clairef

Saturday 16 May Good things about today 1. saw some a brood of goslings following their mum – so cute 2. saw field of brown cows with their calves 3. Got a lunch break and finished 20 minutes earlier to make up for being 20 minutes late yesterday 4. we had NO urgent or SOS visits put through to us – WHAT ON EARTH OF GOING ON AND WHAT IS ONE CALL DOING.....THIS NEVER HAPPENS 5. all visits were uncomplicated, well pretty much anyway 6. the sun shone, but not too hot which is tough under all the plastic PPE and a face mask 7 Came home to find that Natalie has finally made progress with her unpacking. She is also making dinner 8. I have an alcoholic drink in my hand

Not so good things about today 1. well getting out of bed early is always a bit sucky, I could have done with another hour 2. finding it hard to do anything constructive this evening. Maybe I shouldn't give myself a hard time about that, I have worked today

that's all for today, can't think of anything else to write of any interest

Friday 15th May Its a district nursing life for me, at least for this next 3 days. Today was ok, nothing too taxing. Pt 1; to give insulin, she is a very sweet 95 year old with progressing dementia and I made her a cup of tea before leaving. pt 2: to supervise insulin and check a wound on a hip. He was close to a hypo, so got him to eat something, and made a cup of tea, and we rechecked after 15 minutes and he was OK. I checked his wound and got a very unpleasant whiff of smelly underpants. I don't think they were very clean! I think he might have slept in his clothes also pt 3. quite an anxious lady about her dehised abdominal wound, which is quite large and leaky. Sorted out the dressing and made her comfortable. Nearly tripped over the cat on the way down the stairs, trod on her tail and was carrying my bag of dressings and the work weighing scales, nearly went arse over head, but didn't pt4. Joint visit with my colleague Suzanne as pt's husband can be unpleasant and her son is recently out of prison. Patient is lovely, she is my age and has below knee amputation due to diabetic wound which went nectrotic. We dealt with wound dressing on other (good) leg where she has pressure ulcer on her heel, which fortunately is improving pt 5. Another abdominal surgical wound and stoma to review. He changed the stoma bag so I could see it and it all looked fine to me and healed so he was discharged from case load. Couldn't find the property to start, its in a complex of about 7/8 blocks of flats and it was like a labrynth Then I went home to eat lunch. and then back to office to do some admin and for handover. Pt 6; Compression bandaging for a leaking leg, elderly housebound lady. Pt 7 – new referral for pressure damage. Sore on bottom – basically not pressure damage, more a case of sweaty bum and not taking enough care in washing and skin hygiene. Little pin pricks of bleeding and I told his wife it doesn't need a dressing as it makes it worse, and a few specks of blood on the sheet is better than a nectrotic massive hole on his bottom. I will pop in with some cream for him tomorrow. Back to office to finish off admin and do expenses. Finished about 20 minutes late, not too bad. Nit nat made dinner and we've been for an evening walk for an hour.. I'm ready for bed and tired. Got to do it all again tomorrow

Thurs 14 May I had a walk with Sarah today. We did an hour and a half around Bolney, which is about 15 minute drive away. It was fairly flat, around the Bolney vineyard, woods, fields and a coupe of small lakes. The field had rather a lot of cows (bullocks) and they were far too interested in us for my liking and I am a bit scared of them. I ended up doing a long route around the edge of the field whilst Sarah went more through the middle. What was noticable was the noise from the M23 – a few weeks ago I drove up that section so see a patient and it was almost empty – today it was obviously busy. The 2 small garden centres by the M23 junction were open too. Natalie made a couple of face masks today for wearing in 'enclosed spaces'. I suggested to her she use them on the train going to work next week. The sewing machine came out for the first time for many years but it still works. I pulled out some weeds from the back garden this afternoon and finished off taking out the forget me nots which have now gone over. the green bin is back to being collected by the council and it'll be picked up on Monday. my compost bin is almost full. I had a nice glass of red wine from my bottle I opened yesterday and then felt sleepy and the next thing, an hour had gone and I'd fallen asleep on the sofa in the sunshine I did enjoy my walk this morning and to chat to my friend. That was the best bit of my day

wed 13 May This morning I slept through my alarm. It was dinging or pinging (what ever it does) for 11 minutes before it penetrated my brain, I know as I checked. I haven't been very far today, just to Sainsbury this morning for a few bits and pieces, which included today a bottle of red wine, because I fancied it last night, but didn't have any, and thought I'd fancy it this evening, which I did. A glass and a half was enough to dull the edges off lockdown monotany but the effect has sadly worn off. Any more might give me a headache and I won't risk it.

