tokyoliving123

I am often at a quandary about the thoughts floating around my head about what I see and feel and want to say. How much of that is my reality and how much of it is just delusion? Do other people see what I see and feel and want to say, what I do? I know that this life is about service and loving kindness and yet at times I see and want to say things that do not necessarily fall in line with that.

Listening to a podcast on my way home last night they were talking about the veranda as a metaphor. The part of us that only lets people in a part way, the facade that lets people see the good face we put on to the world. Going past that veranda to the inner world the home to darkness and the reality we are hiding from the world is not always easy to show.

How can we be an open book and be of service to the world when all we see and want to say is critical? That is part of my giving voice to what I see and hear in the world. I am reminded of a passage from a Catholic priest speaking during a convention. He said, “I am not here to comfort the inflicted, I am here to inflict the comforted.” This has always been a powerful statement and one that has stuck with me for a very long time.

Time to be true to oneself. To be comfortable in the skin. To occupy space with knowing the things I know. To be honorable, responsible. I have flaws, not perfect, I tell white lies, I have done things that many people have not, I do not feel bad about it. Is it stuffed down deep inside or am I just so comfortable with the stories that it is easy to justify and shrug off?

It does not feel that way. I do know that there are many things that can be changed in life. If living in the now is not getting trapped in the past or future then anything can just be as it is. I hear it in other’s voices. The way in which they speak. Not connected to the heart and just a head game to themselves. Most are not awake and cannot hear the difference and so pay no heed and go on in life.

My task is to not pass judgment to listen, speak and live by example. Passing the messages of the heart on to others. The message of life experience. The messages of life lessons whatever they may be and however it need be said in the moment. That is all no more.

So many people are lost in this world. I cannot imagine just working all my life and that is it. But it is what most people do. Do they have any heart? What is it that keeps one going to work day in and day out? What is it that people are avoiding? So much fear, so much avoidance. I did it and saw the light and got out. And here I am in this moment writing about it.

I used to be an actor for a number of years back in the days of my youth. I was bit by the acting bug in a big way. Starting out in my hometown of Minneapolis, I decided after a few years to take a giant risk, giving up a well paying sales job, selling my fiery Red VW Jetta, and my bachelor pad condo. Pocketing the money I moved to NYC to give acting a go.

Using the money to cover expenses while not working and studying acting before venturing out on auditions etc., it was a great three plus year experience, six all told including Minneapolis. I have no regrets going for it. While I was not successful as an actor, a lot of what I have learned has carried over into life and informed the way in which I teach university classes.

One thing that stood out is that life in many ways is nothing more than theater. Lately I have heard a lot of talk about this on various podcasts. Some were interviews with actors, others related to life in general. What I mean by “Life as “Theater” is that we all have a variety of masks we wear in public depending upon the context and reasons. Some use it to cover up the person we really are, maybe because of insecurities and unresolved issues. Other times it is just playing the game such as in a business context. Or other times it is just that we have no idea we are always wearing a mask having never really gotten in touch with our inner life.

Actors are famous for putting on masks, whether it is the inner life of a character or an actual mask such as the Joker character, to use a recent movie. But there is far more to masks than meets the eye, and that is what I want to talk about by going deeper with the theatre analogy.

Besides masks there are costumes and storylines. On one of those recent podcasts they spoke about health care as theater. The speaker brought up this notion that doctors and nurses all wear costumes. Think about it a doctor wears a lab coat, you are more apt to trust someone wearing that regardless of credentials. If for example you went to a doctor’s office where nobody wore a lab coat what would that experience be like? This is not meant to demean doctors or nurses, they of course need schooling and credentials to wear the costume. The point is the costume.

Think about businessmen. Looking down the row of commuters on my local Tokyo morning rush hour train I see nothing but costumes in the form of suits and ties. Costumes are everywhere if you pay attention. We all wear them to portray to the world who we are or in many cases want to be or conform to. I went through a long phase of wearing a variety of costumes from suits to high end name brand fashion to convey to the world I am trendy and fashionable. To complete the ensemble there is one final piece to this idea of “Life as Theater.”

Life really is all about timing. I have written about timing on many occasions. In fact, I am a really big fan of timing. I find it fascinating, especially when I am really tuned into it and riding a wave of moment-to-moment living.

You can really shape things when you are aware of timing knowing that freedom is having the choice to make. But sometimes life just puts something in front of you, we will call it a situation, and the timing is perfect, really perfect!

Two people’s lives intersect at just the right time the exact way it is supposed to. And to trust experience and yet not knowing how it will work out in the end. Together getting on that wave of trust having started from timing, and riding it together

Love is forged from this. And really in the end isn’t that what it is really all about? I think of incredible, artists, musicians come to mind, specifically the Beatles. Their songs start from a place of love.

