I had a wonderful dream the other night that had to do with John Lennon. In the dream he was all decked out in his John Lennon hippie garb sitting on the ground cross-legged like an enlightened Buddha. I was standing above him looking down, not in any menacing way just connecting with him.
He was sitting there without a care in the world just letting it all go, not holding on, not having to be anywhere, just truly in the moment without adding anything extra.
His simple way of being was just so easygoing and free. He was out of his own way. Because if there were a care in the world he would either be living in the past or future and not the now.
If one lives in the now there is an emanating energy of calmness, presence and joy.
It is time to let go and be here now... now ... now.
Moods come and go like passing clouds, if you let them. How often I find myself grabbing on to one and holding it like some comforting security blanket not wanting it to ever go away, clinging and reinforcing it by making up stories in my head.
I know the length of time that I hold on to moods, feeling and stories has shortened considerably over the years, and it continues to be a work in progress. Meditation and other forms of practice help to ease the strength to which I hold on.
You see so much of the world holds on for dear life out of fear and conditioning. Fear for some, conditioning or both for many others. It really depends I believe in the person and their lives. Change is quite difficult and meant for a select few willing to take a risk and step out of the rat race of life that reinforces our stories and conditioning and allowing one to make an effort to transcend.
Here's the secret, change is inevitable and whether one likes it or not it is happening all the time. Sometimes it is overt and obvious like aging, and other times it is subtle on a moment-by-moment basis. The trick is to allow the change to come, allow things to move through, which in turn shortens this wanting to hold on for dear life so that we can keep change at bay.
The other secret, not thinking change is anything special and that life is change.
I find myself standing on the train or platform in Tokyo observing all the people just lost in their technology continually being distracted from life. I do this as well, but also catch myself doing it. The look on many of their faces is like stone. Sure one can say that is the Japanese culture, but I bet my tiny life savings (and XRP) that it is this way in many parts of the world and people doing the same thing.
I may sound like some over the hill guy complaining about “kids today,” but this is not limited to age. I see it in all walks of life. The only difference is that the younger generations are brought up with technology. Us old(er) folks have had the luxury of not having it at one point so on some level that may make it easier to walk away from.
Those that have grown up with what I call “distractive technology” have more of a challenge because it has become an additional body part in many ways integrated with their psyche and cannot live without it.
I have unplugged from the time wasting site Facebook on occasion. This was a lot easier than I thought actually. Posting an announcement of my intentions on Facebook elicited only a handful of messenger replies. Most of my 300+ “Friends” on Facebook said nothing. That in and of itself tells me a lot right there.
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I was recommended to watch a TV show by a friend called “Alone.” The basic premise is that 10 people are dropped off in the wilderness with 10 items they choose to aid in their survival. The last one remaining no matter how long it takes wins. During this season. In the last one standing was 56 days in. The rest dropped out over time throughout the season.
I bring this up because it was quite fascinating to watch each of their experiences. First it started out as needing tangible items such as fire, food, water and shelter. Of course that is our basic needs, the baseline to live life. Anything above and beyond that, given their context is a luxury. Others who dropped earlier either were not able to meet those basic needs for various reasons or they had expectations going into it in which they were not met. So it was a shock and they quit.
Over time it whittled down to 2 people and it became more about psychology and spirituality along with the basic needs. One person was holding out on willpower alone. He eventually dropped out. The other person really went inward all the while alone reflecting on his life and the kind of person he had been. Then as things settled out on the inside, he began to look outward and appreciate all that he has in his life, beginning with his immediate surroundings, the basic needs, shelter, food, water and the beauty all around.
He then he took it further out to family, friends, the planet and was truly humbled by his overall experiences in his life. Basically, because there were so few distractions during that alone period in a short amount of time we were able to witness a spiritual transformation.
They each had a camera and filmed themselves during the day, much like a video diary showing what they were doing and the last one doing a lot of reflecting. For him, you could see he was really getting touch with his heart and spirit and reflecting on his life and letting things bubble to the surface and really feeling it.
