she never can answer those questions since Mika grab her hips and pins them against his own, eyes never leaving on Ai's. The half Japanese blood rolls her hips right into Mika's, breath hitching at the intense look that they've made. They dance, though, eyes never leaving each other and bodies moving as if they were one.

Ai appreciates the chemistry they have. It's so easy for them to fall into the same rhythm, as if they were connected by a string and maybe some telepathic powers. Because when Ai moves, Mika seems to follow her without thinking. He's doing it as if he was meant to be.

Ai looks away when Mika's stare gets too much—and it invites a smile to appear on Mika's face, “Is there something wrong, Ai?”

She still doesn't want to look at that man face, “Nothing,” she answers.

They keep on dancing, she doesn't care if the person who dances with her right now is Mika—the man who always annoyed her from the very first day when she arrived in Bandung, and the person who makes her heart flutters for one or two days? She doesn't care. They are drunk anyway, drunk in love? No, drunk in the moment. So let them enjoy the night, without even give a single damn if someone caught them can't keep their hands from each other. Like I said before, they were drunk anyway.

“Abis dari mana lo, Bang? Kok tumben telat?” tanya Jenar saat Mika duduk di sebelah Ai. Sebenarnya closing ceremony sudah dimulai sedari tadi—sekitar 15 menit yang lalu. Namun Mika baru datang memasuki ruangan dan duduk dengan kelompoknya sekarang, sehingga mengundang pertanyaan dari Jenar.

“Sorry, tadi gue abis ngobrol sama anak-anak unpar—yang jadi panitia, terus keasikan and i don’t know that the closing ceremony already started,” jawab Mika yang disusul anggukan dari anggota kelompoknya.

Mendengar jawaban dari Mika, Ai menatap Mika—cukup lama sehingga Mika sadar bahwa ia sedang diperhatikan, Mika menoleh ke arah Ai, “Kenapa, Ai?”

Ai membuang muka, “Hah? Gapapa, Mik. I just, uhm, i don’t know, gue bertanya-tanya aja kok orang bisa gampang ngobrol sama orang baru basa basi kayak gitu.”

Mika terkekeh, “And is there something wrong with that?”

Ai menggeleng, “No, malah i think there’s something wrong in me. Karena gue gabisa banget kayak gitu, i’m such an awkward person setiap kali ketemu orang baru.”

“It’s ok, there’s nothing wrong with that,” kata Mika kepada Ai, “Semua orang kan beda-beda, i’m like this and you’re like that, we both different and there’s nothing wrong with it.”

Ai mengangguk, tidak mau membicarakan hal tersebut sehingga ia berusaha mengganti pembicaraan lain, “Btw, kok lo ramah banget sih sama semua orang? Ngelihat lo bisa akrab sana sini, berarti lo baik ke mereka, kan? Kok sama gue galak banget?” tanya Ai kesal.

Mika tertawa, the grumpy Ai is back, he thinks, “Gue cuman galak soal kerjaan atau kuliah and stuffs like that, pasti lo udah tau kan i’m a very strict person dan lo kebetulan gak disiplin selama workshop ini jadi wajar gue galak ke lo. Actually i’m a very chill person kalo di kehidupan biasa,” jelas Mika.

Ai mendengus, “Sorry for all the chaos i’ve made, not my fault being like that gue beneran gak mau ikut workshop awalnya. Dan lo juga nyebelin!” Ai menatap Mika dengan sinis, “Sumpah, you and all the words that coming from your mouth, bikin gue pengen nonjok lo setiap kali,” gerutunya.

Mika kembali tertawa, “I’m sorry, Ai. But the workshop is over now, so you don’t have to deal with my annoying ass anymore,” ucapnya sambil menyenggol lengan Ai pelan.

Ai mendengus, “Yeah, i’m so thankful for that. Anyway, menurut lo kita dapet awards gak ya, Mik?”

“Kenapa nanya itu?”

Ai mengangkat kedua bahunya, “I don’t know, kan lo ambis banget, jadi gue pengen aja kelompok kita dapet awards. Soalnya kalau gak dapet, keambisan lo dan Ryan sia-sia,” jelas Ai.

“Gue gak berharap, because i’m sure my team will get at least one award, gamungkin gak dapet, soalnya hasil kerja team kita bagus,” jawab Mika.

“Oh my god, why you so full of yourself,” gerutu Ai, namun ia tersenyum diakhir kalimat.

“You need to be confident, Ai. That’s the key in everything.”

“Whatever.”

—

Sumpah Ai sangat deg-degan, sekarang memasuki agenda awards. Sebenarnya, Ai tidak peduli dengan hal seperti ini. Namun, entah mengapa Ai ingin sekali kelompoknya mendapat setidaknya satu penghargaan saja. Entahlah, ia tidak ingin Mika kecewa, karena menurutnya Mika benar-benar memberikan segalanya untuk workshop ini.

“Okay, guys. Now we’re going to announce you the Best Group from Chamber B for the National Debate,” ucap MC yang berada di depan.

Ai menggigit bibir bawahnya, sekarang giliran Chamber kelompoknya. Ai ingin sekali kelompoknya mendapatkan award tersebut, namun mengingat saat debat tadi Ai sangat payah, ia menjadi tidak yakin.

“The Best Group from Chamber B for the National Debate goes to,” MC terdiam selama beberapa detik, “Team 3. Congratulations!”

Demi Tuhan, jantung Ai hampir loncat saat mendengar MC menyebut kelompok Ai. Ia tidak bermimpi, kan?

Kelompok berdiri dan bersorak senang—kemudian saling memeluk satu sama lain, sedangkan Ai masih terdiam, tidak percaya bahwa kelompoknya mendapat penghargaan di acara debat tadi—the one that she thinks she fucked it up.

“Kak Ai, kita dapet best group loh, Kak! Kok diem aja?” tanya Azka yang berdiri di hadapan Ai.

Mika menarik tangan Ai sehingga membuatnya berdiri, “We get an award, why don’t you feel happy about it?” tanya Mika.

Ai mengerjap, “Gak,” ia menatap Mika, “i’m happy, kok. I’m just… Surprised?”

“Why?”

“Gue yakin kita dapet award, tapi yang gue maksud award lain, bukan yang ini, since i messed up on the debate.”

Mika terkekeh, “I told you you’re not messed it up, Ai. And i told you before i’m sure that we’re going to get the award,” jelasnya, “Please listen to my speech carefully,” Mika meninggalkan Ai, ia berjalan ke atas panggung—since the leader of the group is the one who accepts the certificate from the MC.

“First of all, i wanna say thank you to the committee who organized this event. And i wanna say thank you too for the award that you give to us, it’s such an honor. For my group members; Ryan, Key, Jenar and Azka, thank you for your hardworks, thank you for prepared the paper and the arguments,” kata Mika sambil melihat ke arah teman-teman sekolompoknya. Kemudian ia menatap ke arah Ai, “And for Aiko, my debate partner. If you’re not brave enough to gave such an amazing arguments on the debate, we’re not going to get this award. So thank you, i’m so proud of you.”