I didn't really do anything today – couple of bits in the garden and made the little crochet turtle. I can't be arsed to fiddle with leads to get it off my phone and onto the lap top to add it to this. I'm relieved to not be at work. Apparently there is a report in the Telegraph that due to the expected recession, public servants (including nurses) will get another pay freeze in the next round of austerity – so much for all that applause.

Its still up in the air about Ch moving in with us; Nat is quite despondent about it, she never expected to move back home after going to Cardiff and since making the decision to come back, wasn't expecting to be here without him. It seems that it is now permitted to move house (generally) and estate agents apparently are back open. I think he is keen for them to rent somewhere together sooner rather than later. Nat seems keen too though there are still hurdles, such as she already has a tenancy running until September. I was kinda expecting them to be here and its taken the wind out of me if she's going to be gone. I get frustrated and irritated about the mess that comes with her, but I like her being around generally and to spend time with her.

I could winge and point out all the wrongs with the lock down let down – for example rich bankers being able to play golf whilst low paid workers get to go on public transport (whilst being encouraged to not use it, but there's no other option). However it will merely make me cross and not be able to go to sleep.

Tuesday 12 May (work) This morning, I fell back asleep after making tea and when I dragged myself up it was cold. The construction site next to where my office is was open this morning for first time since lock down. Numerous men in hi vis jackets milling about, not sure if they were social distancing on not really. The care park at work was busier than normal and when I got back at lunchtime it was rammed. A little moan: so we visit this lady daily for her insulin. She has dementia and cannot do it for herself. Her husband is her main carer and finds his dexterity has worsened, hence we do it. now he can only be descibed as a 'miserable old git'. He is highly critical and seems to want to find something to complain about. Today I didn't hear him when he called to me which annoyed him and was pissed off I had gone to wash my hands. He moaned about something else too. Its like HE doesn't want to do his wife's insulin but he resents us coming in to his home. Now I get he is under pressure, but lots of our patients are under pressure but most don't have an unpleasant attitude to us and are just relieved we come in to help. I don't like going in. I tend to become 'ultra' polite – so that it is an extreme 'cold' politeness, and I talk in my posh voice, rather than being friendly and warm. But Im nice to her, its not her fault she's married to a miserable old git. All my other visits, my patients were lovely and pleased to see me. Two successful catheter changes, one of which was a bit tricky, and that is always nice. But it did hold me up, and I tend to get quite stressed when I know I'm being longer than I expected and planned for, at any visit. It set off a bit of a headache, for fortunately it sems to have gone away on its own after food, water and tea. It is international nurses day and I got a little cup cake as a reward for all my hard work. Nat and I walked around to Waitrose for our 8pm trawl to see if there are any bargains. I got a pack of nice pears for 69p and a pastry for Nat for her breakfast tomorrow for 15p. Not as good at yesterday when we got 3 nice dinners for the freezer for a fabby bargain We did a detour on our way back for some exercise. There were 3 houses where people were giving things away, mainly books, but at the last one, there was a massive pile of plant pots – and we have sooooo many little seedlings here its untrue and not much to plant them up into, so we took some. There was definitely more people about today and a lot of traffic. I tried to stay alert but forgot the need to specifically be alert and was just ordinarily alert. I am not sure if that is alert enough??? I don't however think I have caught corona virus today. I'm tired though, I often find work 'sucks' it out of me

Monday May 11th it passed me by writing my blog yesterday. Three days at work over the bank hol weekend was hard and I need to make sure I try not to do that again. I did watch the PM announcment last night and managed to not shout at the TV. I was alert whilst watching it. I thought I'd check up on a dictionary definition and found this on the good ol internet from Collins Dictionary

“1. ADJECTIVE If you are alert, you are paying full attention to things around you and are able to deal with anything that might happen. “

I can walk down the road, paying full attention to the traffic, other people and hazards. Just because I'm paying attention doesn't actually mean I will be able to deal with anything that might happen. Whilst driving, I am alert and watching for danger, but that in itself doesn't mean I can't be involved in an accident.