In the end, before he was notified that he was the winner, he said something quite interesting. The gist was, “That it was no longer about being the winner and getting the money.” ($500,000) He was not competing against others, he was really learning to be with himself and letting life happen. And that no matter what, he could stay there as long as chose. He went on to say, “But we are social creatures and need love and one another to survive. Human beings are not meant to be alone.” He would hold out as long as his heart allowed him to, but not any longer because he had a family and kids and they were the most important in his life.
I believe that it was not an act and that he was truthful and speaking from the heart having really transformed. The reason, when he was notified that he won, he was not elated, rather he had a simple look of gratitude. It was not until his wife came up from behind to surprise him that his face lit up.
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I like words. I like how words impact us in ways we may or may not be conscious of. As someone who enjoys writing, I have over time come to learn the power of subtle changes in the words we use.
I have made two word modifications to a phrase I use as one of my waking mantras. The phrase is “acceptance not resistance.” I have added ”Easygoing” because as I age, while I am not going to slow down as I go about my life, it all will be with a sense of ease and softening to life. This is everything from work to exercise. Doing too much of anything these days is a detriment to my health.
Adding the word ”baby” lightens things up much like Kojak used to do when he ended his sentence with baby. The only difference is I am not bald yet nor sucking a lollipop while saying it. I could, but I do not have that level of masculine charisma he did on screen, and I would look ridiculous saying it with a sucker in my mouth. The reality is that the word ”baby” at the end reminds me not to take life too seriously.
Of course the original phrase accept not resistance is to accept life as it is and not to put up the kind of internal psychic fights I used to do when I was younger.
I had a recent conversation with someone on a similar topic and came to the conclusion that these ramblings of mine are really from the mind of someone who is well over the halfway mark in life. Someone young thinks differently, and that is a fact. As you age and let your mind change and accept it and not resist, it will be different. How it will be different is up to you.
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Sometimes something comes along that just feel right that it so. In this case I am referring to a book suggested to me by a friend titled, “Radical Wholeness”. I went to Amazon to take a closer look at it by having a sample sent to my computer to read. I kid you not, more than 10 pages in I was so connected to this book that it truly spoke to me. Not only because the author is interested in Japan, a cyclist, felt like a fish out of water in the US, but also his experiences with travel and living in a foreign land. And how his living in a foreign country over time shed light on the kind of stories that are instilled in us by living in the culture we were raised. Because of this we are missing out on some essential components of life just because of the constraints of culture and society.
It takes getting out of the culture in which we grew up to really see just how much and how deep it has permeated our psyche.
I could relate to what he did in his early years of life. It took me closer to middle age, but I knew as a kid that it would be something I wanted to do. I have always wanted to live in another country and become fluent in another language. In reality it was much more than that. I could just articulate it as being wanting to speak another language when I was 10.
As I write this I think of the experiences and thanks to my parents led me to this desire of wanting to live in a foreign land some day. Our summer holidays were spent in the Canadian Rockies, Banff, Jasper and Yoho national parks as custodians running youth hostels. This was an inexpensive way to have month long vacations in beautiful and prestine locales.
It was during this time that I was exposed to people outside of my own country – people from all over the world not speaking English. I was mesmerized by what I heard and saw. I experienced this six summers in a row and somehow over time it sunk in that I wanted to be that kind of person, speaking another language besides my mother tongue.
There was something different about all these people, not only in the way they spoke, but how they carried themselves in the world, the way they dressed, what they ate. It wasn’t quite the same as a typical American I was accustomed to seeing. It was fascinating to me.
It took a very long time for this to eventually come to fruition or even get some clarity and direction, but it did begin with studying French at the University of Minnesota. I threw myself into the language, studying, reading and devouring French movies. I loved it. This culminated into wanting to do a study abroad in Montpelier, France. I was a few months away from making it official, when I was offered a full time sales job. It was either 6 months in France or a job with more money than I was ever accustomed to having. I chose the job and the dream of living in another country was sidelined. It was bittersweet, but I knew deep down that this was not going away and needed to be played out.