When riding the wave of a life of acceptance and presence we get to experience what I call effortless joy. That place in the heart where whatever it is you are doing just flows. On the surface it looks like very little effort and inside there is a sense of joy as in this is exactly where I am meant to be in this moment. I love that feeling when it happens. It is not often, although I do experience or have moments of it far more these days than in the past.

It has to do with presence of mind, heart, preparation, letting go, acceptance and doing what one is meant to be doing, which puts you in the place of the heart. It is a rare thing indeed to be able to do what one loves to do. I think more people can find that place if they take the time to work at it. It does take work in order to reach that place.

I find that I am doing the things I am meant to be doing regardless of the outcome. Teaching at a university in Tokyo, Japan did not come about without literally having to experience and work my way up the grade levels beginning from elementary school. And getting a masters degree in education, which normally takes two years took four to complete because of the birth of my son. That’s a lot of work!

I am writing a book. Had I not written a screen play while living in NYC many years ago or done my 3 creative pages with consistency back then or the diaries and myriad of required papers for school, I would not have had this drive to write as I do now. I owe a large part to my Father who was also a closeted writer.

My love of bicycling dates back to the days of my family taking me to see their friends bike race back in the 70s and from that point on wanting to race and compete. Also my parents did cycling on a touring level, which I am now just becoming interested in as well.

The drive to start a new business stems (bike rental and guiding service in Tokyo) from the number of small businesses I worked for and saw how they were managed and wanting to be directly part of owning and growing a business.

Crypto came about of my wanting to invest in something that is cutting edge and new. After a a lot of research, reading, videos and crypto chatrooms I settled early on with the company Ripple and XRP. My instinct after all that work told me this is one of the few investments that has a real possibility because of the potential use cases, which we are now seeing come to fruition.

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There are days when judgment clouds my vision and other days where I just see life as life. I would,if given the choice prefer to see without judgment. When judgment gets in the way I am unable to see the experience for what it really is. I see it the way I want to see it. This is a form of denial. When I am in that frame of mind people do not live up to my standards, which ends up leading to suffering. Or I may see something and know what it is only end up being completely wrong about it.

However, when I am in that place of non-judgment and moment-to-moment living it is a whole different experience. I can see people for who they are, not just necessarily see, but also feel the experience of the person. It is more of a whole sensory experience that includes seeing, and feeling. And as I do not judge there is a deeper connection to the relationship of experience that I would not otherwise have. And then things just unfold and flow as it is meant to unfold, minimizing expectation and any form of suffering.

This is the place that I would like to live in the majority of the time. This is not an easy task and yet it is. How odd is that? What I mean is that we can come back to this place anytime we stray by just by taking a moment and focusing on breath, and focus on the sounds around, not necessarily look at first, but once present take a look around and begin to feel it out.

A death knell. I didn't write yesterday. I could have had I put my foot down and made some decisions to cut people off early so that I had time to. It did however feel important that I allow time to spend with friends to have some relatively deep and meaningful discussions. I hope it was as helpful to them as it was to me.

I think it is okay to be flexible on occasion to allow some days that I do not write. This was the first time since I started my daily writing that I did not write. It was an odd somewhat edgy feeling knowing in the back of my mind that what lurks are words wanting to find their place on the page. Going back to one of my mantras “what is life asking of me now,” it felt like needing to be there for others trumped writing. I am okay with that as long as it was one day.

Now this brings me to the topic at hand – procrastination. I find that it is very easy to get distracted with the internet. There are so many things I could do to avoid writing. I did just that this morning for a bit. I am fortunate with the gift of discipline. With this firmly in place I find that even though I can choose to procrastinate, it cannot go on for too long as I feel that tension mounting inside. That is a combination of being awake enough to feel it and being familiar with that feeling. It is more difficult to override it and procrastinate, so it does not continue for too long. And so here I am writing about the very thing I did this morning up until this moment.

I find that relationships with people are so important in our lives. There are varying degrees of friendship, and having lived in Japan I have learned how to gauge those various levels by how much I divulge to someone. This is based on a sense of trust over time and how much the person is willing to divulge to me aspects of their own personal life. Sometimes it happens rather quickly and others it takes time.

The other day I had a nice first time bike ride with someone. We quickly began discussing details our lives. It was easy and flowed quite nicely between each other. I think a kind open inclusive heart is the place to start.

People bring to the table various types of friendships. Some can be connections on an experiential level, intellectual level, spiritual level, social level, interest level and any combo of those and more. I contrast today’s experience with another, which I would call an acquaintance. Not a friend just someone to connect with on an interest level. You can tell he keeps people at bay and arms length and so I do the same with him. It’s not a great connection, but enjoyable on occasion because of a common interest, bicycling.