sobkoos

“So?” tanya Raihan, memulai percakapan setelah mereka bertiga hanya diam di kamar Leon selama 15 menit.

“So, what?” tanya Leon.

“Gue udah cape ya kesel sama lo, Le. Let’s be honest aja ya, you’re a jerk,” Leon terkekeh kecil saat mendengar pernyataan Raihan, dia tidak menyalahkan kok memang betul. “Lo yang deketin Kaia duluan, gue gatau motif lo dulu apa cuman mau temenan atau apa. Tapi, dari yang gue liat waktu kelas 10 lo yang nyamperin dia mulu sampe lo akhirnya deket banget sama dia.”

Raihan terdiam sebentar, ia menoleh ke arah Jevan lalu kembali melanjutkan ucapannya, “Jadi, Jev, kalo lo mau tau si Kaia confess ke ni orang waktu party abis UAS desember kemarin. Dan si tolol ini bukan nya ngomong apa kek bilang kalo dia gabisa atau apa deh setidaknya ngomong sesuatu. Tapi dia malah pergi gitu aja menghilang ga bales-bales chat Kaia beneran nge ghosting dan menurut gue cara lo ga banget, Le.”

“Kata gue lo brengsek, Le.” ucap Jevan.

“I know.”

“Ya terus kenapa masih lo lakuin, tolol?” tanya Raihan kesal.

“I’m scared, Han. I’m still not ready for commitment,” jawab Leon.

“Good God, Leon. It’s been years since you broke up with your last ex! Lo masih belum move on?”

“I know. I fucking acknowledge it, it’s been years. And no, i’ve already moved on. But not like other people, i haven’t recover. Maybe other people can date one person after another, or hop from one relationship to the next. But i’m stuck, i don’t recover. Other people make it look so easy, but i clam up inside. And i’m so scared, Han, Jev. What me and Athaya had is so perfect. I know to you it’s just a junior high school story, but for me it was everything. We are okay, we are very okay. Until she moved to Singapore and then she cheated. Fuck, i hate it so much. I can believe she left all those memories that we have for years. She left me for someone that she just met. And i’m not ready if i have to experience it again. First, maybe i’m scared of commitment, and if you ask do i have a feeling for Kaia, i do. But i don’t want it. Because once i fall, i fall so hard. I will give everthing that i have to people that i love. That’s why i never open up to her, to everyone. I’m scared if i give my everything again people will leave me. And the second reason, you know Kaia always wants to study abroad. Even tho she gave up on that Germany things but she still wants to study out of town. And because of that, i’m scared. And i prefer to not give it a try, because i know it will not end up well.”

“She’s not Athaya, Le. Kaia is not Athaya,” ucap Jevan.

“I know, but there’s still a possibility that she will do it like what Athaya did.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” kata Raihan, tidak percaya dengan apapun yang baru saja dikatakan Leon.

“I’m being serious.”

“It’s been months you ignore Kaia. And it’s been years you didn’t open up to her, us—maybe you open up to us right now, to everyone. Aren’t you lonely?” tanya Jevan.

“Yes,” Leon berdehem, berusaha mengendalikan dirinya, “But i’ve learned to live with it. And it’s easier, it’s better this way—not opened up up and not let people to get involved to our lives that much.”

“Just because it’s easy, doesn’t mean it’s the right choice, Le,” ujar Jevan.

“It is,” jawab Leon, “Trust me, i know myself. And it is.” Maybe, just maybe, it’s better this way.

“Leon!” teriak Kaia senang saat melihat Leon menghampiri table nya.

“Kai, i told you to not get drunk before i get here,” ujar Leon saat melihat pipi Kaia yang sudah memerah. He knows Kaia is a light drinker that’s why he told her to hold on because she will do something stupid when she gets drunk. He just knew.

“I’m not drunk! I swear i’m not!” yakin Kaia sambil menunjukkan peace sign nya kepada Leon.

Ya, tapi beberapa waktu kemudian Kaia selalu memegang tangan Leon kemana-mana. She’s a clingy ass person you know. And her true self is revealed whenever she gets drunk. Dan jangan lupa dengan kata Danica, “Kaia gapunya tulang kalo udah mabok.”

“Le,” panggil Kaia sambil menaruh kepalanya di atas bahu Leon.

“Hmm,” jawab Leon sambil memainkan handphone nya. Mereka sudah berada di mobil sekarang—di bangku belakang, menunggu Raihan dan Danica yang masih sibuk mengurus teman-temannya yang lain yang entalah mungkin harus diurus dulu. Dan jika bertanya mengapa Leon dibelakang, alasannya karena Kaia tidak akan melepaskan Leon whenever she gets drunk until she fell asleep. It’s always like that.

“I know i always told myself to not saying this to you whenever i’m sober or not, but i can’t hold it anymore. Since there’s only four or five?–months left before we graduate so fuck it i’m going to say it.”

Leon menoleh ke arah Kaia yang masih berada di pundaknya. Baru kali ini Kaia berbicara entalah, sedikit serius? Since every time she gets drunk either she’s crying over that k-pop group that Leon doesn’t even care about, or crying over her parents and just want them to get divorce or maybe crying about her toxic junior high school ex.

“Apa, Kai?”

“I like you, ok. It’s been idk–two years? or almost three years? I know you’ve always been so nosy and always bother me at school. And oh my god we argue a lot because my Virgo self can’t bear with your Leo ass. You’re so annoying ass hell and i can’t understand your emotion sometimes you’re cold as hell but next time you can’t stop bother me. But on top of that, you always listen to my rants and sob story, lol. And you still even listen about my not so important story like my unconditional love for those k-pop boys that you don’t even care about. But that’s the most important thing. Nobody ever listen to me; people, my parents, even my ex. But you always listen. And that’s why i like you because you always there when i need you the most. Fuck now i’m rambling fuck fuck fuck,” jelas nya sambil menaruh kepalanya diatas paha Leon, terlalu malu. What the fuck did i just fucking said, pikirnya.

Leon is still silent. Trying to process all the things that girl just said. He puts his hand to her head and start to stroking her hair, “Tidur, Kai. You’re drunk.”

“Yeah. Okay,” jawab Kaia. This is so awkward, ujar Kaia dalam hati.

While he still stroking her hair, he looks his head up and close his eyes.

“Fuck, Kai. You shouldn’t have said that.”