Fast forward, I got a taste of my dream having dropped out of college and moved to London post punk rock/new wave days. Living in London freaked me out and opened me up in a good way. Although it was difficult and culturally shocking even though they spoke the same language I had a hard time understanding them with the variety of accents. Still it was a taste. I got even more of one after leaving London and traveling Europe for a month. So many challenging and gratifying experiences. Still upon return it was not exactly what I had in mind as I look back. I wanted to be fluent in another language.
I think some things in life are meant to be left alone. A friend of mine recently used the analogy of nature, specifically a tree that sheds leaves every fall. At the end of every autumn leaves that have turned a beautiful color turn brown and fall to the ground and die. What my friend said was quite simple “Trees let go of the relationship between the tree and the leaf.” She went on to say “With nothing more added, no holding on whatsoever, the leaf simply falls to the ground.” I found this at the time so well said and perfectly timed.
The reason being, I was in a bit of a quandary about three friends or should I say former-friends, who are no longer in my life. After a recent departure, not that kind, rather a falling out, of one friend I started to reflect and look at just what role I played in the ending of these relationships.
If I think about the tree not holding on to the relationship to the leaf, it is a good lesson about the endings of relationships. I can choose to hold on to them and figure out what I did and even go to the other side of the street and try and figure out what their story is and why they chose to end it. The main word there is “story,” as in that is all it is, a story that may or may not be true. So I stay on my side and rather than try and figure it out deciding to leave it alone.
This was decided in my heart recently after an odd thing happened a few weeks back. One of the guys saw me as he walked into a room and then proceeded to leave. Then again on another day we happened to be sitting next to one another because they were the only two chairs left in the room during a meeting. And when the meeting ended he bee-lined it for the door not acknowledging anything.
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You know when I listen to the loudest voice in my head it usually is not a good sign to act on what it is saying. Now I don’t mean in some serial killer kind of way, “the voices told me to cut him into pieces and place it in the refrigerator.” No, not that voice, I have never had that voice, no really I have not, no really.
I am talking about the voice that is the loudest and comes in the form of a story or narrative in repeat mode. For example, if something goes wrong, or does not go your way, one of those voices kicks into what I call teenage mode. What does that mean? Well it is that voice that throws tantrums and plays out a myriad of revenge-like stories about the other person who may have wronged you or the person who is involved in a situation in which it did not go your way, essentially placing blame. I know you have done this. We all do it in our own way in some form or another.
Well I had a recent situation, I will spare you the details, but in short it had to do with my S.O. and well it kinda angered me. So I went out for my morning run, something I do a few times a week. For the record I did not get angry and then chose to go for a run in order to run it out of my system. Although I used to run away literally and metaphorically quite often.
Anyway, as I was out for a run one of those voices that I believe has to do with the ego chimed in about ½ kilometer into my run. And you know what, even though I had a nice mellow deep morning meditation, it still held court front and center in my mind as I was running. Oh the story. And as I let the voice run its figurative voice off in my head, which I have found to be beneficial in the long run (pardon the pun). Trying to shut it down only makes it come back stronger so I listened to it and tried not attaching emotion to it, which tends to lend fuel and the continuation of the story.
I have to admit I did add fuel to the fire and as a consequence I had to deal with it for another 3-4 kilometers of my run. Then something caught my attention, the present moment. I was thrust back out of my head and into the moment when I had to cross a busy street in order to continue on my running route. And if I am in story mode while crossing the street, that is the making of a real life bad movie Running in the middle of traffice not paying attention thanks to that story and BAM hit by a car.
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Sometimes I surprise myself with what I say. Not that I am some really intelligent smart guy. It is just that I get out of my own way when I speak and what comes out sometimes makes sense, depending upon whom I am speaking to. Maybe some people get it maybe they don't.
To be honest in the end it really does not matter to me. What does matter is getting it out there. Out from my insides, so that there doesn’t become an internal log-jam of words and issues swirling around. I get it out there either by talking about it or writing it down. It’s best to keep it all flowing so that when I do sit down to speak or write it all just comes flowing out in an effortless manner.
I see so often people struggling to find the words. I have a theory about this. If it is not wide-open, people either opt for the intellectual mode and become very heady about it, or they struggle to find the clarity and allowing the words to come forth. That is not to say it is good or bad, it just is an observance I have noticed in people.
