I will grow my roots through the suffering earth and join with others in the darkness
We will grow our branches up into the joyful sky
And turn our leaves to face the sun
It will not be enough to lift up the world
But it will be enough
I will not do resolutions Goals Objectives For the new year
My life is not a project to be managed My heart will not be filled with checkmarks
(well, maybe a little, but certainly not enough)
I will not fool myself into thinking my life is a house that can be built brick by brick
(only worthy upon completion)
And not a painting I have already made by flinging brushes and tipping paint in my rush to build walls
I will write self-indulgent poetry that no one will read and take selfies that no one will see
I will let the dishes pile up and pat my husband sweetly when he blames himself for the disastrous state of our house
I will speak too loudly and listen too quietly I will replay conversations in my head for 3 days after a party
I will not stress about how much I have to do until suddenly I realize how time has passed
But I will still take naps
I will judge myself too harshly for things that bother no one and forgive my sins too quickly
I will fail to be the person I want others to see but I will succeed at being a person
I will learn to speak where people can hear me
I will find joy and hold it close
I will stand still in space and time and let my atoms flow into the cracks and crevices of the universe
(My heart will be filled with life)
And I will marvel at this freedom I have found
This is the in-between time
We rest We eat We play
We traverse the space between what has been and
what is to come
We sweep it clean as we go so it will be ready for us again when we return
In the past I was made of chaos and darkness Held together by stories that were not my own
Until I found the words That spoke me into being
For years I searched, for what made me
Along the way I collected all the detritus bits and bobs garbage and treasure that makes people And when I finally became I found I was already full of humanity
Words bloom in my heart and rise up to wilt on my tongue frightfully I cough out petals into the space between us
Milk is an important part of a balanced breakfast yes, I would like a glass to look at