What does it feel like to know you're just not that person? You think you are, but deep in your bones it's like going against every instinct you know is true. I'm just not that person. I don't juggle. One at a time. Sometimes you have to be the stronger person and walk away.
That's life that's what people say
You're riding high in April
Shot down in May
But I know I'm gonna change that tune
When I'm back on top, back on top in June
I said, that's life and as funny as it may seem
Some people get their kicks
Stompin' on a dream
But I don't let it, let it get me down
'Cause this fine old world it keeps spinnin' around
I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate
A poet, a pawn and a king
I've been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing
Each time I find myself flat on my face
I pick myself up and get back in the race
That's life I tell ya, I can't deny it
I thought of quitting, baby
But my heart just ain't gonna buy it
And if I didn't think it was worth one single try
I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly
Do you believe in fate? That people are put in your life for a specific purpose? I understand the reasoning. In a world that wants to justify every decision it can be hard to think that certain things are completely random.
Here's what I do know:
I have had the rug ripped out from under me more times than I'd like to admit. I thought, “It can't get any worse than this.”
Oh, but it can.
If it does, you'll be okay.
In times of crisis the only thing I know how to do is keep going. One second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Life keeps moving and there's nothing you can to do stop it.
I have come to the conclusion that there's not much I can't handle. The worst has already happened.
Bring it on, bitch.
To watch someone so entranced in the beauty of their work is a wonderful thing. The bubble is so delicate that if you placed a finger on its skin it would burst, leaving an effervescent circle of magic that changes you forever.
Who are your people?
For a while I thought I was traditional. If you follow the rules you will get there. Except no one knows what “there” is. I suspect that for everyone it's different.
So when you don't know, and life becomes so staid you begin to wonder why you were even put on this earth; you do what any red-blooded American does and blow up your life.
Sometimes you wonder if it's worth it. For a while everything is so different it feels like your synapses are on fire every second and there's no way to appease them. Eventually there comes a time when you can let your brain wander. That's when you know, and the fire flames into golden embers.
It's a world of makers and challengers. It's for people unafraid to keep breathing.
There's a place for us.
She touched the bruise tentatively. It was bulging slightly from the vein in her foot and she grimaced as she placed the ice across her skin. Yesterday she passed the 14 mile marker with no problem and felt triumphant as she felt the gravel crunch beneath her muddy trail runners. She always hated perfectly clean shoes. It felt like sacrilege; a travesty to the sweat that dripped down her forehead, the blood that oozed from the scratches on her arms and the constriction in her lungs as she pushed up the mountain.
Two hours and 46 minutes later she was rewarded with a view that stretched 360 degrees above the pine trees and cloud cover. It was hard to believe that just over six months ago they told her she wouldn't live past March.
This is what success looks like, she thought to herself.
Is it weird that country music is like my meditation?
Sometimes I'm in the mood for classical; those beautiful string sounds and piano keys...
Other times I want to hear the guitar riffs and slow beats...
Men singing about love and summertime.
Six and nine.
She tapped her pen against her forehead.
They said if you want to be a writer, you write.
So she did.
I don't know what I'd do without my music. Every song I listen to is a timeline of my life. A moment. An hour. A second. I will never get it back but I will always remember. I am here, now. Close my eyes and bring it back. The beat. The chorus. The melody. The hook. The toes tap and the shoulders sway.
Fight. Fight the urge. Remember why.