I am sure there are authors who have written for years and can just sit down and open the pipe and out it all flows. What a gift. I have to warm up and write before I get to that place. Well I should say that is my habit, warm up before writing. I have never tried just sitting down to write and see what comes out.
This has to do with my athletic background. Prior to doing anything in a focused manner I have to warm things up before I really get rolling, whether it is cycling, running, gym, skiing etc. I have written about this topic of warming up previously, but it is worth revisiting again in a slightly different context and it is a different day with a lot of time having passed between writing about this the first time and writing about it again.
The gist is pretty much the same, but I have come to the conclusion that in order for words to flow in an effortless manner we have to truly find ways to be open. There are days when I am not, and that is okay. The key is not to judge, but rather accept this is what it is, and it may change or may not.
Inclusive. I like this word. The image I get with this word is someone standing with open arms. Arms open to the world letting it all in.
The other words that I connect with is open, open-minded and willing. This word is also bedfellow with the word support. Inclusive is the word for me these days.
It is so easy to go to that place of exclusivity. When I go there, I automatically go into competitive mode. It's in my nature from a young age to be competitive. As I have aged, while being competitive is stil there I have course corrected my life to be inclusive rather than exclusive.
In this day and age in such a polarized world we live in, it's more important than ever that we need to support and be there helping one another along the way. Life is hard and we cannot do it alone.
What I am really talking about here is community. Being inclusive is the bedrock of community. Living in Japan can feel isolating for a foreigner, but taking the time to learn the language and understand the culture, you begin to sense community. Some would argue otherwise, this has not been my experience. It has been inclusive allowing me in to a certain extent
I have learned living in Japan how to be inclusive in many areas of my life and letting go of this exclusive competitiveness that is so much a part of the culture I grew up in.
Being inclusive and welcoming. This is the way I want to live my life. Being supportive and letting go of competition and being happy and there for people who are going for it and taking risks. Living their life and putting it out there for the world to see. I have been heading in this direction for quite some time and it seems ever clearer that’s the changes in my life I needed to make.
People are not the enemy. While there are some not so good people out there, most are just trying to get by and live. I want to be there for those who are really living.
These are the words that run through my head each morning as I come out of meditation to greet the day – truth, honesty, love and inclusivity. That is the way of life. Freedom to be, freedom to let it all in.
These days I've been going to any length to complete a book I have been working on for nearly two years. While the actual writing is done. the easy part for those that haven't written one, the real work is in the revisions and where most people give up. This is according to my editor who has been feeding me revisions twice weekly for two months. Another month to go receiving his revisions and from then on out it is all on me.
I have revamped my life, tweaking things a bit to fit in time to write everyday. I have found any time of the day is a good time to write, early morning, late morning afternoon and an occasional evening. During my teaching days I am only able to put in an hour or so at a time. Weekends it is two hours plus both days. While I would prefer longer chunks of time to dedicate to writing everyday this is my reality and I accept that knowing come Janaury I will be on vacation from two months and well, look out I'm gonna get this puppy done by the time classes start up again in April.
Thinking about my future whether writing is an exciting prospect. I love writing and well I have a lot to say, whether it is blogging like this or the 90,000 + words I have written in my book, along with a host of other story ideas I have put down for the future.
This brings up a question, do people miss the chance to do what they really want and are meant to do? Is there so much wiggle room in life that people can do what they want and at various times in life when life presents opportunity for change, which can come in the form of a voice or calling or some event, they miss out on the chance? And is this narrative about a calling that permeates my culutre the same in other cultures, say Japanese culture? I don't know I have never asked anyone about that. And from what I can tell people follow what seems like a pre-determined path just like eveyone else. Or maybe they do it is just couched in different terms.
How do you explain the homeless guy sleeping in the local train station near my home in Tokyo. Did he miss his calling and then over time ended up without a home and now there he is in the open for all the world to see? A public bedroom without any creature comforts like a pillow or mattress. Just his arm as a headrest.
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Moods