I worry that the requirement to be alert to the virus mean the responsibilty is being passed on to us – and that if we catch it, become ill or die, then its our fault. I love the whole blame the victim idea

I dragged Nat out to the woods this afternoon for our walk; she wasn't motivated (her words) but I kinda made her. I am a bossy mum. We found a tent in the undergrowth – back from the path – I wouldn't let her go and see if anyone was in it. We also found the place with the rope swings and I had fun on the tyre swing and Nat gave me a push and I was swinging about hanging on tightly

Sat 9 May I think I got the date wrong yesterday. I spent the whole day thinking it was Satursday and it was Friday and today I've been convinced it was Sunday and its Saturday. And I'm working again tomorrow. I can't seem the find the right balance between working and not working. It was so intense yesterday and I was so drained, physically and emotionally. Today was easier There's all these leaks around the 'route out of lockdown' some of which are being rowed back on. Whilst I want to hear the official version I can hardly bear to watch Johnston on TV tomorrow as it was just be a party political broadcast and be all self congratulatory dressed up as being humble. Maybe I'll be wrong, I hope I'm wrong but I bet I'm not. I did not partake in the 'celebration' of VE day. Celebration was right I am sure 75 years ago. Now its just a day to be hijacked for political purposes. I did not also partake of the weekly 'clap' – as I shared on facebook, a round of applause does not pay the bills of nurses and our pay has been slashed in real terms over years of Tory austerity. On a positive note, I broke lockdown rules and did a walk with my friend this afternoon after work – just around the woods for an hour and a natter. Nit Nat made the dinner and we sat in the garden to eat it, it was so warm and lovely. I made her go out and buy me dessert (essential shopping). I did pay for it though :–)

saturday may 9th Tough day at work; the most awful news tonight. nothing else to say

May 7th 5.35am this morning I awoke. Thought to myself, quick wee and make a tea and chances are I'll fall back asleep and the tea will go cold. No, that didn't happen. Switched the radio on just after 6 for my news 'fix'. That was it – awake for the day. My poor head was still sore (or it came back) so I took some tablets and evetually it went away. I had the radio on (apparently) too loud and a certain Natalie came down cross that I'd woken her up. Its been a day of being in the garden – potting up and planting out all the things which have been growing. To start off, we sat in the back but then the neighbour starting drilling or jet washing or something, so we went to the front. Then the noise in the front started. The other side has been scraping the weeds of his drive – all by hand – but its scrape, scrape scrape – urgg. then the other neighbout got the strimmer and mower out at the front. It did eventually calm down. I read a bit, drank tea and coffee and talked with Nat, wandered to the shop and came home We didn't walk to the resevoir – it was hot today and the garden kept us occupied. We took Jaspy for a walk after dinner all the way along TMR and up Penland Road, met a few people on the way and then came home. We stayed inside for this 8pm 'clap'; I quite liked the sponteneity of it for the 1st couple of weeks, and now its just become a thing and I am not keen – I've avoided it for a least 3 weeks now. I'm avoiding anything to do with VE day tomorrow. I shall not be listening to any speeches. Work tomorrow.

6 May 2020 what a horrible migraine this morning. I woke about half 7 with my head banging. I took some ibruprofen and 2 of geoff's super strong co codamol and had a cup of tea, and went back to bed with a cold flannel. I finally got up just gone 11 feeling fragile. I think I was upset around the whole situation of Nat being upset around K being so difficult about Ch moving back in. She is now saying if he moves out of the house regardless of where he goes, here or anywhere else, he can't come backc and see the girls. Yet, she's had her mother over this afternoon for tea and chats in the garden. This lockdown has all sorts of consequences. I am so pleased she is home now. I made her a coffee and got her some pain killers and we sat and chatted in the garden. it was a perfect afternoon, sunny and not too hot. The garden is looking so lovely. Before she got back, I sat with a couple of cups of tea and started a book “An American Marriage” which was the 2019 winner of the Women's Prize for Fiction. I'm only on page 28 but so far so good, it is engaging. We had some dinner, which I cooked, and then walked around to Waitrose for a stretch of the legs and I got some 'bargains' including a bunch of yellow tulips for 75p. They are now in a vase on my sitting room table. The sitting room is full of Natalie's plants, she has so so many Mat rang me this afternoon, both of them tell me how much busier the roads are – Mat's journey home from work is taking longer and there's more traffic and Natalie tells me the M25 and M23 were both busy. Despite lockdown – all these people taking journeys. When she went back to Cardiff several weeks ago, she says the motorway was very quiet. My head is still sore, so I'm going to bed with another cold flannel and hopefully it will be gone in the morning. I've suggested to Natalie we walk to Ardingly reservoir tomorrow, but I bet its 50/50 whether we do or not